Chapter 4: “I don’t wanna fight with you, Daph,” stated Justin and Daphne visibly relaxed. “Neither do I,” she told him, gratefully. After Justin had walked away from their previous meeting, Daphne thought she was in real danger of losing her oldest and best friend. “I’m sure he’ll come around,” Brian had told her in reassurance, mentally crossing his fingers. He knew Justin would now want to be a real father to Soleil, but it did seem like his friendship with Daphne was definitely in danger of breaking down. The day after discovering he had a daughter, Justin called Daphne to tell her he wanted to talk and they agreed to meet in a coffee shop in the city: neutral territory. And he truly didn’t want to fight with her. He might still not fully understand why she’d kept such a huge secret for so long, but she’d always been a friend when he really needed it. And though he remained disappointed in her, he could never reject her. “I’m still trying to understand why it’s taken so many years for you to tell me,” admitted Justin and he frowned and took a sip of his coffee. “I can’t help wondering that … that if it wasn’t for Brian running into you … that I still wouldn’t know now.” “I’ve been wanting to tell you for so long,” disclosed Daphne. “But it got to the point where I literally didn’t know where to start … and every time I thought I’d summoned up the nerve to tell you … I chickened out.” “But Soleil’s recently been asking after her father … so I knew I couldn’t put it off much longer.” “You deserve to get to know each other, I know that now … but I guess part of me was also scared of losing her.” “Losing her?” queried Justin, frowning again and Daphne nodded. “I was scared that once Soleil knew you … she wouldn’t want me any more.” Justin smiled and shook his head. “I’m sure that’ll never happen … you’re her mother.“ “Besides … there’s no guarantee she’ll like me … not every kid’ll take kindly to finding out their father’s gay,” observed Justin, with real fears on that score and reaching out, Daphne placed her hand on his. “She’ll love you … she’s been brought up to respect everyone … and she’s not necessarily immune to prejudice remember,” observed Daphne. “And I am very glad I ran into Brian … it was what I needed … it brought everything to a head … but I would have told you, Justin,” she stated urgently, as she sought to reassure him. Justin smiled. “So … when are you going to see her next?” he asked her, eager to meet the youngster and Daphne sighed. “Well … I really can’t get away to see her for two weeks at the earliest …” “As long as that?” asked Justin dismayed and Daphne nodded. “I can’t change any more shifts … that’s my next long weekend off,” and she saw Justin frown in obvious disappointment and frustration. “Do you wanna come with me?” asked Daphne and Justin sat back in his chair, expelling a rather loud sigh, as he decided what to do. In truth, he’d begun psyching himself up to meet the daughter he never knew he had, nervous that she’d like him and want him to be a part of her life. Now that looked like it was going to have to go on hold, at least for the next two weeks and he couldn‘t help admitting disappointment. But he knew in his heart he was desperate to meet her, even if it did mean risking rejection. “Yeah … I do,” decided Justin and Daphne grinned and then her humor was quickly lost. “I’ve still got to tell John,” she confessed and Justin shook his head. “Good luck there,” he told her and Daphne nodded, knowing she was probably going to need all the luck she could get. She was due to marry John and she’d neglected to inform him about the biggest event in her life so far and the fact that she was still very much a part of her daughter’s life. Not forgetting that her closest friend was her daughter’s father. “Will you tell Soleil I’m coming with you … on your next trip?” asked Justin and Daphne frowned. “I think it’s best not to … I don’t want to get her all worked up about it.” “But I will talk to Paula … let her know what’s going on.” “What does Soleil know about me?” Justin asked her, curious as to know exactly what Daphne had told their daughter about her father. “Well … she knows you’re white.” “Her coloring … and especially her eyes … are so down to you,” she smiled at him. “And that we’ve been friends since school,” and Daphne looked at her watch. “I really have to go, Justin.” “My shift starts in thirty minutes,” and with both of them getting up, they hugged and kissed and pulling back, Daphne smiled at him. “I’m so glad we’re still friends … I thought I was gonna lose you,” she divulged, but Justin merely smiled and shook his head. “You’ll never lose me, Daph,” he told her and then: “Good luck with John.” Daphne groaned. “Thank you.” “Call me?” requested Justin and Daphne smiled and nodded and turning, she left as Justin sat back down in his seat. Coming over, the waitress offered to refill his cup and Justin nodded absentmindedly, as he began to mull over what having a daughter in his life could possibly mean; to him and to the rest of his family. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The two weeks following on from discovering he was a dad, would prove to be the longest two weeks of his life. Or at least that’s how it would seem to Justin. Brian had been anxious to know the outcome of his meeting with Daphne, and he detected the younger man’s initial disappointment at the delay in meeting Soleil. Brian could see Justin was mulling something over; the younger man uncharacteristically quiet and, as seemed to be their way of doing things, sensitive and important subjects were discussed in private and often while getting ready for bed. Brian could see his partner was nervous, but then that was only to be expected. Justin had an easy and natural way with Gus, but then he had known the boy since the very day he was born and that had made picking up the threads of their relationship that much easier when Brian and Justin had become a real couple after so many years apart. But being introduced to a child of nearly twelve as their father was a whole different story. “You know I’ll do anything I can to make it as easy as possible for you, don’t you?” declared Brian and Justin nodded and smiled. Brian’s support meant everything, but there would no doubt be circumstances where they would both have to make compromises; something that Brian had taken a long time to learn how to do. “This won’t affect us,” Justin sought to reassure him and Brian nodded, though in their heart of hearts, both men knew this would probably not turn out to be the case. IF Soleil took to him and IF she wanted him to be a part of her life, it would mean that Justin would have a family of sorts outside of the one he shared with Brian and Gus and he hated the thought that anything might come between them. They’d experienced being torn apart over someone outside of their partnership before and neither man wanted to see that happen again. But change was inevitable. “We’ll just roll with the punches,” Brian told him, as he sought Justin’s mouth passionately with his own and Justin returned his kiss just as ardently. Brian’s love so reassuring when needed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “We’ve got visitors,” stated Brian, coldly, if a little unnecessarily, as he returned to the living room, one evening a few days later. Brian had managed to get home a little early and he and Justin had both watched a children’s program with Gus before dinner. And then with Gus upstairs doing his homework, Brian had been going over a few work papers and Justin was drawing up a few ideas he’d had for a client. They’d all had a good day, from Gus at school, to Brian working towards closing a deal with a new client, to Justin. Though the younger man had immersed himself totally in work, only partly because of an urgent deadline, the rest so as not to think about his impending visit with his daughter. Brian could have taken his work up to his office and Justin could have carried on in the studio. But this way, at least they got to be together and of course, always carried on the sort of conversations about all sorts of things while doing something else: as you tend to in life. At this point, they were brainstorming ideas for each other’s clients when the doorbell had rung, cutting Justin off and both of them looked up. Brian looked at his watch; it was just 7:00pm. They rarely received unannounced callers, especially in the evening and they exchanged looks before Brian slowly got up from the sofa and walked out into the hallway. Through the glass in the front door, he could see two figures. Justin held back, but he was every bit as cautious and even as nervous as Brian as the older man opened the door to two women, who immediately identified themselves as Social Workers with Child Welfare Services. Brian’s hostility was immediately noticeable, but surely understandable. Here were two people who were about to start probing into their lives and their suitability to bring up a child. Justin rubbed Brian’s arm reassuringly, as the man walked passed him into the living room, preceded by the social workers, who then introduced themselves more fully. Maria Elviras and Emma Robinson had been instructed by the Department of Child Welfare to look into a case of two homosexuals bringing up a child, one of whom was apparently the boy’s natural father. “Gus Peterson is your son?” asked Ms. Elviras of Brian for confirmation. Preferring to remain standing while everyone else sat, Brian nodded. “He’s our son,” he answered pointedly. “But we understand that you’re the natural father … Mr. Kinney?” queried Ms. Robinson. “It’s my name on the birth certificate … yes, he‘s my son,” answered Brian, curtly. “But we’re raising him together.” “I see,” smiled Maria and she looked at Justin. “And you’re Justin … Taylor,” she continued, having consulted her notes and Justin nodded. “And how long have the two of you been together …” “What business is that of yours?” cut in Brian, his anger threatening to get the better of him. “We know why you’re here,” he continued before anyone had a chance to answer his question. “You’re here because my mother hates me and everything I stand for … and she’ll do anything she can to hurt me … including taking away my son …” “Mr. Kinney … Gus’ welfare is all that concerns us … whatever argument you have with your mother is between the two of you,” stated Emma, calmly. “I’d like to see Gus,” she continued. “Is he here?” “He’s in his room … doing his homework,” answered Justin and Emma smiled. “Why don’t you take me up to see him … while Maria continues to talk with Mr. Kinney?” Justin looked at Brian, but the man merely shrugged. Deep down, Brian knew that the more he kicked against this, the worst it would go against them. But having complete strangers coming into his home and scrutinizing their lives was almost too much to bear. “This way,” stated Justin, and getting up, he led the way. Emma followed him. And going upstairs and knocking on Gus’ door, Justin introduced Emma to him. “Is it okay if we have a little chat, Gus?” asked Emma and Gus shrugged. “I guess,” and he looked at Justin for confirmation. Justin nodded. “I’d like to talk to him on his own,” stated Emma and Justin hesitated. “I’m not your enemy, Mr. Taylor,” Emma smiled at him and her genuine warmth showed on her face. Justin nodded again. “Okay,” and he turned to Gus. “Your dad and I are just downstairs, Gus,” and wondering what on earth the social worker was going to ask Gus, Justin retreated back to the living room. He only hoped that in the meantime, Brian hadn’t blown his top already. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In Emma and Justin’s absence, Maria had eventually persuaded Brian to sit down, though the man’s anger, mixed with obvious concern and resentment, was clearly etched on his face and in his voice: As far as he was concerned, any excuse and they would take his son away from him. And once getting him seated, Maria had continued to ask Brian questions such as: How had Gus coped since the death of his mother? “Mothers,” corrected Brian. But he’d reluctantly conceded that it hadn’t been easy for either of them to begin with and Maria had smiled sympathetically. “That’s only natural,” she answered him. Then she asked what provision had been made for Gus while the two men were at work? Brian explained about Rosa and that Justin worked from home and how they both arranged their workload so that at least one of them was around, all the while having the inkling that somehow, Maria already knew this. She smiled as Justin returned to the room and saw him take his seat on the sofa next to Brian; sitting very close to the other man. The closeness that spoke of intimacy and support. Maria asked about Brian and Gus’ relationship and then Gus’ relationship with Justin. She asked about hobbies and what they did as a family unit and then about the youngsters’ schooling, his health and which doctor he was registered with. Brian sighed, but eventually gave her all the information she needed, with Justin contributing when he felt it necessary, in order to add to Brian’s answer or confirm and enlarge on a statement. Then the question of Gus’ discipline was broached and Brian visibly bristled. “I have never laid a hand on my son in anger,” declared Brian forcefully. “Neither of us have.” “Then you don’t believe in corporal punishment?” continued the social worker, for verification. Brian paused and rolled his lips into his mouth before answering, but Maria couldn’t help noticing the look in Justin’s eyes as he glanced at his partner; his heart obviously going out to the man. Knowing that would always be the last thing on Brian’s mind especially. “No … I don’t,” confirmed Brian, quietly but firmly and Maria knew there was something behind that statement and made an educated guess that the man knew what it was like to be on the receiving end. During her questioning, Maria had listened carefully. These two men were obviously a partnership and a very supportive and loving one at that. Having seen the expensive neighborhood and house when she arrived, and looking around her, Maria commented on Brian’s business: “You seem to be doing pretty well?” “We do okay,” came the short answer as Brian was now starting to get really annoyed with the continued questioning, which he was also beginning to consider bordering on harassment. Maria nodded, but could detect the escalating iciness in Brian’s voice and curt answers. Maria then stated how she’d understood that Gus had had a few problems at school. “That all got straightened out,” stated Brian. “Though that’ll never happen to me,” he continued. Maria ignored that, but noticed the glance Justin once again gave his partner, this time silently urging him to toe the line. Did they have any visitors to the house? “We have orgies every Tuesday and Friday,” answered Brian and Maria momentarily closed her eyes and sighed. “That’s a joke,” stated Justin quickly, and shooting a pleading look in Brian’s direction. “Mr. Kinney … neither the department nor I .. are totally opposed to same sex couples raising children … and I’m probably a lot less shockable than you think,” stated Maria. “I’ve seen things that have sometimes made it difficult for me to sleep at night,” she continued and then she smiled at them. “But so far … I haven’t seen anything remotely like that here.” “It isn’t that I’m not on your side here,” she continued, plainly. “All I’m concerned about is that Gus is being brought up in a loving, nurturing and safe environment.” “From what I’ve heard … you’ve made a lot of changes to your … routine … to accommodate your son, Mr. Kinney … and believe me, I know how difficult it is to bring up a child on your own … I’ve done it myself,” she told him, honestly. “And if we broke up families every time we found out that one of the parents had … shall we say … a colorful past … then I daresay there’d hardly be one complete family in the state.” “I just want to establish that you … and Justin … are committed … to each other and to Gus … that your relationship is stable … and that there is nothing detrimental to Gus‘ wellbeing.” “And whether we can do anything to help,” added Emma, having re-joined them a few moments earlier. She’d been upstairs with Gus for what seemed like hours and both Brian and Justin were beginning to get anxious and were more than a little relieved when she re-appeared. “Contrary to popular belief … our role isn’t to split families up … but rather to work with them so that they can remain together … I assure you,” stated Maria. Brian nodded. Hearing the sincerity in the woman’s voice and words, together with Justin’s obvious acceptance of their genuineness and his eagerness that he comply, Brian visibly relaxed. Taking on board that there was no point being at odds with them and that they may actually come out in their favor. Brian accepted that they probably really did need them on their side and after Maria and Emma accepted the offer of coffee, the conversation continued more about generalities than specifics, but it’s still interesting what can be gleaned from those sort of conversations. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “What about my mother’s challenge for custody?” “What if she did take us to court?” queried Brian and Maria shrugged. “Unless she can prove that Gus is at risk … I would think it highly unlikely that a judge would remove him from your care.” “But there’s always a risk … isn’t there … depending on the judge?” asked Justin and Maria and Emma looked at each other. “Obviously … we can’t give you guarantees … but I wouldn’t worry unduly.” “Though we haven’t concluded our investigations fully yet,” she admitted. “Who else will you be talking to?” asked Justin, curiously. “The school … and Gus’ doctor,” answered Emma. “Gus hardly ever sees a doctor,” Brian informed them and Maria smiled. “Well … that’s good,” she answered him. Emma smiled. “Gus is a lovely young boy,” she stated. “Though he did tell me he’d had a few problems at school … a bit of bullying, I understand?” “We covered that,” answered her colleague and Brian nodded, a little calmer now. “Cos he has two dads,” he finally admitted and Emma sighed. “That can’t have been easy … for any of you.“ “But it sounds like you handled it well … he seems to be growing up well-adjusted,” smiled Maria. “Gus appears to be a very happy and healthy youngster,” stated her colleague. “On the face of it … you have a lot to be proud of,” Emma told them both and she looked at Maria. “Are we done here?” she asked, putting down her coffee cup. “We’re done,” came the answer and getting to her feet and putting her paperwork back into her attaché case, Maria held out her hand, which after a slight hesitation, Brian took. And he and Justin shook hands with both women, who then made for the door. Brian followed them down the hallway. “Did you get all your boxes ticked?“ asked Brian, if a tad sarcastically; he just couldn’t help it. Maria turned around and smiled genuinely. She hadn’t been surprised at his initial hostility, she would have felt exactly the same in his position. And though she knew she shouldn’t make snap judgments, once he’d calmed down and relaxed, Maria had warmed to him. She liked him. She liked them both. “We may … or may not … be in touch again,” Maria told him. “Good evening, Mr. Kinney,” and Brian watched them walk down the path towards their car. He closed the door. Now, what the hell had Emma and Gus talked about? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “She asked what I did when you and Justin were at work.” “And then she asked about school … and I showed her the project I’ve been working on … and I told her how you’d been helping me with it,” stated Gus to his father. “And I told her about soccer … and how we came top … and that you and Justin come to all my games …” “And we talked about when I met grandma Joan this summer …” “We talked about both grandma’s,” Gus continued. Brian and Justin exchanged looks, but neither of them said anything. “Then she asked what happened if I ever got into trouble …” “What did you say?” asked Brian anxiously, and Gus shrugged. “That you stopped my allowance for a week … or wouldn’t let me watch tv or play video games …” “She was nice,” Gus told them, apparently unfazed by his conversation with a social worker and he then made his way into the kitchen for something to eat for supper. Like most boys his age, Gus appeared to have hollow legs and could always eat. But it looked like he was heading to be at least as tall as his dad and easily burned off any excess calories. Brian and Justin looked at each other and Brian let out a deep sigh. Gus seemed to be able to shrug off his encounter with Child Welfare Services. But despite the two women’s encouraging words of reassurance, Brian still wasn‘t totally convinced. “That didn’t go half as bad as I was expecting,” admitted Justin and Brian frowned. “You think?” “Yeah … they sounded genuinely concerned with Gus’ wellbeing … rather than focusing on the fact that he’s being raised by queers.” “All their questions could have been aimed at straight parents,” Justin pointed out and Brian finally nodded in agreement. “I guess so,” he conceded. “If they go back and tell your mother that they don’t think Gus is at risk … do you think she’ll still pursue it?” asked Justin and Brian shrugged. “Knowing Joan … anything is likely.” “She’ll probably think she has the almighty on her side so anything’s possible,” snorted Brian, irreverently. But then he sighed. At least the meeting with the dreaded social workers was out of the way now and they’d just have to see what came next. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Do you think I should buy her something … you know … like a present?” asked Justin, but Brian shrugged. “You don’t wanna look like you’re trying to buy your way into her affections,” he cautioned and Justin frowned. It was early morning the day before his trip to New York to meet Soleil and before showering and still in his robe, Justin was already sorting through the clothes he wanted to take with him. He’d got up early, too nervous and excited to sleep. Brian had only been awake a few moments and he yawned and stretched. “You have a point,” stated Justin in reply. “But it feels strange … going empty handed.” “Hey … I have an idea,” and abruptly leaving what he was doing, Justin shot up to his studio to rummage through some old works. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Found it,” declared Justin, as he came back into the bedroom around ten minutes later. Clad in only a towel wrapped around his waist, Brian had begun to shave before his shower and he broke off what he was doing to go back into the bedroom as he heard Justin’s exclamation. “What is it?” “A drawing I did of Daph … when we were around 16,” answered Justin and turning the drawing around, he held it up for Brian to see. It was obviously an early work and had been part of his belongings that his mom had kept for him, but which he‘d since collected from her and the subject of this particular drawing was undoubtedly Daphne. “That … she will love,” stated Brian and then he frowned. “How long are you gonna be away?” he asked the younger man. “Two nights,” came the answer. “And we’re taking the early flight tomorrow morning.” “Then I guess that means an early night?” asked Brian, those hazel eyes twinkling and Justin grinned his own, blue eyes, just as sparkling. “An early night to get some sleep,” confirmed Justin and he grinned. “’Fraid so.” “So I guess we better make the most of it,” continued the younger man and with one deft move, he stretched out and Brian’s towel dropped to the floor. “Oops.” “Butterfingers,” accused Brian, grinning at him, and the younger man moved in. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Do I look okay?” asked Justin and Daphne shook her head, but she couldn’t help smiling all the same. “What?” asked Justin in confusion and Daphne chuckled. “You look great … as usual.” “And you know it,” she teased him. Justin had picked her up on the way to the airport. Despite her attempt at humor, he could see immediately that Daphne was obviously upset and didn’t want to talk about it in the cab, but in the terminal and sitting away from their fellow passengers as they waited to board their flight, she’d eventually opened up to him. The previous evening, Daphne had finally found the courage to tell John the true reason behind her frequent visits to New York. In fact, contrary to Daphne’s belief that John just accepted her trips away, he’d actually begun to think she was having an affair or getting cold feet about their wedding. Telling him she had a child was the last thing John was expecting and he hadn’t taken the revelation at all well. It wasn’t just the child that was the stumbling block, it was also keeping the fact from him that had angered and upset John; he obviously wasn’t alone there and increasingly, Daphne was beginning to regret her decision to keep quiet about Soleil all these years. But she was still just a kid when she’d had to face the biggest decision she’d had to make back then and it was too late to do anything about it now. Now, everyone had to deal with the consequences. Assuming Soleil’s father had abandoned Daphne, John asked: “What about your parents?” “Wouldn’t they help you keep her?” Daphne had shaken her head. “They wanted me to abort her … or put her up for adoption,” Daphne had informed him and she saw John soften a little. Parents were supposed to stick by their kids as far as he was concerned. After all, this wasn’t the middle-ages, and she wasn’t the first, or would be the last girl, to get pregnant. Hell, getting pregnant before getting married seemed to be a prerequisite these days, he’d told her. Seeing Daphne sitting on their sofa and clearly upset, John had sighed and gone to sit beside her. “It’s okay,“ he told her, squeezing her hand. After all, he loved her and eventually, when he got over the shock, they‘d work things out, wouldn‘t they? Then he asked who the father was. “You have to be joking!” exclaimed John, getting back on his feet and shocked to the core when the name of Soleil’s father was revealed. “Are you having an affair with him?” he asked Daphne, accusingly. “Of course not,” declared his fiancé. “Justin’s gay!” “Oh really?” “Then how did you get pregnant … don’t tell me the stork just delivered her!” “Or did you want his kid all along … I believe the old turkey baster comes in handy …” “Don’t be so ridiculous,” Daphne came back at him, annoyed at John’s tone. “If you want the truth … it was my first time … and I wanted someone I could trust …” “And Justin’s my best friend.” “And more than willing to get you into bed,” shouted John, back at her, despite Daphne furiously shaking her head to refute his statement. “I thought I was your best friend,” he continued, more quietly and obviously disappointed. Slowly getting to her feet, Daphne crossed the floor between them. She placed her hand on his arm. “Justin and I have always been close … I won’t deny that.” “But it’s you I’m marrying … it’s you I’m in love with,” stated Daphne, earnestly. “I’ve apologized for not telling you … I only recently told Justin,” she admitted. “And I want Soleil to get to know both of you …” “I want her with us …” “Now hold on,” John told her, and moving away. “We’re not even married yet … but after all the time we’ve been together … you only now announce you have a daughter?“ “I haven’t even met her … and you‘re telling me you want her with us.” “That’s a big ask, Daphne,” John informed her. “But I thought …” “What?” cut in John. “You just assumed I’d take it in my stride?” “I have news for you, Daphne.” “That’s a big assumption …“ “But we said we’d want children one day,” Daphne reminded him, but John shook his head. “One day … we said we’d want our own children … but to be landed with a child that isn’t even mine … without any warning … you’re asking a lot,” and John ran his hand over his forehead. He sighed. “Look … I’ve got to go away for a few days … I have to go to the Chicago office …” “You never told me,” stated Daphne, in surprise. “Well I’m telling you now … I was heading out on Sunday … I’m almost packed and …” “And I’m gonna book into a motel tonight and see if I can change my flight for tomorrow … get a head start … there’s plenty of work I can do.” “You’re leaving me?” asked Daphne, astounded at the turn of events and she saw John swallow. “No … I don’t know … I’m not sure,” he admitted. “But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I don’t think I’m ready to be a dad yet …” “Then don’t be,” suggested Daphne. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t get to know her …” “Leave it Daph … I need to think about all this … and at least the next few days apart gives us room to breath …” “When did I need room to breath away from you?” asked Daphne, feeling her insides churning as her eyes filled with tears. “Then just say … that I need a little room away from you right now,” stated John and he headed for the bedroom where he finished his packing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Returning to the living room with his holdall and jacket, John approached Daphne, who was sitting on the sofa, reeling from the shock of his reaction. Dropping his holdall onto the floor, he placed his hand on the back of Daphne’s head and she looked up at him. “I’m not saying I’m giving up on us … I just need … a little room so I can get my head together,” John admitted, and leaning down, he kissed her forehead. “Have a safe flight … and a good trip,” he told her. “You too,” came her whispered reply and she watched him pick up his holdall. “I’ll call you in a couple of days …” called John, over his shoulder. “Will you be gone long?” Daphne asked him and turning to face her, John shrugged. “I was due to stay a few days … I might stay a little longer,” and he managed a weak smile. “I’ll call you,” and John, also reeling from this evening’s disclosures, headed out to the street to hail a cab. Numb, Daphne finished her own packing, took a bath and went to bed. She cried into her pillow. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “I’m so sorry, Daph,” stated Justin, placing his arm around her shoulders as she finished relaying the events of the previous evening and he’d squeezed her hand. The flight to NYC was pretty uneventful, with neither of them talking very much. And now in the taxi to Tony and Paula’s, Justin was beginning to get really anxious. While Daphne was wondering whether she was about to lose everything. “I can’t believe I’m this nervous about meeting an eleven year old,” groaned Justin and Daphne smiled weakly and squeezed his arm. “You’ll be fine,“ she told him. But Daphne couldn’t help being concerned herself. Her fears now of losing John and of losing Soleil to Justin were real and though she knew this was something that had to be done, she was also very nervous about the meeting and Soleil’s reaction. Of course Soleil might actually hate the whole idea and equally hate her mother for not telling her the truth all these years. But coming to a halt outside Paula and Tony’s apartment building, it was too late to pull out now. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin agreed that they should meet Soleil in her home. Somewhere she would feel comfortable and at ease. Tony and Paula welcomed Justin warmly and he waited in the living room while Daphne went to talk to Soleil in her room. She’d called her daughter the previous evening to talk to her and tell her she was coming and, as usual, the girl was looking forward to seeing her mom. They spoke on the phone every day, as well as emailing, but it wasn’t the same. Daphne took a deep breath and Soleil spotted her mother’s concern and hesitation immediately. Heightened ten-fold when Daphne took her daughter’s hands and sat her down on the bed. “You know I love you, don’t you,” asked Daphne, anxiously and Soleil smiled. “Sure,” came the answer. “And you know I only left you with Paula and Tony as a baby ‘cos I was so young … and …” “It’s okay, mom,” Soleil told her. “I understand you thought that’s what I needed … I know you would have had me with you if you could,” stated Soleil and her mother reached out to gently stroke her daughter’s cheek. She loved her so much and the separations were getting harder all the time. She couldn’t bear to lose her altogether. “And you know how much Paula and Tony love you …” she continued. “Of course I do,“ came the confirmation and Soleil sighed. “Mom, what is it?” Daphne took a deep breath and tried to put her fears to one side for Soleil’s sake. “You asked me about your father,” Daphne reminded her and her daughter nodded. “Well … he’d like to meet you.” “He would?” “What’s his name?” “Is he here?” asked Soleil excitedly, one question after another and Daphne couldn’t help grinning at her daughter’s enthusiasm. “Whoa … one question at a time,” begged Daphne and she took a deep breath before continuing. “His name is Justin and yes … he’s here … and he’s very excited about meeting you,” she continued. “So … do you wanna go meet him?” asked Daphne and Soleil nodded. Daphne let out a long breath. “Okay … let’s go and meet your father.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ With Kyle at a friend’s, Paula and Tony had taken their new baby and had now gone out for the day, leaving the place free for Daphne, Soleil and Justin. Justin had been nervously pacing the living room floor and turned when he heard the door open behind him. Standing in the doorway was Daphne and the young girl that so far, he’d only seen photographs of. Justin smiled broadly. The first thing his daughter noticed about him: his beautiful smile. “Justin … this is Soleil,” introduced Daphne and Justin took just one step forward and then stopped. He didn’t really know what to do. Should he just stand there or should he offer to shake hands, or should he hug her? “Hi,” smiled Justin, his stomach turning somersaults and he didn’t have to worry as it was Soleil who approached him, drawn in by Justin’s approachable manner and sparkling blue eyes; that and her natural assuredness and confidence. In turn, Justin found himself staring down into pale, smiling eyes and couldn’t help noticing her beautiful, unblemished honey-colored complexion. She was adorable and he hoped she’d let him draw her one day. “Hi,” smiled Soleil in turn and then Justin looked over at Daphne and chuckled. “This is so weird … I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do,” he admitted. But Soleil knew and immediately feeling a connection with him, she looked up at him. “You can hug me … if you want,” she told him and Justin grinned even more broadly and leaning down, took the youngster in his arms and gave her a hug. Justin closed his eyes and could feel the tears prickling behind his eyes as he held his daughter in his arms for the first time. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Going to make her and Justin coffee and get a juice for Soleil, Daphne left the two of them in the living room and sitting on the sofa, getting acquainted. “I have something for you,” remembered Justin, after regaining his equilibrium, and reaching into his holdall, he produced a sheet of parchment, measuring around 12x9ins. and handed it to Soleil. “It’s mom!” she squealed, delightedly, immediately recognizing the image and Justin nodded. “I drew that when we were just kids.” “It looks just like her,” cried Soleil in amazement and Justin smiled. “I’m an artist,” he told her. “I have my own graphic art company … but I hope to do more of my own art one day,” confirmed Justin and he saw Soleil frown, as she was still taking in how long he’d known her mother. “Then you and mom knew each other a long time?” asked Soleil after a few moments deliberation and Justin nodded. “A very long time,” he grinned at her. Soleil frowned again. “Then … why didn’t the two of you get married when I came along?” she asked him and she caught Justin’s hesitation and saw his crestfallen look. He‘d hoped he wouldn‘t have to answer that question quite this early, but he‘d promised himself he‘d be honest with her from the start. “I do care about your mom,” Justin told her quietly and earnestly. “But as a friend,” and he took a deep breath to steel himself. “But the reason we didn’t get married … or become a couple … is because I’m gay,” continued Justin and he looked up at Daphne, who had just re-entered the room with their drinks, and some toast, on a tray. “You understand what that means, don’t you, Soleil?” asked Daphne as she saw her daughter continue to survey Justin. “You like boys?” “Men,” corrected her father. “I love another man,” he continued and Soleil blinked. “Does that mean I now have two more dads?” “I mean as well as Tony?” asked Soleil confused and Justin looked at Daphne. That was a complication they hadn‘t considered and Justin frowned. “Well, Brian … that’s my partner … he has a son … look,” and reaching inside his jacket, Justin produced his wallet and from inside, he produced a small photograph of Brian and Gus. He handed it to Soleil. “He’s cute,” stated the youngster and Justin only hoped she meant Gus. Otherwise that was all they needed, an eleven year old with a crush on Brian. “I like to think of Gus as my son too,” Justin told her and he saw Soleil’s expression fall. “Oh.” “Does that mean you won’t have any room for me?” she asked him and Justin immediately shook his head. “No … no of course not,” he continued, urgently, needing to reassure her. “I hoped we’d get to know each other … maybe spend some time together?” he suggested, hopefully. “Okay … I’d really like that,” came the answer Justin was hoping for. “Then why don’t we finish our drinks, eat our toast … and think of somewhere we could spend the day,” suggested Daphne and she looked over at Justin, who smiled back at her. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It would seem that Justin and Soleil already had something in common. Soleil loved to visit the Children’s Museum of Art, crammed into a narrow slot between two commercial spaces near Chinatown, an unmissable zebra statue on the sidewalk and bright colors adorning the front door. Many of the CMA exhibits are, in fact, workspaces, where children are encouraged to experiment with creating their own art, with materials provided. A venue which guaranteed to occupy any child with several art filled hours. “This place is just great!” exclaimed Justin, approvingly and he showed Soleil how to hold her brush in order to make long, easy strokes, something she picked up like a natural. “She obviously takes after you,” conceded Daphne, with just a hint of wistfulness in her voice and she tried not to feel the jealousy rise inside her as she watched the easiness with which Justin and his daughter so obviously enjoyed in each other’s company. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “What are you thinking?” asked Daphne, after she’d watched Justin for a few moments. After giving his daughter several tips and enjoying every minute of it, they left Soleil to her own artistic devices and had taken a seat just a little away from her in order to give her, and them, a little space. Justin smiled. “I was thinking how different this trip is … compared to when I’ve been to New York before,” he answered her. Daphne nodded and then grinned broadly. “You mean when you ran away … and Brian came looking for you,” she reminded him and Justin couldn’t help blushing slightly at the memory of some of the hottest sex he and Brian had ever shared. Brian had thrown him out of the loft after forgetting to set the alarm and allowing most of the older man’s possessions to be stolen. In turn, Justin had swiped Brian’s credit card and booked himself on a plane to the Big Apple. He was 17 and had actually been terrified when he found himself in this city and had hidden away in the hotel room, praying Brian would care enough to come find him. The older man hadn’t let him down and it had been some reunion: They’d fucked their brains out. “And the next time, I came looking for Brian,” stated Justin and he shook his head and chuckled. “I must have been insane …” “I was living in California … it was Christmas … I’d heard Gus on the radio … and everything changed.” “I knew I had to try and find them … but I only had the slimmest of information from a letter Gus wrote me … telling me his dad had promised to take him to the Empire State Building to watch the light show on Christmas Eve.” “I could only get a flight as far as Pittsburgh … everything was booked up for the holidays and I had to get a rental car and drive the rest of the way.” “But you did find them,” smiled Daphne and Justin nodded. “Thank god … I can’t imagine my life now without Brian … and Gus,” and then he looked over at Soleil, sitting on the floor and totally immersed in what she was doing. “But this time … I came looking for my daughter.” Reaching out, Justin covered Daphne’s hand with his own. “I’m still not sure I understand why you didn’t tell me about her.” “But Soleil has got to be one of the best things that’s ever happened to me … along with finding Brian again … and I want to be a real dad, Daphne,” Justin informed her and Daphne nodded. “I know … and I want you to.” “That sounds like a ‘but’ in there somewhere,” frowned Justin and Daphne shrugged. “I’m getting married, Justin … at least I hope I am.“ “In which case … I want John to be part of Soleil’s life too.” “But I am her father, Daph … don’t I get some sort of preferential consideration? After all this time?” “I mean it’s not like John’s been a father to her already,” Justin pointed out to her. Retrieving her hand from underneath Justin’s, Daphne clasped both her hands in her lap. “I understand what you’re saying … but it’s important to me that she gets to know John too …” “Daphne … I don’t want to make things difficult …” and Justin hesitated as something just occurred to him. “Is my name on her birth certificate?” he asked her and he saw Daphne blink. “It is … isn’t it?” he guessed and slowly, Daphne nodded. “I didn’t want to deny it … or not let Soleil know who her father was one day.” “But don’t think you can use that as some kind of lever … I’m not getting into any sort of custody battle with you, Justin.” “Scared you wouldn’t win?” asked Justin, unable to hide his feelings of resentment. “And not just me … after all …Tony and Paula could make a case too.” “That’s not fair, Justin,” Daphne told him, doing her best to stop her voice from raising and to not alert Soleil. “I had to convince my parents to even let me go through with the pregnancy … they initially wanted her aborted … and they gave me a hard time when I wouldn’t tell them who her father was.” “They still don’t know … I had to register her without them knowing.” Justin sighed, accepting it couldn’t have been easy and that he better not push it. “You’re right … I don’t want to get into any fight with you … but surely I have rights too, Daph … and I’m gonna exercise them.” “But for Soleil’s sake … I want us to be as civilized about this as possible … agreed?” “Agreed,” echoed Daphne, after a deep sigh and those feelings that Soleil would slip away from her resurfaced. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A few hours at the CMA, followed by a late lunch at a favorite haunt of Soleil’s and then a trip to the zoo in Central Park, Soleil was pretty much done in, and so were Daphne and Justin. Thankfully, Justin had remembered at the last moment to pack his camera, taking several shots of Soleil and of Soleil and Daphne together, throughout the day. Daphne also took several photographs of Justin and Soleil, while Soleil equally wanted a photograph of her parents together. And then a well-meaning Japanese tourist offered to take their picture, as long as Justin did the same in return, resulting in an unexpected, but very welcome, photograph of mom, dad and daughter. With father and daughter enjoying their day especially and seeing how the two of them got on so well, Daphne had felt obliged to hang back a little at times. With conflicting emotions, part of her couldn’t help feeling somewhat isolated, but the other part was overjoyed that after so long without meeting, Soleil and Justin had taken to each. Like Justin had said, he did have rights and now, having met him, she could hardly prevent Soleil from continuing to see him and get to know him better. She only hoped John would give her daughter a chance too. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Why can’t you stay with us tonight?” asked Soleil, later, back at the apartment, when they’d returned to enable Justin to collect his holdall; having booked himself into a small hotel just a couple of blocks away before they came. “There isn’t really the room,” explained Daphne and Soleil had accepted her answer, but was still disappointed that Justin wasn’t staying over. But Daphne had invited Justin to have dinner with them all and with everyone returning after their day’s activities, the apartment was noisy, but friendly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Go and have your bath and get ready for bed,” Daphne told a very tired young girl and even though she could hardly keep her eyes open, Soleil was reluctant to leave her father’s side. “Off you go … I’ll wait and say goodnight,” Justin promised her and giving him a hug, Soleil had finally agreed. Getting down from the table, she toddled off, leaving the adults to their coffee; Kyle having already taken himself off to his room to watch TV. “You’ve made a hit there,” smiled Tony and Justin smiled back. “Thanks … but I know this can’t be easy on you, either,” he acknowledged. “And I’m probably the last person you ever envisaged as Soleil’s father,” admitted Justin, eluding to both his color and his sexuality. Tony grinned. “It’s okay … we won’t hold coming from Pittsburgh against you,” he chuckled, his eyes twinkling. Justin grinned back, pleased and so very grateful that these were the people Daphne had chosen to care for their daughter. But Tony then reached out and took Paula’s hand. “Soleil’s been like a daughter to us … but she’s also had a good relationship with Daphne … she’s always known who her real mother was … and we’d always known that one day, Daphne would probably want her back to live with her.” “And she should,” affirmed Paula, smiling at her husband. “After all … we’ve our own family now … and though we’ll always love Soleil … and there will always be a place for her with us … she deserves to be with her real mom …” “And dad,” she continued, looking over at Justin and then at Daphne, who had remained quiet. “It’s not going to be terribly easy for anyone … it’s going to mean a whole new life for her … for all of us,” continued Paula and she smiled reassuringly at Daphne. “John will come around … you‘ll see,” she told her. Listening to Paula, Justin’s heart missed a beat and he looked at Daphne. “Then … she is coming to live with you … in Pittsburgh?” he asked her, daring to think he could have his daughter in the same state and just a reasonable drive away. Daphne nodded. “Regardless of what happens with me and John … yes … I definitely want Soleil with me … as long as she wants to come that is,” sighed Daphne. “Of course she will,” smiled Paula. “Now that she knows she can have the both of you.” “But I don’t wanna upset her schooling … so it won’t happen immediately,” stated Daphne. “There are some great schools back home,” chimed in Justin. “And if you want her to go to private school … then I’ll help …” “Let’s not make too many decisions too soon,” cut in Daphne and Justin looked down into his coffee cup. He was obviously getting too eager, and feared getting in Daphne’s bad books. But he couldn’t wait to have Soleil as a permanent feature in his life. “Anything we can do to make it easier … for all of you … you just have to say,” assured Tony and Justin smiled, gratefully, again. “Same goes for me,” stated Justin and Daphne nodded. It was going to be so hard, but having seen the instant connection between them, Daphne knew she’d have a tough time on her hands preventing her daughter seeing her father, even if she wanted to. But she’d denied them both for too long and whatever the cost to her, she now had to put it right. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Had a good day?” asked Justin, as he sat on the edge of Soleil’s bed and the youngster nodded. “The best,” came her answer and Justin grinned. “Well … we have another day tomorrow … so you can have a think about what you wanna do,” and he leaned down to kiss her forehead, only to be enveloped in her arms and they hugged. Fighting to keep back the tears that threatened to well up, Justin eventually disentangled himself from the sleepy girl’s hold and reaching out, brought the covers up and over her shoulders. He moved away and towards the door and turned out the overhead light, leaving just the light coming in from the hallway illuminating the room. “Night Soleil.” “Night dad,” answered his daughter as she turned away and cuddled into her pillow and Justin had to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat as he quietly closed the bedroom door. Although he had a great relationship with Gus, this was the first time anyone had called him by that particular name and he couldn’t believe how fantastic it sounded. To be continued. With many thanks to Lois and Judy - and I should also like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a happy, healthy, safe and prosperous 2008. Reference: http://www.ny.com/museums/children.museum.of.the.arts.html