GET LONELY by Janet Jackson I get so lonely Can’t let just anybody hold me You are the one That lives in me my dear Want no one but you All alone with my fears I’m wonderin’ if I have to do withoutcha But there’s no reason Why I fell asleep late last night Cryin’ like a new born child Holdin’ myself close Pretendin’ my arms are yours I want no one but you Still remember to the day In fact it was 3rd Monday You cam along To be the one for me Now I’m alone Sittin’ here by the phone Call and say that you’re okay So that I’ll have The chance to beg you to stay I want no one but you I get so lonely Every time I see your face baby Every time I hear your name Hard to believe that you and me Are no longer You are the one That lives in me my dear ------------------------- EVE I was pissed. Brian had been scheduled as a guest on my cable show and he had blown me off and not in a good sense. He didn’t even give me the courtesy of a call to tell me he wasn’t going to make it. I had to come up with something to cover the time I had allotted for Brian. I did an impromptu gimmick. Stuff like if anyone can prove their mother’s name is Barbara Ann I’ll give you movie tickets and dinner reservations…. If anyone can prove they were born July 4, 1976 I have two tickets to an upcoming concert and back stage passes…If anyone can show me a tattoo of a cross on their ass…and so it went for about 20 minutes. It had turned out to be a success. I had also found a guy in the audience to take home and fuck. He was tall, dark and handsome with green eyes. A Brian substitute. I took my anger and frustration with Brian out on fucking the guy into exhaustion. I fucked the guy in every position I could think of. Amazingly no matter what guy I fucked Brian had been the only man I’d allowed to fuck me in the ass. I guess it was the one concession I gave for fucking a Gay man. I woke late Sunday morning still pissed off. Heather called while I was eating breakfast. She was on another photo shoot. We talked for a few minutes. She asked me what was wrong. I didn’t tell her. For some reason she had taken an instant dislike to Brian. I didn’t want to give her more reasons to reinforce that dislike. After I hung up with Heather I called around looking for Brian. I knew that Brian spent his Sunday mornings either at home, the diner or the gym. I called his loft he didn’t answer. Next I called the diner. Kendra told me Brian wasn’t there. That left the gym. I didn’t bother to call. I walked in the gym as if I owned the place. The attendant at the desk attempted to stop me and I completely brushed him aside. “Hey you can’t go in there unless you are a member or a guest of a member,” he yelled running behind me. “If you don’t come back and sign in I’ll have to call security! Hey, Lady! I said stop!” The desk attendant’s grating voice floated behind me. I totally ignored him. Out the corner of my eye I saw him dialing someone on the telephone. I wasn’t concerned. I’d deal with whomever he was calling when they showed up. The attendant was running to catch up with me holding a cordless telephone in hand. I spotted Brian as I pushed through the double doors leading to the weight room. He was lying on the bench lifting weights. I looked over my shoulder at the attendant as I made my way to Brian. “Don’t worry,” I told the attendant. “I am a guest of Brian Kinney.” Whoever he’d called showed up beside him. A big guy with a crew cut, heavy muscles and no neck. I heard him talking to the attendant. “It’s okay Phillip that’s the Night Angel. She‘s a friend of Brian‘s.” I didn’t wait to hear what else was said I was making my way to Brian. I did notice that Mikey, Emmett and Ted were also hanging around. I stood over the weights and held on to them as Brian attempted to lift them off the bar. I knew I wasn’t strong enough to keep him from lifting the weights if he wanted to. He looked up into my eyes. He was surprised to see me. The asshole. I heard Emmett and Ted telling me hello. I acknowledged them with a nod of my head. Mikey glared at me. “What are you doing here?” Mikey sneered. “No one wants you here.” I cut my eyes at him. “Fuck off Mikey.” I glared angrily down at Brian. “Why didn‘t you show up?” Mikey butted in. “Maybe he didn’t want to.” I turned on Mikey and reamed him. “I’m not talking to you Mikey so kindly shut the fuck up and stay the fuck out of this argument.” I stared angrily down at Brian. “Brian is a big boy he doesn’t need you to run interference for him. He never has.” “You are being a real bitch,” Mikey snapped. I gave Mikey my coldest stare. He shrunk back, “You haven’t even begun to see me in my Bitch Mode. And let me tell you this…. You-don’t-want-to. This has nothing to do with you Mikey. It‘s between me and Brian.” We were actually attracting some attention from the other members of the gym. A petite black woman was in a club filled with mostly Gay men having a show down with their reputed Hottest Liberty Avenue Stud. It was what Liberty Avenue gossip was made of. Em walked over to Mikey and squeezed his shoulder. “Mikey honey. Why don’t you stay out of this? It’s between Brian and Eve. They don’t need you to butt in.” Em gave me an encouraging smile. “Now you go ahead and take care of your business honey. I’ll keep Mikey quiet.” I returned Em’s smile then glared back at Brian. “Something came up,” he replied lamely. “What? Your dick? Couldn’t you have at least given up sucking a dick and fucking an ass for a few hours to keep your promise? You lied to me.” “I never promised I’d do the show. And you are a fine one to call someone a liar.” I was staring down at him as his eyes locked with mine. I tried to replay the talk we’d had about my show. I remember asking him to be a guest and his exact words were: *If I don’t have anything pressing on my schedule. I guess I might be able to do it.* I had to admit he never committed to it. And what the fuck was he talking about a liar. “Okay so you didn’t commit but I thought as a friend I was a little more important that some nameless trick with a 9 inch dick and a smooth ass. And what lie have I told you?” “You know the one that you’d never fucked a woman.” Aha! So now we get down to why Brian had been avoiding my calls and maybe even why he had brushed off my show. “I didn’t lie to you, Brian.“ “Oh yeah,“ he sneered. “Well, either you are lying or Heather is because she certainly thinks the two of you have fucked.“ “I didn’t lie. You asked me if I had ever fucked a woman. I said no. That was the truth. I’ve never fucked a woman. I fuck the one nightstands I bring home for my entertainment. I make love with people I care about.” “Semantics. You knew what I was asking.“ “It may be semantics to you Kinney but to me it’s not. I wasn’t trying to lie to you. I’d never do that. You are my friend. I don’t lie to my friends. You know that. If you don’t you should. Brian, if you had any questions or doubts about something I’d said to you all you had to do was pick up the telephone and talk to me or drop by my house or the studio and discuss it with me. Regardless, to what you thought or how you felt the bottom line is I trusted you and you let me down.” “Well, join the club, Eve.” “Fuck you Kinney,” I said. His green eyes shone hard and brittle as they locked with mine he raised his head up so that only I would hear his next words. “Never again,” he whispered coldly. “That’s fine with me. It wasn’t that memorable to begin with.” My tone was as cold and biting as his. I couldn’t believe that Brian and I were passing such hurtful insults. I couldn't believe that we were actually having this conversation. “What are they talking about?” Mikey asked. Mikey was standing close to us. He heard a little of what was said but not all of it. And of course he’d grab on to that little tidbit about the fucking. “It’s nothing Mikey. Just a little joke between me and Eve,“ Brian said coldly still holding my gaze. I wondered if Brian thought I’d tell Mikey and the others that we’d fucked. I wanted to assure him I’d never divulge that information to Mikey, Emmett, Ted or especially Justin. I’d only told Daddy because he’d guessed and Daphne but I’d gotten their solemn promise that they would never ever tell anyone else. The fewer people that knew about it the better it would be for all concerned. Now was not the time to assure him of that fact. I’d have to wait for later. I realized this conversation was going nowhere. To be exact it was deteriorating and that’s not why I came. “You know what Kinney. I don’t need this. I certainly can do without your bullshit. You want to end our friendship that’s fine with me.” I walked out the gym never glancing back to see if Brian was watching me. --------------- EVE I was still reeling from my argument with Brian. I admit I should have been more honest with him, but he should have asked the right questions. I fuck the guys I bring home for a one-night stand. I made love to Heather. Still I guess in Brian’s eyes I had broken an unspoken rule of our friendship. I had been less than totally honest with him. I was suffering for my dishonesty. I really missed him. I was pissed at him but that didn’t stop me from wanting to talk with him or just be with him. I tried to pretend it didn’t matter that he was angry with me but it did. It mattered a lot. An awful lot. I was miserable. I tried to fuck my misery away. I was picking up good-looking fucks pretty heavily. Just yesterday I’d fucked two tricks. One before I went in to work and one after I got off work. It wasn’t the same. For instance last night the guy I fucked was another Brian look a like that was far from Brian. The guy was majorly hung but couldn’t fuck for the life of him. He licked pussy like a high school amateur. He had no idea how to torture a clit and worst than that he had two strokes -- back and forth. He wouldn’t have known a curve if it was tossed to him. I finally handcuffed him to my bed and rode him until I got off, then threw him out of my house. He had the audacity to tell me he’d give me a call. I just laughed at him and told him not to waste his time. The look on his face as I slammed the door was priceless. I had to admit I was acting like a lovesick teenager. I played *I Get So Lonely* by Janet Jackson over and over again. If I wasn’t depressed when I started listening to the song I was certainly depressed after the fifth time I played it. Several times a day I’d pick up the telephone to call him and then place it back on the receiver and just stare at it. I really had it bad. I stared at the pictures of Brian on my entertainment unit all the time. I'd placed them in a small collage frame. A few casual shots of him at Debbie’s & Daddy’s during one of the many family dinners. One I'd taken of him at the Pittsburgh Pride Fest. One photo in particular I loved. It had been taken during one of my photo shoots. Brian and I were messing around. He was in what I loved to see him in most; a pair of jeans that emphasized those long, luscious legs of his and a cashmere sweater. I had jumped on his back and wrapped my legs around his waist, my arms were wrapped around his neck, my chin rested on his shoulder. His hands were holding my legs and we were both laughing. The photographer had snapped a series of pictures with us messing around. Hell, I missed Brian's sarcastic dry wit and his smirk. Even my Daddy had noticed I was acting strange. The other night he and Rodney came over to dinner and he asked me if I was okay. I guess I was dragging around feeling sorry for myself. It was fucking amazing how important Brian's friendship had become to me in so short a period. I just wanted us to get over this argument. I wanted my friend back. I hated not speaking to him. I hated this riff that was separating us. I didn’t like to apologize. To be exact I rarely apologized but something had to give. One of us had to bend. As much as I wanted it to be Brian the truth was he felt as if I had betrayed his trust. Maybe he was right. A couple of weeks passed and it seemed like forever. In the meantime I filled my days with activities. Daphne, Justin and I had a sleep over at her place to celebrate Justin’s break up with Ethan. We called it a *Freedom Celebration.* Debbie gave me an anniversary dinner to celebrate my introduction to the family. My birthday passed and of course I gave myself a big birthday bash on my cable show. Everyone in the family was there. Everyone except Brian’s that is. He claimed he had an important fundraiser to attend with Stockwell. He sent me a gift. It was a pair of red suede boots. Ben’s birthday came and passed. Justin told Daph and me about Ben’s horrible birthday from last year. This year his birthday was a quiet affair. A small get together with family and friends. Justin’s birthday came and Daddy made him a cake. Debbie made sure he got the day off from work. Daph and I took him out to dinner where the restaurant staff sang happy birthday to him. We then went to Cock & Tails danced all night, got him drunk and finally made it back to their apartment where we all passed out in Daph's bed. It was most straight men's fantasy to have two half naked women in bed with them. I laughed when I thought about the fact that all Justin could think about was making sure we didn't hog all the cover. Justin showed us the blue cashmere sweater that Brian had gotten him for his birthday. Brian had to fly to New York to meet a contributor to Stockwell’s campaign. He dropped the gift off at the diner. Justin said they’d shared a HOT kiss in the employees lounge before Brian had to leave. He told me Brian’s gift was a marked improvement over the hustler he’d gotten him the year before. Plus Justin said last year on his birthday he fell for the lines of Ethan and it changed his life forever. He said from this day forward his birthday would always be the anniversary of the biggest mistake he’d ever made. I told him his birthday was just that…the day he was born. And with each year he’d be another year older and hopefully another year wiser. I hoped that helped him put the whole Ethan phase into perspective. I spent a few days after Thanksgiving in Aspen with Heather. I still wasn’t ready to commit to her but I did love her. Just not the way she wanted. I wasn’t ready to settle down. I didn’t want to give up my life in Pittsburgh to travel with her around the world. I wasn’t completely ready to give up *DICKS* just yet. I went to Thanksgiving dinner at Deb’s with Dad and the family. Daph and I went to a regular straight bar afterwards. We danced flirted with guys. Took a few numbers and then Daph spent the night at my place. Justin spent Thanksgiving with his mother and Molly. For some reason Justin had yet to tell Brian that he was no longer with Ethan. Although, I figured Brian knew it and was waiting on Justin to make the next move. Brian spent Thanksgiving with Stockwell. Knowing Brian like I did I knew it was just business. Well, now would be the time for Brian to seduce Justin. There would be no feelings of guilt on Justin’s part now because he was no longer with Ethan. I vaguely wondered why Brian hadn’t just fucked Justin. It would be a start of their reunion. I asked Justin why he hadn’t called Brian and he told me something about just needing to get himself together. That he didn’t want Brian to think he was on the rebound. Like I said Brian and Justin never did anything simple. They were even dramatizing their much awaited reunion. Instead of just DOING it, they were turning it into a *soap opera* episode. Daph came up with the best solution to get Brian and Justin together. She told Justin to call and set up the sitting for the portrait Brian had promised to pose for. Justin said he would. Of course that had been a few weeks before Christmas and Justin had yet to set up the date. He said he was working up the nerve. I was really busy in December. I seemed to have a personal appearance everyday. I took more promotional pictures with Santa’s than the children. In the promotional Christmas billboard I was dressed in red suede pants, the red suede boots Brian bought me for my birthday, a white cashmere sweater that showed off my assets. I was sitting on Santa's lap. Daddy asked me to be a hostess for a benefit to raise money for AIDS and I did. Daddy said they raised more money than they had in years. I hosted a benefit for a food and toy drive for homeless families. I visited the hospital Children’s ward and passed out gifts. I was a judge for a contest for the home with the best Christmas decorations. I also recorded my Christmas show a couple of weeks before Christmas that would air on Christmas Eve. My guests were my family, a traditional Santa and a Hunky Santa and I collected toys for underprivileged kids. December was just really hectic. Every spare moment I was out shopping trying to find the perfect gift for family, my coworkers, and my assistant. I was swamped. The saying was *tis the season to be Jolly* for me it was *tis the season to be swamped.* With everything going on I shouldn't have missed Brian but regardless to how busy I was I missed Brian. I couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of it all. *I* predator extraordinaire, the woman that fucked and discarded more men than I could count. The woman that had avoided any type of emotional involvement and viewed the men I fucked as dicks attached to bodies finally received my comeuppance. I fell in love with a man that although he loved me as a friend he could never love me the way I wanted him to. The way a man loves a woman. As Heather always said, *Life was a DICK and then you die.* A week before Christmas I got the shock of my life. My Nana called and invited me to spend Christmas with her and Grandfather. I thought that they wanted to travel for Christmas but they wanted me to come to South Carolina and have dinner with them and some of their closest friends. I’d never spent Christmas with my grandparents. I’d never been inside their home in Charleston and I-had-never-been-introduced-to-their-friends. I began to wonder if they were ill. Nana laughed and told me they were fine. She said that she and Albert felt it was time for us to act like a true family. Of course I agreed. I told them I couldn’t come down until Christmas Eve but I’d be there. It seemed that *tis was also the season to be shocked.* When I told Daddy he was disappointed that I couldn’t spend Christmas with him but he was glad that my grandparents were finally introducing me to their friends. I promised Daddy that I’d be back to ring in the New Year with him. Plus I had a New Year’s show to do. As I said I had a lot to do before Christmas. BRIAN It was three days before Christmas. I woke up feeling like cotton wool was in my mouth. My head was about to split wide open, my chest was on fire, I felt chilled and feverish at the same time, my skin felt damp…clammy, my body ached all over even my teeth, eyelashes, fingernails and toenails. I ached in parts of my body I didn’t know existed. I was a mass of aching. I tried to sit up. Wrong thing to do. My whole world started to spin and tilt out of control. I felt like I was on an amusement ride. Worst than the one Justin and I had rode at the Carnival. Then the queasy feeling hit full force. I tried to stand. I couldn’t get my legs to obey. I managed to lean over the side of my bed and did something I hadn’t done since my college days--retched all over the floor. I didn’t know how long I retched. It seemed like hours but it had probably only been a few minutes. I hung off the bed until I knew nothing else would come out. I laid back in bed my arms flung out. I could barely open my eyes. Which was a good thing. The lights over my bed made me feel even worst than I should. I reached my hand out fumbled around trying to find the switch to cut them off. I finally gave up and just grabbed the telephone. I knew whom I wanted to call. The person I wanted to come and administer a little TLC to me. I had visions of porcelain flawless skin, clear blue eyes, golden hair, and the sweetest, tightest ass I’d ever ate or fucked. Of course that was just my dream. I knew he wouldn’t come. Plus this was not exactly how I wanted him to see me. I’d spoken to Justin but we hadn’t been out again since the carnival. I knew he had left Ethan. I'd gotten the news from Mikey. Justin hadn't told me to be exact he seemed to be avoiding me. I called him and stopped in at the diner. Although he seemed pleased to talk with me and see me he gave no indication of wanting more one on one contact. I even asked about the portrait he wanted to do of me. He said he’d get back with me on it. I decided to just give him some space. I was trying to do the one thing I rarely did.....show patience when what I really wanted to do was take him home and fuck his brains out. I would give him until Christmas then I was going to seduce him. Until then I had been swamped at work. Stockwell had kept me busy and I hadn’t had a spare moment to myself. At the moment I needed some help. I could call Mikey but he would make a big production out of it. I could see him calling an ambulance to take me to the hospital. Plus I didn’t want to worry Mikey. He’d had enough of a scare with Ben’s illness last year. I didn’t want to add to all of that. I decided to call the person I knew would come even if it was grudgingly. I didn’t open my eyes as I pressed speed dial and waited for my call to be answered. EVE I was walking out of my self-defense class when I got the call. I let it ring twice debating whether to answer. I didn’t want to be called to do an impromptu appearance at some mall or store opening. I had a date with a dark haired, 6’0” fireman, with well developed biceps, a dimple in his chin, chocolate brown eyes and a large bulge in his jeans. I didn’t intend to let anything interfere with my midday fuck. I tried to ignore the insistent rings but I couldn’t. I worried it might be my Daddy or one of my family members. The least I could do was see who was calling. I got to my car, rambled through my purse and pulled out the cellular, flipped it open, looked at the caller ID. *Now what the hell could he possibly want,* I asked myself irritably. I was still fucking pissed at his ass. Plus I hadn’t heard from him in weeks and now he calls a few days before Christmas. I seriously debated whether or not to answer. Then I remembered *tis was the season of giving and forgiveness.* Regardless to how angry I was with him I couldn’t ignore his call. “What the Hell do you want Kinney?” I asked as I slung my purse in the passenger seat, slammed the door shut and started the car. I was holding the telephone in one hand as I maneuver out of my parking space with the other. “Don’t feel so good,” he groaned. I hadn’t talked to him in weeks. His voice sounded raspy. Nothing like the smooth, deep, sexy, Kinney voice I was so use to hearing. Maybe something was wrong. “Could it be an over indulgence of fucking, sucking, rimming, drinking and drugs? And why the Hell should I care?” I asked sarcastically. “Because we are friends.” “Oh, now you remember,” I said bitterly. I let out a sigh. I wanted to ignore him but he was right. We were friends. Regardless to how angry I was at him nothing would change that. “Why don’t you call Mikey? He’s your friend. At least the one you’ve been speaking to for the last few weeks.” “Want you to come.” He sounded like a pouting little boy. That got to me. Brian didn’t pout. I caved. “What’s wrong with you?“ ”I don’t know.……I feel sick. I’ve already tossed my breakfast.“ He didn’t sound good. If Brian had puked something had to be wrong. I let out a heavy sigh, let go of my anger and grudgingly asked, “What’s wrong?” “Hurt all over. Head feels like it’s about to explode. Hot, cold.” I was in traffic already heading towards his loft. I let out another heavy sigh just for his benefit. “I’ll be there in less than 5 minutes.” I flipped the telephone shut as I barreled through a yellow light. ---------------------- I pushed open the heavy steel door. It was three days before Christmas and Brian’s loft showed no signs of the season. No tree, lights, wreath, garland, poinsettia or brightly wrapped presents. His home was clean and elegant with no signs of the impending holiday season. Even Daph and Justin had a small artificial tree in their living room. I had an eight-foot fir in my family room. I'd invited Daddy, Rodney, Daph, Justin, Aunt Deb, Horvath and even Jennifer and Molly over for dinner and they helped me decorate it. But back to why I was here. I walked to the bedroom. *Damn it stinks,* I thought. I almost gagged. Only a sliver of sunlight managed to peak through where the blinds weren’t completely closed. Those freaky lights were illuminating the bedroom giving it an eerie glow. Brian was stretched out on the bed with the worst bed hair I’ve ever seen on him. Even after hours of fucking Brian’s hair never looked as bad as it looked now. His skin was pasty white and his lips were parched. “Sheesh,” I said aloud holding my nose with the tips of my fingers as I walked further into the bedroom. I walked over to the bed and stepped in something that squished. Oh, Shit! Fuck! Damn! That couldn’t be good. I looked down. I shouldn’t have done that. The sight that greeted me made *me* want to *puke.* “Damn, fucking, shit!” I yelled. I raised my foot and tried to shake Brian’s Puke off my sneaker. “Fucking Hell, Kinney,” I yelled at him. Brian mumbled something unintelligible at my outburst. I kicked off the offending sneakers and crawled on the bed. I felt Brian’s forehead. It was hot and his skin was clammy. He smelled sweaty and faintly of his own puke. I checked his pulse it was steady. I already had my suspicions of what was wrong with him but I‘d have to take him to the doctor’s to make sure. Satisfied that he wasn‘t dying I crawled off the bed. I stumped to the bathroom. Grabbed some towels and spray bottle of lemon scented disinfectant from the linen closet and went back in the bedroom. I cleaned up the floor as best I could with the towels. It was a good thing he had hard wood floors it would have been all but impossible to clean this out of a carpet and get rid of this smell without having it professionally cleaned. I sprayed disinfectant liberally to kill the smell of puke. Finally satisfied that the stench was gone I threw the towels in the hamper in the bathroom. I’d take them home when I left and wash them. I went to Brian’s desk and searched through his PDA until I found his primary physician‘s number. I called the weekend/emergency number and set up an appointment. Well, it was now time to wake the beast. “Hey, wake up, Brian. This is your Angel of Mercy here to make you *all* well,” I said sarcastically. “Brian….Brian.” ***************** BRIAN I heard my name being called. It sounded as if it was coming from above me. I opened my eyes to see Eve straddling my lap. I tried to focus on her face. Her eyebrows were knitted in worry as she stared down at me. “Do you have to yell?” I grumbled. “Get up you have a doctor’s appointment in less than an hour,” she informed me. “I’m not going to a fucking doctor,” I said stubbornly closing my eyes. The last thing I wanted to do was go see some doctor. Doctors were like car mechanics. You take your car in for an oil change and it ended up needing a new transmission. Same applied for doctors. You go in to their office for one thing and you get diagnosed with something totally different. Like for instance Vic. He went to the doctor for a cold came out with AIDS. I knew my thinking was irrational but for some reason I couldn’t control the train of my thoughts. Eve lightly slapped me on my cheek to get my attention. My eyes flew open in surprise. “Oh, yes the HELL you are! I have cancelled a hot fuck to come over here to see about you. Worst than that I’ve stepped in your puke and had to clean it up. You-will-do-what-I-tell-you-which-means-going-to-see-your-fucking-doctor. Now get off YOUR ASS!” “Did the Good Rev. know you talked like this?“ Eve snorted, “Like I really gave a shit what the Rev. thought about me. Don’t *fuck* with me today Kinney I’m not in the mood.“ “That’s not what you said a couple of months ago,“ I reminded her. “Then you were begging me to fuck you.” “How the Hell would you remember. We were both stoned out of our minds that last time.” “Speak for yourself. You were stoned out of your mind. I on the other hand was not.” “Fuck you Kinney.” I gave her a lopsided grin, “You already did.” Eve scowled down at me to show me her displeasure with this conversation but didn’t say anything else to me. She crawled off me and reached her hand out to pull me up. I almost refused her help. I finally grabbed her outstretched hand, struggled but managed to sit up with her help. I swung my legs over the bed and braced myself. I was a little wobbly. I had to take several deep breaths to keep from retching all over again. I closed my eyes and tried to stop the room from spinning around me. Eve looked at me. If possible I knew I was paler now than I was while I was lying down. I’m sure Eve couldn’t remember me with anything other than a perfect tan since she’d met me. As much as I hated it I knew that she would have to try to clean me up before she took me to my doctor’s appointment. My clothes were wrinkled and I reeked of smoke, sex, alcohol and puke. Not a pleasant combination. I definitely couldn’t go to the doctor’s office smelling like that. She got me to sit on the edge of the bed and rummaged through my closet until she found a silk long sleeve blue shirt. She pulled a pair of faded blue jeans off the hanger. She then searched my chest of drawers and pulled out underwear and a white t-shirt, She laid the clothes on the bed. She reached her hand out to help me stand up. “Okay, Brian lean on me,” she said. Eve wrapped one arm around my waist while throwing my arm around her shoulder. I managed to stand leaning on the nightstand and using Eve as support. I looked down at the tiny woman trying to help me up. I tried to smile but it came out more as a grimace. I leaned some of my weight on her but most I balanced on the wall as we made our way to the bathroom. I had broken out in a sweat by the time we reached it. My chest felt like I’d run on the treadmill for hours. Eve looked up at me. I could tell from her expression I didn’t look so good. Sweat was on my forehead and upper lip. That short distance had actually winded me. “Brian lean forward and brace your hands on the wall in front of you,” she ordered. I obeyed too tired to argue. I leaned forward tenting over the toilet. I tried to use one of my hands to unbutton and unzip my pants and realized that I wasn’t steady enough on my feet to complete the task. Then I felt small hands pushing mine aside and adeptly unbuttoning and unzipping my pants. I tried to push her hands away and almost lost my balance and fell. “What’s with the shy act Brian? I’ve held your dick before.” “Yeah, but before you were holding it to suck it. I never needed you to hold it so I could piss,” I mumbled. “Well today you do so stop acting like a dick and just piss. If it makes you feel any better I won’t watch.” “Oh Wow, that makes me feel much better,“ I griped. Eve managed to get me to the bathing area. I sat on a stool leaning against the wall while she tried to pull off my clothes and sponge me off. It was going to take more than this to get me clean but for the time being it would have to do. I mumbled and complained the entire time but Eve managed to get me to brush my teeth, gargle and put on clean clothes. With me leaning on the walls we were able to make it down in the elevator to her car. As much as I was dreading going to the doctor I was willing to try anything to get rid of this bone chilling ache and debilitating nausea. ----------------------------- EVE Brian’s doctor’s office was almost empty. There were a few other males waiting around to be seen. Christmas Carols were playing over the PA system and an a small tree was decorated and positioned on top of a table in the corner of the office. I settled a moaning, disgruntled Brian in a chair and went to the receptionist desk to sign him in and filled out a short form. I handed the form back to the receptionist with Brian’s credit card for payment. The receptionist read the form and looked me up and down. “And what relationship are you to Mr. Kinney?” she asked. I stared back at her. I didn’t like the way she was looking at me. Like I had stolen something or was about to steal something. “Does it matter?” She looked a little taken back by my question. “Well, for further reference it may be helpful. Plus you are using his credit card for payment.” I gave her a frigid glare. “Well since he is sitting right there,“ I pointed to Brian, “you can be assured that I didn’t steal the card. I’m a family member that’s all you need to know.” I know my answer really caught her off guard. For the obvious reason. I know she wanted to point out our different races but she didn’t dare. I gave her a little smirk, “We are a very diverse family.” My answer seemed to piss her off. I could tell she wanted to call me on it but she didn’t pursue it. I think she could tell from the look on my face that it wouldn’t be a good idea. Instead she gave me a frigid look. That’s fine I could give frigid looks with the best of them. “Have a seat we’ll call you in a minute.” It was more like 20 minutes before we were ushered in the exam room. Brain mumbled and groaned through the whole exam. He was definitely not a good patient. He was acting like a Big Baby and a total DICK. As I had suspected he had the flu and an added discomfort of a throat infection. That‘s what he got from sucking too much dick I thought nastily then realized that wasn‘t true. The doctor told me that sometimes people would get an ear, nose and/or throat infection with a cold or flu. He wrote Brian a prescription and gave me a few instructions about Brian’s care. Brian and I were back at the loft in an hour. The trip to the doctor had totally worn him out. He passed out as soon as I was able to get him to his bed. I pulled off his shoes, unbuttoned and unzipped his pants and threw the comforter over him. I just didn’t have the strength to try to get him out of his clothes. I knew I was going to need some help with Brian. Then a little mischievous light went on in my head. I decided it was time to give Brain and Justin another little push. I called the diner for Justin. “Hey, Eve what’s up?” He asked cheerfully. “I need your help Justin. It’s and emergency.” “Sure. What do you need?” “It’s Brian he’s really sick. I can’t take care of him alone.” “I’m on my way.” The line went dead. I heard Brian moaning I got a bottle of cold water and I went in the bedroom. I tried to lift him up against the wall with no success. I finally straddled his waist and tried to pull him in a semi sitting position with a little help from him I was successful. “Brian you need to take this. It’ll help you feel better.“ “She was right,“ he mumbled. “I shouldn’t have fucked you. Only clouds things up.“ I let out a sigh. I wondered who the *she* was that had told him that but I wasn’t going to pry. As long as Justin didn’t find out that was all that mattered. “Do you regret it?“ I asked. I looked into Brian’s feverish eyes. He seemed to be having trouble concentrating. “No I don’t. Just maybe it wasn’t the wisest thing to do.“ I smiled I was afraid he was going to tell me he regretted it happened. I agreed that it shouldn’t have happened I just didn’t want Brian or me to be sorry for our actions. It was just important to me. “You are right it wasn’t our wisest decision but I don’t regret it.“ “Should have done your show,” he said. I knew that was the closest I’d get to an apology from Brian so I took it. “It’s okay. You’ll do it another time.” “Deal,” he said. "I...." I hesitated. I wasn’t used to making apologies. "I should have told you about Heather. I won't keep something like that from you again," I promised. It was as close as I got to an apology. He tried to smile but he couldn’t. I finally managed to get him to take his medicine. Then he settled back down and fell asleep. I sat back on the sofa and propped my legs on the table. I cut on the TV and watched a Christmas movie. I heard the door being pushed open and looked up to see Justin coming through the door. He hadn’t wasted any time. He must have left the diner as soon as he hung up talking to me. He dropped his bag on the floor near the door, hung his coat up on the coat rack and made his way to me. “How is he?” he asked anxiously. “Not so great. He has the flu. He's running a fever and he has a throat infection on top of the flu. I stopped off at the store and picked up some soup, bread, ice cream, Gatorade, juice, and his prescriptions. I also grabbed some chocolate, sodas, and double stuffed cookies. It's was for me but since you will be here I'll leave it for you.” “Thanks, Eve. Brian rarely keeps snacks around the house. He must really hate this. Brian has never been sick.” Justin kept looking up at the bedroom. I could tell he was in a hurry to get to Brian. “Believe me it was no picnic taking him to his doctor. He groaned and complained through the entire exam.” Justin smiled indulgently as he looked in the bedroom. “Brian can be difficult in the best circumstances.” “Well, now that you are here I’m going to leave him in your capable hands. His medicine is on the nightstand. He just took some,“ I checked my wrist watch, “about 30 minutes ago. He really needs a shower. He’ll probably feel better if he can get one. The doctor just said plenty of fluids, sleep and make sure he takes his medicine as directed.” “Thanks, Eve. You don’t have to worry about coming back by today. I took the rest of the day off and I’ll spend the night. I'll call Daph and let her know what's going on.” “Good. I’ll call the family tomorrow morning and let them know he has the flu. No need to call them today. I think he needs rest today and not company.” “I agree. I’ll handle everything tonight. You’ll make sure that no one comes over here before 1:00 p.m. tomorrow. If Brian’s resting I don’t want them to disturb him.” “Great,” I said. I grabbed my coat and purse. “If you need some relief just give me a call. I have dinner plans with Daddy tonight. You don’t mind if I tell him. Daddy won’t tell anyone until tomorrow. They are airing the Christmas special for my show Christmas Eve so maybe you can watch it.” “I wouldn’t miss it. You let me and Daph sing jingle bell. I have to see it. You’ve made us famous,” he teased. “More like infamous,” I joked. I took one last look at the bundle in the bed, “I better be going. I have a lot to do. I’ll call you later just to check on Brian. I leaned up and kissed Justin. “Take care, Sunshine.” I headed for the door. I knew I was leaving Brian in capable hands. Maybe this would be it. Their coming together. I hoped so. I stepped outside. The steel door slid shut behind me. I hope that the two men behind that door would finally make up. Because not only was tis the season to be Jolly, to be giving and to offer forgiveness it was also the season of love.