How do you start a conversation with someone who you barely know, but have seen a most personal aspect of their life in such a short amount of time? Roland was wrestling with such emotions, wanting to help Justin — and Brian — yet very unsure of how to go about it. An uncomfortable awkwardness hung in the air as Justin came back to his seat, looking stressed beyond belief. 

“Everything alright?” 

Justin coughed, “I really don’t want to talk about it.” 

A reasonable request, Roland mused, but he still pressed for more. 

“I understand. But you know its’ okay to talk about it, I’m not going to judge you.” 

Justin suddenly became very interested in the stick of gum he was unwrapping. Roland sounded like his fucking mother; SHE had promised not to judge him either. They were, in the end, empty promises. Listening to him eight months ago about the beginning cycles of abuse, only to call the police on Brian and have him arrested three days later. 

Could he really blame her? Mother’s were supposed to protect their children, it was an instinct. After initially getting over the anger of her ‘betrayal,’ Brian was bailed out of jail and miraculously became a new person. Or rather, went back to his old self. 

For a little while, at least. The cycle started all over again and Justin blamed himself. It was stupid, he knew it, to take the blame but at the time it was the only thing that made sense. He spent days, weeks, months, trying to figure out how to make it all better. He did his best to replicate life as he wished it were, as it once was. But no begging, crying, screaming, or threats brought the old Kinney back. Now, he rarely made guest appearances. 

Chewing on his gum, Justin looked at Roland. “Look, I appreciate your concern, I really do, but honestly, it’s none of your business.” 

He hated the sympathetic expression on Roland’s face. Staring at him as if he were a helpless little kid….

“Well,” Roland said in a lowered voice, “it might be my business because I’ve been in the exact situation Brian and you are in.” Roland inhaled a sharp breath. Bringing up his past like this was random and risky, but could succeed in helping the situation. Reading the look of shock on Justin’s face, he knew he was intrigued. 

“Wait — what? Really?” Justin had to stop himself from gasping too loudly.

“Yes,” Roland showed no hesitation as he spoke, “two years ago, my partner left me, because I abused him. And rightfully so - I am not proud of how I treated him, Justin, but there is help out there if you’re willing to accept it.” 

“I…” he cleared his throat, “I respect what you’re trying to do here Roland, but I’ve got it under control.” As if his emotions weren’t already drained, he now had this man practically telling him a sob story. His intentions were noble, but aggravating. 

“Really?” Roland said, “You call having your husband shoving a banana down your throat under control? Listen, I’m by no means any Dr. Phil or Oprah but I do know abusive relationships are all about power and control. Two years ago, I was insecure and willing to hurt my partner to gain that false confidence. The problem is, it is fake, it’s all an act and things fall apart. They get out of control.” 

Justin felt like covering his ears, closing his eyes and screaming. Because he knew the words Roland were saying were true, no matter how much he tried to deny it. 

“So what’s your point?” He snapped, “Are you suggesting I drag Brian in to see a shrink? Marriage counseling? Jack him up on some “uppers?” 

Roland took a deep breath. Justin was being a little more defensive than he anticipated. 

“No, not at all. I’m just offering my help; you don’t have to take it if you don’t want to.” 

Roland went back to staring out the window. He knew Justin was thinking about what he said, and was praying the kid would take him up on his offer — he was dead serious. 

Justin, biting his right pinky nail, knew Roland was thinking about him. Part of him wanted to believe, needed to think there was some hope for his marriage. The other half was chanting that it was pointless, completely worthless to even try and salvage what remained of his relationship with Brian.

But still….

“Okay,” he sighed, “where do I start?” His life was such a fucking mess he didn’t know where to begin picking up the pieces. 

Roland was elated, but of course, not showing it right away. Relieved and happy Justin was taking him up on his offer, he was determined to help. Of course — if their relationship DID end up failing, he would be there for support, and maybe — he scanned Justin — just maybe, emerge with a new boyfriend.