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We were lying on our backs in the dry open field. Which was great for me. Usually the tall grasses and the fields blooming with flowers made my eyes, nose run and made me sneeze. This time of the year was better there wasn’t as many flowers and trees blooming. We were eating the few apples I had grabbed. The harvest was not as plentiful as in earlier years. These apples weren’t as juicy or sweet as ones from years before. The Union army had burned much of the crops and those that were spared were far and few and those that were trying to grow again were doing so slowly. It was a beautiful day. Not the sweltering heat of the summer but warm and languid a breeze blowing across the open field. In Georgia it rarely got cold before October and then the temperatures were mild. Blue Ridge and other mountain areas got snow but Atlanta rarely did. It could get cold but it didn’t last long not like in New York. I was staring off in space thinking of the beautiful man I had just left in his office. The beautiful man I would be seeing later that evening. When he first turned around and locked those sparkling green-gold eyes on me I stopped breathing. In all my years I had never met anyone as beautiful as this man. His eyebrows were thick and perfectly arched. Thick dark eyelashes framed his arresting green-gold eyes. His eyes were direct and burned with life. His skin was golden, the sun streaming through the open window streaked his chestnut hair with burnished reds and golds. He had a slim elegant nose, high cheekbones, and his lips….his lips were full, firm and red. They looked soft and delicious. I wanted to reach out and trace them with the tip of my tongue. He had a strong jaw and a determined pointed chin. His voice was deep and husky. It set tingles off all over me. Major Kinney had a beautiful body to match his face. He was long and lean. Before he turned to face me I trailed my eyes from the top of his head to the bottom of his black leather boots. His shoulders were wide, he had a strong back, and narrow waist and what little I could see past his blue uniform jacket he seemed to have a nice firm ass. His thighs were long and firm with tight-corded muscles. I finally understood what those writers of the female romance novels Daphne and I read each evening meant when they stated *flushed with burgeoning heat, or her heart palpitated wildly; her body was suffused with a warm glow and last but not least she swooned at the sight of him. That is exactly the way I felt when I saw Major Kinney. When his large strong-callused hand engulfed mine a jolt went through out my entire body. My man area swelled in my pants. I thought that I had loved Ethan. That I was enchanted with him. I was so wrong. So very, very wrong. I didn’t feel a tenth for Ethan what I felt for this man and I knew much less about him. Looking at Major Kinney I finally knew what love was. It was being completely breathless because some one looks at you. It was being unable to put a name to the feelings another person invokes in you. It was being swept away and the person has yet to touch you or utter a sweet word to you. It was wanting to be with that person and you knew nothing about them. I was totally in love with Major Brian Kinney. It took me a few seconds to realize that Daphne was speaking to me. “Justin aren’t you listening? I’m talking to you. You’re thinking about him, huh?” She asked. She rolled over on her side facing me. Her chin was propped on her hands as those beautiful brown eyes stared intently at me. “Who?” She smirked and threw her apple core at me. “You know *who.* That man in the Army Office. The Major. The one you said had the face of a god.” I let out a sigh. I didn’t answer her. My feelings were rioting. I had never felt like this before. I was giddy and sick at the same time. I couldn’t get the Major off my mind. The way he smelled a mixture of tobacco, some woodsy scent and sweat. That was the biggest turn on the smell of his clean sweat. I closed my eyes and remembered the touch of his hand on mine. The sound of his voice when he said my name and the tilting of his lips in to that slight smile. And mostly I could not get his body out of my mind. I could not get him off my mind. “He asked me to take him around the Peachtree Creek area.” “What did you tell him?” “I said yes.” Daphne looked shocked, “Do you think that is wise? What if he finds out about your Father?” I let out a sigh, “He will not. I’ll make sure.” Daphne took my word on it. “Justin can I ask you a question?” I snorted. Daphne always asked that when she was about to be a little busy body. “Nothing I can say will stop you,” I smirked. She ignored me. “Do you like that Major Kinney the way those ladies in the romance novels like men?” Her question startled me. I wondered if I was that obvious. I hoped not. I did not know much but I knew that it was a sin for a man to love another man. “Daphne why would you even think that?” I tried to sound insulted and shocked. I do not think I was very convincing. She tilted her head to the side the way she did when she was thinking. “You never talk about kissing girls. That fresh Lilly is always trying to get you to walk her down the street or come for a glass of cool juice at her house and you never go. At least three times a week Sarah Thompson tries to get you to go riding with her or come to her home to dinner and you always say no. I’ve never heard you say that you wanted to kiss a girl. The only person you have ever talked about was Ethan. When you came back from up in New York. You talked about him all the time. How romantic he was. How sweet and gentle he was. How dark and haunting his eyes were. I know it made you sad to leave him. You moped about for months. And when he didn’t write you I could tell you were sad. You have a big smile on your face when you talk about Major Kinney. You never smile like that when you talk about girls or even that Ethan. I think Major Kinney makes you happy. I think you love him. I think you want to marry him.” “Daph! Never say that again! It could get me in trouble! It’s against the laws of God and the laws of the land for a man to love another man! I could go to the penitentiary or even worst be put to death for that act!” “That’s unfair,” she said indignantly. “You shouldn’t be punished for loving someone. The romance novels say that you don’t have a choice of who you love. It just occurs.” I had to smile. Daphne was so bright and educated. She still stumbled over some words but she was better educated than a lot of people. And for everything I’ve taught her she could still be so naďve. “Daph it’s different.” I didn’t know how to explain this to her. “Daphne men are supposed to love women, get married and have children. Men aren’t allowed to love men or to marry other men. Man and Man cannot have children and prosper and multiply which is why men and women marry. So, it’s a sin for a man to love a man. To know another man in the biblical sense. For that reason Daph you must promise me never to say that I like men around anyone else. Promise me!” “I promise Justin,” she said solemnly. “I’d never do anything to harm you. Remember we promised to always take care of each other. You’re my brother. I’m you sister. I’ll never let anyone harm you.”She launched herself in my arms. I hugged her tight. “Yes, we did. And we will.” We hugged for a long time. I loved her so much. I’d do almost anything to keep her safe. Anything! She leaned back and looked me in the eyes. “You can tell me Justin. I promise I won’t tell anyone else. Do you like that Major Kinney? The way those ladies in the romance novels like their heroes?” For a long moment I didn’t speak. I’d never ever admitted this to anyone. It had always been my sinful secret. Something I was afraid to share with anyone. Then I thought about Daphne. We shared so many secrets. This one couldn’t be any worse that the other secrets we shared. I gave her a wistful smile. “Yes, Daph I like him. He is absolutely beautiful. I have never met a man like him before.” Daphne jumped with excitement. “Justin that’s just Grand! Does he like you?” I shrugged. “I don’t know. He only asked me to take him around the Peachtree Creek area.” “Are you going to kiss him?” Now I was shocked. I could feel the blush spreading across my cheeks, “Daph! We just met. I don’t know if he even likes me *in that way.* “How will you know if he likes you?” “If he holds my hand like Ethan used to do.” Daphne nodded her head in understanding. “That’s a good way to tell if a man likes you. All the romance novels say so. One day I’m going to fall in love, hold hands and get married.” “One day Daph I hope you do and me too.” ------------- Tonight when I got home I let Daphne convince me to change into another shirt and pants. She was more excited about this evening than I. She had spent far too many hours reading those romance novels. I needed to assure that she spent as much time reading Shakespeare, Stowe, Haret, Melville and Dickens as she did her romance novels. I put on the blue cotton shirt that Daph said made my eyes look as blue as the sky. While I used Daph’s lavender scented soap to wipe off the sweat and dust of the day from my neck, chest, face and hands she cleaned the caked on red mud off my boots. When I came down to dinner Mother commented on how nice it was that I had changed for dinner. If she only knew I’d changed to impress another man. As usual dinner was a strained affair. Mother and Father talked about what each had done that day and what their plans were for the next day. The only thing I wanted was for the dinner to end. I really hated having dinner in the large dining room. It made no sense to me why 3 people still ate in a room designed to hold at least 12 people. I usually took my meals in the kitchen with Daphne but tonight Mother had insisted that I eat dinner with she and Father like a normal family. Not wanting to cause an undue scene I acquiesced to her wishes. After dinner I assured that Daphne was safely locked in my room reading “The Whale by Herman Melville” before I left. I’m sure she was reaching for a romance novel before I could shut and lock the door. I did not want Daph to go to her room alone. I still did not trust the new foreman father had hired. He lived down stairs in the servant’s quarters. I thought Daph was safer in my room. My room had a sturdier door than her room. An added incentive was that I had a lock on my door. I was almost out the door when Father called me into his study. Tonight of all nights Father wanted to give me one of his grandiose lectures on my responsibility to the family name. I sat in the stiff backed chair as my Father paced back in forth in front of me. I listened as he talked and talked. I had long reasoned there was nothing Father liked better than hearing the sound of his own voice. Tonight’s lecture included his speech on the importance of my attending Dartmouth or Brown. In his words *two fine institutions.* Two educational institutions that I had no interest in attending yet I had given him my word that I would attend. My mind was far from his lecture. I was thinking ahead to the moment I could be back in the presence of Major Kinney. My thoughts drifted to fanciful imaginations of holding his hand and placing kisses on his cheeks as we walked the banks of Peachtree Creek. I glanced at the clock in the corner of Father’s study it was almost half past the hour and Father showed no signs of winding down his lecture. If I did not leave soon I would be late for my assignation with Major Kinney. -------------------- As I rode to meet Brian I saw dark clouds off in the horizon. Georgia storms could creep up suddenly. Brian was waiting when I arrived. I pulled my Bay up to his Stallion. He raised one of his elegant eyebrows, “You are late Mr. Taylor.” “I’m sorry sir. My Father decided to tell me his plans for my future. He gets a little long winded when he’s planning my life,” I was irritated but I hoped my statement came out in a teasing manner. Brian gave me his little half-smile smirk as he guided his large horse beside me. I kept up with his steady gait. “What are your Father’s plans for your future?” I grimaced, “He wants me to attend Dartmouth, get a degree in business and take over the factory.” “That’s what your Father wants you to do. What do you want to do?” I let a wistful smile flit across my face, “I would like to travel. Visits the great art museums and opera houses.” Brian stared at me. He had that half smile-smirk on his face I was becoming used to. “If you get the money you should travel to Europe. I think you would like it.” ”Have you ever traveled abroad, Major Kinney?” “When we are alone you may call me Brian,” he told me softly. I gave him a smile as he continued talking. “Yes, when I was young, a little older than you are I spent a few months in Europe. Once when I was idealistic I wanted to live abroad. They are more open minded and accepting of certain inclinations and desires. Ah Youth,” he said derisively. “I was so young and naive then. So full of fanciful dreams. Now I just want open plains and solitude. When my commission with the service is over I’m going out to the Western Territories.” Just the thought of going to Europe excited me beyond words. The fact he been there and was now going to live in a wild undiscovered place was so exiting and adventurous. “Oh that must be Grand! To have traveled. To be bold and brave enough to move to the Western Territories. But it’s so dangerous! I read that the territories are filled with wild savages running naked scalping and killing settlers.” Brian laughed at my naivety. “Yes, there are Indians in the territories and there have been some skirmishes between them and the settlers. Although I think there is more fiction to the stories that are brandied about than fact. The danger of the Indian uprisings does not change my decision to move there. After the war it’s going to take more than Indians to frighten me from moving out there.” “You are going to live out there? In the wild?” “Yes, I am.” I was quiet for a moment. Just the idea of moving far away from my parents was so appealing. Moving to a land that was inaccessible to them. I could not see my Father or Mother coming out to an uncivilized land. That one fact made the Western Territories very appealing. For a while we rode in silence. We rode side by side along the Peachtree Banks. The sky became overcast as I led Brian around the Peachtree Creek Area and the wind picked up a little rustling the trees. We stopped occasionally as Brian asked questions about the surrounding homes and plantations. Mostly we stayed along the Creek area that was not visible to homes and plantations. I watched as Brian squatted and examine something along the banks. A flag had been erected to mark the spot where Colonel Stockwell had been found. He pushed back some wet brush and leaves and picked up something. It looked like a piece of cloth. Brian examined it, then folded it and stuffed it in his pocket. I was curious. “Did you find something Maj—Brian?” It felt strange but sort of intimate saying his first name. “I didn’t find anything important.” He gave me the first genuine smile I’d ever seen as he looked at me. “I like hearing the sound of my name – on your lips.” I almost fell off my horse. Not so much as what he said but how it was said. It was the most romantic thing anyone had ever said to me. For all Ethan’s romantic words they didn’t hold the same power as the few words Brian just said. The wind that had been blowing steadily since we left the edge of town suddenly picked up force. Brian stood up and looked in the direction of the wind. Thunder could be heard rumbling in the distance. “That storm is moving fast.” He looked around. We were a couple of miles away from town and certainly couldn’t seek shelter at my home. As I was contemplating this I felt the first drops of rain. “Come on. I know a place we can wait out the approaching storm.” I showed Brian to a spot that only me, Daph and a few others knew existed. Dismounting we led our horse through the covering. We pushed back the heavy vine leaves and moved through a narrow leaf covered entry until we reached a large cavernous opening. The opening was actually a small shed that had been neglected and forgotten. Over the years vines and leaves had covered it until it had virtually blended in to the landscape. I lit the candles as Brian walked around inspecting the small shack. It smelled damp and a little moldy. The candles cast a yellow glow over the small room. The wood floor was covered with straw, dirt, and leaves. The walls were caked with soot and dirt. The sound of the powerful wind and rain could be heard beating against the shack. The only furniture in the shack was a table and small wooden stool. Although the table was sturdy enough to hold my weight it did wobble. I brushed some dirt out of the way and hopped up on the table. I swung my legs back and forth as I waited on Brian to finish his perusal of the shed. “Who owns this place?” “I don’t really know. It’s just an old forgotten and abandoned shed. Daph and I came across it one day while picking muscadines off the vines outside. Before and during the war it was used as a hideout for runaway slaves.” “How do you know that?” I boasted, “Daph and I came across some slaves in here one day. It was right before the war broke out. An overseer was looking for them. We distracted the overseer to get him away from this place so they wouldn’t be found. Daph and I were very proud of that.” “That was a very honorable and dangerous undertaking on your part and Daph’s.” I was solemn for a moment. “When you live with something as a way of life you don’t look at it very closely. My Uncle Rodney had a very significant impact on my life. He showed me the indignity and horror of slavery. And when I learned that Daph was my sister I became more and more convinced that slavery was wrong and should be abolished.” “You and Daph did a very brave thing. I am proud of you,” he said sincerely. I basked in his praise. I let my eyes wander over Brian’s body. He looked so dashing in his uniform. I imagined that he looked great in anything he put on. Brian walked toward me. My eyes never left his. He stood in front of me and I leaned my head back to focus on his face. He glanced around the shed again before letting his eyes rest on my face. “I would have imagined this was a place where wayward lovers met. Have you ever brought a lover here Justin?” My name rolled off his tongue like a caress. I swallowed nervously, “Ah, No. No, Brian I haven’t.” He moved closer to me. I could smell him. The scent of the horse clung to the fabric of his clothes. I could smell a sweet tobacco smell also and then there was this fresh woodsy smell. Perhaps his soap or lather he used to shave. I loved the combined smells on him. His tongue peeked out between his luscious lips and then disappeared behind them. My eyes followed the movement. I knew my breathing increased. My palms felt sweaty. “Have you ever had a lover before, Justin?” I swallowed nervously and answered, “Yes. When I was in New York.” Brian moved even closer until his thighs touched my knees. He pushed my thighs open and stood between them. I slid back on the table. My inner thighs touched his. The pose seemed so intimate. More intimate than I had ever been with a man before. I could feel the heat radiating from Brian’s body. “Tell me about him?” He said it so softly it took me a few seconds to realize he said him and not her. I gasped. He knew. “W-what d-do you…” I was stammering incoherently. He traced a long finger down the side of my face stopping at the corner of my lip. I almost swallowed my tongue. The sensation was more intense than anything I’d ever felt before. “It’s okay. You’re safe with me.” He promised. His eyes held no deceit only interest. I believed him. I took a deep breath and answered his question, “His name was Ethan Gold. He was a great violinist. He wanted to play for the orchestra when he graduated. I met him when I was thirteen. He was sixteen. He seemed so worldly. He had already been to Europe.” “What did you and Ethan do when you were alone together?” “We would lay together and touch and hold hands and kiss. I listened to Ethan tell me about the great life he would lead when he joined the New York orchestra.” Brian leaned in his breath was hot against my ear. I was rock hard in seconds. Brian whispered in my ear, “Where did he touch you?” I gulped down air. “My hair, my hands, my face and sometimes we’d rub each other through our pants in our private parts.” Brian leaned in closer. His lips touched my ear they were soft, smooth and warm against my skin. Then I realized that his hands were on the fastening of my trousers slowly releasing each one. His husky voice distracted me. “How did it feel?” I was trying to concentrate on his words but all I could think about was those long slender fingers releasing my pants. Brain’s voice and warm breath on the side of my face, near my ear brought me back to his question. “What did you feel Justin?” I thought about what I felt for Ethan. It was nothing like the emotions that were wrecking havoc on my body right now. I tried to answer Brian’s question. “Ethan evoked very gentle, soft, sweet feelings in me.” Brian scoffed, “Do not worry Sunshine those are not emotions I intend evoking in you.” Before his words were out of his mouth his hands eased inside my underwear and gripped me in his tight fist just as his other hand gripped my neck and he pulled my face to his locking his lips with mine. He was right soft and gentle were not the emotions he was invoking in me.