Chapter 7:
This was definitely not supposed to be happening.
The man with hazel eyes turned away from the laptop and, despite the relatively early hour, picked up the glass and downed the shot of Beam in one gulp. Feeling the liquor burn down into his empty stomach, he sighed and then rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb. Silently, he offered thanks to a god he rarely communicated with, that he‘d put off having his beard and hair trimmed before the start of the new school semester. But he probably wouldn’t be able to postpone it for long. He knew Dean Millar hated the usual look and the man was certainly bound to complain loudly about the additional summer hair growth. He’d never really thought about growing a beard and longer hair as a disguise, but was it? Had he taken on this new image deliberately as an aid to reinvent himself when being who he really was, was no longer possible?
But what of the matter in hand? What the fuck was Justin doing in San Francisco? Why wasn’t he either back in the Pitts or, more than likely, relocated to New York where he could immerse himself in his art and the art world? And why the hell had there been no warning of his move to San Francisco? Somebody certainly had screwed up.
The man’s curiosity and fears were heightened with every passing minute. Surely it wouldn’t be long before Justin realized who he was and what would happen then? Would the truth come out? Would they be safe? And, in the meantime, would the man known as Brogan Kennedy be able to come to terms with his feelings? Feelings he thought he’d successfully buried; feelings he’d been forced to bury if he was to retain any sanity at all.
The taller man’s heart had missed a beat when he found himself staring at the blond and into those baby blue eyes. He thought he was surely drowning, it was so difficult to breathe and he hoped his palm was dry as they‘d shaken hands. He also hoped Justin didn’t feel him trembling; as it was, his stomach was turning somersaults.
Justin literally took his breath away and not only because of the undeniable attraction. But this wasn’t supposed to be happening on several counts and Brogan couldn‘t get out of there fast enough and find out what the hell was going on.
But god, how beautiful a man Justin had grown into. The photographs hadn’t lied, though there were occasions when he almost wished he hadn’t had access to them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Justin had blinked and swallowed hard as he moved closer to Brogan in the teacher’s lounge earlier that day and had felt himself break into a cold sweat as he maintained his gaze with him, but it wasn‘t lost on him how quickly the man broke their handshake.
Hazel eyes. He’d not seen anyone with eyes exactly the same as Brian’s until now, which if anything, seemed emphasized by this man’s beard. In fact, Kennedy did bear a passing resemblance to Brian, in build and coloring.
Justin guessed that Brogan Kennedy would have been a little older than Brian, had he lived, but it was difficult to tell with the baseball cap and that much facial hair. Other than the usual overnight growth, Justin had only ever seen Brian clean shaven. But when he looked at him again, Justin realized Brogan and Brian would have been worlds apart. And inwardly, Justin sighed with the relief and realization, and then chuckled to himself, as he imagined Brian picking up the cheap jeans, tee and trainers as worn by Brogan.
Brian had been the Queen of label queens and would surely have held the garments between thumb and forefinger and at arm’s length; well away from his body. And undoubtedly, he would have wrinkled up his nose and said something like: “You cannot be fucking serious … if you’re expecting me to wear this …”
Brogan had nodded as he accepted Justin’s handshake, but broke away as soon as possible, and then the taller man paused before blinking and finally looking at Millar.
“What happened to um … to Webber?” he asked him eventually, after managing to finally recall the man who had initially been hired, and following a pause that seemed to last forever.
“Family illness,” answered the Dean and he frowned again, but this time at Brogan’s seemingly standoffishness at meeting his new colleague. He had actually tried to contact Kennedy and tell him of the change, but the man had been incommunicado.
“Well … that’s a shame,” stated Brogan and not daring to look at him again, he abruptly moved away from Justin and towards his locker to retrieve a book and Justin swallowed as he threw off any remaining notions he had that this man was anything like Brian. For one thing, though Brogan did have that almost sarcastic note in his voice that Brian so often had, this man’s accent appeared to lack the clipped, eastern cadence. And, in actual fact, Justin thought he could detect a slight Irish brogue and with a name of Kennedy, that was obviously a distinct possibility.
“I hope I measure up … to Webber I mean,” stated Justin, pleasantly and eager to have at least a decent working relationship with this man, but he found it disconcerting, forced to talk to Brogan’s back, regardless of how well-honed that part of his anatomy, as well as his arms and shoulders, appeared to be.
“I’d like to go over the curriculum with you,” continued Justin, hoping Brogan’s frostiness towards him was just an initial annoyance at a change of teachers he wasn’t aware of and finally, forced by politeness in front of Millar and an eagerness not to alert anyone to his consternation, Brogan glanced back at Justin over his shoulder as he secured his locker.
“We can do that tomorrow,” came the dismissive answer and Justin couldn’t help wondering illogically, if the man had detected he was gay and disapproved. But this was San Francisco after all, he must run into his fair share of queers. But nevertheless, his first meeting with his fellow teacher had left Justin thinking that it wasn’t going to be easy working with this man if he was as abrasive and distant as this all the time; something he didn‘t really need in his first teaching position. And then Brogan Kennedy nodded his goodbyes to both Justin and Millar and left, seemingly rather hastily.
“Don’t mind Kennedy,” the Dean suggested to Justin, once the man in question had left the room.
“He’s a good teacher … I’m sure you’ll work well together … once he gets to know you.”
“He’s just … well … his own man.”
Justin nodded and then frowned as he rubbed behind his ear. But the odd thing was, he thought he’d seen something in the taller man’s eyes as he’d held his gaze for those too few seconds. He wasn’t sure what it was, but it seemed to indicate surprise and then confusion, which could of course be attributed to his unawareness of the situation. But Justin had seen how the man had blinked and hurriedly looked away, as if to hide his true feelings. But what the older, taller man so desperately wanted to hide was his fear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One Week Earlier:
Nicholas Burridge climbed the steps from the cabin out onto the small deck at the stern of the 110ft. cruiser that was currently weighing anchor around twenty-five miles off shore and he shielded his eyes from the sun. From a wealthy Californian family, Nicholas had added to his inherited fortune by buying into and then eventually taking over an ailing company. Then, having turned it around, he renamed it and this boat, ’Sanctuary’, was his pride and joy as well as his way of escaping his busy world.
With one main bedroom and smaller guest room, both en suite, ‘Sanctuary’ also boasted state of the art navigation and media systems as well as an elegant living space and a galley with all modern appliances. The top deck was comprised of an open fly bridge and sundeck, which was accessed by a short ladder. She was built to handle easy and was comfortably ocean-going.
Dressed in only deck shoes and shorts, Nicholas was an attractive brown-eyed brunet, with just the meerest fleck of grey now appearing at the temples, which he was seriously thinking about trying to disguise. Despite his busy schedule, he religiously worked out and was an athletic man in his mid-forties, though looking several years younger. And, after finally securing enough time to take this trip, he was tanned, relaxed and happier than he could ever remember.
Unable to suppress a grin, Nicholas watched the man already up on deck, skin and clean the fish caught early that morning as if he’d been doing it all his life.
“What the fuck are you grinning at?” Nicholas was asked, if a little curtly, the other man sensing Nicholas’ amusement and he dropped the fish into a bucket of clean, fresh water.
“You!”
“When I first met you … you didn’t even care to check the oil in your car for fear of getting your hands dirty.”
“That’s good … coming from someone who never looks under his own hood,” came the retort.
“Only because I now haven’t got the time and can afford to pay someone else to do it for me … doesn’t mean to say I couldn’t … or wouldn’t,” answered Nicholas and moving towards him and reaching down, he placed his fingers beneath Brogan Kennedy‘s chin and tilted his head up, while his other hand sought the top of the man’s shorts.
“I’m covered in crap,” Brogan warned him and Nicholas grinned as he ran his finger around the inside of the waistband, his face now almost touching the other man‘s.
“I love it when you talk dirty,” he whispered, his voice lowered and eyes full of promise and he leaned in for a kiss. As well as his hair, Brogan’s beard, usually so neatly clipped, had been allowed to grow unchecked during the last couple of weeks and Nicholas found its softness sensuous against his face. He loved where Brogan touched him with it, rubbing along his skin, sending a tingling sensation through his entire being. And as for the oral sex …
“We can clean off in the sea … they say fish oil is good for you,” stated Nicholas after he’d reluctantly pulled back for air.
“Well … I guess it is a natural lubricant,” grinned Brogan and reaching out, he managed to grab a hold of Nicholas’ elbow and pull him gently, but forcefully down onto the deck and then he slid down beside him. Reaching into the pocket of his own shorts, Brogan retrieved the ever available condom packet and, despite his earlier observation, a small tube of lube. But his fingers were indeed greasy and the tube slipped from his grasp.
Grinning at the other man’s inability to hang onto the necessary item, Nicholas picked up the tube and then attempted to relieve Brogan of the condom.
“Not so fast, Nicky,” and with all his might, Brogan held on to the small packet and Nicholas couldn’t help chuckling at the man‘s determination, as well as the endearment.
“I always feel like a little boy, when you call me that,” he admitted and Brogan raised an eyebrow. “Then it’s just as well you’re all grown up … considering what we’re about to do,” and cocking his head to one side, he held his hand out for the lube.
Nicholas sighed, slightly disappointed, as he handed over the lube and then watched as Brogan toed off his deck shoes and wriggled out of his shorts and then Nicholas did the same. Then Brogan ripped the foil off the condom with his teeth, something that always sent a shiver of expectation down Nicholas‘ spine, and although this wasn’t going exactly the way he planned, he didn’t really have any complaints. Brogan was an incredible lover, he knew exactly what to do, where to do it and for how long and, indeed, seemed to be able to go on all night; they both did, even though neither of them were exactly spring chickens any more. Though Brogan did seem to have this need to be the man in control, something he had only recently been more comfortable in relinquishing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nicholas had met Brogan eighteen months before. Nicholas owned Burridge Advertising, now the largest concern of its kind in San Francisco, having been rescued by him and undergone a rebirth many years before. And, after his company had been contacted by the school, Nicholas had agreed to come along himself and deliver a talk to Brogan’s class.
The students had been held spellbound by the man’s obvious wit, charm and charisma and so had Brogan. Afterwards, when he’d asked Brogan if he’d like to go for a drink later, the eye contact had given their mutual attraction away. That and the fact that Nicholas had reached out to remove a non-existent piece of lint from Brogan’s shoulder; the man definitely had the hots for him.
Brogan had heard Nicholas was gay and one of, if not the, most successful gay men in San Francisco. And seemingly, something about his own manner had alerted Mr. Burridge, or at least the man had hoped he was correct in his assumptions.
Waiting for his introduction, Nicholas had sat at the back of the class and surveyed Brogan as the man perched on the edge of his desk and addressed the room. He not only found Brogan attractive, with the slight Irish lilt to his accent, and he obviously kept himself fit, but also here was a man who had total confidence and command of what he was doing. Nicholas had always liked that and, in subsequent conversations, Brogan’s knowledge of his subject became all too evident.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On their initial meeting Brogan had found Nicholas more than attractive enough, but no way was he looking for a relationship. He did, though, welcome the opportunity to hook up, even if he had been a little surprised when the man had made such an obvious move on him.
They’d arranged to meet for a drink at a small bar well away from the school. The place wasn’t exclusively gay, but it was definitely discreet. After showering, Brogan had changed into black pants and crisp, short-sleeved white shirt and wore his one good, black leather jacket. A teacher’s salary didn't exactly allow him the wardrobe he would have preferred. But surveying himself in the mirror, Brogan still liked what he saw, even though he was a little confused with what he was doing, accepting Nicholas‘ invitation like that.
Brogan could barely remember the one and only time he’d been on a date, but this seriously smacked of one. He’d given up going to the clubs a while ago, there was something seriously pathetic in someone his age spending so much time in them, unless you happened to own one of course. But hoping to hook up with tricks in the dance clubs frequented by guys so much younger than himself had definitely lost its appeal.
He lived a much quieter life these days than he would ever have seen for himself. When he first moved to SF, he practically lived like a monk, holed up in a small apartment while he sorted out where he was going with his life. Those were dark, confusing days, filled with indescribable pain as he attempted to come to terms with what he’d left behind and he tried not to think of them any more. And keeping to himself and not seeking the notoriety he’d once lived with, was still one of necessity rather than a preference.
There were other ways to get his needs met, other than by hooking up in the clubs: exclusive services for one, when money allowed. Though apart from anonymous cyber sex and being a local at his nearest gay bar where he could hook up and frequently did, his lifestyle was boring almost to the point of non-existent by comparison to those once heady days and he couldn’t help but still miss them.
But recently and never having made more than one or two acquaintances since moving to San Francisco, Brogan had eventually admitted to himself how bored and even lonely he‘d become, spending a lot of time on his own and he’d thought, why not take up Nicholas’ offer? After all, he could always get up and walk out at any time. But surprisingly enough, he enjoyed what turned out to be several pleasurable hours in Nicholas’ company, even before the man suggested going back to his apartment. They obviously had quite a lot in common, and a mutual interest in advertising and marketing was only part of it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The barman ordered them a cab on account and, if he was in any doubt, the man’s wealth soon became apparent and Brogan couldn’t resist a chuckle when Nicholas hit the elevator button marked ‘Penthouse’ and the apartment certainly lived up to expectations.
A few years ago, Brogan might have aspired to a place like this himself, but these days, just staying alive had overtaken any need to acquire such status symbols.
They had taken drinks out onto the balcony. Though the sun had gone down a long time before, the air was still warm, if a little breezy that number of floors up and Brogan sipped the Chivas Regal slowly, savoring its flavor.
They had a fantastic view over the shoreline, but Brogan had begun to wonder what he was doing there. Pushing 40, though not exactly a dork, he was surprised that Nicholas had such an interest in him over much younger men. The cost of the clothing Nicholas was wearing would probably pay a year’s rent on Brogan’s place and Brogan was sure he wasn‘t Nicholas‘ usual choice of companion and they certainly did not mix in the same social circles.
But the physical attraction on both sides had been unmistakable and as far as Brogan was concerned that’s all he was interested in tonight, which was why it was so unbelievably scary when he eventually realized it was possible to have feelings for Nicholas.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Only looking for sex, Brogan couldn’t help feeling he’d led Nicholas on that first time, when it was obvious the other man wanted more. And physically, Brogan couldn‘t deny how good it had been. He had tried to get away afterwards, but Nicholas offered breakfast, followed by the very old and corny line of: “Shall I call you … or nudge you?” with a twinkle in his eye that Brogan would soon look on with fondness. Nicholas had seen Brogan’s smile and hesitation, which was fatal and despite himself, Brogan had an idea this would be the first of many such nights.
From the very start the sex had been phenomenal, even though Nicholas was disappointed Brogan wouldn’t let him kiss him. Brogan remembered the last time he’d been kissed and letting anyone else show him that particular affection would seem like he was sullying the memory. It had held him over for a very long time and he wasn‘t yet ready to let it go.
Yes, certainly, the sex was hot, but there had been no emotional attachment, at least not from Brogan. Whereas Nicholas had fallen in love pretty much right away. He didn’t know what it was, and wondered whether part of the appeal was the slight air of unobtainability, with just a whiff of vulnerability about Brogan that attracted him.
Physically, they seemed to be evenly matched and whereas Nicholas was used to being the ultra alpha male, he quickly realized he would have to cede his own usual controlling nature if he wanted to bed Brogan and have the man come back for more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It seemed so strange, waking up with another man. It had been a long time since that had happened to Brogan and he couldn’t help admitting to himself that he’d missed it a little. In fact, more than a little. But the man he wanted was no longer available to him and he’d tried repeating the mantra he‘d lived by for so long; trying to convince no one but himself.
Despite all those long years stating to anyone who cared to listen that he needed or wanted no-one else, when the unthinkable had finally happened and he’d had the courage to acknowledge he’d fallen in love, he couldn’t believe how good it had been. But then it was over all too quickly and only now, after all those years, did he find himself in another man’s bed after spending the night.
They had sex in the shower. That had never changed, Brogan generally took it wherever and whenever it was offered. And then, after breakfast, Nicholas had wanted to know when he could see him again and Brogan almost found himself telling the other man he could see him in his dreams, but quickly stopped himself. Quietly, but deliberately, Brogan told Nicholas that he wasn’t in the market for a boyfriend and left the man standing dejectedly in the doorway as he made his way downstairs to find a cab, having declined Nicholas’ offer of a ride home.
But the following day after classes, waiting in the school parking lot, sat Nicholas in his classic E-type Jag; the car actually older than Nicholas himself and definitely an enthusiast’s, with the amount of time and money it took to keep it on the road. But a car that Brogan could very well appreciate.
“I’ll let you drive it,” offered Nicholas, grinning as if he were ten years old and offering a friend the chance to have a ride on his new bike and he saw Brogan roll his lips into his mouth as he considered the man’s offer, glancing over at his own non-descript and pretty beat up economy compact as he did so. His own car was nothing more than a box with a wheel on each corner and pretty much a clunker at that and it didn’t take much persuasion to get Brogan behind the wheel of the Jag.
They took the Jag out of the city and along the coast road and Brogan had to admit how well the car handled, despite its age and later he realized Brogan had suggested coming this way for a reason: the road led to the marina and the ‘Sanctuary’.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Are you trying to seduce me?” Brogan asked him as Nicholas opened a bottle of wine and he saw the man raise an eyebrow. Nicholas had given him a tour of the boat, which, unsurprisingly had led to them re-arranging the bed linen in the guest room, unable to wait any longer.
“I thought I’d already done that,” came the reply and Brogan found himself chuckling at that retort as he accepted the glass. That was a good point; who had seduced whom, he wondered.
“I mean with all this,” and Brogan gestured around the ‘Sanctuary’s’ surprisingly plush living room, with its deep-cushioned suite, thick-pile carpeting and fully stocked and well-equipped, mirrored bar.
“Maybe,” answered Nicholas and Brogan nodded. “So, you think I can be bought,” came the slightly amused words, as much of a statement than a question, but taking a sip of the expensive wine, Brogan knew he could indeed get used to living like this.
“Well … they do say every man has his price … and I guess … yes … I’d be interested to know what yours is,” stated Nicholas, not exactly serious and surprisingly, he saw Brogan blink and then look down into his glass.
If only he knew, thought the man with hazel eyes, just how high a price he had paid with no money actually changing hands and silently, Brogan now placed his unfinished drink on the coffee table and then rolled his lips into his mouth.
“Have I hit a nerve?” asked a very concerned Nicholas at Brogan’s expression and he watched as the man got up and moved towards the doorway. “Can you take me back to my car … or do I have to get a cab?” The last thing Brogan needed was someone asking any sort of questions at all about what made him tick and he’d been afraid his reaction would lead to even more questions and he needed to get away and back to familiar territory.
Nicholas sighed and annoyed with himself for whatever error he’d made, placed his own glass down next to Brogan’s. “A cab from here would cost a fortune.”
“I’ll take you back if you insist.“
“Thanks,” came the reply and Brogan turned away.
“But so you know … this boat is special to me …”
“I don’t bring just anyone out here,” stated Nicholas and getting up, he moved towards him and reaching out, he placed a hand on Brogan’s shoulder. Thankfully, the man didn‘t move away from him and Nicholas hoped he‘d be allowed to make things right.
“And … just for the record … no … I don’t think you can be bought … I apologize if I gave you that impression …”
“I was … just making conversation …”
“You have to make conversation?” asked Brogan in surprise, turning to face him and cutting him off and Nicholas smiled, shyly.
“You sort of … make me nervous,” he stated, unexpectedly and Brogan frowned.
“I make you nervous?” Brogan asked him and despite himself, Nicholas couldn’t stop from grinning. “Are you going to repeat everything I say?”
“And yes … you make me nervous.”
“I so want to say and do the right thing … and I’m afraid of screwing up.”
Nicholas wasn’t lying, he was scared of screwing things up. He liked Brogan, a lot and the man fascinated him and it wasn’t just his attractiveness or the sex.
During their conversation in the bar that previous evening, it soon became obvious to Nicholas that Brogan had a passion for his subject, though not necessarily for teaching, he observed. But it had soon become evident that there wasn’t much about advertising and marketing that Brogan didn’t know. He had wonderful insight and ideas and Nicholas couldn’t help wondering why Brogan was burying himself in academia rather than getting out there and doing what he clearly loved; practicing what he preached.
Nicholas had found himself captivated by Brogan’s enthusiasm and planned to find out so much more. But hopefully, that particular conversation was for another time. Right now, Nicholas was praying he could rescue the situation. This was a man Nicholas had been determined to get to know a whole lot better, and he couldn’t believe how much he’d sounded like a love-struck teenager.
“Why?” asked Brogan, still wondering why the hell he’d make this man nervous and reaching out, Nicholas took his hand.
“Because I … I like you … a lot ...“
“In fact … I care about you.” There it was. Nicholas had taken a deep breath and decided to say it right out loud, but he didn’t quite get the reaction he was expecting or hoping for.
“You don’t know me … we’ve only just met,” stated Brogan, matter of factly and he pulled away from Nicholas’ hold.
“Am I that hideous that you’re running away from me?” asked Nicholas in disappointment.
“I’m not running away,” stated Brogan. “And no … you’re certainly not hideous … far from it …“
“For most men, you’d be quite a catch.”
“For most men?” asked Nicholas, now finding himself repeating Brogan’s words and then he frowned.
“But not for you?” Nicholas asked him and Brogan shook his head.
“I already told you … I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend ...”
“I don’t do boyfriends,” he continued, trying to convince them both that he meant it.
“Okay … have it your way,” sighed Nicholas, dejectedly and then something came to mind that he hoped Brogan might find appealing.
“So let’s not have a relationship … let’s have fun,”
“You’ve no objections to that, I take it?” he asked him and after a moment’s contemplation, Brogan agreed that he certainly didn’t have any objections to having a little fun, but he still shook his head. He had to admit, he liked Nicholas, a lot and it had certainly been a long time since he’d had any fun, but he still wasn’t sure this was somewhere he wanted to go, even if he could. He certainly couldn‘t compete with Nicholas‘ lifestyle.
“I’m a teacher … with an annual salary that probably wouldn’t keep this boat at sea for a week … or maybe even a day,” Brogan pointed out to him.
“So?” asked Nicholas, in confusion and now it was Brogan who sighed.
“So what do I bring to this … this non-relationship?”
“Do you measure everything in money terms?” asked Nicholas and now it was Brogan who couldn’t help smiling.
“Not everything,“ he told him, quietly and then he looked away. Though once being successful and proving himself better than his humble beginnings had been so vital to Brogan, so much had changed. Once, he’d had more money than he ever dreamed he would, but those days had gone and, like he said, he survived on a teacher’s pay; pocket change to a man like Brogan.
“Well then …” started Nicholas but Brogan cut in.
“So are you telling me that you don’t?”
“Or is it really the case that the mega rich really don’t think money’s important … as long as they have it?” he continued and Brogan saw Nicholas now look away; maybe it was his turn to hit a nerve.
“Okay … maybe I do forget how privileged I am now and again … and that growing up with a silver spoon in my mouth meant that I’ve never known what it was like to go hungry or not have a roof over my head.”
“And though it’s no business of anyone else’s … there are several … no many … deserving charities I support … both with my time and my money …”
“That’s very noble of you,” stated Brogan, now even more reminded of just how much money Nicholas had.
“Look … my old man never made it easy for me,” Nicholas sought to point out.
“When I got my business degree and graduated, he cut off my allowance and gave me a thousand dollars …”
“Then he told me to go away and turn that one thousand dollars into at least five before I could get even a sniff of my inheritance … and do you know what I did?”
“No … what did you do … not go to the clubs for a week?” asked Brogan sarcastically and he saw the look of annoyance on Nicholas‘ face.
“No,” stated Nicholas, forcefully. “I reconditioned washing machines …”
“Washing machines?” asked Brogan, incredulously, not sure that he was actually hearing this correctly.
“Urgh … you’re doing it again,” stated Nicholas in exasperation, referring to Brogan repeating his very words.
“Yes … washing machines … I’ve always like using my hands … fixing things.”
“When I was a kid I always had a bike and then motorbikes that I looked after myself ...“
“I used to service the Jag and I still work on this boat when I have the time.“
“And there’s actually a market for recon machines … do you have any idea how difficult it is to get a plumber?”
Brogan closed his eyes briefly, shook his head and then pinched the bridge of his nose.
“How the fuck would you know how difficult it is to get a plumber?” he asked him, thinking he had no idea how this conversation started and now had no inkling whatsoever where it was headed. Or why.
“I’m not deaf, dumb or blind … just because I lived in the house on the hill, doesn’t mean we could get a plumber any easier … and when we did, they could practically name their price.”
“I used to hear the staff talking …”
“Like the cook and the butler, no doubt,” cut in Brogan, now even more sure there was absolutely nothing he could contribute to this ‘non-relationship’ and he saw Nicholas scowl and look down.
“Is there a point to this?” asked Brogan, really hoping to bring this conversation to a close and looking up at him, Nicholas nodded.
“I wanted you to know that I am capable of surviving without the support of my family’s money …”
“I turned my one thousand dollars into five … and then Dad said: ‘Well done, son … go away and make it ten …”
“So … .I sold my reconditioning business … and bought a cleaning company …”
“And you’re telling me all this because …”
“Because I used my initiative and with damned hard work, I increased the business five-fold and ended up being able to take on more staff …“
“I returned a lot more than ten thousand dollars.”
“Then I looked around for the next challenge … and every time I moved on, I moved up … a lot … and then … at last … I got my hands on my inheritance … from my grandfather‘s will,“ and Nicholas took a deep breath, wondering why the hell he felt the need to explain all of this to Brogan anyhow.
“Finally, I’d proved to my dad that I could handle money … that I wasn’t going to squander the family fortune one day and that I knew how to work hard … and I did … damn hard … 18 hours a day sometimes.”
Brogan nodded, suspecting that behind this story was also the classic tale of the gay man having to work twice as hard as anyone else in order to prove himself and he could easily relate to that. But he was also curious how Nicholas got into the line of business he’d also excelled at.
“How the hell did you get into advertising?“ asked Brogan, now actually impressed by Nicholas’ history and wanting to know more. Brogan had always admired a strong work ethic. Despite a reputation in his younger days for partying hard, he’d always worked diligently himself and often put in very long hours, which had reaped its rewards. Brogan also knew how hard it was to get your own business up and running and despite Nicholas’ obvious wealth, it didn’t sound like the man was shy of hard work either.
“My dad often bought out ailing companies … and no … not to asset strip them … he actually enjoyed trying to turn them around and make them a going concern,” continued Nicholas.
“It was him who pointed out to me that despite one or two good clients, there was this relatively small advertising company who could do a helluva lot better with the right person in charge.”
“So I bought my way in and learned the business … at the same time giving the company an injection of cash it badly needed.”
“Then finally I was able to convince the owner to retire and enjoy life … so I bought him out completely … changed the name to Burridge Advertising and steadily built the business up to what it is today …”
“And I’m fucking proud of it … and I don‘t feel I need apologize to anyone for it,” stated Nicholas, firmly and Brogan nodded. In fact the business continued to expand, so much so that Nicholas was thinking of opening up other offices out of state. He was required to attend so many meetings further afield with wealthy clients and prospective customers, that he often used the services of a private jet hire company in order to cut down on traveling time. Nicholas’ hard work was certainly paying off and Brogan acknowledged it.
“You deserve to be proud … and no … you don‘t owe anyone any apologies,” Brogan smiled at him and then he frowned. “But I’m not sure what this has to do with me?”
Nicholas sighed. “I worked … and still work closely with people who are just trying to make a living … who have families and bills to pay … I’m not totally out of touch just because I’m fortunate enough to have … all this,” and stretching out an arm, Nicholas indicated their pretty opulent surroundings.
Brian nodded his understanding and then grinned. “I still didn’t get my question answered?” he informed him and Nicholas grinned back. “No, I guess you didn’t.”
“But look … all I wanna do … is get to know you better and have some fun … what could be so wrong with that?”
Brogan rolled his lips into his mouth as he considered Nicholas proposition. He well remembered a childhood friend‘s involvement with a man who tried to pay for everything and take him over and in the end their relationship had soured. But then, this wasn’t going to be a relationship, was it.
“I’ve never been a kept man,” Brogan informed him, just to be clear, but almost surprised at his own words, indicating his willingness to agree with the man’s proposal and Nicholas nodded. “Understood … and I wouldn’t even try.“
“So … what do you say?”
Brogan took a deep breath. Just how much of himself would he have to give to this man, he wondered. What if he ended up going somewhere he wasn’t yet ready to go? But then, maybe this is what he’d been waiting for. Nicholas was very eligible and would be a very easy man to fall in love with, if that’s what he was seeking.
Falling in love.
Only once had that ever happened to Brogan in nearly 40 years. One time when he had ever allowed himself to feel so deeply for another person. And, when he’d finally admitted it, it was like he’d been released from some self-imposed confinement, which indeed is exactly where he had been.
Brogan had been a captive of his own emotions in a prison of his own making and only one man had ever held the key to his freedom, at least so far. But circumstances had forced Brogan to leave those who meant the most to him behind and he knew he’d never love like that again. For one, he didn’t think he could ever be that lucky and for another, he didn’t think he could ever stand the pain of losing love; not again.
But alas, the nights were long and solitary and being the lone-wolf no longer held the appeal it once had. Although he believed the love he’d once experienced was unrepeatable, maybe allowing someone like Nicholas into his life would help him move further down the path and away from that world. A world that in some ways, Brogan hoped he’d never have to return to.
He’d had to reinvent himself before, so perhaps this was the next step in the process. Perhaps in time he would learn to love Nicholas and maybe this was an opportunity to confirm the existence of the man who was now known as Brogan Kennedy, forgetting his former life and shrugging off once and for all principles he’d been almost forced to live by in the past, having spent so many years trying to convince others and himself of their merit and unable to extract himself from them. An existence that had began with him little more than an empty shell of a man and an existence he’d more or less returned to these last few years.
He’d found the courage to change just enough once before and take a chance on love, could he do it again?
Brogan looked at Nicholas. He could see how serious the man was and even how he tried not to look anxious as he waited for Brogan’s reply. He could see the man hadn’t been lying when he said he cared for him, though the very thought scared the hell out of him. It brought with it so many responsibilities, but also so many benefits that surely it was a risk worth taking. The money though, could be a serious issue. Brogan had never been a free-loader and wouldn’t want to start now.
“Just give yourself,” stated Nicholas, as if reading Brogan’s mind. “And we’ll just see how things pan out … each day at a time … how does that sound?”
Brogan nodded. “But when … if it all goes wrong … no apologies and no regrets … agreed?” he stated, acknowledging that there was still some standards he lived by.
“Agreed,” smiled Nicholas broadly and he let out a sigh of relief, hardly believing how he could fall for this man so hard and so fast and that he actually agreed to his conditions. It was obviously going to be one step at a time with Mr. Brogan Kennedy. But Nicholas had the patience to bide his time.
“So … are you going to take me home to meet mother?” grinned Brogan.
“After we’ve made the bed … in the master bedroom,” stated Nicholas and Brogan raised an eyebrow and then grinned even further.
Brogan was not going to be an easy conquest and Nicolas soon realized he was still being kept at arm’s length. Undoubtedly, there was indeed a beautiful man underneath that facial hair, but for some reason, it seemed he was unwilling to reveal his true self. But Nicholas quickly realized it wasn’t just his features that Brogan was hiding, though he had no reason to suspect there was anything suspicious about the man and he was, in any case, still exceedingly attractive with the beard neatly trimmed. Though Brogan was, it seemed, a man who hid his deepest feelings and indeed, virtually his entire history, too.
Whatever had happened in the man’s past to make him so wary of giving himself, concerned and upset Nicholas. It must have been very painful. But he wanted Brogan to be able to love as well as to feel loved.
Although Nicholas would experience more than his fair share of frustration getting to know him, he was determined that eventually Brogan would care for him the same way that he already felt for the man with hazel eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“These past three weeks have gone so quickly … I can’t believe we have to go back to reality tomorrow,” sighed Nicholas. Sitting up on the sundeck and dressed only in robes, they watched as the sun‘s dying embers spread a rosy glow over the sea and Nicholas popped the Champagne cork.
“I can’t believe you actually agreed not to take any calls,” stated Brogan from the adjoining lounger, as before they left on their summer vacation, they’d both agreed not to accept any obviously work related communications.
It had taken some arranging and steel-like determination for Nicholas to let someone else take over the business for the duration of their trip. They’d had odd overnights and weekends away, but had never really spent this much time alone before and initially, though they hadn’t admitted it to one another, both men had felt a little nervous at how it all might end up. But they needn’t have worried and now it was their last night aboard ‘Sanctuary’ for this trip.
It had been three weeks of utter bliss and so much more than they’d dared dream of. They’d pulled into shore a few times to take on fuel, supplies and do a little shopping and sightseeing and sometimes dining at a quaint restaurant they managed to find. But they mostly relaxed, read, swam and worked on their tans. And Nicholas had taught Brogan how manage the boat and to gut and clean the fish they caught.
Brogan thoroughly enjoyed taking charge of ‘Sanctuary’ and looked more than at home at the wheel. But the fish was a different matter; his initial revulsion only overcome when Nicholas suggested it was that or go hungry until they picked up more supplies the following day.
And despite stepping ashore, they’d slept every night on board, sometimes up on deck and under the stars, the sky a midnight blue with sparkling, silver flecks, though sleeping couldn’t really describe how they spent their nights or even part of their days.
Brogan smiled as he offered up the Champagne flutes and once filled, Nicholas put down the bottle and took one of the glasses.
“To us … and the future,” came the toast and they clinked glasses.
The last 18 months hadn’t exactly been easy, at least not at the start and many men would have given up. But Brogan had really tried hard for the most part and Nicholas was determined their relationship would survive intact and, in the main, it had. In fact, slowly, it was getting better and better every day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gradually, Brogan begun to relax. The money issue was a problem on occasion, but with Nicholas working long hours, Brogan took the opportunity to begin private tutoring. This way, he had a little more money coming in so that at least he could dress the part whenever they went out together. It didn’t sit easy with him that he wasn’t anywhere near as financially viable as Nicholas, but then neither was most of the population of San Francisco and Nicholas had never made him feel unworthy.
Nicholas was very outgoing and, true to his word, belonged to several charitable organizations and was always more than willing to attend various money-raising events or find a practical way of support. A little worried about the interest and not realizing it was going to be quite this intense, Brogan always stayed in the background, determinedly avoiding any press and photographers who might be covering the occasion, telling Nicholas it wasn’t fitting for a school teacher to be seen to be courting such publicity.
Brogan enjoyed Nicholas’ company and his family, long ago accepting their son’s sexuality once getting over their disappointment, welcomed him into their home. If their son was happy, then after all, that was the only thing really important and anyone in their circle of friends who hadn‘t liked it, didn‘t dare mention the fact. The Burridge‘s held a lot of sway and it didn‘t pay to be excluded from their social sect. So, it had been left to Nicholas’ younger sister, Helen, to produce the required grandchildren, their son never even considering there might be a time when it would be possible to have children of his own, though he did wonder on occasion if Brogan might be feeling broody, the way he had obvious affection for Nicholas’ 10 year old nephew.
Nicholas’ resolution to enter the man’s heart reminded Brogan of another’s determination. Determination that had succeeded in the end and allowed Brogan to finally realize he was capable of loving another; so much more capable than he would ever have believed. But Nicholas was so different to that first love and Brogan was thankful for it as it allowed him to make few comparisons. That would have been too heartbreaking.
This was a chance to start afresh if he allowed himself to and part of that procedure would be to finally give himself in body as well as in mind to Nicholas.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nicholas tried not to push Brogan, he’d learned not to early on or the man would simply clam up on him, but Brogan was well aware that Nicholas knew he was holding back. It hadn’t taken long for Brogan to learn how much Nicholas loved him; he had to, to put up with so much from him. Brogan never really thought it important to discuss his day or tell him how he was feeling, while Nicholas was always ready to share and so much more open with his emotions. It seemed to Nicholas that Brogan had little experience of being part of a couple and in many ways that was true. There just hadn’t been the time before to know how that truly felt and even Brogan had admitted it didn‘t come easy.
Much to Nicholas’ dismay, Brogan had continued hooking up with other guys, at least at first. Nicholas found it hurtful to begin with, thinking he wasn’t satisfying the man, but quickly realized it was Brogan’s way of asserting his independence and free will, as if to indicate that no one would ever own or control him, not that Nicholas wanted to, he admired Brogan’s spirit too much. But in recent months, Brogan hadn‘t seemed quite so interested in other guys as he had.
Becoming more comfortable to just be together, they tried to grab a little time at weekends to spend aboard the ‘Sanctuary’ alone. Both men welcomed the quiet solitude it afforded them, even if it meant both of them taking a little work to do with them if it couldn‘t be avoided.
Now, during the week when Nicholas wasn’t working late and Brogan tutoring, they spent time at the penthouse or, amusingly to Brogan, at his apartment. It was a quarter of the size of Nicholas’ at most, but the man didn’t really seem concerned about the comparable lack of space and in fact admired its décor. It wasn’t opulent by any means, but it seemed so typically Brogan; matter of fact, with clean lines and no clutter. It was only a couple of months into their relationship that Nicholas had even laid down some pretty heavy hints about living together on a full-time basis at some point, but so far, Brogan had made it pretty clear he wasn’t about to give up his independence.
Living with someone full-time would be a helluva commitment. He’d only done it the once before and then acknowledging that he’d left it far too late and should have had the courage to go for it so much earlier on. But it wasn’t to be and by the time they’d got around to it, it was way too short, so making that sort of adjustment again had to be a long way off.
Nicholas respected Brogan’s decision and he also respected his career, though was surprised to learn that he often helped coach the school’s soccer team, a sport that Nicholas eventually learned Brogan had been exceptionally gifted at during his youth and indeed, they often discussed ball control.
At one point, Brogan seemed especially secretive about his movements, being unavailable when Nicholas asked him if he’d like to go to an afternoon HIV/AIDS fund-raiser, even though it wasn’t during school term time. But Nicholas spotted the letter from the Oncology Department at the local hospital on Brogan’s desk at his apartment and had been too scared to ignore it.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Nicholas asked him, as he handed Brogan the glass and he downed his own shot of Beam in two swallows. Brogan shrugged.
“It’s my problem …”
“But it doesn’t just have to be your problem ,” emphasized Nicholas, exasperated at how the man hadn’t thought he might care enough to want to know that he’d been treated for Testicular Cancer several years ago and still had annual check ups.
“It was only a routine check up … I’ve been clear now for years.”
“There’s nothing to worry about,“ replied Brogan and he looked down into his glass and thinking that he’d been here before.
“But you still could have told me … I would have gone with you.”
“I don’t need anyone to hold my hand, Nicky,” stated Brogan and Nicholas could hear the slight edge in Brogan’s voice.
“But it’s what couples do … be there for each other … supporting each other,” Nicholas reminded him and he saw Brogan sigh, as obviously, the man still didn’t think of them that way.
Brogan rolled his lips into his mouth and memories of conversations he thought were long forgotten came flooding back. But it seemed it was just as hard to accept help from someone now as it had been then. There were some things he’d never learn, feared Brogan and he half-smiled in acknowledgment.
“Anything like this happens again, we share,” stated Nicholas and Brogan nodded. This couples thing wasn’t easy.
Getting anything out of Brogan about himself or his past wasn’t easy and Nicholas would often frown, exasperated and likening it to pulling teeth; the process was slow and painful.
It was pretty evident he was from back east somewhere and eventually, Brogan let it slip he was from Pittsburgh and then went on to say he was of Irish American stock, which hadn’t taken a lot of deducing already on Nicholas’ part. But why he left there to come here still remained a mystery and even though he refused to discuss any past liaisons in his life, Nicholas had a gut feeling it wasn’t the appeal of the climate, but more likely a man had been involved in Brogan’s move out west.
It took a while, but eventually, Brogan accepted that he could trust Nicholas. The man respected him, who he was and what he did. But, so much more than that, Nicholas respected his feelings. Brogan knew he wasn’t easy to get along with on a day to day basis; he’d learned that much long ago. But the fact that Nicholas accepted him and who and what he was meant more to Brogan than just about anything.
He couldn’t tell him as much as Nicholas wanted to know of course. That would be too dangerous and even now, after all this time, Brogan knew enough to be careful. Even with his new look, he always made sure he was absent when photographers were around or was turning away from them when they started snapping. Nicholas didn’t really understand his reluctance not to be included in publicity photographs for whichever good cause they were supporting, but he respected Brogan’s decision not to be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Christmas had already passed before they met, so the hazards of gift giving were still to come, but loomed on the horizon. Eight months after the start of their ‘non-relationship’ came Nicholas’ birthday and what do you buy for the man who seems to have everything and what he didn’t have, could buy without hardly considering the price tag? But even this early in their relationship, Nicholas had bought Brogan a new car for his birthday, four months before. The man had been shocked at the sight of the sporty, not over the top, but chosen very carefully hatchback coupe, festooned with red ribbons that had been delivered dockside on the Saturday before the day itself.
Knowing he could never match such a gift these days, Brogan had seemed reluctant to take his new car for a spin and only totally accepting it when Nicholas explained how he always feared for Brogan every time he got behind the wheel of his old car and was always worried that it would break down on him on the sometimes lonely road out to the marina when they arranged to meet there if that was more convenient.
Nicholas’ obvious concern for his safety touched Brogan deeply and he had to admit, his current car had definitely seen better days and it was surely only a matter of time before it let him down badly and he graciously accepted his gift. But what to get Nicholas for his birthday?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nicholas’ family appeared to be art lovers and had a small, but valuable collection, though it transpired that Nicholas himself preferred modern art in favor of the traditional or classic.
Brogan too, had developed an interest in modern art these past years and often surfed websites or scoured the pages of magazines dedicated to the art world, hoping to find some article that might interest him, though so far and surprisingly, nothing really had.
But a small, original oil painting in the window of an art gallery in the gay village had caught Brogan’s eye and it would make the perfect gift for Nicholas. It was still quite expensive by Brogan’s standards, though to Nicholas it was priceless and he adored it, even more because he knew Brogan didn’t put much store into gifts or other traditions, which he seemed to consider somewhat meaningless.
Brogan even surprised himself when he bought the painting, a pang of guilt in his heart that there had been plenty of times when he failed to acknowledge Christmas or, especially, birthdays of those who had been the closest to him. But buying the present for Nicholas seemed the right thing to do and he couldn’t help smiling at the thought that someone’s influence must have rubbed off on him somehow after all.
Nicholas looked as excited as a kid, opening up his present and unable to hide his obvious delight and Brogan smiled at him and then the shock hit home, making him realize that Nicholas‘ happiness actually meant something to him and how much he was beginning to care for the man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Happy birthday, Nicky.“
That morning, Brogan had given Nicholas his present while the man was still in bed and had watched him carefully remove the wrapping paper. Seeing the obvious pleasure and emotion on Nicholas’ face as he revealed the painting, it had indeed come as quite a shock when Brogan acknowledged how much he cared for him and realized that he’d be quite happy for their relationship to work out.
Their partnership might not yet have the depth of love that Brogan had experienced before and probably never would have, but he cared for Nicholas and knowing just how much the man loved him, Brogan could accept that he didn’t fear it quite as much as he thought he might or indeed, like he once had. There was still a long way to go for Brogan to admit he had such feelings for Nicholas, but it could some day happen. After all, the man who’d taught him that it was okay to love had been a wonderful teacher to Brogan’s reluctant student.
Fresh from his shower and still in his robe, having let the birthday boy sleep in a little, Brogan was sitting on the bed and, after admiring his gift, Nicholas looked up to find the man staring at him, with a look in his eyes that Nicholas hadn‘t seen before. Then, spontaneously and without a word, Brogan had carefully taken the painting from Nicholas’ hold and stretching out, had placed it on the nightstand on the far side of the bed. Nicholas thought he had some idea of what was coming next, though he had assumed he’d get the rest of his birthday present that evening, when they had more time.
But what he wasn’t prepared for was the way Brogan moved in closer and still without uttering a word, leaned in for a kiss, gripping Nicholas’ elbow with one hand and the nape of his neck with the other.
Nicholas closed his eyes and reaching forward pulled Brogan in even further. His hand caressed Brogan‘s neck; the man‘s beard soft against his skin. Even though their mouths had explored each others bodies, this was the first time they’d truly kissed. Nicholas had guessed there must be a reason why Brogan hadn’t shown this particular consideration before; some long past promise to a former love maybe? He’d deliberately not forced the issue and so the significance of this act certainly wasn’t lost on him and he gratefully welcomed the deepening of the kiss and shuddered as he felt Brogan’s tongue graze his lips and then seek entry into his mouth.
Brogan’s heart had jumped into his throat and it all seemed to make such perfect sense. He did care for Nicholas and Nicholas obviously loved him. Why not go for it, trust his instincts and give just that little bit more? Who could know where it might lead?
His mind was whirling, but Brogan’s heart was asking him: ‘Why not take another chance on love?” Kissing Nicholas properly for the first time seemed so natural and, on impulse, that’s exactly what he’d done.
Nicholas’ hunger matched Brogan’s, with their senses reeling and both their hearts thumping in their chests. Suddenly, Brogan withdrew and Nicholas feared the man had changed his mind and was beginning to regret his actions. But instead, Brogan turned his head in order to face the other way before resuming the pressure on Nicholas’ mouth.
The mans’ lips parted eagerly as he accepted the intrusion and he felt Brogan’s tongue scrape over his teeth and then seek the roof of his mouth before pressing against his own tongue.
The heat from Brogan’s mouth seared into Nicholas as his hand pressed into the back of Brogan’s head; their lips practically fused together. Both men were finding it difficult to breathe and knew this couldn’t last much longer, however much they wanted it to.
And then finally, Brogan reduced the pressure as he slowly retreated, the kiss now losing its fierceness and becoming gentle before their lips eventually parted. Nicholas swallowed and found it hard to speak as he tried to fully absorb what had just happened.
“If you don’t shower soon, you’ll be late for your 8:30,” was all Brogan said, pulling away from him at last. Nicholas blinked and then quickly looked at the alarm clock.
“Shit,” and suddenly coming to his senses and realizing that if he didn’t get a wriggle on, he would be late for a very important client meeting, Nicholas quickly threw back the duvet and jumped out of bed. There was no time now to analyze the last few minutes, but his action was met with a loud and stinging ‘thwack’ on his rump, from which Brogan’s handprint would probably last for hours, like a brand mark. But Nicholas didn’t care if that’s what it was and actually liked the feel of it all the same.
Brogan smiled as he saw the older man rub his still beautiful ass as he quickly made his way to the bathroom and then he got up off the bed and began to dress, realizing the kiss hadn’t cost him as much as he’d once feared it would all that time ago and with even more gratitude to that first love for showing him what was possible.
As before, it wouldn’t mean giving up being the man he was, although he and his priorities had certainly changed in the last four years, but then he’d had to. Brogan Kennedy couldn’t continue being the man he used to be, so he had to make his life work the best he could. And right now, it seemed to only be getting better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the months of their ‘non-relationship’, Brogan had always been the one in control in matters concerning the bedroom (or shower/Nicholas’ office/men's room in the most exclusive hotel at the most prestigious benefit/anywhere aboard ‘Sanctuary’ or just about anywhere, period), but maybe the term ‘non-relationship’ wasn’t fitting after all.
After Nicholas’ birthday dinner with his family, he and Brogan managed to get away and head back to the penthouse and, as they guessed they would both consume a fair amount of alcohol, had used the services of Mr. Burridge senior’s driver, both Brogan and Nicholas having made their way to Nicholas’ parent‘s house independently by cab.
Certainly, they were both a little inebriated, but definitely not enough to not know what they were doing. And, in fact, Brogan now seemed to be stone cold sober as he slowly undressed.
Once they were both naked, standing by the bed and taking heart from this morning, Nicholas’ hand brushed Brogan’s cheek. He ran his fingers through the man’s beard before moving closer, hesitating only momentarily, before leaning forward and seeking Brogan’s mouth with his own. The kiss was readily accepted and reciprocated and pulling back, Brogan thought he could see moisture in Nicholas’ eyes.
“I love you,” came the whispered words and he saw Brogan blink and then his lips part as if the man were about to say something, but the words wouldn’t come. Nicholas smiled.
“This isn’t the whiskey speaking,“ he assured him and then he frowned.
“I know you don’t love me the same way …”
“I … I do care … a lot,” stated Brogan, and he did, but admitting that he might love the man this soon just wasn’t possible.
“I know you do,” replied Nicholas. “And I think I already know you well enough to be happy to still take one day at a time.”
“But it isn’t my style to give up,” he assured him and Brogan smiled. “I’m counting on it,” he answered him.
And though he still couldn’t come right out and admit to the man that he might be falling in love with him, Brogan did feel sufficiently emotionally involved with Nicholas to at last give of himself in one way at least.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“You do know I’d never do anything to hurt you?” asked Nicholas anxiously and Brogan smiled. Obviously, Nicholas was feeling pretty sentimental, having had a few drinks with it being his birthday, at a family dinner with everyone comfortable with who he was and accepting Brogan as his partner, even though the two men had never actually described their relationship as such.
“I know,” admitted Brogan and he looked down. He did have an incredible depth of feeling for Nicholas, if not to the levels he’d felt for anyone before, at least not yet. But to know someone else loved him so deeply and to be able to see it in the man’s eyes was something he definitely thought he’d never be fortunate enough to witness ever again. He still didn’t quite trust himself. But then again, it had taken years to reach that point before.
Brogan still couldn’t say the words, but at least he could show there was a possibility that one day, he could give himself to Nicholas with all his being.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As was their usual and somewhat familiar routine, Nicholas retrieved the condom and lube from the nightstand drawer and handed them to Brogan, who took the packet and tore it open with his teeth. Nicholas waited for the condom to be handed to him so he could put it on the other man, but Brogan held on to it.
“I want you to put it on,” whispered Brogan and Nicholas frowned in confusion. “I always do,” he answered him, but Brogan shook his head.
“I mean … I want you to wear it.”
Realizing the man’s intentions, Nicholas’ heart swelled with love. He knew this wasn’t easy for Brogan and reaching out, he covered Brogan’s hand with his own and then, leaning over, he kissed him.
“I’m getting a liking for this,” Brogan admitted and Nicholas smiled and then closed his eyes as he sat back and felt Brogan roll the condom onto his hardening cock and then cover him in lube.
“Just go careful … it’s been a long time,” Brogan informed him and he started to turn away, but Nicholas stopped him.
“Hey … not so fast.”
Nicholas was in no mood to rush this. He could feel Brogan’s tenseness, despite the man trying to appear that he was so completely relaxed about this. And regardless of his own needs right now, Nicholas didn’t want to fuck Brogan, he wanted to make love with him.
While at times their sex fulfilled a purely animalistic need, other times Nicholas had experienced a tenderness in Brogan that at first he would never imagined possible. And now it was his turn to try and make Brogan feel as special as he had.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It had been years since someone made love to him the way Nicholas did. Normally, Brogan took the lead, finding enormous gratification for himself and also in pleasuring the other man, seeing the satisfaction on his face and hearing his moans of delight. But now it was Nicholas who took his time and Brogan shuddered as he felt the feather light touch of the man’s fingers running down his chest and then across his belly, as he explored Brogan‘s body as if for the first time.
Stroke, followed by kisses followed by stroke, his back arching as Nicholas found exactly the right places to exert pressure or lick. And now Brogan found himself gripping the frame of the big brass bed for support as Nicholas’ hot, sweet kisses devoured him and made him tingle as he felt the man’s mouth against his spine, working upwards from his crack until he reached the nape of Brogan’s neck, Nicholas‘ cock now pressing between tight buttocks as he sought his goal.
Brogan gasped as he felt Nicholas push against him and fought not to clench, his body instinctively defending itself against the intrusion. Nicholas stopped in order to allow Brogan a chance to relax before he pushed further in, and then stopped again, enabling the man to adjust to his size as Brogan’s body now readily accepted him.
Slowly at first and savoring every sensation, Nicholas’ thrusts gradually increased their speed, pushing further and harder with every forward motion. With the blood pounding in their heads, Brogan’s grip on the metalwork tightened and Nicholas, hearing the moans of pleasure, was spurred on, gripping the bed frame himself now and using the leverage to its best advantage. Then, reaching down with his free hand, Brogan gripped his cock, seeking to match his strokes to Nicholas’ thrusts, both men panting and sweating profusely as they neared orgasm.
The older man came first and Brogan felt Nicholas’ orgasm pass through him in waves, seemingly transferring to his own body, which now trembled with his quickening strokes until release finally came, sending spurts of the creamy fluid onto the turned back duvet.
Totally spent, Brogan fell forward against the bed frame, Nicholas falling with him, his weight against Brogan’s back and he ran his fingers through Brogan’s hair as he tried to recover his breath. Brogan gasped at the sensation as unwilling to lose contact, Nicholas slowly withdraw and then pushed himself off the other man. Sitting back down on the bed and still gasping for breath, Nicholas removed the condom and tied it off before depositing it in the trash can by the nightstand and he reached out to stroke Brogan’s back. With his strength diminished, Brogan slipped down the bed frame and fell back beside the other man.
For several minutes, neither man spoke as they tried to recover and in fact neither of them did speak. Looking over, Nicholas could see Brogan‘s eyelids flutter as sleep overcame him, his face relaxed and contented.
Nicholas smiled as he quietly reached across and pulled the duvet over them and Brogan turned on his side as he snuggled down into the bed and Nicholas fell asleep watching him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And now they’d spent the last three weeks in pure heaven, but Nicholas hoped to round this vacation off even more satisfyingly and putting down his champagne glass, he retrieved an envelope from the pocket of his robe.
“This is for you,” he informed Brogan and frowning, the other man hesitated before putting down his glass and taking it from him.
“What’s this?”
“Open it,” came the reply and Nicholas sipped his drink nervously as by the glow from one of the bulkhead lamps, Brogan ripped open the envelope and took out the slip of paper. Written on it was his name and a set of figures with more zeroes than he’d seen in several years.
“What the hell is this?”
“Why are you giving me a check for this kind of money?” Brogan asked him and Nicholas shook his head. “Not me … the company,” but he saw Brogan shrug, the man still in the dark, almost literally, with the last of the sun’s rays disappearing and the only lights now those on board the ‘Sanctuary’.
“Morrison’s,” Nicholas continued, which didn’t cancel out Brogan’s confusion until the man eluded further.
“Don’t you remember? You gave me the idea … hell … you even wrote the copy,” stated Nicholas and Brogan now nodded in acknowledgment.
“Well … sure I remember … but …”
“They loved it … we sealed the deal the day before we left … it’s only what you’re due.”
“I didn’t expect to get paid … and why have you only given me this now?” Brogan asked him.
“You’ve had three weeks.”
“I know,” Nicholas admitted. “But to be honest … I wasn’t sure how you’d take it.”
“But I hoped that at the end of the three weeks we would have had such a great time that you’d … well … be more comfortable accepting it,” but Brogan rolled his lips into his mouth as he again looked at the check. It was a lot of money and certainly the sort of cash an ad exec would expect to be pulling in out here in bonus payments following a successful campaign, but he didn’t really feel as if he’d earned it.
“But isn’t it proof?” continued Nicholas and getting up off his own lounger, he perched on the edge of Brogan’s.
“Proof of what?”
“Of how well we work together,” Nicholas continued and he took a deep breath as he reached out and stroked the back of Brogan‘s neck.
“Come and work for me Brogan …”
“Hell no ... come and work with me ... we’d make a terrific team … I’ll never understand why you’re teaching and not out there doing it.”
Brogan sighed and couldn’t really think of an answer Nicholas would believe. Anyone else in his situation certainly wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to work with one of the biggest names in the ad business in this part of the world.
“Move in with me … full time,” came the next shock, so completely unexpected.
“I hate this trekking from one apartment to the other.”
“Move in with you and work with you?” Brogan chortled. “We’d probably kill each other in a week,” and he shook his head.
“Well let’s do one or the other … if not both … you have to admit we’re great together,” and leaning in, Nicholas kissed him.
Brogan savored the kiss and yes, he had to admit, they were good together and he could now picture them living together on a full time basis. But could he really work with him in what could be a high profile job and risk his exposure and, more importantly, his and Nicholas’ safety? But it had been years now since any officials had contacted him so surely he must be safe and no longer needed?
Brogan was beginning to think, no believe, that he’d never again have the need to return to his former life. Besides, he had a new look and a new identity, so who would believe he wasn’t Brogan Kennedy? So he told Nicholas he would seriously consider both proposals and give him an answer soon and, two days later, on his way to sort himself out for the start of the new school semester, he’d virtually made up his mind what he was going to tell Nicholas.
But that was before Brogan’s life was thrown into utter chaos and he found himself staring into those beautiful baby blue eyes of Justin Taylor.
To be continued.
With grateful thanks to Lois and Judy.