I want to love you but I better not Touch (don’t touch) I want to hold you but my senses Tell me to stop I want to kiss you but I want it too Much (too much) I want to taste you but your lips Are venomous poison Soft warm lips caressing his body…travelling down his belly. Then to feel a hot tongue wrapped around his cock was too much. Pleading with Brian to release him from this ache, Brian only shushed him. ”The best is yet to come Sunshine, just relax. I want you to feel like you've never felt before. I want this for you, you want this for yourself.” Brian said while kissing Justin softly. ”Lift your legs up,” Brian commanded. Justin was shivering. He didn’t know what to do or what he should be doing. “If I am with Brian everything will turn out just fine,” he thought. He heard a click. His eyes were closed…he could only feel now. ”Just relax and breath, ok?” Justin couldn’t seem to find his voice so he only nodded. He felt Brian’s fingers caressing his hole before they slipped in. He gasped. Just as quickly, he felt the loss of Brian’s fingers. He felt something pushing against his ass. He opened his eyes and saw Brian looking at him when he spoke. ”Justin, are you ok? Do you want me to continue?” ”Yeah, just go slow…” Then it happened. He never felt it. They never saw it. The condom broke. Justin woke up with a startle. He had that dream again…reliving every feeling of that moment that brought him to this day. Turning over in his bed he looked at his alarm clock. It was a little past 8, he decided to get out of bed and take a shower. Walking to the shower he felt so alone. Now he knew he made that choice to stay home alone. It wasn’t that, but he felt like he was missing something. Only he couldn’t tell what it was. So living on his own, while being pregnant for 4 months and having no one besides Emmett and Michael was, well…eating him truth be told. These days he didn’t know how he felt anymore. He never went out, never saw his friends…never saw Brian. God! Why did it always turn out in the end with him in the back of his head? Being whole again was something he could feel, not since that moment. It was strange. He was pregnant, still he felt like he was nothing at all. He never felt the baby, he only felt sick at days when he was at his worst. That had stopped. He wished he could enjoy the pregnancy. Deep down he knew he loved his child even if he didn’t know it, didn’t see it, didn’t feel it but the fact was it was a piece of him and more importantly it was a piece of Brian. Now what person in the world could tell he had a piece of the guy who could steal every heart, but gave it back in shattering actions? -------------------- You can call Brian an asshole if you want to. It does not change the fact that he is what he is and as said before he will never change, not for anyone. Not even for Justin? There are only a few people who know Brian well enough to see what he really is. But Brian doesn’t really know himself. He thought he could just forget about Justin. Cause it caused him too much pain. So he didn’t care anymore. He lived his life and that was it. But he betrayed himself. He loves Justin more then life itself. But you try and get that through his thick head. Cause he sure as hell wouldn’t listen to his own heart. -------------------- This is the moment, Justin. Just do it. Hesitating, he picked up his phone and dialled the number. ”Hey mom, yeah I am fine. Listen there is something I want to tell you.” He paused waiting for an answer because he hated talking like this, like he was hiding something. He was indeed hiding something from his parents. ”Oh, honey, what is it? Did something happen?” ”No, well not really. I don’t know if I should be saying this over the phone. Is it possible to come back here for a day or two? I have some things do discuss with you. You don’t have to bring dad.” ” I sense that this is serious Justin. I hope you didn’t make trouble while we were gone. We have only been here less then a month and already there is something going on. You just wait. I will be there tomorrow.” ”Uhm…ok mom. Thanks.” I guess he thought. ”I will call you tomorrow when I get there, Justin. Bye, we love you.” ”Love you to mom, bye.” He was relieved when he pressed the disconnect button. Comparing to tomorrow this would have been a piece of cake. And he knew it. -------------------- ”So when exactly was the last time you saw Justin?” ”A couple of days ago when he queened out on me.” ”And what did you say to him?” ”Not so much, I just needed to tell him something, that’s all.” ”Oh, really?” ”Yes really, Michael what the hell are you doing?” ”Me? I am good, I'm not doing anything. Why? I didn't do anything wrong.” ”Ok, if you say so.” Brian rolled his eyes for effect. “ Now Mikey, if you excuse me, I have stuff to do. It’s summer vacation after all. Now get out of my house and get your ass back home.” Brian said, dragging Michael to his door. ”Ok, ok don’t push me, I’m out already. See you later Brian.” ”Bye Mikey.” Brian shut the door and leaned against it. The night before, he had been thinking. Yes, serious thinking, about Justin. It seems all he did now was think about Justin. What exactly went wrong? He knew that and for the first time in his life with Justin by his side, it hit him like a hard brick against the head. Brian Kinney was in love. He had stuff to do, that was for sure. He needed to get Justin back in his arms. Going back to his room he figured out a plan. Well, not so much a plan, just a crazy way of acting.