BRIAN I hated hospitals. As far as I was concerned other than Gus’ birth hospitals had only represented pain and death. The disinfectant cleansers couldn’t mask the smells of sickness, despair and death. This was the second time I’d been called to the hospital for Eve. Although, Justin, Vic, and Rodney were with me something told me this time wasn’t going to be like the last time. My luck had run out on this one. I looked over at Vic. He was squeezing Rodney’s hand so tight I was surprised it hadn’t broken. Justin was looking a little pale and shaky. I draped my arm around his shoulder as we walked through the sliding doors. “It’s going to be alright,” I assured as I squeezed his shoulders. He gave me a shaky smile, “I hope you’re right.” We stopped at the desk and were directed to the intensive care unit. We spotted Heather as soon as we pushed open the double doors. She was sitting in the waiting area her head bowed and her hands covering her face. By the slump of her shoulders I knew it wasn’t good news. She looked up as we approached and my heart began to beat rapidly in my chest. Her eyes were red rimmed and filled with confusion, pain and helplessness. She slowly rose from her seat and I watched in fear as the tears slowly trailed down her cheeks unchecked. Vic reached out and enveloped her in a hug. She hugged him tightly as the tears and sobs racked her body. “What happened?” Vic managed to ask. His voice was raw and chocked with pain. “I don’t know all the details. The police told me the guy that hit her was speeding and distracted. A motorist that saw the accident told the police that he saw the driver text messaging. He ran the red light. He hit her, she swerved to miss an oncoming car and her car flipped a few times. The Firefighters had to cut her from her car.” “Oh, My God,” Vic moaned as he held her tighter. “Oh, my God,” he repeated. He finally asked the question that was on all of our minds. “H – How is she?” He managed to get out. “It’s…it’s not good.” She answered bleakly. It seemed as if those words had sucked all the strength and life from her body. I watched as she seemed to visibly shrink in front of us. Those few words sucked all the air out of the room. I looked at Vic and he seemed to have aged in front of my eyes. The enormity of what Heather was saying weighed heavily on him. Justin squeezed closer to me. I looked down at him and I could see the tears forming in his eyes. I was still in a state of shock. I couldn’t seem to take in anything that Heather was saying. I’d just spoken with Eve. She’d been so full of life and laughter. She’d sounded so happy. This couldn’t be happening this had to be a mistake. She’d beaten cancer. She was recovering and now…and now this. It seemed so unfair, so ironic. Heather finally stepped away from Vic and tried to pull herself together. “Come on. I just stepped out for a moment. The doctor was with her.” We solemnly followed Heather. Her words were still ringing in my ears. ‘It’s not good.’ That’s all I could hear. I felt like a weight was around my neck pulling me down as I walked behind her. I couldn’t imagine the pain Vic must be feeling. This was his daughter. She’d only just come back into his life and now…now. I couldn’t bring myself to think of what was happening. I wasn’t ready to process it. My thoughts strayed to Gus. As a father I felt Vic’s pain. Justin was walking so close to me he had become an extension of my side. I looked at him. He was pale and his face was drawn. He was leaning on me for support. I hoped that I could give him the support that he needed. Heather pushed opened the door and we walked in behind her. I don’t think any of us were prepared for what we saw. Vic gasped in shock. Justin began to weep quietly beside me. I tried to comfort him. I looked at Eve lying in the hospital bed. Her small body barely made a hump in the hospital bed. Tubes were running through her arms, nose and from beneath the white sterile hospital sheets. I shuddered to think what other parts of her body those tubes were attached. Her face was swollen and bruised. She looked nothing like the vibrant woman we all knew. She looked so still, so gray… so lifeless. The beeps and hisses of the machines were the only indications that she was still alive. Something told me it was the machines that were keeping her rooted to this world. I stood frozen as memories of her floated around me. It was hard to fit those memories and images with the form that was lying in the bed. It was like Eve was already gone and what was left was the broken shell that had housed a spirit too big, too bright to dynamic for this world. The doctor walked forward. He was solemn. “Mr. Grassi?” He asked. Vic stepped forward. “I’m Victor Grassi.” The doctor was direct and to the point. “She’s barely holding on. We’ve done all we could, but the internal damage and head injuries were massive. It’s only a matter of time.” The finality of his words hit us all like a hammer. I watched as his words penetrated all of us. Vic stepped away from Rodney and looked from the doctor to us. “I’d like to be alone with her for a little while.” The doctor bowed his head in understanding. Rodney squeezed Vic’s shoulder in a gesture of support. I did the same. I watched him slowly walk over to the bed. He eased into the chair beside the bed and gently lifted Eve’s small hand and raised it to his lips. “I’m here baby. I’m here.” Maybe I was projecting, but I felt a serenity and calmness settle over the room. It was as if our presence was all that Eve needed. I had an eerie feeling that Eve was leaving us now. I tried to shake the feeling away, but it stayed with me. It was a macabre thought, but I felt as if Eve had left the room and the only thing remaining was her body. We left the room to give father and daughter the privacy they deserved. We’d barely stepped out of the door before the doctor addressed Heather. “Is Mr. Kinney, the father here?” It took a minute for her words to register. I was a little confused, but I turned to her. “I’m Brian Kinney, but Eve’s father is Vic. We just left him in her room.” “Yes, I know. I’m talking about the father of Eve’s daughters.” I was really confused now. “What is he talking about?” I asked turning to Heather. “It’s a long story Brian and now isn’t the time to go into all the specifics of why and how. Right now you just need to know that Eve delivered two girls today. They’re premature.” The doctor jumped in and took over. “Yes, due to Eve’s massive injuries from the accident and the trauma we had to deliver them by an emergency C-section.” I was totally rendered speechless. I could barely wrap my mind around Eve’s accident and I was being told that I had two daughters. Justin looked up at me as confused as I was. “Brian, is it possible?” My mind raced. Yes, it was possible. It was more than possible. “Yeah, it’s possible. I’ll explain later,” I promised. Justin nodded in acceptance. I didn’t have time to think or explain an overwhelming need to see them came over me. I looked at the doctor. “Can I see them?” “Of course, follow me. I’ll take you to them.” We followed him down a long hallway, to an elevator. We exited five floors up. We walked through another long hallway and double doors that led to the neonatal unit. “Only the father is allowed in,” he said as we reached two double doors. I held Justin closely. “This is my partner and their legal guardian.” He stared at us stonily, but she relented. “Very well, come with me.” We followed him to a nurse’s station. “This is Dr. Morgan. She delivered the twins.” The Dr. came from behind the station. “You must be Brian,” she said as she reached out her hand to shake mine. She had a very heavy island accent. “Yes, I am.” “First thing. Brianna Faith and Victoria Grace are both doing well.” “Brianna and Victoria?” Justin repeated. ‘Yes, Eve was very adamant that I knew the names for her daughters. She seemed to have a premonition that she wouldn’t make it through labor.” Dr. Morgan lapsed into deep thought. She seemed to brace herself and continued. “I promised her that I’d remember to name the first daughter Brianna Faith and the second Victoria Grace.” “Brian she named them after you and Vic,” Justin said through his tears. “Yeah,” was my only response. I was still trying to wrap my mind around a child. “You’ll have to scrub in and put these on,” the doctor instructed. Justin and I did as instructed and followed her thorough yet another door. The room was filled with incubators, we only walked for a short distance before we stopped. They were incubators side by side. I was totally awestruck. My daughters. They were so tiny. “Brianna Faith weighed four pounds and three ounces. Victoria Grace was a little smaller at three pounds and twelve ounces. They need to stay in the hospital, but if they continue to do well and gain weight they should be able to go home in within the month.” She looked at the men. “I’ll leave you here to get acquainted with your daughters.” I barely noticed the doctor leaving. Justin and I were too focused on the two tiny squirming babies in front of them. ---------------- EVE I looked down at Brian and Justin. I could leave now. My family was here and my daughters were safe. I looked down at them lovingly one more time. I floated by and whispered my love to them in their ears. I looked up the light was brighter now it was calling me. I looked at my loves one last time and floated to the light. My life in this realm was over. ----------------- BRIAN We took the elevator back to intensive care unit. We hadn’t talked much. I knew we’d have plenty of time to talk later. Now was not the time. We both knew Eve was dead when we round the corner. Heather was seated with her hands over her face sobbing uncontrollably. Dry racking sobs wrecked Vic’s body as he held on to Rodney. I grabbed the arm of the Doctor as he passed by. “She passed a few minutes ago.” He said solemnly. “There was nothing more we could do for her. The reports came back and she had no brain activity. She had a DNR on her file.” I nodded in understanding and let the doctor pass. I reached out and pulled Justin in his arms. His grief and pain shook his body with such force; I didn’t know how he managed to stand. As I held Justin tightly, I didn’t know who was holding up the other. I didn’t remember much of the rest of the time at the hospital. I signed papers and Vic signed papers. Before we left the hospital for the night Vic had a chance to see his granddaughters through the nursery visitation window. It was nearly morning when we made it to the condo that Heather and Eve shared. We were all were tired and grief stricken. We’d made numerous calls to family and friends and had been on the telephone for what seemed like hours. There were so many details that had to be taken care of. Justin and I had to make arrangements for staying in Philadelphia until the girls were strong enough to be move to Pittsburgh. Heather stepped in and told us that we could use the condo. Vic and Rodney retired to the bedroom to rest. I could tell by Vic’s face that he wouldn’t be sleeping. He looked like he’d aged 20 years in only a few hours. I was so lost in thoughts that he didn’t notice Heather until she was right in front of me. “Eve promised me that if anything happened I’d give this to you.” I took the envelope from her hands and turned it over several times before I looked back up at Heather. “What is this?” The corners of her mouth lifted up in a small smile, “If you don’t recognize a letter, you’re not as smart as Eve always professed you were.” I let out a small laugh. The first one I’d had all night. I looked at Heather. Eve had loved her and I knew she’d loved Eve. The pain of Eve’s lost was etched in every crevice of her face. She’d cried off all of her make-up and she looked pale and haunted. I squeezed Heather’s hand. “How are you doing?” Heather’s lips quirked into a sad smile, “I’m still breathing. Right now that’s all I can say.” She paused for a minute. “I feel…I feel like someone just ripped my heart out of my body.” She shut her eyes in an effort to shut out the pain. She slowly opened her eyes. “I’ll leave you to that.” She said indicating the letter. She squeezed my hand, slowly released it and walked away. My eyes followed her retreat. I could only imagine her pain. I thought about how I’d feel if Justin died. The thought caused me so much pain that it was hard to breathe for a moment. I slowly inhaled and let out a cleansing breath. The condo was so quiet and solemn. The blackness of the night drew me out on the balcony. I slowly open the envelope and took out the sheet up paper, unfolded it with reverence and read Eve’s final words me. --------------------------------- If you’re reading this that can only mean one thing. You’re a smart boy so I won’t state the obvious. lol! I was hoping I’d be around to get you adjusted to the idea of being a father, but since I’m not I’ve made Justin their guardian, so he can support you as you learn to be their caregiver. I know that you probably think it will be best if you gave them to my grandparents or even my Dad to raise, but that’s not what they need. They need you. They need your love and support. They need their father more than anything now. They’re depending on you, Brian. Don’t let them down. Don’t worry so much either. You have a great support system. With Justin, My Dad, Daphne, Aunt Deb and my grandparents there will always be someone around to help you when you need it. You can do this. Don’t let any so-called well-meaning person convince you that you can’t be a great father for our daughters. You can and you will be. You have so much love in you, Kinney. Don’t be afraid to show it. Oh, and please don’t punk out on me and do a lot of crying and whining and moaning over my death. I’m dead. Of course, I wish I wasn’t but hey that’s life. We don’t always get what we want. I’ve lived a great life. I have no regrets. I’ve had all the things that were important to me in life…the love and support of family and friends. I believe there is life after earth. I’ve moved on to that place now. I never expected to have kids, but carrying Faith and Grace was my greatest gift in life. They were my blessing. They were my greatest love. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love these two little girls. I was willing to give everything for them…even my life. Thank you, Brian. In the midst of the cancer and the pain and sickness knowing that I was nurturing two small lives kept me going, kept me strong, gave me the Faith and Grace to face my illness and to fight to stay healthy. I ask three things of you. One, I know you’re not much of a religious person, but try to expose Faith and Grace to religion. Give them a chance to make their own decision on religion. Two, tell them about me and how much I loved them and how much I'll always love them.. Three, don’t worry about the conventional notions of raising daughters. I trust you and Justin with all my heart. You’re going to make mistakes, but that just part of being parents. Follow your instincts and your heart when raising them and you’ll do a wonderful job. I think that’s it. You know me. I’m not a mushy emotional person. I say what I have to say and that’s the end of it. I’m going to miss you asshole. More than you’ll ever know. Take Care, Be Happy, Eve. ------------------------ I folded the letter and leaned on the banister to look out into the misty Philadelphia night. My emotions were in turmoil. Tonight had been a moment of my greatest pain and my greatest joy. Life and Death, Eve and Faith and Grace. How could I ever help my daughters to celebrate their birth as they mourned their mother’s death? I realized that things in my life were going to change. When Gus was born my life had remained pretty much the same. I paid child support and took Gus out from time to time, but that was about the extent of the changes in my life. Lindz and Mel were Gus’s primary care giver. I was still able to hand out all night, do drugs and fuck everything moving. This was different. I was their only parent. I had two small lives depending on me. Tonight when I signed the birth certificate I took the responsibility of their life. I was responsible for the well being and care of my daughters. Eve thought I could do it. For the first time, in a very ling time, I prayed. I prayed that I wouldn’t let my daughters down. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts and fears that I didn’t hear Justin when he came out on the Balcony. He came up behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist and laid his head on my back. “How’s Daphne?” I asked. “She’s not taking it well, but no one is really.” “Hmm,” I answered still lost in thought. Justin was right the last few hours of notifying family and friends had been difficult and stressful on all of us. “Daphne said she had to go. Said she had something she had to take care of.” Justin paused. I knew he was worried about Daphne. Eve and Daphne had been very close. Justin noticed the letter in my hand, “What does the letter say?” He asked. I handed the letter over to Justin. Justin unwrapped his arms from around me, took the letter and read it silently. When he finished reading it he wrapped his arms around me again and laid his cheek on my back. “She’s right, you know. You can do this. We can do this.” “Justin, this is a lot of responsibility. You have your whole life ahead of you. You need to finish college and concentrate on your art. I don’t want you to feel that you’re trapped.” Justin squeezed me, “I don’t feel trapped. I can still finish college and concentrate on my art and be a father to Faith and Grace.” “It’ll be difficult,” I warned. Justin smiled, “Of course, it will, if parenting was easy everyone would do it. We can do it. Brian, we can do this. I know we can.” I wished I was as sure as he was. We were quiet watching cars drive by and listening to the sounds of the city at night. I broke the silence. “The loft isn’t going to be big enough to raise Anna and Tori.” Justin smiled, “Anna and Tori?” “Yeah, I sort of like that.” Justin thought about it. “Yeah, I like it too. So, Anna and Tori it is.” I brought the conversation back on track. “We’re going to have to start looking for another place in a few months.” “Yeah, we’ll ask Mom to start looking. We should be okay for at least the next 6 months.” “I’m just starting out and I only have one client. It’s going to be tight for awhile.” “I have a little money, Brian, I’ll help out.” I tense. Before I could object Justin continued. “You’ll still be responsible for the majority of the finances, but I can be responsible for their clothing, milk and diapers. I am their legal guardian, I want to help with their support.” I nodded, “Okay, we’ll just take it day to day.” Justin accepted that as a response. He laid his head on my back again and our thoughts drifted. Our lives were changing. I hoped that we were up to the change. ----------------------------- Daphne opened the front door and stepped into Eve’s home. Eve had given her keys before she left and asked Daphne to let the cleaning service in once a week. She flipped on lights. The house smelled of the citrus the cleaning service used. Daphne idly walked through the house going from room to room touching the things that Eve had accumulated in her life. Daphne stopped on the second floor and entered Eve’s bedroom. She walked over and slowly sat down on the edge of the bed. She curled up in a ball and let the pain and shock wash over her. She still couldn’t believe it. The call from Justin telling her Eve was dead had left her numb. Even now she couldn’t feel anything. She succumbed to tears earlier, but afterwards she was left bereft. She couldn’t even begin to explain how she felt. The last time she’d talked to her, Eve had been happy. She’d told her about the new guy she’d met and they’d talked about what they were going to do when Eve came back home. Now Eve was dead. She rolled over and stared at the ceiling. She was still reeling from the shock that Eve had hid her pregnancy from everyone. Twins. It was so hard to believe she’d never speak to her again. The pain stabbed through her and for a moment she thought she couldn’t breath. She realized she was on the verge of a panic attack. She inhaled and exhaled slowly. She could almost hear Eve telling her to stop being a Drama Princess. She rose from the bed and went downstairs to do what she came here to do. On one of their many girls night Eve made her a promise that if anything ever happened to her she’d make sure to destroy all incriminating evidence. She promised but never in her wildest dreams did she think she’d ever have to honor that promise. She sat up and let out a sigh. A promise was a promise. She’d made a promise to Eve and she intended to keep it. She went down stairs and walked through the empty living room. She pressed on the panel on the far left wall and a hidden door opened into Eve’s playroom. Daphne had seen it many times. Eve had shown it to her one night when they were having one of their many girls’ nights. She’d shown her all the gadgets and told her what they were for she’d also elicited a promise that if anything happened to her that Daphne would make sure to destroy all, as Eve called it, “incriminating evidence.” Eve had said the last thing she wanted was for her Dad or grandparents to find her homemade movies and sex toys. Daphne pursued the room with a critical eye. Eve was right. This was not what Vic or her grandparents needed to see. Daphne took a steadying breath and went about the task of clearing out Eve’s party room. --------------------------------------- Several Months later BRIAN The last three months had been a time of grief and transition. Eve’s will had been read. Along with a few endowments to Vic, Heather, Daphne, family and friends the majority of her estate had be placed in trust for the Brianna Faith and Victoria Grace. She’d even left a college fund for Gus. She’d left her house and contents and to Justin and me. We hadn’t decided what to do with it yet. She’d hadn’t wanted a funeral. She’d asked to be cremated, a small grave side service and to be buried with her mother. Her ashes had been turned over to her grandparents. We all flown down for the small grave side service she’d requested. That had been several months ago. Now we were together to bid Eve farewell again. I’d been working with WPITT for several weeks to put together a farewell program in honor of Eve. The family had all met at the loft to view the tape. Although I hadn’t seen the tape I had given my ideas on what should be included in the tribute. Justin and Daphne had also added their ideas since they had spent so much time with Eve. And they’d chosen a song as a tribute. The program would be airing the next night on Eve’s cable show *Night Beat.* The radio station had sent me a copy today. I’d called everyone. I thought it would be easier if we all saw it together. After we were all seated I put the tape in. A quiet settled over the loft. I knew everyone was bracing for the tape. The video started with a newscast report of Eve’s death several months earlier. The somber newsman came in view sitting at the anchor desk: “I’m Morgan Lewis reporting for Channel 3 News. Today is a sad day as Pittsburgh loses one of its brightest stars. Eve Angelique Worthington-Grassi best known as the *Night Angel* on WPITT’s late night radio program and *Night Beat* cable show died Today at 7:28 p.m. She was 26 years old.“ A picture of Eve appeared on the screen behind the Newscaster. It was a full headshot. Her seductive eyes and smile glowed from the screen. “The official press release states she died of injuries sustained from a car accident. Although information is sketchy right now there are reports that Ms. Worthington had given birth to twin daughters earlier in the day. We will of course update you as news becomes available.” The newscaster paused. “On a more personal note I just want to say I met Eve at the grand opening of *Hype* Music Store. There was quite a crowd there and I assure you that they didn’t come to see me,” he gave a faint smile. “She gave autograph after autograph and never seemed to tire. She mingled, talked to the fans and customers in the store. Her voice and her smile…everyone were mesmerized by them. Eve was just so personable. You could tell she truly loved her fans. She was a very elegant, energetic, beautiful and charming woman. I told her she was a true lady. She laughed at me and told me she was far from being a lady. She was just a woman trying to make a place for herself and a difference in the world.” He voice shook a little and he paused again. “I can honestly say that she did make a difference. If there was a fundraiser for the homeless, kids, charities and education for AIDS, I’d usually see her there. And like her stage name, Eve was truly an Angel.” He paused again briefly, “She will be greatly missed by her colleagues and her fans. So, I not only extend my condolences to her family and friends, but from the members of our station, as well. ” The screen faded and when it refocused the set of Eve’s cable show came in view. It was eerie seeing the studio without Eve standing in it. As I looked beyond the studio out the big glass picture window hundreds of Eve’s fan’s braced the cold to come out and honor her memory. It was touching. WPITT had advertised last month that a tribute would be taped in honor of Eve. Even in death her fans hadn’t forgotten her. They had come to say their final goodbye. Many of the fans held candles, the flames fluttered in the dark cold night. In the distance I could see the lights of the cameramen. The fans held up signs stating everything from *We Miss You Eve* to a sign that was written in bold red lettering *Eve the Night Angel - 2 great 2 be 4gotten.* Not very original but to the fan holding the sign it was her heart felt sentiment. I agreed with it. As that crossed my mind a very tall, dark and handsome man came into view. He would be most women and most men’s wet dream. He was casually dressed in jeans and a pullover. He stood with his hands casually to his sides. Then he spoke. His voice was deep and resonant. The perfect radio voice. “Hello, I’m Donnell, known as the Night Hawk. Although I will never be able to fill the void left by Eve, I will be the new host of the *Night Beat.* Three months ago to this day at 7:28 p.m. Eve Angelique Worthington-Grassi the Night Angel said her final good-by to us. I met Eve on several occasions. And each meeting I was always awestruck to be in her presence. In such a diminutive package was a woman whose charisma, energy, caring and personality were larger than life. So this evening I’m honored to host WPITT’s tribute to an amazing individual.” His introduction led to interviews of co-workers and fans. There were a lot of snippets of Eve’s cable show, taped footage of some of her appearances at fundraisers, charities events, Pride Parade, GLC Outstanding awards, malls, stores, clubs, spas and the list went on and on. At one point Gus looked up from where he sat next to Lindz on the floor and said: “Look Mama that’s Eve. She looks pretty.” Lindz patted his cheek and hugged him tight, “Yes, baby it is. And you are so right, she is pretty.” I looked over at Vic. He was teary eyed and squeezing Rodney’s hand. I hoped he didn’t crush his fingers. I was wondering if this was such a good idea. It had only been three months. The pain was still raw. Maybe this wasn’t the right time to watch this. I looked to Justin for guidance. We locked eyes. He gave me a reassuring smile. It was strange the way Justin and I could communicate without speaking. If Justin thought it was okay to proceed I would let the DVD play. He seemed to be holding up well. I looked around and everyone was paired off. They seemed to be a little watery eyed but were holding up like Justin. Justin and I were sitting on the floor. Our daughters were in their seats between us happily cooing. Daphne was sitting between Justin’s legs leaning back against his chest. He had his arms around her shoulders. Eve spent a lot of time with those two. Eve always seemed older. She’d just turned 26 when she died. She was closer in age to Daphne and Justin but when it came to maturity she was wiser than us all. I listened to the interview of Ashleigh, Eve’s nemesis telling the interviewer how much she admired Eve and how she would miss her. That was really such a crock of shit. Ashleigh couldn’t stand Eve and the feeling was mutual. There were other Pittsburgh radio and TV personalities that talked about Eve. They also interviewed many of the fans standing out in the cold. They ranged from young to old and all walks of life. That was Eve. Bridging gaps others wouldn’t think about, comfortable with everyone she met. Well, except bigots, racists, Bellwether and Stockwell. She had a personal dislike for them. We had all held up well through the video. A few sniffles. Lindz, Debbie, Daphne and of course Vic were dabbing their eyes with tissue. Justin being the good little housewife that he was had put out the boxes of tissues. He said we would need them. He was right. Justin was trying to be strong but his eyes were watery. If I asked him he’d probably blame it on his allergies. I had many years masking my feelings. It was taking all I had not breakdown, but I wanted to be strong for Justin. For our daughters. It seemed like it had only been a few minutes and I realized that an hour had almost passed. It was hard to believe it but we had managed to watch Eve and not ball like babies. It still took a little getting used to. Knowing that she was no longer a part of our lives. She had only been in our lives for such as short time and she had left such a gigantic impact. She’d given Justin and me the greatest gift we would ever receive in our lives. Our daughters. I looked at Justin holding Daphne. One day maybe Justin would father another son or daughter. I smiled thinking how large my family might become. I don’t think anyone would have ever imagined Brian Kinney the Hottest Stud on Liberty Avenue as Brian Kinney, Family Man. I didn’t much mind the changed title. I looked over at our daughters, Brianna Faith and Victoria Grace. Justin and I had started calling them Anna and Tori. They had sat in their little seats and just looked at the screen smiling and cooing. It had been amazing to watch them as the video played. Maybe even at their young age they knew the woman smiling from the screen was a part of them. One half of their creation. I couldn’t explain it but it seemed as if they had been mesmerized by the video. Maybe Justin and I should think about playing it when they were in one of their screaming Drama Baby fits. The DVD was almost over. It had been playing for 53 minutes. It was a 59:38 length DVD. After the WPITT manager talked about how much he would miss Eve and what a great loss their station had suffered I knew it was close to the end of the DVD. Then Donnell came back on to say goodbye. His exact closing: “So we say good-bye to a truly beautiful, talented, gifted and remarkable woman. A woman that cared for not only her family and friends but also all those around her. We say goodbye to a woman whose looks could stop you in your tracks. A woman whose voice could ignite your every erotic desire, and her smile could dazzle you and lift you up. Our prayers go out to her Father, Grandparents, Family and Friends, but mostly we say a special prayer for her daughters, Brianna Faith and Victoria Grace. The two gifts Eve left to this world. So, we say Goodbye Eve, from your fans and all your friends at WPITT. We Will Remember You.” As the Night Hawk turned to leave the stage lights dimmed and the first strands of “I Will Remember You” started playing. The crowd could be heard cheering. The cameras zoomed in to the crowd that had gathered outside the studio window. Then footage from Eve’s past shows and personal appearances started playing. Footage of Eve walking in the studio the WPITT logo clearly seen as she walked past the receptionist desk. There were shots of her in the radio studio. And although she was on the radio set, Eve was always dressed to impress. The quintessential reigning designer label Queen. A queen with a passion for suede. Whether it was an entire ensemble, or accessories like a chocker, belt, purse or a pair of shoes, Winter, Spring and Summer something in Eve’s attire was always suede. Always in the bright bold hues that complimented her dark coloring. Eve looked great on each shot flashing across the screen. Pictures of Eve joking around with her production crew and at a personal appearance flashed across the Screen. Even during the time I knew she was sick, puking her guts out most of the day she managed to look great in front of the camera. The one thing I‘d always said about her…the camera loved her from every angle. The collage of footage passed by swiftly. Before I could recognize a place or scenery another picture appeared. There were so many images that it was hard to catch them all. As her images whizzed by I realized just how much I would miss her. I looked over at our daughters. Justin looked up at me as I was looking at them. We exchanged a private smile. Our daughters would be just as stunning as their mother. We both turned back to look at the TV screen. There were glimpses of Eve in very personal candid shots; sitting in the makeup chair having her makeup applied for one of her many personal appearances; in the studio with her headsets on putting together her tapes for her radio program; the behind the scene pictures of her first photo shoot for WPITT. A parade of guests flashed across the screen. The last images were a series of her trademark sign off for the cable show. I had seen her cable show dozens of times and I didn’t remember how she said good-bye. Playing on screen were the vivid images. She did a sexy wink, a seductive half smile, two fingers brought to her lips in a kiss and a peace sign raised to the crowd. A slow turn her fingers still in the peace sign above her head as she slowly walked off the set. Several images appeared of her trademark sign off. In each shot Eve was in a different outfit. The sign off was done over and over again. Each time the image slowed until the final shot was her last show the week before she left Pittsburgh. This sign off was different from the others. Not only because the footage was in slow motion but her motions were different. She still did the sexy wink, seductive half smile but this time she put two fingers from both of her hands to her lips and raised two peace signs. She then held her hands above her head holding up the peace signs her head titled back the overhead light illuminating her image. The photographer paused this image for visual effect. Maybe Eve knew this would be the last time she personally said goodbye to Pittsburgh. Maybe that’s why she said goodbye in a different way. It was so touching; poignant. The last filmed image of Eve. The image burned in my eyes, in my brain. Then as the last strands of “I Will Remember You” played and the light dimmed in the studio. Eve’s deep, sultry whiskey and smoke voice floated around us. The same closing statement she used her entire time on her cable show. “This is Eve, Your Night Angel saying good-night and may all your dreams be filled with Angels.” The first picture of Eve from the billboard materialized on the screen. Her entire name under the picture: Eve Angelique Worthington-Grassi, the Night Angel. Under her name the phrase, *I Will Remember You.* Under that her date of birth and death. The screen faded to black. I looked up and there was not a dry eye in the loft, not even mine. Through my blurry vision I looked at the man that I loved above all else. I was glad that I didn’t let Justin’s love pass me by. I was elated that his love was not a memory but a reality. “I Will Remember You” was the perfect tribute to Eve. For none of us in this loft would ever forget her. I know I wouldn’t. I know Justin and I wouldn’t let our daughters forget her. I smiled as I recalled Eve shoving me against the wall her eyes flashing with anger and frustration, “You need to stop being a limped dick faggot and go get your man, apologize to him,” she said. “What if he won’t accept it? What if he doesn’t want me?“ I’d asked her. “You haven’t given him a reason to but that just the point. That’s what Faith and Grace are about. Faith is the belief that doesn’t rest on logic –it’s what you have when you have nothing else and Grace is acceptance even if you don’t have to do so...even when you are afraid to do so. YOU have to have Faith and if you are lucky Justin will have Grace. That’s all there is now Kinney.” I was thankful for Justin, my son Gus and my daughters Faith and Grace. We had our entire lives ahead of us and I’d intended to live it to the fullest. The song was right I wouldn’t weep for the memories…I’d live each day to make more. The End ------------------------------------- Faith: A belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence. Grace: A forgiveness rendered by one who need not do so. I Will Remember You - Sarah MacLachlan I Will Remember You Will You Remember Me? Don’t let your life past you by Weep not for the memories I’m so tired but I can’t sleep Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep It’s funny how we feel so much but cannot say a word Though we are screaming inside Oh, we can’t be heard And I Will Remember You Will You Remember Me? Don’t let your life past you by Weep not for the memories I’m so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose Once there was darkness, deep and endless night, You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light And I Will Remember You Will You Remember Me? Don’t let your life past you by Weep not for the memories And I Will Remember You Will You Remember Me? Don’t let your life past you by Weep not for the memories