Month Two: Week Four
 
“We got some boots we can lend ya,” Debbie said as she handed a package to Brian and another to Justin. “Those shoes should be fine, Sunshine,” she said to Justin, then turned back to Brian. “We can give you some nice rain boots. Hell, I’ll go buy you some damn boots, whatever will stop the damn bitching I know you’ll gift us with if you wear those damn shoes out.” Justin snickered and Brian held up his hands. “Here,” she thrust a pair of yellow rain boots at Brian that reached about mid-calf.
 
“It’s not raining,” Brian pointed out.
 
“What part of ‘we’re going to a ranch’ do you not understand?” Debbie asked. “Put the damn things on.” Brian obeyed quickly. 
 
Brian was certain he looked ridiculous as he tromped out to the bus, clad in black, tight-fitting jeans and a black tank-top -- both designer labels -- with yellow rubber rain boots. The smirks and smiles that he caught, not to mention Mel’s snickers and Emmett’s proclamation that he looked ‘absolutely darling’ only confirmed his suspicions. Still, he had no intention of getting crap on his expensive shoes.
 
“Everyone on the bus!” Daphne called. 
 
“We’ve been to the ranch three times already. It’s one of the best activities, and the staff like it because it gets the patients interacting with horses and apparently that’s very healing,” Emmett explained.
 
“I just enjoy how quiet it is when we ride,” Mel said.
 
“I’ve never ridden on a horse before,” Brian admitted.
 
“That’s not a problem,” Michael said. “They split everyone into groups, and the better riders go on a different trail. But mostly whether you’ve ridden before or not doesn’t make a difference. They match you with a horse, and if you’re a beginner they’ll make sure you get one that’s pretty much going to just follow the horse in front of you.”
 
Brian had never ridden a horse, but he liked Westerns, and there was a sort of appeal to finally being able to ride off into the wild. It had been a dream of his ever since he was a little boy, to ride into the sunset.
 
The bus ride to the ranch was longer than the ride to the forest where they had spent their last field trip, but Brian was prepared for the pit stop and purchased some chocolate, and some treats that he was certain would be ingested as soon as Emmett decided it was time for another movie-night. Blake didn’t entirely approve of indulging in the treats, but as Michael had explained, the nursing staff recommended that it was a good idea to let the patients have at least one day where they could relax and be carefree. A compromise was reached, and Blake agreed to the treats so long as the staff made certain that the patients were not overdoing it.
 
When they reached the ranch each bus separated. There were three buses, and while one group headed in the direction of the stables, another went to the tack room and the last bus went to a grassy area for their picnic.
 
“Don’t worry,” Daphne said to the Gang as they headed to the picnic area. “We go in rotation so we don’t overwhelm any one area. We’re going to eat first, then go riding and then brush-down the horses. We probably won’t have anything to do in the tack room, but if to tell you the truth, I don’t much like that part.”
 
“You mean we’re going to be shovelling horse shit?” Brian asked. Mel smacked him and Emmett rolled his eyes skyward.
 
“Nope, not unless you piss me off,” Daphne retorted. “But you do have to brush-down your horse.”
 
They ate sitting on the grass under the warm sun, cooled by a pleasant breeze. It was pleasant to just relax; Brian was beginning to forget what the daily grind of work was like. When he’d been working, he hadn’t been able to imagine ever sitting still, but now that he had the time to do nothing, Brian was enjoying it far more than he expected. He wondered if that had anything to do with the motley crew who were sitting with him on the grass. There weren’t many people Brian called friends. In fact, before coming to Liberty, Brian avoided the term, even though now he was realizing there were several people who it might apply to. Like Cynthia and Theodore, even if he was loathe to admit he saw his opera-obsessed accountant as a friend, and Ben -- even if they’d fucked.
 
“Finish-up your lunch,” Mel ordered. “But don’t eat too much or your horse won’t be able to carry you!” He glared at her, but she only laughed louder.
 
After lunch, they had some free time to relax in the sun before the groups were getting divided again. As luck would have it -- or perhaps it had less to do with luck and more to do with the fact that the Gang scored highly in the nurses’ favour -- Brian and the others were riding together. “Anyone who has never seen, touched or ridden a horse before, follow Michelle and she’ll get ya settled. Everyone else, follow me and lets pick some ponies!”
 
John Revind was the owner of the ranch and had made arrangements to lead Brian’s group out on their ride. He wore dusty, scuffed cowboy boots and faded jeans with smears of dirt on the seat distinctly in the shape of handprints. His daughter, Michelle, had long black hair and wore a red bandana around her neck. Unlike her father, she did not speak in a long drawl. Brian followed her to a paddock where she clearly pointed out the basic do’s and don’ts.
 
When Michelle finished her lesson, she led her small group into the barn as the rest were heading out of it, with their assigned horses in tow. “And you,” Michelle said, looking Brian up and down. He’d hung to the back of the group, wanting to know exactly what to expect before he volunteered for anything. “You look like a Flower person to me.”
 
“What?” he said.
 
“Flower,” Michelle sing-songed, knocked on the wood of the barn and gestured her head to the right. Brian watched as a dapple-grey horse stepped to the front of its stall and poked its head over the door. “She’ll be good to you, don’t worry.” Michelle showed him how to affix the saddle and he bridle. “You’re set, lead her out to the others.”
 
Brian found the Gang with ease and towed Flower over to them with some difficulty. Flower seemed more intrigued with the grass that with the prospect of walking anywhere. “Ah, she’ll take good care of you,” Mel said as she patted Flower’s side. “She was the first horse I ever rode as well.”
 
“Geez, how old is she?” Brian said.
 
“Asshole,” Mel muttered. She stood beside a large Bay that she introduced as Crosby. 
 
Much to everyone’s amusement, the lighter Bay that Emmett was riding was named King. “A match made in heaven,” Emmett said, batting his eyes and leaning against King’s neck. The horse looked unamused.
 
Michael’s horse, a beautiful palomino that Brian thought might be better suited to Justin, kept dragging the dark-headed man away towards the path, eager to start the ride, and Michael was continually coaxing the beast back.
 
Justin’s horse that Emmett explained was named Shamrock, was a large black beast of a horse that was intimidating to look at but was, in fact, quite sweet and affectionate. Once everyone had a horse and was mounted-up with their stirrups properly adjusted (John and Michelle went round to check) they started off on the ride. Daphne, who was one of the nursing staff accompanying them, rode-up beside Justin and proceeded to chatter ceaselessly, and Debbie came alongside Brian who was near the end of the group and smiled.
 
“That boy’s been riding that horse since he first came here. The first time I saw Sunshine standing beside that great big thing I thought there was no way the ride was going to end well.” Shamrock was a Friesian, and Brian imagined that was the sort of horse a knight might ride. “He didn’t have any problems though, that horse has the sweetest spirit.” They rode quietly for a while. “Uh oh,” Debbie said as she spotted of the patients ahead bursting into tears. “Got to go.” She nudged her horse into a trot and caught up with the sobbing man, pulling him and his horse off to the side to have a talk.
 
The ride was long and the scenery varied. The beginning of the trail took them through the field surrounding the ranch, but from there they went into a treed area where the path narrowed in some places, and took them up high hills and then down again. They passed a lake and went through another field of tall grass before Brian realized the path was turning back in the direction of the ranch.
 
For the most part, Brian rode quietly, at first adjusting to the new sensation of being on a horse and then getting caught in his memories, in old daydreams of cowboys and no rules and complete freedom to go wherever you pleased. Sometimes, he was just distracted by the sight of Justin riding ahead of him. Justin’s complete confidence as he rode Shamrock was alluring. He’d nudge the horse into a run or a trot, and the sight of the blonde’s rump, moving with the step of the horse caught Brian’s eye more than once. His thoughts strayed to the passed week and what he had found about his roommate.
 
From the very beginning, Brian had thought Justin’s behaviour during the third week of the month was peculiar, and for it to start while he was in hospital was confusing. He would have thought any strange behaviour like that would cease under the attention of the staff of Liberty. It made sense, though, if one of the staff were taking advantage of Justin, though, and that seemed to be exactly what was happening. Justin had spent the entire night in his arms, crying himself into a fitful sleep. Brian hadn’t slept at all, his head spinning. True to the pattern, Justin soon returned to his usual, stubborn, mischievous self but Brian was unable to move-on so easily.
 
The only good thing that had resulted from that night was that Justin seemed to be more comfortable with him now, sharing touches that previously Brian had only seen Justin share with Emmett. Sometimes Brian wondered if that was how Justin saw him -- as a friend -- a sort of panicked denial that he wanted anything else from Justin followed these thoughts. It was clear that any relationship Justin entered into would have to be a serious one; he simply was not in a place where he could deal with something casual. At that moment, Brian wasn’t prepared to deal with any kind of relationship, even a casual one.
 
“Be selfish,” Lindsay had advised him on Monday of that week. She had been talking about his time at Liberty and not about romance, but Brian thought it still applied. “Focus completely and totally on yourself. Whatever you need to do for you.” Blake had told him to take everything step-by-step, which seemed like good advise as well, though certainly trite, so Brian figured he’d shelve any thoughts about impossible relationships and think only of things that immediately affected him.
 
“Everyone dismount and lead your horses back to the stable!” John called, jarring Brian from his thoughts and making him realize that they were back at the ranch. The nurses and Michelle and John helped usher everyone to where they were supposed to go, and showed those who didn’t already know how to brush down the horses after removing their tack.
 
Flower enjoyed being brushed, which suited Brian’s impression of her, which was that she was lazy and spoiled. Over the course of the ride he’d become more aware that Flower was simply following the rump of the horse in front of her, and though this was likely the reason why he reached the ranch at all with the number of times he’d zoned out, it didn’t make her any less lazy. 
 
John held a contest, the prize being a book about horses and a horseshoe, awarded to whoever brushed their horse’s coat into the glossiest shine. Debbie was quick to announce that anyone who won would have to give the horseshoe to her and she’d keep it safe for them. John looked slightly abashed, as if only then realizing the horseshoe could be construed as a weapon. Brian wondered if the man had even managed to forget for a moment, that they were all supposedly crazy. Despite the incentive of the contest, Brian didn’t brush Flower with any more vigour. He rid her of many hairs, though the horse seemed to continually have more to shed, and she looked a bit brighter when he was done.
 
Emmett won, perhaps unsurprisingly. He’d brushed King to a rich gloss and then proceeded to place loose braids in the animal’s mane. “He’s just the prettiest thing,” Emmett said as they were all ushered out of the barn and towards the busses. 
 
As he took his seat by the isle, Brian was surprised to feel his body aching. He hadn’t imagined that horseback riding was so physical, but certainly it wasn’t just his legs and his ass that hurt. “Where’s Justin?” Melanie asked.
 
“Don’t worry,” Michael said. “He always lags behind when we visit the ranch.” True to Michael’s observation, Daphne entered the bus dragging Justin behind him, the boy’s smile lit the entire bus, and he kept smiling for the entire ride home.
 
.....................
 
Lights-out and Brian settled into bed, his body full of the kind of sated relaxation that had the added joy of quietening the mind. For the first time in as long as he could remember, Brian’s head was empty of rushing thoughts: no worries about what he’d done that day or had to do the next; no thoughts or memories; no slogans or ad ideas; just a pleasant quiet. It was a surprising thing to realize that this was what contentment felt like. He was lulled into a relaxed sleep by the familiar sound of pencil on paper and, every so often, a page turning.
 
Brian awoke a little before midnight and it took a moment to realize it hadn’t been a nightmare that had woken him -- either his own or Justin’s -- but rather the sound of quiet movement. He opened his eyes to see Justin standing above his bed, backlit by the light creeping in through the window. He looked ethereal, though the eccentrically clad teddy he held loosely in his arms somewhat detracted from that thought. “Nightmare?” Brian felt compelled to ask. Justin shook his head quickly, then climbed carefully into Brian’s bed. Surprised, Brian shifted and made room without comment, until he was lying with Justin’s back pressed to his chest. Justin held Brian’s arms tightly, keeping them wrapped around his body like a blanket. Brian’s back was to the door.
 
They lay there quietly. Brian was too relaxed to wonder at the strange behaviour, was even a little bit used to it. Justin had climbed into his bed before on rare occasions. Yet Brian was completely awake, not certain why the warmth from Justin’s body wasn’t lulling him back into sleep, only certain that a part of him seemed to be waiting for something.
 
“They’re beautiful.” The whisper rent the air and it was several long minutes before Brian realized his entire body had braced, his breath holding his mind stunned. He wondered if he stayed still enough, if he’d hear it again. “The horses.” The sound of footfalls outside their door and Justin tensed in Brian’s arms. Brian tightened his embrace, took a breath wondering if he’d imagined it. He waited patiently, silently, as the footsteps again retreated. He waited a few minutes more.
 
The voice was soft, a child’s whisper, but rough from lack of use. It seemed to be pushed out with some effort. It was, oddly, the most amazing thing Brian had ever heard. “Sometimes I forget. But there’s so many beautiful things,” Justin said, his tone full of wonder. Brian held Justin until the blond fell asleep. He wanted to say something, but couldn’t think of anything to say and in the end they had both been silent until Justin’s familiar snuffling and then steady breath filled the room. Finally, Brian let out a long breath of his own, tucked his head, resting his forehead against the back of Justin’s neck and closed his eyes tightly, trying to process what he’d heard, what had happened. Gently, Brian placed a kiss at the base of the pale neck. So many beautiful things.
 
 
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End Chapter Eight:
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