Part 3 of For All Time By: Acacia a glowing ember burning hot burning slow deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you I know I can't be with you I do what I have to do I know I can't be with you I do what I have to do and I have sense to recognize but I don't know how to let you go --Do What You Have To Do by Sarah McLachlan Notes: Must read the previous parts in order to understand this fic. Summary of Previous Parts: Part 1: Brian and Daphne discuss Justin's problem with PTSD, and try to come up with some plan to help him. Meanwhile, Justin breaks up with Ethan, and makes plans to leave Pittsburgh. Part 2: Justin runs into his father at his mom's house, and learns what his father thinks of him. Brian and Daphne go in search of Justin after a frantic call from Jennifer. Once Brian finds Justin he takes him back to the loft, and Justin lets everything out into the open. The two make love, but when Brian wakes in the morning, Justin is gone. Interlude #1: Reactions from the gang back in Pittsburgh when they discover that Justin is gone. Brian gets a call from Justin. APRIL 2002 Justin got off of the bus and looked around the large station. 'This place was a lot bigger than Pittsburgh, and scarier,' he thought. Justin smiled as he saw a group of teens standing and dancing in the waiting area with their bags forming a circle around them. Silently he wished that he could be that carefree again, that he could be that happy. Spotting a phone in the back of the building, Justin made his way over to it, wondering why his feet were moving in this direction. Part of him wished that he had never gotten on that bus. Of course this was the same part that wished he was still lying in Brian's bed at the loft, making love to Brian. But Justin knew that he couldn't do that to Brian. When he reached the phone he pulled out his calling card, and began to punch in the numbers. 'He deserves to know that I'm okay. I shouldn't have left him the way I did,' he thought as he punched in the number to the loft. 'I wish I was stronger than that. I wish that I had been able to take what he had to offer. But I can't do that to him. I can't use him like that.' As the connection was made, Justin waited for the machine to pick up. He wasn't stupid enough to think that Brian would be at the loft at eight o'clock on a Saturday night. ". . .You know what to do," Justin heard, and took a deep breath. When Justin heard the beep, he began to wonder if this was a good idea. "Um. . . Brian. . . It's me, Justin. . . I know that you probably don't want to hear from me, but. . ." "Justin," Brian yells in the phone, cutting off what Justin was about to say. To Justin he sounded out of breath, and wondered if Brian had started early in his nightly routine. 'Don't think about that,' he cursed himself. He didn't want to think about Brian tricking. That's where they had the problems before. "Brian," he began. Justin wasn't sure what to say now that he actually had Brian on the phone. He hadn't planned on Brian being there at all. 'What the fuck am I going to say now,' he wondered. "I didn't think you were home, I was just going to leave a message," Justin added as he looked around the bus stop. Justin heard Brian take a deep breath, and sigh. "It's okay. Where are you Justin?" Justin froze. 'I can't tell him. I can't let him know.' Justin knew that he couldn't let Brian know where he was. If Brian knew then he would be down here, and Justin knew that he would never let him go. 'I have to do this on my own. I can't depend on him, I can't use him all the time. Please understand Brian. I'm doing this for us,' he begged in his mind. "I'm okay." Justin hears Brian's laugh, and knows that Brian wasn't going to give up. He wished that Brian would just accept what he had and forget the rest. But once Brian got on his protective streak, Justin knew that no one could stand in his way. 'And I sure as hell gave him enough reason last night to worry about me. Fuck! What the hell was I thinking in saying anything to Brian. I should've just left, and not gone to Woody's. Fuck!' "Where are you? Please Justin, just tell me where you are. I need to see you, I need to talk to you," Justin hears the slight plea in Brian's voice. Justin knew that he couldn't -- wouldn't -- lie to Brian. Not anymore. He had to think of something else -- another way to keep Brain away. "I'm okay. Look, Bri., I'm just not ready to see anyone right now, okay. Please understand. Please say you understand," he begged. 'Please understand what I'm not saying Brian. It's not that I don't want you, I do. It's just that I need to do this. I need to be strong again. Please understand.' "I understand. Will you at least let me know soon," Justin heard him say, and breathed a sigh of relief. That's all he wanted, and Brian gave it to him. It wasn't as though Justin thought that Brian really understood, but he was allowing Justin to have the space he needed at the moment. "I promise. Just give me some time okay." Justin was scared -- more so than he had ever been in his life. All he wanted at that moment was for Brian to be there with him, holding him, and telling him that things were going to be okay. To tell him that he wasn't the terrible person everyone thinks he is. Justin knew that last night was a starting point for him. It was the beginning of his healing process, and he had to let Brian know that he was grateful for all the help the man had given him. "Anyway, I just called to let you know that I'm okay, and to thank-you for last night. I'm sorry for dumping all of that on you, but I didn't know what I was doing." Hearing Brian's voice, caused a pain in Justin's chest. He hated to hear the pain, the need, in Brian's voice, but he knew that he couldn't do anything about it. 'I've just hurt him so much,' Justin thought. "Listen, Justin. Promise me you'll call me if you need anything. Call me no matter what it is, no matter what time of day it is, okay? Promise me," Brian asked, almost begging. Justin just closed his eyes, not really wanting to hear anymore. How could he promise that to Brian? He had come to this city to get away from it all, to see if he could make it on his own. To be the person that Brian deserved. "I won't be able to concentrate on anything, to do anything if I am worried that you're off somewhere, god knows where, hurt or something. Promise me, Justin. I don't think I can stand to know you're hurt somewhere, or need help. Promise?" 'Fuck,' Justin thought. 'He would try and pull a guilt trip on me wouldn't he.' Knowing that he couldn't deny Brian at least that one promise, he agreed. "I promise. Thanks, Brian. For everything. I'll keep in touch. I love you," he said as he hung up the phone. Justin wanted to say more to Brian, to tell him where he was, and have him come here to take him away from all of this. He couldn't. Justin couldn't do that to Brian. He left, and he couldn't ask Brian to give up everything for him. He wasn't worth it. Justin made his way toward the information counter next to the exit and waited in line. When he reached the counter he gave a small smile to the young lady waiting on him. "Can you tell me where the closest hotel is? Nothing too pricey?" The lady looked him over and smiled. "New in town," she asked him, and she began to type something on her computer. "Yeah, I've never been here before. Well not counting the airport," Justin said with a smile. The lady had a way to make him feel less scared, and for that Justin was grateful. "You look a little young to be out here alone." "I'm nineteen," Justin said, knowing that he didn't look his age at all. 'Well not when I've been on a bus for the last eighteen hours, and wearing a worn-out t-shirt and faded jeans,' he thought. 'It's a wonder that they don't think I'm sort of run-away.' "And you're one to talk," he added with a smile. The lady just looked at him in shock for a second. "Well then, I guess it's okay," she laughed. Justin laughed back at her. He was beginning to feel a little more comfortable with this situation. He was silently glad that he had save up enough money these past two years. Brian had never once asked for the money he owed him back. With that along with from all the tips at the diner, and the money he had earned working for Gary, Justin had enough to live on for a while at least. What he would do after that, he wasn't too sure, but he hoped he had a job by then. Grabbing the list of hotels that she handed him, Justin looked it over. "This one here isn't too bad, and it's cheep. But just to let you know, there are places around here that will take people like you in. Get you started," she told him. Justin just smiled and took the paper. "Thanks. One more thing," he asked. "How do I get there?" The lady smiled at him, and shook her head. Handing him more papers, she began to explain. "You can just take Marta. Just go across the street there, and take the train to the Five Point Station, okay. Then get on the East train and get off at the next exit. It'll be the hotel right outside the station. That's where the college students go a lot." Justin said his thanks, took his two bags, and made his way toward the train station. He glanced up and saw the sign above the exit, and smiled. WELCOME TO ATLANTA. He hoped that he would find what he needed here. ******************* APRIL 2002 Justin walked out of the hotel, and made his way toward the club that he'd heard about. Since he had been there, a little over a week now, he had been spending most of his time trying to find a job. He knew that he had only enough money for a month at the hotel, and he had to find something quick before he was out on the street. 'I've been there before,' he thought to himself. 'But this time Brian isn't here to take me in.' Justin had went to the library and looked for places to go. If he could get a job at the club even, that would be a blessing. He only hoped that if he did get a job there, he wouldn't be stuck in the same web that he had during his time at Babylon. Justin knew he couldn't handle that mess again. He stopped at the bus stop, and waited. Seeing a group of the guys on his floor, Justin just nodded. "Justin, right," one of the guys asked. "Yeah. You're Nate," Justin asked back. He had met a lot of people in the past week that he was unsure who anyone was. The group of young men stepped onto the bus, and began to seat themselves wherever they could find a spot. "That's me. So where you headed," the young man asked as he came to sit next to Justin. Justin tried not to take a step back from the man. It wasn't that the man was going to hurt him, but Justin had been on edge for a while and he wasn't ready to get shit upon again. 'Chris did a number on me,' he thought. "I'm heading to the clubs, see what's going on there," he stated. 'Should I tell them which club? What will they think of me if I tell them,' he wondered. It wasn't that he was ashamed of who he was, it was just that . . . heck like everything else in his life at that moment he wasn't sure. "So are we. We're going to Backstreet, you wanna come," he asked Justin. Justin breathed a sigh of relief when Nate mentioned the name of the club. 'At least I don't have to worry about them hating me because I'm gay.' "That's where I was headed, actually. So sure, why not." The group of young men got off at their stop, and began to walk toward a large building. Justin looked around the area, and saw the Fox Theater near by. It wasn't really the type of area he would've thought that a gay bar would be at, but then again, this was Atlanta. He had been told that the majority of Midtown was gay populated, so why not. They all walked around the back of the building and began to show their ID's. Justin was grateful that he still had his fake ID on him, and hoped that these security officers didn't take a real good look at it. After passing the inspection, Justin followed Nate and the others as they paid their way in. Nate stood by as Justin paid for his way, and his membership, smiling at him. Passing the pool tables, they made their way up a set of stairs on the side of the dance floor. 'It's no where near as big as Babylon,' he thought. 'At least it doesn't look like they have gogo dancers here.' "So what's up here," he asked, heading into a small bar area with a stage. "Welcome to Charlie Brown's Cabaret," Nate exclaimed. "You'll love it. Come on, let's get a seat before this place fills up." The four men sat at a table in the front of the room, and Nate turned to Justin. "By the way, this is Kevin, and Mike." After pleasantries were exchanged, and drinks orders, Justin sat back and looked around the room. On the sidewall, he noticed a mural with a group of people with a saying 'where the men are men, and the beautiful woman are men.' Justin had to laugh quietly. "Hey," he heard someone yell from across the room, which forced him to look up. He saw the same young lady that he had first met when he had arrived. "Remember me," she asked as she took a seat next to Nate. "Excuse me," she stated, pushing the man a little more off of the seat. "There's not excuse for you." Nate turned to Justin and smiled. "Justin this is my sister, Kelly. Kelly this is Justin. And where did you meet him, and why didn't you tell me that he was so hot," Nate said to his sister. "Hush, Nate, don't be an ass." Kelly looked over Justin and smiled before turning to her brother. "I met Justin here, when he got off the bus here in the big ol' ATL, and I did tell you that I saw a hot looking guy that would be perfect for you, didn't I?" Justin began to feel his face heat up with the exchange he was hearing. "I wouldn't be so sure," he stated. "Oh, nonsense. Anyone who can help my brother see that these two are idiots" she stated pointing to Kevin and Mike. "Would be perfect." As she said that the other two guys both flipped her off. "So anywho, where are you from originally, and what are you doing here? Do you have a boyfriend? What's your story," she asked. Justin just looked her over like she was crazy. She reminded him a great deal of Daphne, and he saw himself feeling at home for the first time since he had arrived. "Sis, damn. Give the kid a break will ya," Nate exclaimed. "You hush," she answered back hitting her brother on the arm. "So, what's the 411?" Justin just shook his head in disbelief. "Well, I'm from Pittsburgh, and I don't currently have a boyfriend. I guess I really just don't need one right now," he stated. 'I screwed up enough relationships, I don't need to jump right into another one.' He hoped that she would leave the other question alone, but by the expecting look on her face he knew that he couldn't NOT answer. "I'm here for a fresh start," he answered hoping that he could get away from any further answer. Kevin looked over to Justin, and nodded in understanding. "Parent's kick you out?" "Not recently," Justin laughed. "I'm much too old to be living with my parents. Besides, I haven't lived with them for over a year now." "Yeah, I know what you mean. When my parents found out I was gay, they kicked me out, big time," he told Justin. Justin could only smile in understanding. "If it hadn't been for the Rainbow home, I'd most likely be dead now." "Rainbow Home," Justin asked. "Yeah, it's this place for teens go who's parents kick them out when they find out that their kid's gay. We all help out there sometimes. You know, try and help these kids feel wanted," Kelly stated. Justin shook his head. "I wish they had something like that in Pittsburgh. Granted I was lucky, I guess. I mean, my mom was cool, but my dad," he began slightly closing his eyes to the rush of pain that had stabbed at his heart. "Anyway, I had a friend who took me in, so I guess I was lucky." Mike turned to Justin and looked at him. "Why don't you come with us sometime? They could always use an extra hand. And you seem to know what these kids are going through." Justin could only nod. 'Maybe I could do some good for someone. Maybe I can start to make amends for all the shit I've done, and hopefully stop someone else from becoming as fucked up as I am,' he thought to himself. "Why not," he answered as the lights started to dim, and the show started. 'Why not.' ******************* APRIL 2002 Justin walked up to the house that he was told about by his new friends. It didn't really look like much on the outside, but Justin could imagine what it would look like to someone who had just been kicked out of their home. It would be paradise. He stepped up to the front door and looked around. Immediately spotting Mike standing around the corner of the house by his car, Justin moved toward where the other man was. "Mike?" Mike looked up at Justin and smiled. "Hey there, come on in," Mike told him with his hands full of bags. "Help with this stuff will ya?" "Sure," Justin said as he grabbed some of the bags out of the back of Mike's car, and followed the other man in the house. "I can tell you, I was thinking that this place would be bigger," Justin stated as he set the bags down on the counter in the kitchen. Mike just shrugged. "Yeah, well we only have really room for six kids, plus two in an emergency. Mostly they go to the YouthPride in Decatur, but we're looking into getting a bigger house here soon." Justin followed Mike through the house, and was amazed at what he saw. It looked just like a small house, nothing too out of the ordinary. As they walked through the house, Mike explained to Justin what it was they did there. "We provide these kids with food, shelter, on duty counselors, and whatnot. They are required to finish school, and look for a job. Curfew is 11 on weekdays, and 1 on weekends." "God, I don't think I could've ever been able to do that," Justin cringed. "My main rule when I was living with Debi, a friend of mine, was that I couldn't bring tricks home after midnight." Both men laughed slightly at that fact, as Mike shook his head. "Yeah, well we don't allow sexual relations here. But hey, they're young right?" "This is nice. I'm glad that there are places like this out there. I mean if Brian and Deb hadn't taken me in when my parents kicked me out I don't know where I would've ended up," Justin explained. Looking through the house, he would spot teens working on homework, or doing their chores. It looked and felt like living with Debi. "It feels like home," he quietly added. "So you said that there are counselors here?" "Yeah, they are five total, but only one is on call at all times. It helps . . . you know to be able to talk to someone about shit. That's why some of us help out. If we don't help out here we do up at YouthPride. We all do what we have to do." Mike said as the two men made their way into the back yard. "It's not easy being a gay teen now a days." Justin nodded in agreement. "You can say that again," Justin said with a hint of sadness. "I know it wasn't easy for me, still isn't." Justin caught Mike's confused look and Justin just shrugged. "I'm going to be looking into seeing someone myself. Hopefully, I can get some help. It doesn't end when you grow up," he said with a smile. "High School can be a pain to a young gay kid. I know." "I was lucky, I guess," Mike said. "Or unlucky however you want to think about it. I kept to myself, never letting anyone know that I was gay. At least no one at school. They found out of course when my parents kicked me out, but by then I went to a different school. I didn't have too hard of a time." "I wish I could say the same. Everyone at my school knew about me." Justin thought back to all of the problems he had at Saint James Academy. "It was tough." Mike sat down in one of the small lawn chairs and looked at Justin. "What happened, if you don't mind me asking." Justin sat down in the chair next to Mike, and looked out across the yard. "There was this group of guys who would always pick on me. You know, burning my locker, pushing me down the stairs, into walls, whatever. I didn't think too much of it, you know, not really caring what they thought, cause I knew who I was and I wasn't ashamed of it." Justin looked down at his hands, thinking. "But I was wrong," he began. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes. "I don't remember much of it, but I do remember I invited my boyfriend, or whatever he was at the time, to Prom with me. He showed up, and we danced one dance. The only thing I remember of that night was him calling out to me. . . I turned around and I remember seeing something move through the air toward me." Justin didn't see Mike move closer to him, but he felt the other man's hand on his own. "It didn't even register in my mind what happened, what it was. The next thing I remember is pain, then nothing. . .at least until I woke up in the hospital almost two weeks later." Justin took a deep breath, and tried to smile at his new friend. "Wow, that's one of the first times I've told anyone that." "What do you know about what happened? What did they tell you," Mike asked still holding Justin's hand. "They, well Brian anyway, told me that Chris came up behind me with a bat, and hit me right here," Justin said pointing to the right side of his head. "As I said, I don't remember much, I don't know if I ever will, or if I even really want to. What I do remember is enough to freak me out." Justin shook his head, hoping to clear the image that came to the forefront of his mind. The movement, the pain, the sound. He didn't want to remember. "I never really told anyone that. No one wanted to talk about it, and I guess the first time I somewhat talked about it was in the comic I helped draw with a friend of Brian's." Mike took a deep breath, and Justin could almost feel the sorrow coming from the man. He didn't want anyone's pity, and he was about to say as much, but decided against it. "What doesn't break you makes you stronger," Mike said. Justin just shrugged. "I don't know if it made me stronger really. That's why I'm here, actually. I couldn't handle it anymore so I ran away from my problems there. Hopefully, I can come to terms with everything so that I can talk to them again. Who knows? I hope I can." Mike nodded in understanding, but Justin knew that no one could really understand what he had gone through. Hell, he didn't understand it really, so how could anyone else. "I'm sure you'll get the help you need. In fact, Marsha - one of the counselors here - maybe able to point in the right direction." "I'd like that. But of course first I need to find a job. That's my number one priority. I don't even know where to start," Justin explained. "I think I maybe able to help you out with that. Or at least Nate maybe able to help you out with that," Justin looked up hopefully as Mike made the statement. "Nate said you're an artist right?" "I try to be," Justin stated. "Well, you see his ol' man worked as an artist for this firm downtown, and they are looking for some fresh talent. Maybe you can get in for an interview," Mike said with a smile on his face. Justin was beyond words. Here he was, almost a complete stranger, and these people were willing to help him out. There were no words to express what he was feeling at that moment. Of course he knew that he didn't actually have a job yet, but if they could get him in to talk to these people, he'd get the job. Of that he had no doubt. "Well I guess I have to talk to Nate, now don't I," Justin said with a smile. For one of the first times since he had gotten here, he was feeling like things were going to work out. 'Just maybe, I'll be able to do what I want to do, and heal. We can only wait and see,' he thought to himself. ******************* MAY 2002 Brian sat down on his couch in the loft with all the light off and a half drunken bottle of Jim next to him. For the past couple of days he had ignored messages from the gang, all asking him what he was planning for today. He wanted to tell them to all fuck off that today would've been a lot better if they hadn't done what they did. If they hadn't shut Justin out of their lives, then Brian would be with him today. He wouldn't have to be alone, thinking about Justin somewhere out there by himself. He had avoided them on his birthday, and he was hoping that everyone would just leave him alone. He didn't want to talk, he didn't want to be cheered up, he didn't want them around. The one thing that he did want he couldn't have, so why even talk to anyone else. Brian was thankful that today was Saturday, cause he knew that he wouldn't have been able to concentrate on anything at work. By early evening he had talked to one person, and avoided all other calls that came in. When he had spoken to Daphne earlier in the day, she had said that she hadn't heard from Justin in a while, and she hoped he was alright. Brian knew that feeling. He hoped that Justin was alright as well, cause he knew that he wasn't. All he could think about, all he could see in his mind was the bat coming toward Justin's head, Justin laying on the cold cement - lifeless, and the blood. He couldn't get the sight of the blood out of his mind. Everytime he looked down at his hands - he saw it. 'No matter how many times I try to clean it off, it will never come off,' he thought with a heavy heart. God, he needed Justin. He needed to know that the younger man was alright. He needed to know that he was forgiven. Yeah, Justin had told Brian many times that it wasn't his fault, but today - on the anniversary of that fateful night - Brian couldn't believe those words. He wanted to forget the awful moment in the parking garage, and remember the good moments that night; the dance, the kiss in the garage, the promise - but he couldn't. Every time he tried to think of one of those moments, Justin's face would always morph into the damaged one with blood everywhere. Brian reached to his side and pulled out a small box. When he opened it, he pulled the object out of its container, and held it tightly in his hands against his face. He could still smell Justin's cologne on the delicate material of the silk scarf, and although the blood was now hard and dry, he could almost feel the sticky matter soaking through the material and onto his hands. He wished that Justin could remember the good time they had that night, but he knew that it was lost. It pained him to know that Justin only remembered the bad. He was lost in thoughts when he was shocked out of his ravine by the ringing of the phone. "Fuck, Mikey," he said as he reached for the phone ready to tell off whoever was on the phone. Hitting the button, Brian began to let into the person on the phone. "Look, I told all of you to leave me the fuck alone for a couple of days." "Brian," came a small voice on the other end causing Brian to sit up straight on the couch. "Justin," he asked. Justin was the last person he would've expected to hear from today. "You okay," he asked realizing as soon as he said it how dumb of a question it was. 'Of course he's not okay, you fuck.' Brain heard the slightly hesitation in Justin's voice, and the contained sadness and fear. "I . . .I, uh, thought I'd call and wish you a happy belated birthday. I knew better than to call then. I know how much you like to celebrate them, so I figured . . . uh . . .well you know." Brian closed his eyes to try and steel himself away from the obvious pain in Justin's voice. He wished that Justin had never left; Brian desperately needed to have the man there with him. "Don't fucking worry about that, Justin. Fuck," he stated slightly irritated that Justin would even mention his fucking birthday when today was the one-year anniversary of what Brian had called 'the day'. Silently angry with himself for even getting irritated at Justin when he knew that Justin would be hurting, Brian took a deep calming breath. "How are you?" "Okay, I guess. You," he heard Justin ask. Brian could hear that Justin was nowhere near fine, and the thought that the young man was concerned about him caused an ache in Brian's heart. Brian took a deep breath, and brought his hand to the bridge of his nose. He felt a sudden headache appearing, and he wanted to keep his head when he talked to Justin. 'I can't lose it with him. Not now,' he thought. "Justin, don't worry about me. I know you're not okay. I can hear it in your voice. Hell no one would expect you to be alright with any of this shit. Talk to me, please." Brian heard Justin sigh and sniffed. Brian could tell that Justin was crying, and he felt the sudden urge to find Justin and hold him tightly in his arms. He wanted to take away the pain that Justin was in, but Justin wasn't there. "It's just. . .I don't know. God, Brian . . . I don't know. It's hard, you know. I just. . ." Brian heard Justin begin to break down, and it tore him up inside. "Shhh, baby. It's alright, I'm here," he whispered into the phone, knowing that it was a false hope. Talking to Justin on the phone and being with him, Brian knew that his words were a cold comfort to them both. Brian continued to offer quiet soothing words to Justin allowing the younger man to calm down a little. When he felt that Justin had calmed a little, he heard Justin continue. "I haven't even left the fucking room today. I was too fucking scared." "Scared of what, baby," Brian asked. "Tell me. What are you afraid of?" "Everything," he heard Justin reply. "I don't know. . . I guess it's just that when I am out there it seems as if . . . I get the feeling as if Hobbs is going to come out from around a corner and finish the job." Brian closed his eyes, knowing that he had similar fears, but refused to tell Justin that. He wouldn't add to Justin's pain. "I know it's stupid." "No, it's not," Brian stated. "It's not stupid Justin. After what you've been through, no one would blame you for feeling that way. But it will get better Justin. You have to believe that." "I wish I could, Brian. I just don't know anymore. I feel like it'll never go away, that I'll always be scared." Brian could tell that Justin was trying hard to keep a brave front up, but he wished that he would just let it all go. Brian heard Justin take another deep breath to calm himself. "You didn't answer my question before. How are you?" Brian thought about lying to Justin, but figured that if it would help Justin to open up a little more, he would tell the truth. "Just fucking fantastic," he said sarcastically, knowing that Justin would understand the remark. Hearing Justin laugh slightly brought a small smiled to his own lips. "Yeah, right." The two men lapsed into a silence, just trying to take comfort that the other was alive. It was a small comfort, but it was more than they had the rest of the day. "You do know it wasn't your fault, right?" Brian knew he couldn't answer that question. 'Even if I wasn't responsible for what happened that night, Justin, doesn't mean I'm not responsible for what you're going through now,' he thought. "You do know that, Brian. Right? You weren't to blame for what Chris did to me. If you hadn't been there. . . If it hadn't been that night, it would've been some other night. Some night when you weren't around. . .and . . . and I don't think that I would be alive now." Brian closed his eyes against the wave of pain and sadness that was building deep within him. He had believed Justin when the man had told him he wasn't to blame, and it was enough for Brian to know that Justin didn't blame him. But now . . . now, Brian wasn't too sure. All he had to have done is listen to Justin, take care of Justin, then none of this would be happening. Justin would be there with him now, well and strong. "Brian please tell me you know that. I can't stand to think that you blame yourself for what Chris did. It wasn't your fault, it was mine, okay. Not yours. . . mine," Justin stated. At Justin's words, Brian jumped off of the couch in shock. "What?!" Brian couldn't believe what he had just come out of Justin's mouth. "How the hell are you to blame for what that asshole did to you? How the FUCK did you come up with that shit?" Brian felt the urge to slam something into the wall, to punch something. Brian was beyond angry. 'No fucking way,' he thought. 'No fucking way, am I going to let Justin take the blame for this. Why the fuck does he think that?' Then the words that Justin had told him during his outbreak before his departure came back to him. "If I hadn't fucking jerked Chris off, if I hadn't confronted him outside on the street, then I never would've been bashed." There was no way that Brian was going to let Justin blame himself for what Hobbs did to him. "Justin, listen to me, okay. Are you listening?" "Yeah," he heard the quiet reply. "You. Are. Not. To. Blame. Okay? You're not to blame for this. Chris Hobbs was a closet case, who couldn't stand the fact that he enjoyed getting jerked off by you." Brian took a deep breath. He had to try and get Justin to see the error in his thinking. He wouldn't allow Justin to blame himself to this. "It's not your fault." "It's not yours either," Brian heard Justin say. Neither man said anything for a couple of minutes, just allowing each other to think about where they were at that moment. 'Why the hell are we apart, Justin? Why did I let you get away from me? Especially today?' "Boy," Brian laughed slightly hoping to get some positive reaction out of Justin. He wanted to hear Justin laugh. He wanted to know that Justin would be okay. If he couldn't hold Justin, he wanted to at least get the younger man to smile - even if it was for a second. "Aren't we the fucking poster children for much needed psychiatric help. 'I'm to blame'.'No, I'm to blame.' Fuck!" Brian felt a smile creep upon his face as he heard what he was looking for. Justin laughed. "We both have always been drama queens haven't we?" Brian heard Justin take a deep breath and sigh. Brian hated that sigh, he hated knowing that Justin was in pain and there was nothing he could do about it. "God, how the hell did we get here, Brian? Where did we go wrong?" Brian could hear the pain and longing in Justin's voice, and he wished he knew the answer to Justin's questions. "I don't know, Justin. I don't know." "Do you think, maybe. . ." "I hope so. Someday," Brian answered knowing the question that Justin wanted to ask. "Someday." ***************** EARLY JUNE 2002 Brian sat at his computer at work, looking over the new campaign that had been assigned to him. For the past couple of weeks, he had concentrated only on work. Since he walked into the diner and threw the letters from Justin on the table at his friends, he hadn't spoken with any of them. He was still angry with them for what they had done, and he wanted to have an open mind when he talked to them. Of course Mikey didn't help by calling him twenty times a day, begging to talk to him. Brian knew that he should, but he just couldn't bring himself to do that just yet. He missed Justin. The last time Brian had heard from the young man was the on anniversary of the bashing. That was the day that Brian had decided that he would not give up until he found Justin, to bring him home to him. Brian amazed himself these past two weeks however. He had not tricked once. He thought that Justin's leaving would be enough to drive him to fuck anything that moved, but he just couldn't tolerate the thought of anyone besides Justin. 'Now there's a fucking first,' he thought. 'Brian Kinney, God's gift to gay PA, not wanting some mindless fuck or blowjob. What the fuck did that kid do to me?' Brian knew that he wasn't mad at Justin for his current dilemma, but damned if he knew why. Of course it wasn't like he hadn't tried either. Cause he had. Brian had gone out the first two weeks, and found someone to entertain him. However, it wasn't until one night two weeks ago that he had found some young stud with a hot body, and blond hair. It wasn't until the man had put his mouth on Brian's dick, that the image of Justin had reared its ugly head in his mind. Seeing Justin's face, smiling at him, had almost caused a physical reaction within him. He felt sick, and his dick immediately became soft. 'Fuck,' he thought. He had pushed the trick away, and went home. He hadn't been able to bring himself to try again. He was so fucking horny that he couldn't think straight. Cynthia poked her head into the office, forcing Brian from his thoughts. "There's a call for you on line one," she said with a smile. "Well who the fuck is it? Tell them I'm busy," he said turning back to the fuck-up of a promo in front of him. "Okay, I'll just tell Justin that he'll have to call back," she said as she turned to leave. "Wait," Brian yelled, glaring at her. "I'll take it," he added as he watched her walk out with a smile on her face. Once he was sure the door was closed, he picked up the phone. "Hey," he said. "Hey, how's things in the glorious Pitts," Brian heard Justin ask. To Brian, Justin definitely sounded better. Of course anything sounded better than the last time he had talked to him. He only hoped that he would be able to get some answers out of him this time. 'At least he's talking to me, and not ignoring me. At least it's not the frantic call I got on that day. That's a start,' Brian reasoned. Brian was grateful that Justin had called. He was worried when he hadn't heard from him in so long. He knew that Daphne hadn't even heard from him, and that had worried Brian even more. "Sucks as usual. So settled in yet," he asked. 'Take it only as far as he wants to take it,' he told himself. 'Don't push, or else you'll never hear from him again.' Brian decided that if Justin wanted to be friends he could do that - at least until he could convince the younger man that they belonged together. Brian knew that they did, at least that's what he had decided in the past two weeks. He had never felt so alone and empty in his life, as he had these past two weeks. Brian heard Justin laugh, and just hearing it brought a small smile to his lips. "Well, sorta. I'm still staying at a small hotel, but I start my new job tomorrow, so we'll see. My mom's going to be coming down next week, and we're going to see about getting me a car. I mean, the Marta is great, but I still need a car," Justin babbled. Brian tried not to laugh, as he heard Justin just babble away. It had been too long since he had heard that from the man. Brian could only hope that it meant that Justin was doing better. "Marta," he asked trying to get an idea of where Justin was. "The public transport system, silly." "Oh, yeah, I knew that," Brian stated sarcastically. He was beginning to feel comfortable with the way the conversation was going. The way the two were conversing, it was like it had been before the bashing. It was something that Brian had missed, and hoped that this was a sign that things were going to be okay. "So are you going to tell me where the hell you are?" Justin laughed earnestly. "Okay, I'll give you a hint, and you have to figure it out." Brian cringed as he heard the challenge in Justin's voice. 'Please don't let me fuck this up. I know he's testing me. I just know it,' he thought. "Jambalaya is always better the second day." 'What the fuck,' Brian thought. "You're in Louisiana?" "Nope, try again. Think about when I said that and WHY it was better the second day." Brian could almost see the glint of mischief in Justin's eye, and see the smile on his face. Brian sat back and began to think. 'What happened during that time? When the fuck was it again,' Brian asked himself as he tried to sort through their time together. 'Mikey had just gotten promoted at the Big Q, right? So what was it about that?' Suddenly it hit him. Lindsey's nasty phone call, the confrontation with Justin's parents, and farther back . . . the trick he had brought home the night Justin had made them that meal. "Fuck! You're in Atlanta?" "I can say that I'm impressed, Brian. I didn't think you'd figure it out," Justin praised him. "Why the fuck Atlanta," he grimly asked. 'Why the fuck way down there? Why not somewhere closer,' he asked himself. He had hoped that Justin was close enough so that he could just go and keep an eye on him on the weekends. But Atlanta was well over fourteen hours away. 'Fuck!' "I don't know. It was the first bus out of Pittsburgh that I could get, Brian. But it's not too bad. I mean, I wasn't really thinking straight when I got there, and I just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible," Brian heard Justin's voice take a slight sadness. "When I first got here, I was so fucking scared. God. . .Fuck, Brian. I really should let you go," "Why," he asked, not really knowing why Justin suddenly wanted to get off the phone. All Brian knew was that he didn't want Justin to go. "'Cause you're at work, Brian. You should be working," Justin had told him like he was a child. As much as Brian wanted to tell Justin to fuck work, he knew he couldn't. Justin was right, he really should get some of this crap done. "Right, work," he stated. "Listen, how about you call me tonight. I want to hear all about Hotlanta." "I'll try, but I can't make any promises. I'm trying Brian, I really am. It's just so hard right now. But I'll try," Justin said. Brian could relate. It was hard. All he wanted to do was go to Justin, take him in his arms, and make everything go away, but he knew that he couldn't. Justin needed to do this on his own. He needed to feel like he was an equal partner in whatever relationship that he took part in. Of course Brian was determined to make Justin see that the relationship he should be in was one with him, but he'd wait. 'Fuck, how the tables have turned. Wasn't it a year ago that he was the one chasing me, telling me that he loved me. Now here I am doing the same exact thing,' he realized. 'Fuck! He got to me worse than I thought.' "Alright, but Justin, don't shut us out. We do care what happens to you, okay?" "Okay," he heard Justin say. To Brian, he had sounded a little off, but then again -- with everything that the kid had been through this past couple of years -- Brian would be off too. "I'll talk to you later?" "Later," he said, then hung up the phone. 'God,' he thought. 'I never thought it'd be this fucking hard.' All Brian wanted to do was go and see for himself how Justin was. He wanted to talk to Justin about what he had learned that night. Brian knew that getting much work done the rest of the day was not going to happen. Especially since he was worried about Justin. Yes, the young man sounded alright, but then again, he had Brian believing that everything was alright for months. Brian hated to be made a fool of, and he had made a fool of himself by believing that everything was alright. 'How did I expect Justin to be alright when I wasn't alright with it?' Brian still could not believe what he had told Justin when he had found out about Ethan. At the time, he had thought it had fit, but knowing what he knows now . . .Brian definitely would not have said it. 'Or would I,' he asked himself. 'They say hindsight is twenty-twenty. If I had known that Justin hadn't recovered fully from the bashing last year, would I have told him he was suffering from a love bashing? Fuck, no wonder he left me,' Brian cursed. He hated himself for being such a prick to Justin, and he secretly vowed that when he got the chance again with Justin -- if he did -- he would try harder to understand the young man. ***************** JUNE 2002 Brian walked into Liberty Diner a week later and immediately spotted Daphne and Emmett sitting at the counter, and Ted, Michael, and Ben sitting at their usual booth. Silently, he walked up to Daphne and kissed her on the cheek. "Hey, Beautiful," he said with a smile on his face. "Stop it," she laughed in reply. "No not you, stupid," she said in the phone. "Brian . . . Yes, he's here, you wanna talk to him? . . . Okay, just a sec . . ." Turning to Brian she handed him the phone. "It's Justin." Brian smiled as he grabbed her cell phone. "What' going on?" "Not much, just on my lunch break, so I thought I'd call Daphne, so we could talk. Then of course Emmett was there so I just had to talk to him, and now you. So what's up with you," Justin asked. "Same ol' shit," Brian replied. "So you're at work then," he asked raising his eyebrow at Daphne. Justin had told him he had gotten a job, but Brian never had the chance to find out any more information about it. "Where at?" Justin laughed over the phone, bringing a smile to Brian's face. Brian thanked Deb for the cup of coffee that was set in front of him, as he waited for Justin to answer. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Daphne leaned into Brian, and whispered in his free ear. "He works for an ad agency there, in the art department." "No shit," Brian answered. "An ad agency?" Brian was shocked to say the least. He thought Justin would try and stay away from a place like that after seeing what Brian went through. Hearing Justin's sigh, Brian tried not to laugh. "Yes, I work for an ad agency, in the art department. And don't say anything, cause I'm nothing like the idiot twins that you had to deal with. I actually have some talent." "I never said you didn't," he replied defensively. "Trust me I would never compare you to Brad, and Bob, or whatever the fuck their names were." Daphne began to reach for the phone in Brian's hands, forcing the older man to move away a little more. "Give me the phone, before I make your extra curricular activities come to a halt," she threatened. "I have plans to make and you're taking up my time." Brian started at her with disbelief. "You gave me the fucking phone so you can wait your turn," he said holding the phone above his head to keep her from getting it. They could all hear Justin's laughter coming from the phone. Emmett however, grabbed the phone quickly and handed it to Daphne. "Say good-bye Brian," Emmett said as he handed it back to Daphne. "Traitor," Brian glared at Emmett. "Bye," he said leaning into the phone now clenched in Daphne's hand. Brian moved over to Emmett and leaned against the younger man. "So what plan is this?" Emmett looked over to Brian with excitement in his eyes. "Well, Daphne and I are going down to see him for the Fourth of July weekend. We have it all planned out," Emmett stated. "It'll be so much fun. Can you believe it?" Brian felt a sudden twinge of jealousy within his gut, at Emmett's statement. "Really," he said hiding his disappointment. Justin had invited them and not him. Brian had hoped that he would get a chance to see the young artist soon. These past couple of weeks, hell these past couple of months, have been hard on him. He missed Justin immensely - not that he would tell any of them that. But he knew that Daphne and maybe even Emmett could tell. "Well good for you. I hope you guys have fun," he said turning away. He didn't want to think about what Justin was doing down there in Atlanta. 'Not what. . . who,' he realized. 'Stop it, Justin can see whoever he wants to see, he can do whatever he wants to do. But damn why does it hurt this much that I'm not going down there with them?' Seeing the sympathetic look on Emmett's face, Brian just shook his head, and began to move away from the two. However, before he could get two steps away, he felt Daphne's hand on his arm. Turning to meet her eyes, he saw a small smile on her lips. "Justin wants to know if you'd be able to come down with us," she asked with hope in her gaze. Brian felt a sudden wave of hope fill his being. "I think I could get the time off," he said, smiling. 'Justin wants to see me,' he realized. Brian knew that he had wanted to see for himself how Justin was doing. In their phone conversations -- although few and far between -- Justin had stated that he was doing fine, but Brian had to see for himself. It wasn't as though he didn't trust Justin, cause he did. It was just that he knew that Justin wouldn't tell them if something was wrong -- well wouldn't tell him if something was wrong -- for fear of hurting the him. This was Justin's way of showing Brian that things were going okay, that he was doing better. Brian knew that Justin understood his fears for the younger man. Justin understood, that Brian had feelings for him and wanted to ensure that he was safe - that no harm would come to the man. For that Brian was grateful. He hadn't always been able to say what he was feeling, but Justin had always been able to understand what he couldn't say. 'Well at least before the bashing,' he realized. 'Justin just hadn't been able to read me as well as he had before. And I didn't see it, didn't realize it.' Knowing that he had failed to see the signs had caused Brian many sleepless nights in resent weeks. Brian made his way over to the others, and cleared his mind, and facial expressions. It had taken a lot of time try and get over his anger at them, but Brian finally was able to be calm about what had happened. Although he was still angry, he had calmed down enough so that he could try and get the answers he wanted, or at least talk to them. "Hey," he said as he moved in to sit by Mikey. Michael looked at him with a confused look. "So you're talking to us now," he said with a hint of anger in his voice. 'Why the fuck are you pissed, Mikey,' Brian thought. 'You're the one who was an ass not me. You're the one who butted in where you didn't belong.' "Why wouldn't I talk to you, Mikey?" "Oh I don't know, how about you haven't talked to me in over a month. I've tried to call you, and you ignore me. How about that," he asked Brian. Brian gave Mikey a tongue in cheek look, and shook his head. Seeing Ben place his hand on Michael's shoulder, Brian tried not to laugh. 'It won't work, Ben,' he thought to the other man. 'Mickey's on one of his little tantrums. I've been through enough of those to know that once he gets started he won't be finished until he's ready.' "Michael, getting upset isn't going to accomplish anything. Both of you are obviously upset, and maybe you two need some time alone to try and work it out." 'Ben . . . ever the Buddhist. Peace, love, harmony . . . what bullshit,' Brian thought. 'Gotta love him.' "Look," Brian began, taking a sip of his coffee and looking at Michael over the rim of his cup. "A lot of shit happened, that I don't even want to get into right now. Everyone was in the wrong, so what the fuck. Why dwell in the past," he stated calmly. Brian figured that if he tried to make amends with everyone that it would be the best way to get the information he wanted. He was actually still feeling angry with all of them, and he almost felt ill just sitting there with them, knowing what he knew already. But he was smart enough to know, and knew Michael long enough to know, that if he wanted to get anywhere he had to remain calm. It was his best bet. "I only have one question, and then I'm over it. We can go on with our lives as if everything is okay." Michael looked over at him, and nodded. "What?" Although Brian had a lot of questions - one in particular - he knew that he couldn't ask all of them in front of the others. And it would get Michael on the defensive, which Brian didn't want. He also didn't want to cause any more problems between Ben and Michael. He wanted to know if Michael knew that Justin had seen them that night all those months ago, but he knew that question would have to wait. "When did you tell Justin that I would never change," he asked taking another sip of his coffee, and then set it down to wait for an answer. "What? I never said that," Brian heard Michael explain. Brian just gave him a look that told the other man that he didn't believe him. "Okay, so I might have said that to him . . . But Brian that was when he first started to hang around us. That was over a year ago. Why are you bringing it up now?" Brian thought about what he had learned, and tried not to laugh. He knew that Michael had months ago, told Justin that the only reason Brian had him at the loft was because he felt guilty about what had happened to Justin. 'And that almost ended badly.' Brian wasn't sure if he should believe Michael or not. He wanted to. He wanted to believe that Michael wouldn't betray him like that, but he wasn't sure anymore. He would have to wait and see how things turned out. "Okay, that's all I needed to know," Brian answered the question vaguely. Inside however, Brian was thinking something entirely different. 'If I find out you're lying Michael, it's over.' "So what's new in life?" ***************** JULY 2002 Brian walked into the loft, threw his luggage in the bedroom, and sat down on the couch. Leaning his head against the back of the couch, Brian rubbed his face with his hands. He had just come back from from seeing Justin, and he had to admit to himself that hanging out with Daphne, Emmett, and Justin in Atlanta, had actually been fun. He had spent the entire day alone with Justin on Saturday, and the two had talked a great deal about things. However, Brian was upset that it sounded like Justin was going to be staying there in Atlanta, and not returning to Pittsburgh. He had hoped that Justin would get better and return home, but he also knew that he couldn't ask Justin to give up the job that he had, or the life that he was building for himself there. Now Brian had to think of someway to get there himself. He knew that he wouldn't be able to stay away from Justin much longer. Seeing Justin again - even for just a couple of days - had caused an ache deep within his heart. 'And in my cock,' he thought to himself. 'God, Justin looked so fucking hot.' Brian had to admit that his time in Atlanta had been good for Justin. He looked older, more relaxed, and hotter than ever. Brian didn't think that he could ache for Justin more than he already did, but seeing him again, Brian knew that he was wrong. All he had wanted to do on Saturday, when Daphne and Emmett went shopping and left the two alone, was to take Justin to his hotel and spend all day in bed. Justin however, had other plans. The two found themselves just walking in the various parks throughout the city, and talked - really talked. Brian had always known that Justin was intelligent, but the he quickly found himself admiring Justin even more. They had talked about everything from the stock market, to the latest fashion. They were actually becoming friends, which was something that they never had before. Never had Brian taken the time to learn about Justin's real passions, his time growing up, everything, at least not before the break-up. Yes, they had talked, but not about the things that Brian was discovering now. They hadn't talked about that day in the loft, or anything that was mentioned that day, but Brian knew that it would take time. They were becoming friends now, and Brian was finding himself opening up more, and telling Justin things that no one had ever known about before. It felt good to get things out in the open, and have someone that he could share things with. Brian knew that some of the things that he had told Justin, Michael didn't even know. The fact that Justin had been his lover, had actually eased the tension between them, allowing them to be open more with each other than anyone else in their lives. There were things about Brian that he knew Michael would never understand, that Justin would. Things with his father, that Justin understood, things in life, that only Justin could understand. Brian was grateful. He only hoped that this would lead to a much deeper connection with them, so that when they got back together, it would be forever. 'Yes, it is when not if,' Brian told himself. 'I'm not going to let the miles get in my way of getting back together with him. I'll find a way.' Brian was more determined than ever before to have Justin in his life. Justin had made the comment that Brian had changed in the past couple of months, and Brian hadn't had the nerve to tell him why. He hadn't been able to tell Justin that he had changed cause he had finally realized what the younger man had meant to him. He had finally realized that he had wanted the man in his life with the doors locked. Justin had definitely been getting things straight in his mind during his time there. He had even told Brian that he had been seeing a shrink to help him get over what had happened, and hopefully help him remember that night in more detail. For that, Brian was happy. He could tell that whatever the shrink was doing was helping the young man; cause Justin seemed more like his old self than ever before. He appeared to be more at ease. Gone was the young man of the past year, and the young, energetic, happy man that Brian had seen under the lamppost was reemerging. He saw Justin smile more in the past four days than he had seen in months. 'Now all I have to do is try and find a way to get down to Atlanta to stay. Or get him up here,' Brian planned. He had to think of some way so that he could work on Justin, and get the younger man back into his life as a partner. Brian had heard Vance talking about the possibility of buying out a firm in Georgia, and Brian could only hope that it was there in or near by Atlanta. If it was, be would most definitely have to talk to Vance and try and convince the man that he had to be there. All he had to do was come up with the best way to sell the idea to his partner. Brian reached over and picked up the phone. He had promised Justin that he would call when he got in, and he knew that he wouldn't break his promise. 'Not when I'm trying to get him back,' Brian thought. Dialing the number, Brian sat back on the couch and kicked his feet up. "Hello," Justin's voice answered. Although it had only been hours, Brian smiled at the sound of the younger man's voice. "Hey," Brian replied. "So, I see, you made it back okay." Brian rolled his eyes slightly at the obvious statement. "When did you get in?" Brian smiled slightly, closing his eyes, and picturing Justin sitting beside him. "About five minutes ago. And since I was told to call the minute I came in," Brian said sarcastically. "You knew what I meant, asshole," Justin laughed. "Don't get smart." "It's what I do best, you should know that by now." Brian reached into his carryon bag, and pulled out the pictures that the group had taken on the trip. "So have you decided on the house yet?" Brian started to glance through the pictures and smiled at the memory they invoked in his mind. They had a great time, and he had never felt closer to Justin before. "I think so," he heard Justin reply. "I mean with the job and everything, it's not like I can just pack up and leave now, right? I couldn't do that to them. So I figured that I don't really want to spend all that money on renting a place, when I can get my own. If I decide to sell years from now, that's fine, but I don't know. Things are just too strange right now. But I think I will." Brian closed his eyes from the pain he had felt at Justin's acknowledgement. 'He's not coming home.' "Are you okay with that, Brian? I mean . . . You're not mad at me or anything cause I've decided to stay here." "Justin you need to do what's right for you," Brian began. As much as he hated the thought of Justin being so far away, he knew that he couldn't deny Justin a chance to be what he wanted to be - an equal. He would get down there to Atlanta, and he will be with Justin again. If there was anything that Brian had learned from this trip was that Justin felt he had to prove to himself that he could make it -- that he was strong again. Brian wasn't going to deny him the chance. "Have I told you how proud I am of you," he asked. "Not in the last couple of hours," Justin replied. Brian could see in his mind Justin's face light up. God, how he missed that already, I miss HIM. "Well I am." Brian knew that he missed Justin, and from their talk during the weekend, he knew that Justin missed him. They just needed time apart to get their own lives, their own dreams taken care of. They both needed to grow up a little more, before they could fully commit themselves to any relationship. In time, if they decided that they could, or wanted to have a relationship with each other, then they would be ready for that type of commitment. Justin had told Brian that if they were to ever try again, there would be locks on the door. It would be forever. Brian knew that he would have to come to terms with that word, that feeling. Forever. It was a long time. Of course that was what he had been finding himself wanting more and more as time went on. He wanted Justin forever; now all he had to do was prove it to Justin. 'And waiting for Justin to come around, is just what I have to do,' he rationalized. 'Of course that doesn't' mean that it's fucking easy.' Brian and Justin talked for another hour before saying their good-byes. When Brian hung up the phone he picked up the pictures from the trip and stared at one of Justin and him. 'I can wait,' he thought knowing in his heart that it was true. ***************** AUGUST 2002 Brian walked down the halls of Vanguard heading toward his office. He had just left a private meeting with Vance, and now he needed to make plans. Never before had be been so pleased with one of his private meetings, but this time was different. Vance had just informed Brian that his plans to buy out a firm in Georgia had been going well, and that within the next month or so they would now be charge of one of the top companies in Atlanta. Vance was also pleased with this deal because the company that he was buying out had a lot of dealings internationally, which meant a great deal more money coming in. Brian congratulated Vance on a job well done, and was shocked when Vance had told him that he wanted Brian to head up the team there. 'I want someone there I can trust to do the job, Brian. I need someone there who will keep these people on their toes, and who will help bring in the large accounts. I need you.' Brian tried to hide the smile that he was sure would appear. He had just told Vance that he would be willing to relocate, and he would ensure that things are taken care of on that end. Inside however, Brian was ecstatic. He was going to be in Atlanta. He was going to be near Justin. Things were finally looking up for the first time in months. Reaching his office, he opened his door, and motioned Cynthia to come in for a second. After he sat down behind his desk, he looked up to see his secretary come in and close the door. She had a pad of paper in her hand, and Brian could only hope that she felt the same way he did. "I was just told by Vance that we're buying out a company in Atlanta." "I heard rumors, but I wasn't sure if it was true," she said sitting down in the chair across from her long-time boss. "What does that have to do with you?" "I'll be heading the team there," he informed her looking at her. Brian rested his steepled hands against his lips, hoping to figure out a way to ask her. He had never been one to openly tell someone that he needed them, but he knew that he did in fact need Cynthia. If it hadn't been for her, he never would've gotten to where he was today. He knew this. He also wasn't stupid enough not to know that there really weren't many people who could put up with him the way she did. Brian watched as Cynthia look directly at him, as if to try and guess what was going through his mind. She had always been good at that, despite Brian's denial to that very fact. It seemed like she found what she was looking for. Nodding her head she smiled. "So when do we leave?" ***************** SEPTEMBER 2002 Brian walked into the small café after a late night at work. It was close to midnight, but Daphne had made him promise to meet her there so that they could talk. The two had gotten pretty close during the past couple of months, both needing someone whom they could talk to about Justin. The two of them worked hard to try and come up with different ways to help Justin, and lately they had talked about Brian's move down south. Daphne was thrilled that Brian would be there for Justin, and that this could mean that the two men could get back together. Brian could almost see the wheels turning in her head as more and more ideas come into her mind. He knew that she was one of his greatest allies in the 'battle to win Justin back.' He admired her ideas, and took them to heart. Just this past week, Brian had learned from Vance which company he had bought out, and that Brain would be expected to be able to leave in a month. He had then heard from Justin that he had helped to get one of the largest international campaigns that the company had ever received. Of course now, Brain knew that Vance had bought out the company that Justin belonged to, he also knew that what Justin had helped to do, was the deciding factor for Vance. The thought that he would be able to see Justin everyday, pleased him to no end. He was proud of the young artist, and knew that Justin was finally beginning to feel like Brian's equal. He didn't feel that he was completely there yet, but with enough time, he would. Brian walked into the café, and headed over to the table that he had spotted Daphne in. "Well don't you look lovely," he said as he kissed her lightly on the cheek. As usual Brian could see the signs of a blush creeping on her face, and he just loved to tease the girl. "So how was your day," he asked sitting down in the chair across from her at the table. "It wasn't too bad. Did Justin tell you about that account," she said excitedly. "I talked to him about a couple of hours ago. He said that Nate was going to take him out to celebrate tonight," he stated, trying to hide the jealousy out of his voice. It wasn't that he thought that there was anything between Nate and Justin, it was just that HE had wanted to be the one to take Justin out. "You don't do jealousy well," she said as if reading his mind. Brian looked at her in disbelief. "I am not jealous." "But you wanted to take him out," she stated. Brian saw her reach across the table and place her hand on top of his. "Don't worry, Brian. Soon you'll be able to take Justin out, and wine and dine him all you want. Just remember what I said. I don't want to hear that either one of you screwed it up," she threatened. Daphne had told Brian what he needed to do to win Justin back, what Justin had told her he wanted. Of course it was always Brian, but the smaller stuff that Brian didn't know about, she had been sure to inform him of. He was glad that she was there to help him out, and that she had wanted to see the two together again. Brian knew that in order to get Justin to see that fact, he would need her help. "Anyway, when do you leave?" Brian took a deep breath, and smiled at her. "I move there permanently in about a month, but I need to go down there in the next couple of days to try and get the final paperwork finished, and get things settled down there." "So are you going to see Justin when you're down there?" "We talked about it, and I don't think that it's really any of your business," he said knowing that he was lying to her. "We shall see. It's up to him." Daphne was about to say something more when they heard Brian's cell phone ring. Brian sat back to look at her and shrugged. Pulling out his cell, Brian noticed that he didn't recognize the number on the caller ID. "Hello?" "Is this Brain?" "Speaking, who is this?" "Hi, I'm Kate, do you remember me," she asked him. Brian remembered the young lady that Justin had befriended down there in Atlanta. To Brian she was almost as bubbly as Daphne was. She always seemed happy. However, there was something about the tone of her voice that caused Brian's gut to twist, and tighten. Something was wrong, and he began to pray that it wasn't what he thought it was. "I remember. What happened? Is Justin okay?" Brian knew that it had to be something with Justin, but what he didn't know. Brian saw Daphne lean forward to try and hear what was happening. When he saw the question in her eyes, Brian could only shrug. Brian heard Kate take a deep breath, trying to hold back any tears that were coming to the surface. Her next words caused Brian's world to collapse in on him. His worse fears were realized, and Brian knew that he had to leave tonight. "There's been an accident. Justin's in the hospital." ***************** TBC . . .