Chapter One

Justin had been sitting for hours staring at the stained leather cover of the journal in his hands. Time had stopped for him when the two naval officers had appeared at his door and handed him the small bundle of Brian’s personal possessions. He didn’t know if he’d ever be able to breathe again, let alone open up the cover of the book in his hand. It was Brian’s and it was private and he’d be back and hate that Justin had read it. He couldn’t betray the man he loved by reading his innermost thoughts. And yet he sat here alone in their home with the book in his hand. Brian’s wedding ring glistened like a teardrop on the floor where Justin had dropped it. The bracelet that matched the one he himself wore, puddled beside the ring; the engraved words ‘Forever My Avalon’ mocking the sentiment. 

Justin knew that Brian couldn’t wear personal jewelry on a mission, he knew and wasn’t surprised that these things had been returned. Missing didn’t mean dead, he’d tried to explain that to the two men who had stood in their living room with somber faces. Missing means you go and find the other person. Missing means he’ll be home soon. Dead was forever and Brian wasn’t dead – because if Brian was dead than so was he and he still breathed, though it was hard. 

There was a knock at the door, but he knew it wouldn’t be Brian. Brian would come through the door after a mission, throwing it open wide and shout “I’m home honey.” In that laughing teasing manner he had. So Justin continued to sit and stare at the stains on the leather and wonder if they were Brian’s tear stains or his. 

^^^^****^^^^^

Justin, 

I guess if you are reading this then something has happened to me.  I have asked the guys in my unit to make sure that this gets to you, and I can only hope that it will help you understand things a little more. 

Enclosed within this book are my true thoughts and whatnot… things that I couldn’t tell you.  First off, I want you to know that it is not my choice to hold things from you, but it’s what I have to do.  I can only hope that this book will answer some of the questions you may have.  Maybe it will let you understand me a little more. 

Know that if I have a chance, if there is breath in my body, I will return to you.  You are my very soul, and I can’t leave you alone.  I can’t live without you.  I made the promise to you that I would always return, and I plan on keeping that promise. 

You are my life, and I will see you again one day.  Even if it is in the afterlife. 

Forever my Avalon. 

Love, 

Brian. 

~~~***~~~***~~~*** 

12 May 2016 
  

Do you remember the day we met?  I do.  I think of it often.  It was six years to the day that I first saw you. I remember it all, what you were wearing, how you smelled, everything.  I still can’t believe that in the span of twenty seconds, I was lost.  I was never one to believe in love at first sight, or any of that bullshit, but you changed that in an instant.  Cause when I saw you, I knew that I had to have you.  And not just for sex.  I needed you to survive. 

When you look back on that day, what do you remember?  Did you feel the spark that flew between us?  Did you feel the connection? 

We never really talked about it.  It is just another thing that we didn’t talk about.  For that I am sorry.  I’m sorry that I was so closed off, that I didn’t talk about things with you like a partner should have.  I wish I was different, but I’m not.  Once again, this is the reason why I’m writing this.  I’ve never been good at words, at least not verbally.  So hopefully I can get this across to you, and let you know how I truly feel. 

Christ, I remember the first time I went to your place, outside of Baltimore.  I remember how impressed I was, and how inadequate I felt.  I kept thinking that I would never be able to win you over.  I mean, look at me.  There I was, a Cadet at the Naval Academy, making only enough money to survive, and there you were with a beautiful house, everything that a person could ask for. 

I saw your paintings, and I knew you would make it big.  You had such talent, it was overwhelming.  I wasn't sure where I would be able to fit in.  Could I fit into your world?  Would you give me the chance? 

To say that I fell for you that day would be an understatement.  I fell HARD.  I had to restrain myself.  All I wanted to do was rip your clothes off and have my way with you. 

I’m glad we waited though.  It sure as hell meant a lot more to me.  Granted, I don’t know if you knew how hard it was to keep my hands off of you.  Especially after the whole mess with making dinner.  ‘Take off your pants.’  Christ!  I don’t know if I could have… I was so hard. 

Granted, I do have to admit that if I hadn’t had to get back to the Academy I would have easily taken you up on your offer. 

Thinking back on that time, I realize how much I hurt you later on.  I wanted to give you the world, still do.  I only wonder what you think of me now.  Do you still love me like you did then?  Or did I destroy that too? 

I love you, Justin. 

You are my Avalon… forever. 

Brian. 

~~~***~~~***~~~*** 

Six years earlier

 “Lindsay! You can’t fucking be serious.  Tell me you’re not serious.” Brian practically begged his friend the moment he sat down at the booth beside her He had received an e-mail from her just hours before, asking for a meeting.  When he had read the rest of the message, Brian instantly felt like he had been sucker-punched.  “You better not have done that shit.  I mean it, Linds.” 

Lindsay, his one true friend from childhood, sat across from him in a small, dark diner just outside of the Academy, and reached across to lay her hand on top of his.  “Brian, you’re perfect for it.  You have the looks, and you’re exactly what they are looking for.” She said trying to convince her friend that she was doing the right thing for him.  She had been worried about Brian as she watched him during the last three years bury himself into his studies.  He hardly ever left the Naval Academy, choosing to spend his nights in his dorm room with a book instead of spending a night on the town.  She had been there for him during his troubled childhood, and she knew that he was determined to make something of himself.  She only wished that he would take time for himself – find someone who could make him whole.  This was her way of trying to get him out there… so to speak. 

“I am not going to pose for some stupid ad.  Can you imagine what the other guys would say if they saw it?  I have enough problems with some of the guys who are either some damn rednecks or old-school Navy brats.  I don’t need this shit added on top of it too.” Brian tried to explain to his friend.  Yes, gays were accepted in the military, and yes, he didn’t have to hide.  Although it was accepted finally in the military it didn’t mean that everyone was happy about it.  Brian had already gotten into a couple of fights and he only wanted his last couple of months to go smoothly so he could get out of that damn school and start what he had been busting his ass to do.  He knew exactly what he wanted to do when he had seen the Navy recruiter all those years ago; he only had to make sure that it happened.  He wasn’t going to do anything to jeopardize that. 

“Brian, I already kinda told them you would.” Lindsay stated running her hand across the table.  She didn’t want to see the anger in her friend’s eyes when he realized he was stuck. 

Brian leaned back in the booth and looked at his friend.  He was trying to keep the anger down, not letting it burst out of his body, but it was hard.  He had worked hard trying to get out of his family’s shadow; he wasn’t going to be some abusive, insensitive, drunk like his father.  He couldn’t let his anger come out, he knew he could never lash out at someone he cared about.  Taking a deep breath, Brian reached across the table to place his hand on top of Lindsay’s.  “Linds, I wish you would discuss this type of shit with me.  I know you think that you’re doing something to help me, for some reason.  But I don’t need your help.  I don’t need to be out there.  I’ll do it this one time… but next time, ask me first.” He told her. 

Lindsay smiled brightly at Brian, grateful that he didn’t totally blow her off.  She was worried that he didn’t go out that often, that he didn’t go out to meet guys.  She figured this was a good way to get her friend to meet someone who would love him… or at least care about him.  She wanted the best for Brian, and she hated the thought that he could be alone.  If Lindsay had anything to say in the matter, Brian would never be alone again.  “Good, cause they want to meet with you in an hour.” 

“Christ, Linds!  Let’s not give me any warning here.”  Brian stated running his hand through his hair.  “Fine, fine.  Let’s get this shit over with.” 

 ~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian pulled his old car into the parking lot at one of the nicest restaurants in the area. After he had left Lindsay, he had quickly gone back to the dorms and dressed in his best uniform.  He hated that he had to do the meeting in that, but he knew he didn’t have anything else that was nice enough.  One day he would own a suit, but for now, his uniform would just have to do.  He gave the valet the keys, put his cap under his arm, and walked into the building.  “I’m here to meet a Justin Taylor or Matt Curtis” He told the man at the front counter. 

“Yes, sir.  Right this way.” The man stated as he began to lead Brian through the main dining area toward a table in the back.  “Here you are, sir, would you like anything to drink?” 

Brian just stood there and looked at the two men at the table.  One was an older gentleman, most likely in his mid-forties, with a receding hair-line. The other caused Brian’s heart to pound in his chest and his breath to catch in his throat.  The man was beautiful – blond hair the color of the sun, blue eyes that reminded Brian of the sky on a clear day, and a body… what he could see of it, definitely showed the care the man took in remaining healthy.  Brian had never seen anything more beautiful in his life, and he knew that he never would.  “Uh, water.” He answered the waiter, as he pulled out a chair and sat down.  Suddenly his legs couldn’t hold him upright, he needed to take a breather before he fell over.  “I’m Brian Kinney.  My friend Lindsay told me to meet you two here.”  He tried to sound professional, hoping that his voice held out. 

The older man of the two held out his hand to Brian and shook the offered one.  “My name is Matt Curtis, and this is my art director, Justin Taylor.  Let me be the first to say that it is a pleasure to meet you.” 

Brian held out his hand to Justin.  Once the blond’s flesh touched his, Brian felt an electric shock run through his system.  It sent a direct signal to his cock, and his heart.  He never believed in love at first sight, never was one to believe in all the crap about soul mates, but this man was making his body do things that Brian had never experienced before.  ‘It has to be lust.  He’s hot… that’s the only explanation.  You are so screwed, Kinney.  Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.’  “It’s a pleasure.” He replied back, looking directly into the deep blue eyes of the man across from him.  He felt like he could easily drown into their depths. 

“How much have you heard about what we are looking for,” Matt asked Brian, bringing the man out of his musings about the blond. 

Brian shrugged and leaned back in his chair slightly, looking down at the menu in front of him.  He wanted to act cool, like he wasn’t out of his element.  He only hoped he pulled it off.  “From what I’ve been told you are doing an ad for the Navy.  Trying to get recruitment up, so you’re looking for Naval personnel who … what’s the word… represent the finer elements of the Navy.” He answered with a small smirk on his face.  Brian thought that the whole thing was just bullshit.  It was just another lie that they were trying to sell, just like the ‘it’s not just a job, it’s an adventure’ crap. Anyone who spent one day in the Navy knew that was a complete lie.  “So where would I fit in?” 

“We want you to be in the ad.  Your friend stated that you were a cadet at the Naval Academy, and I must say you look the part.” The other man stated. 

Brian tried to hide his smirk, hiding it behind his hand.  “Really?” he asked shaking his head.  He knew he was good-looking, hell he worked hard to keep his body in shape, but he wasn’t sure if he could be a poster-boy for the Navy.  “And what would all of this entail?” 

“All we would need is a couple of shots of you in uniform, maybe in different locations.  We would fit it into the layout we have come up with. If the Navy PR department chooses you, you’d be asked to maybe do a commercial or two.” Justin answered, drawing Brian’s attention. 

Brian leaned forward on his elbows, thinking about what he was told.  “Why me?  I’m sure I could pick out 20 other men and women who would be more qualified for this thing.” Brian asked honestly curious. 

Matt leaned forward as well and looked at Brian.  “What do you want out of the Navy, Brian?  Where do you see yourself in the Navy?” 

Brian looked over at the older man and shook his head.  “If you want to know why I joined… it’s simple.  It’s the right thing to do.  I want to help protect this country.  I want to do what is right, what other’s can’t – or won’t – do.  Some people just aren’t cut out to be in the military, they don’t have what it takes.  It’s dedication, it’s honor…”  Brian took a deep breath, and let it out slowly.  “Have you ever heard the Marine Creed?  My God, my country, my corps?  That’s the way I feel.  This is my country, and it hasn’t treated me that badly, so why not give something back to it.  This is my way of giving back.  It’s my duty… everyone’s duty.  Does that answer your question enough?”  Brian knew he wasn’t going to tell these two what he was going to be doing for the remainder of his military career.  It was none of their business.  If they wanted someone to do this ad, they shouldn’t base it on what ‘job’ they had.  It shouldn’t matter if the person was a lonely non-designated enlisted or if the person was a SEAL.  It’s the reason they were there that mattered. 

Matt knew that Brian was avoiding the question and briefly wondered what the young man was hiding.  Was the man ashamed of what his job would be?  Matt wasn’t sure but he was determined to find out.  Cadet Kinney would be a part of this ad, of that Matt had no doubt.  This Kinney was everything the heads of the Navy wanted, and it was now Matt’s job to sell it.  Well his and Justin’s job.  Matt still wasn’t too sure why his boss had requested that Justin attend this meeting as well, but if it got the cadet into their camp, then it was all right with him.  “Enough.  So what do you think?  Would you be interested?” 

Brian looked over at the older man and caught on to his eagerness.  The man wanted Brian for the ‘part’, it was the man’s reasoning that was in question  He still wasn’t sure where this Justin stood, but Brian knew that he couldn’t let his sudden attraction to the blond be a factor in his decision.  “Can I let you know in a couple of days?  I have to check my schedule, check the guidelines on this, and so on.” Brian asked knowing he would need time to think this over.  He had to decide if doing this would cause him more problems at school.  He needed to get his friend’s input and try to get a feel for what others thought before he agreed to do anything. 

Justin pulled out a business card from his pocket and handed it to Brian. Brian took it and ran his finger over Justin’s name without even realizing it.  “I’ll let you know by Wednesday.” Brian informed them as he threw a couple bucks on the table, knowing that he really didn’t need to.  If Brian would allow himself to think about it, he would have to admit to trying to impress the blond.  To try and show the blond that he was someone, someone who could spend some time with him. 

Brian left the table and picked up his car from the valet.  He needed to think about this, and briefly wondered where this Mr. Taylor fit into it all   At the stoplight down the street, Brian pulled out the business card and once again ran his finger over Justin’s name.  He would be willing to try and get to know Justin, even if this whole ad thing didn’t work out.  Brian wondered if Justin would be at all interested.  He hoped so. 

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Justin watched Brian retreat out of the restaurant. The man was everything and then some. There was no argument there. He knew now why his boss had insisted that he be part of this meeting. The old ‘gaydar’ had been pinging away so hard he could barely hear. He didn’t need this shit. His work should be good enough without his boss pimping him out just to get a government contract. 

“So Justin, what did you think of Cadet Kinney?” Matt’s question brought Justin out of his daze. 

“He’ll do.” Justin thought he’d more than ‘do’ but right now he didn’t need the grief. After Ethan, he was never dating another military man. They thought only of themselves and their fucking job. 

“I heard he was gay. Do you think he is?” Matt asked. “I mean if anyone would know…. “ his words trailed off. 

“Why, do you think there’s a secret handshake or something?” Justin asked. For fuck sake, give him a break. 

“No…. of course not…. I just thought” Matt floundered for the right words. 

“Look Matt, if Cadet Kinney agrees to this, I’m sure we’ll put together an amazing shoot. You might even get him to do a couple of TV spots. But it’s his decision and believe me it won’t hinge on whether he’s attracted to my gay boi ass.” 

“Cadet Kinney won’t have any choice in the matter. I can have a word with his commander. The navy wants this promotion and it wants it fast.” 

“Hey that always works for a fun shoot, force the guy.” Justin’s voice was bitter. He didn’t know whether he was defending Brian Kinney’s rights or pissed because he felt that he’d been tricked into the shoot himself. 

“Whatever gets the deal done.” Matt looked smug. He stood up and grabbed the check. “I’m heading back to the office. Do you want a lift?” 

“No I have some things to do. I’ll be there in an hour or so.” Justin signaled the waiter for another cup of coffee. He needed time to think. The meeting with Brian Kinney needed to be savored. When he was finally alone – Justin allowed himself to think about blazing hazel eyes and auburn hair that defied the military cut. The hard body that was hidden under the uniform would be amazing in a painting and he wondered if his imagination could do justice to it. He’d have to try some sketches tonight when he got home. 

“Well, what do you think?” the bouncy brunette threw herself down next to Justin. 

“Daphne, what in hell are you doing here?” Justin wasn’t amused. He definitely felt set up now. 

“Well, Brian Kinney is Lindsay’s best friend like forever and we were talking one night about you and him and we decided that the two of you should meet. So Lindsay talked to her Dad about the recruitment campaign and then to Brian. He doesn’t really want to do it you know.” 

“Lindsay, she’s the girl you met at college?” Justin asked. “I didn’t know you two were still hanging out together.” 

“I do have a life Justin besides hanging with you.” Daphne sat back and grinned. She reached for his coffee and he slapped her fingers away. 

“Get your own.” 

“I only want a sip. Don’t be mad. It’s been two years since you and Ethan split and he really didn’t deserve you.” she drank deeply of Justin’s coffee. 

He signaled the waiter for another one for both of them. “I don’t like being manipulated. I had enough of that with the great and wonderful Ethan.” 

“Just think how envious he’ll be when he hears that you’re with an ‘officer’” her voice said the word with reverence. 

“First of all, I’m not ‘with’ an officer. Secondly, why would I tell Ethan?” Justin had to laugh at his friend. 

“All I want you to do is give Brian a chance. He’s had a crappy life and Officer Candidate School hasn’t been a walk in the park. He’s earned every damn one of his grades. Did you know that he’s top in his class? Do you have any idea how the rest of the guys resent that some fag from a Pittsburgh working class family being first in the class?” 

“Gee, how would us fags every get along without fag hags managing our lives?” 

“Is that a rhetorical question?” Daphne laughed, “Or should I answer it?” 

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian woke to reveille and looked at the clock.  He was beginning to wonder if they were purposely trying to kill them.  Every month the wake up call came earlier and earlier.  At least it felt that way to him.  Crawling out of bed, he grabbed his toiletries and headed for the shower.  He spotted some of the other guys coming in and out of the ‘community’ showers, and Brian laid his stuff on one of the benches.  “Kinney.” One of the men stated as they moved to sit down on the bench next to Brian.  “Are you going out with us tomorrow to celebrate our orders?” 

Chris was one of the few that Brian had fucked there at the academy… long before he realized that sleeping with anyone there would be a huge mistake.  Brian preferred to have the one-night stand and be done with it.  Chris proved that if you saw the person every day it made that plan difficult.  Chris had been trying to get Brian to fuck him every moment since that day three years ago. 

Chris was a definite closet case, and if there was one thing that Brian resented more than anything else, it was someone who wouldn’t admit that they were gay.  Someone who felt they had to hide.  Times had changed; society was more tolerant… why did people still feel the need to hide who they were.  Yeah he wasn’t one to flaunt himself, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to pretend to be someone he wasn’t.  To hell with what other’s thought was his philosophy. 

Chris was also a worthless piece of meat, in Brian’s opinion.  The man was striving to be a glorified secretary.  He had no goals, hell the man didn’t even want to be in the Navy.  He only was there because his father told him to, and he was there to get an education and get out.  Brian on the other hand knew what he wanted, where he wanted to go.  He had already seen the Captain, and already got his designator.  His hard work over the past couple of years had paid off.  Now the others would find out.  Brian couldn’t wait to see the look on these smug bastard’s faces when he got orders to report to Coronado, California for SEAL training.  “No thanks.  I have plans.  You boys enjoy your fate.” Brian answered as he headed off to the showers. 

‘Only eight more months, then I’m out of here.  Eight more months before I start the real training.  Eight more months of dealing with these assholes.’ Brian thought with a smile, as he got ready for his day.  Today would be one of the best days he would have in a long time.  He would get his official acceptance into the SEAL program, and he would watch all the ‘macho good ol’ boys’ drool over him, envy him.  He would have the final laugh. 

Once this day was over, he would most definitely have to give thought to the ad proposal.  If for no other reason than to see Justin Taylor again.  “Maybe see Justin and forget the ad.” He said to himself as he walked down the p-ways to his first class of the day.  Decision being made, Brian put all thoughts of ads out of his mind and turned his attention back to his Military history test today. 

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian wasn’t surprised to find that he was ordered to appear at the studio in full dress whites two days later. He’d seen the gleam in Matt’s eyes and could read the man like a book. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. At first Brian thought about resisting but he knew it was useless to even go there. By being ordered to attend, it would help when the guys found out. He could say he was following orders and they would understand – well most of them would. 

He was surprised when he was called to the telephone the night before he was to report.  ”Cadet Kinney?” Justin asked, his voice quivered a bit, he was nervous and he didn’t know whether Brian Kinney was even allowed to get phone calls. The military remained a mystery to Justin despite his brief affair with Ethan Gold and Ethan had only been a private in the army. Brian Kinney was training to be an officer. 

Brian knew immediately who the breathy voice was. “Kinney here.” He said briskly though he felt a glow infuse his body at the sound of Justin Taylor’s voice. 

“I know you have to show up tomorrow, but I wanted you to know that it wasn’t me who insisted on having you. I mean, I want you…. for the shoot I mean…..” his voice trailed off and he felt like an illiterate fool. 

Brian had to laugh at Justin’s nervousness. “It’s okay Taylor, I won’t bite, not unless you want me too.” 

“Thanks I think” Brian could hear the relief in Justin’s voice. “I can’t believe that Matt went over your head for this shoot. That really sucks and I told him so.” 

“Don’t worry about it Taylor, it’s one less afternoon of PE that I have to do.” 

Justin giggled “I hated PE in school” 

“You look like you take care of yourself.” 

“It’s an optical illusion, I have an amazing metabolism.” Justin smiled when he talked and Brian could hear that smile. It enveloped his heart and made it light. 

“Lucky you,” Brian laughed. “I work hard for my body.” 

“That sounds almost sexy.” Justin was flirting and Brian knew it. 

“It could be.” Brian’s laugh was so unusual that two of the other cadets walking by turned to stare at him. “I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Later” Justin almost whispered as he hung up the phone. 

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Justin was standing off to the side talking to the photographer when Brian walked into the busy studio. He stood in the doorway not sure of where to go or who to ask for dressed in his white uniform, his cap under his arm. Justin wondered if the man knew that the sunlight haloing him made him not only look good enough to eat, but devastatingly handsome. Brian’s eyes lit up when he saw Justin and the blond couldn’t help but feel the heat of pleasure surge through his body. He just hoped he didn’t show it as he walked toward Brian. “Hey Cadet Kinney, you look amazing.” Justin blurted out the words without thinking. 

“Brian, I’m Brian.” He licked his lips that suddenly felt dry. 

Justin watched the tip of Brian’s tongue in fascination as he willed his cock to remain down. Fuck this was going to be a tough shoot. 

Justin introduced Brian to the others – and then reluctantly had to track down the photographer again while his assistant ran through what was to be expected of the other man. 

“Hey Rod” Justin began, his voice low. “Want to pay me back?” Justin was referring to the week before when he’d covered for a very hung over photographer. 

“Sure Justin, what do you want?” 

“When you’re  shooting Mr. Navy Boy, can you get him to do a couple of beef cake ones – maybe with his shirt off or something for my private collection.” 

“And mine” 

“Hands off Rod – this one is all for me, I don’t share my toys.” 

“I’d pout, but you never ask me for anything so I’ll do it.” Rod smiled at his friend. This was the first time Justin had ever shown any interest in any man that he was aware of since the grand breakup with soldier boy. 

“Thanks Rod, I appreciate it.” 

Justin finished up the business part of his conversation and then headed back to watch the shoot. 

Brian knew that the photographer’s request for him to take off his jacket and shirt, and undo the top button on his dress pants wasn’t for the Navy but rather for the lush blond who watched from the side lines with his blue eyes sparkling and his hard on barely under control. Brian hammed it up making his muscles flex. His eyes had that come-hither look and he licked his lips again hoping to see the same reaction he’d seen earlier, adding his cap for added effect for some shots.  He was rewarded with a barely suppressed moan and Justin’s face turned fire engine red. 

When the shoot was over, Justin walked over to Brian. “I think it went well.” He began. 

“Can you leave now?” Brian asked. He couldn’t believe how light headed he felt when he stared into Justin’s blue eyes. 

“Sure,” Justin turned to the crew. “I’m out of here guys, see you tomorrow.” 

“Hey Jus, I’ll have those ‘special’ proofs on your desk when you get in.” Rod grinned at Justin’s embarrassment. 

“Asshole” Justin muttered. 

Brian grinned “I thought they were for you. I wish I had some of you. I don’t suppose …” He let the words trail off. 

“I might be persuaded, I have a digital camera at home and a pretty good printer.” 

“Well let’s go then.” Brian put his arm on the other man’s shoulder. “I’ll drive, what’s the address?” 

“You want to go to my place?” Justin was flustered. 

“My place is a bit crowded.” 

~~~***~~~***~~~***

Brian led Justin out to his car, opening the door for the other man.  Once seated in the driver’s seat, Brian shook his head.  “Sorry about the accommodations.” He stated waving his hand around.  “It’s not much, but frankly it’s all I can afford right now.” 

Justin smiled at Brian’s apparent discomfort.  He reached out and put his hand on Brian’s arm, pulling the other man’s attention to him.  “Brian.  It’s okay.  You act like you’re trying to impress me.” He said with a small smile playing across his face. 

“Is it working?” Brian asked, eye-brow raised and his tongue place firmly in his cheek.  “I’m only asking for curiosity sake of course.  I’m wondering how hard I have to work.”  Brian saw Justin’s slight blush, and reached out across the distance to run his fingers lightly over Justin’s cheek.  “You’re hot when you blush.”  Shaking his head, Brian turned his attention back to what he was supposed to be doing… driving.  “So where to, James?” 

“Head toward Baltimore.  I’ll point you in the right direction.” Justin said with a small smile.  He couldn’t get over how connected he felt with the Brian.  He felt at ease with the other man, so unlike anyone else he had ever met before.  Heck, he never would have ever thought about showing someone where he lived after only meeting them twice.  This was so out of character for him.  “So why the Navy?” Justin asked as they traveled down I-97. 

Brian shrugged slightly.  “I want to be a hero.” He laughed.  “No, really.  I guess it’s just something that I’ve wanted to do for a while.  My life growing up sucked.  Father was a drunk, never wanted me.  So I worked my ass off in school to get the best grades.  I figured that if I worked hard enough I would get a scholarship or something.  Then 9-11 happened.”  Brian took a deep breath, calming the sudden pain that shot through his chest.  “See my sister, Claire went on a class trip that day.  Went to New York.  She got away from the group… didn’t make it back.” 

“I’m sorry.” Justin stated sincerely, placing his hand on Brian’s arm to try and bring the man some comfort. 

Brian only shrugged.  He had dealt with those demons a long time ago, at least that’s what he convinced himself of.  “Anyway, my home life only got worse, so I figured what the hell.  I wanted to try and protect the U.S from anything like that happening again.  I wanted to try and do something.  So here I am.”  Brian stole a quick glance in Justin’s direction, giving a small smile to let the blond know he was okay.  “Of course it helped when they went ahead and said that gays could now join and not have to hide.”  He added with a smirk.  “So what’s your story?  Why did you go into advertising?  Or is  it only to ask people to get down to their skivvies and pose?” He asked with an evil glint in his eye. 

Justin laughed and shook his head.  He couldn’t believe Brian, the man knew how to make him laugh when only moments ago he wanted to cry for the other man’s loss.  “Reader’s digest version… I love to create.  I’m an artist.  It’s not easy to make money just off of art, and since I liked to eat and live, I knew I had to go into something that would let me live my life.  Of course my father wanted me to go into business, so I knocked out two birds with one stone, so to speak.  So I paint in my off time.  It doesn’t pay the bills yet, but I’m hopeful.” 

“I’m sure that one day I will walk into some gallery and see your name in lights.  ‘Hot, young artist Justin Taylor’.” Brian stated with conviction.  “Everyone will be jumping at the bit to have a Justin Taylor original.” 

“You haven’t even seen my work.  I could be the worst artist around.” Justin laughed. 

“Not possible.  I saw how you took charge at the shoot.  You knew what looked good, and you made it happen.” Brian informed the blond, letting the hidden meaning flow out of his mouth.  He couldn’t believe that he was being this straight forward with anyone… let alone someone who was as good looking as Justin.  He didn’t want just a one night stand with this guy, what he did want, Brian didn’t know yet.  But he wanted to find out. 

Already it seemed like they were connecting, and it was both frightening and elating.  Brian wanted to get to know everything there was to know about Justin Taylor – even if it took forever.  The two chatted about everything from politics to art the rest of the way to Justin’s place.  By the time they pulled up, Brian knew he had made the right decision.  For once he was glad for the order to go to the shoot.  “Nice place.” Brian said in awe as they walked up to a small town home.  The building was gated, and looked very secure which pleased Brian.  The last thing he wanted was to think that something could happen to Justin.  Despite the fact that they had just met, Brian wanted the chance to know the young man, not have to worry about his safety. 

“Thanks.  Welcome to my humble abode.” Justin led Brian into the house and stood off to the side to try and gauge the man’s reaction.  He wanted Brian to be pleased with the place, he wanted Brian to feel at home.  ‘Where the hell is that coming from?’ Justin asked himself. 

“Shit.” Brian breathed as he walked further into the house.  Looking around he could see various paintings hanging on the wall.  “Did you do these?” He asked pointing to one of the pictures.  Justin only nodded, not sure what to say, or if he could even answer.  “I was right… you’re going to be famous one day.” 

Justin beamed at the praise and he could feel his cheeks redden.  No one had ever commented so highly on his art before… at least not one that seemed as sincere as Brian did.  Ethan never paid any attention to his art.  His father thought it was just a passing phase.  The only other two who seemed to care were his mother and Daphne.  But hearing the praise coming from the man before him brought Justin to new heights.  “Thanks.” He said with a huge smile on his face. 

Brian turned to catch the smile, and felt as if all the air in the room suddenly disappeared.  He felt like he was caught in the direct rays of the sun, feeling the warmth surround him.  Feeling his cock start to harden in his pants, Brian turned his attention back to the rest of the house hoping to get his libido under control.  The last thing he needed to do was tear into Justin, and throw him on the ground.  That would not make things easier.  “Well let me tell you, this is way better than where I’m living right now.  Hell, I think my room could fit in a closet here.” 

“What’s it like?  You know, being there.  What do you do?  What are you going to do when you graduate?  You do graduate?” Justin asked, having the questions just fly out of his mouth before he realized it.  Lowering his eyes in order to try and keep Brian from seeing the blush that had once again graced his face, Justin laughed slightly.  “Sorry.  I really shouldn’t…” 

“No, it’s alright.” Brian quickly replied.  “You can ask me anything.” 

“Well why don’t we take this into the kitchen then so we can at least start dinner.” Justin led Brian down a hallway toward a very modern kitchen.  He briefly wondered if he would be able to eat past the butterflies working their way in his stomach.  “So what are you hungry for?  I have steak, lasagna, fish, salad?” 

“Anything is fine.  I eat Navy food, so I think I can eat almost anything.”  Realizing what he just said, Brian quickly tried to fix his mistake.  “Not that I’m saying you’re a bad cook or anything… it’s just… Fuck!” He cursed, running his hand through his hair. 

Justin laughed and shook his head.  “It’s okay.  I understand.  And I didn’t take offense to it.” 

“Good, I’m glad.  Anything is fine.” Brian told Justin, grateful that he hadn’t insulted the man.  That was the last thing he wanted to do.  “Can I do anything?  I mean, I’m not real handy in the kitchen but I can at least make a mean salad.” 

“Good, you are in charge of the salad then, Cadet Kinney.  Hop to it.” 

For some reason hearing that name on Justin’s lips made Brian smile.  He liked the sound of it.  The two began to get everything out and start the preparations.  “So you were wondering something?” Brian asked, trying to remember what they were talking about before he had almost insulted Justin. 

“Which question?” he laughed.  “Just tell me about yourself.  What is it like… where do you see yourself after you get out of the academy?  Anything?”  ‘Would you stay the night?’ Justin thought.  ‘Don’t go there, Taylor.  Not yet.  Let’s see if we can get through dinner without attacking each other.’  Justin tried to calm himself, wanting to be sure that Brian wasn’t like Ethan, that Brian was different than any other military person he knew.  The last thing he wanted was to get too attached only to have his heart broken again.  ‘Granted it may already be too late.’ He realized. 

“Let’s see, I’m stuck in this small dorm with about fifty other men.  Some gay, some… well white trailer trash comes to mind.  The whole good ol boys network.  I do have some Military brats there who think that things shouldn’t change, that the Navy has been fine without gays for hundreds of years so why disrupt things now.  For the most part things are pretty cool though.” Brian began to tell Justin as he started to make the salad.  “Let’s see what’s the next question?” he said with a smile.  “Ah yes, Graduation.  Yes we have something like it.  We call it Pass in Review.  Long, boring ceremony, but it’s kinda nice too.  Christ I can’t wait to be done.” 

“Tired of it already?  How much time do you have left?” Justin asked as he began to marinate the steaks.  He figured that Brian need the extra meat since he looked entirely too thin. 

“Not really tired, just ready to move on to the next step.  And I only have like 8 more months before Pass in Review.” 

“Then where?” 

“Actually on the other side of the country.  I leave good ol’ Annapolis and make my way to Coronado, California,” Brian told Justin.  When he glanced over he saw the confused look on the young man’s face.  “Sorry… SEAL training is there.” 

“SEALs?  You’re kidding me.” Justin exclaimed. 

Brian looked over at Justin trying to see if the he could see disgust on his face.  Seeing only honesty and maybe a slight bit of pride, Brian smiled.  “No, I’m not kidding.  I worked hard trying to get in.  It wasn’t easy, but luckily they thought I was the perfect candidate.  Now we’ll see if I can get through the 38 weeks of training required.  Not many do.” 

Justin laid his hand on Brian’s arm, forcing Brian to look at him.  “You’ll get through it.  Somehow, you don’t seem the type to give up easily.” 

“So ever dated a SEAL before?” Brian braved.  “Would you want to?” 

“I don’t know.  We’ll have to see.” Justin replied giving Brian a small smile in return. 

Brian felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.  At least Justin wasn’t throwing him out; at least there could be a chance at something.  Only time would tell of course, but he was hopeful. 

Brian slipped his jacket off and placed it on the back of a chair before beginning to assemble the salad. “I hope you don’t mind” he said. 

Justin smiled as he took in the hard chest. “I don’t mind at all. Here’s an apron or do you want to take off your pants?” 

“I’m not wearing underwear, it spoils the look.” Brian admitted. 

‘Even better.’ Justin thought through his shit-eating grin. But he handed Brian the apron to protect his white trousers. He sighed - silently he hoped – the site of a naked Brian would have been a great appetizer. 

Justin thought he’d never laughed so much making supper before. Brian kept him entertained with stories of his life as a cadet. While the tall half dressed man sat on a bar stool at the counter, Justin began to set the table. He wanted this meal to be special, it was after all the first time he’d ever had such an interesting man over to his new townhouse. For that matter he’d never had anyone over before at all. He smiled to himself thinking about it. 

“Am I that amusing?” Brian asked. “You were looking off at nothing and smiling.” 

“I was just thinking that this is the first time I’ve had anyone here. I moved from my old place a couple of months ago and I’ve never had anyone over yet.” He grinned at Brian. “You’re my first.” 

“Hmmm, I’ve never been anyone’s first before.” Brian smirked. “It feels good.” 

Justin laughed out loud. He set the table with an Irish linen tablecloth that had been his grandmothers. He opened a bottle of red wine to let it breath before making sure the china and silver were placed just so. Finding two ivory candles he put them into ivory porcelain candleholders. “Do you have a match Brian?” he asked. 

“Let me.” Brian leaned over and lit the candles. His chest touched Justin’s shoulder and the heat from the other man was like fire. Justin turned at his touch, his blue eyes sparkling and unable to resist, Brian brushed Justin’s full lips with his own not sure of the reaction he would get. 

“Can’t you do better than that Navy boy?” the desire in Justin’s voice was evident to them both.  Justin cupped his hand behind Brian’s head and kissed him deeply, his tongue seeking and tasting the other man. They broke apart breathless. “Now that’s a kiss.” Justin whispered before slipping away from Brian. 

Brian wasn’t sure just exactly what had happened. It was if he’d never been kissed or kissed before. Justin’s lips had wiped away any and all who had ever touched him leaving only the taste and feel of the blond. ‘That was some kiss’ he mentally agreed. 

“Dinner is ready Brian.” Justin served the two plates. 

“It looks like a restaurant.” Brian said. 

“I hope it tastes like a ‘good’ one.” Justin answered. “I think you’ll like this wine, make sure you have a napkin over your pants. I wouldn’t want to stain that beautiful uniform.” 

“Christ no. We have to pay for cleaning them ourselves.” The words were out before he could stop himself. Brian hated to admit he wasn’t flush with money. He looked around; obviously Justin did not bad in that department. 

“That must add up.” Justin poured a glass of wine for Brian. “Try this.”  He held up his glass to make a toast. “To new beginnings” his smile was shy but returned by an equally shy smile from Brian. 

“To new beginnings” Brian echoed. They touched glasses and then drank.  The wine was full and rich and like nothing Brian had ever had before. He looked casually at the label to memorize the brand. He’d have to look it up on the net when he got back to the base. 

The evening passed far too quickly for both of them. Brian checked his watch when he noticed that the sky was dark. “Shit, I have to go Justin. I’ve got an eleven o’clock curfew during the week.” 

“Are you able to be off base on the weekends?” Justin asked. 

“Not overnight, no. We have a twelve o’clock curfew on weekends but a lot depends on what’s happened that week. Sometimes we aren’t allowed off at all.” 

“Really?” 

Brian was standing and putting on his jacket. “Yeah, a favorite punishment is to make us all pay for something only one guy does. It’s supposed to make us work as a team. But mostly it just pisses everyone off. It doesn’t really matter. I hardly ever leave the base. I stay in and study. There are still eight more months to go.” 

“If you’re interested in a good study place that has to be more relaxing than the base, you’re welcome to come here.” Justin offered. He found another of his business cards and wrote some numbers down. “This is my cell number and my home phone number. I usually paint on the weekends so I wouldn’t disturb your studies, but I would make sure you were fed.” 

Brian looked deep into Justin’s eyes, not sure what he was being asked. “I’ll keep that in mind Justin.” He said softly and then let himself kiss Justin tenderly. He knew if he did any more he’d be lost. “Later” he whispered before he went out the door. 

Justin leaned against the closed door. He let himself sink to the floor, the memory of Brian’s lips against his was burning, his fingers touched his lips as he tried to hold the memory there and all he could hear was Brian’s old car roaring down the road away from him. It was the loneliest sound he’d ever heard. 
  
~~~***~~~***~~~***
END of Chapter One