Lillian Taylor-Sommers patted her tears dry with a white, monogrammed handkerchief, used big words and long explanations, and ended her veritable monologue with a pat of Justin’s hands. “She loved you very much,” she said. “And she missed you every day that you were away.” “Do my parents know?” Justin asked, his voice hoarse from his own tears. “No, Honey. I didn’t tell them. This is all yours, and you don’t have to worry about anyone taking it from you. Your grandmother made sure of that.” “How’s mom taking it?” Justin asked. “As well as she can. The house and all Marianne’s other possessions were to be split equally between the two of us. We’ve had our hands full with it, but she’s doing okay.” “Thank-you,” Justin said, and hugged his aunt. She’d come a long way to give him the news personally. The news, and the last gift his grandmother would ever give him. He had no idea what he was going to do with it all. He certainly would never have to worry about being forced out of Liberty due to lack of funds. .......................... “He’s still there?” Daphne asked, peering through the small window into Justin’s room. She could see Justin sitting on the bed, not sketching or sleeping, but staring out the window. She wondered if he even saw the view. “Yeah, we should let him be,” Debbie said. “His aunt, Lillian, said that he was really close to his grandma. It’s got to be hard on him.” “Rose was saying that he got a lot of money,” Daphne said. “That Justin was planning on using it to leave here, get a place of his own.” Debbie laughed, cynically. “Honey, I don’t think he’s thinking about anything except the loss of his grandma. And Sunshine’s worried about leaving this place, anyway. There’s a lot to adjust to. He’s been here for over two years now. He was living with his parents before -- a nice sheltered life -- and then he’s going to go out, on his own, without anyone around to support him. Without people looking out for his health and talking to him about what he’s thinking. That’s a big leap. If you ask me, he isn’t ready to move-out all by himself.” “He thinks more and more about doing it, though. I mean, he talks about it, especially after Saturday and getting all those visitors. He won’t be completely alone, Emmett and Molly would definitely visit him all the time, and even if he’d like us to think otherwise, Brian would too.” “Visiting isn’t the same as having people right there for you, available every day, whenever you need them, in a moment’s notice.” “Yeah, I remember transitioning between staying in the dorms at school and coming home. Suddenly I couldn’t fling open my door and scream that I was going to the pub and expect a stampede of friends to follow me,” Daphne agreed. .......................... It was overwhelming to think about it, that his grandmother had passed away. Then again, Justin hadn’t seen her in over four years. His mother and his grandmother had a falling out, and suddenly there were no summer trips down to visit her. He’d spoken with her over the phone, but that wasn’t the same. And now she was gone. She had been the very first person he had told when he had realized he was gay. She was supportive, and after Craig had threatened him, she had known something was happening even though Justin had never spoken a word about what his father had said or done, or about how terrified he was. She’d known, and her last act had been to finally and decisively liberate him from it. “I can afford my own place,” Justin thought. “I can leave here.” Except the place he’d buy wouldn’t be a home. Couldn’t be one. He’d be completely independent, completely alone. He wasn’t ready for it. Being alone scared him, and he could never manage it for very long. His panic-attacks had lessened, but they were still there. He wasn’t sure that he could ever leave Liberty and be the same person he was inside. Lindsay soothed his fears, assuring him that he could still keep-up his therapy, could still visit; whatever he needed. It wasn’t enough. He could leave, and then stop talking again, and then what? He had no control over himself anymore. The panic attacks, the way he shut down at times. And if he were alone, who was to know if something happened? ........................ Brian arrived late to Liberty Hospital. He made it a point, usually, to spend as much of the day with Justin as he could, however that Saturday he had been prevented by phone calls and Ben and now it was almost lunchtime. He anticipated having to track Justin down, checking the places the blond usually ate, but instead he stepped out of the car and shut the door, and then was assaulted by a force that pushed him against the Jeep and proceeded to kiss him. “Hello,” Brian said, his tongue in his cheek. “I’ve been waiting for hours!” Justin said. “I’m starving! Let’s go.” Justin turned on his heel and headed up the stairs and into Liberty. Brian followed at a slower pace. He’d noticed that there were always more people there at the first Saturday of every month. Some people travelled quite a distance to visit their family member. He rarely saw anyone upset on Saturdays, everyone was on their best behaviour. They ate lunch in Justin’s room, what had been ‘their’ room until Brian had been released. Brian watched Justin carefully, noting how he pushed more food around his plate than he placed in his mouth, and that the young blond couldn’t seem to sit still. Or keep quiet. “Emmett already came, he couldn’t stay long because a friend of someone who works with him at that clothing store, well, they fired their wedding planner because the guy was a jerk, and Emmett had volunteered to take over. He had some crazy meeting today. The whole wedding sounds really bizarre.” Brian listened to descriptions of the rose-themed wedding that appeared to be carried a bit far as he cleared their tray and walked with Justin out to the garden, and then to their place. Before he finally turned to Justin and raised both his eyebrows. “What?” Justin said, halting his chatter immediately. Brian continued to look at him and Justin sighed and looked away. “It’s just that my grandma died last week. And on Wednesday, my aunt Lillian came to visit me and tell me about it.” Brian didn’t offer his sympathies, but he placed a hand on the back of Justin’s neck and sat silently as Justin described his grandmother -- the aged, but feisty woman who was nothing like the timid WASP Brian had met. He wondered how this woman Justin was describing could have raised Jennifer Taylor. After Justin had run-out of words, or been overwhelmed by thoughts of the woman who had unceasingly supported him, Brian sat down on the grass and held Justin, as the blond buried his head in his shirt and pleaded with him “Don’t talk. Just hold me.” So Brian did. Brian hadn’t had any family that had been there for him the way Justin had described his grandmother had been there. He hadn’t seen much of his father’s parents because they lived in Ireland. There was a vague memory of one Christmas when they had flown in, but they seemed less than impressed with their son and had left quickly. His mother’s parents had been dead since he was two. He hadn’t been old enough to remember their visits, he imagined that they were as bad as his mother and was secretly always thankful that he had not had a chance to get to know them. It wasn’t long before Justin fell asleep, and Brian sat there trying to get his thoughts in order. He mulled over various campaign ideas, made a mental to-do list for the coming Monday and then simply relaxed before movement from Justin alerted him to the young man’s waking. “Better?” “Mm?” Justin asked, slightly confused, before he figured-out the question. “Oh, yeah I haven’t been sleeping much. Lindsay’s been trying to focus me on dealing with my grandmother’s loss, and developing healthy ideas on what to do with the money.” “Money?” Brian asked. Justin nodded. “My grandmother left it to me. All her money. I don’t see the point of it. It’s not like I really need it.” “You might,” Brian said, speaking slowly because he could hardly believe they were having this discussion. “If you left Liberty.” “And where would I go?” Justin asked. “I have nowhere.” Brian grasped Justin’s chin and turned the blond to look him in the eye. “You’re wrong,” he said with absolute certainty. Justin opened his mouth to argue and then frowned, catching something in Brian’s tone, in his expression. And then they simply stared at each other. .............................. “It looks really great!” Daphne said when she entered the rec room. It had been closed-off to general use for some time while it got prepped for Justin’s mural. A painter had come through to repaint the room, and he primed the wall for Justin, and now the room was entirely Justin’s own. Not like anyone would want to relax there, the smell of paint was strong, even with the windows open, and all the furniture was shoved against the far wall, the floor covered by a drop-cloth. Justin had sketched his plan roughly on the wall. There were familiar faces at the corners, making a sort of border. None of the faces were painted yet, but Daphne could still pick-out a few of the staff and some of the patients. At the centre of the mural was a sketch of Liberty Hospital drawn crudely as if done by a child, and surrounding that were smaller, detailed pictures of different scenes. “What’s wrong?” Daphne asked, when Justin didn’t acknowledge her compliment simply stared at the mural and chewed on the end of his paintbrush. “What?” Justin asked, turning to face her and looking somewhat surprised by her presence. “What is wrong?” she said, enunciating clearly. “I think Brian asked me to move in with him,” Justin said. “What?” Daphne asked. “You think? You’re not sure? How can you not be sure?” “I told him about my grandmother and the money, and he said I could leave Liberty. I said that was crazy, because I had nowhere he to go. And then gave me this really intense look and said I was wrong.” “Holy shit!” Daphne said. “Brian asked you to move in with him.” “But he didn’t really,” Justin said. “Something that important, you need to be really formal and clear about it.” “Justin,” Daphne said. “I mean, it’s a huge thing, and we don’t really know each other, and this is coming out of nowhere,” Justin continued. “Justin!” “And he’s got his own life! He can’t just take me in, I mean, I can’t just freeload on him!” “Why don’t you ask him, then?” Daphne said. “What?” “Ask him. Tell him, you weren’t really clear what he was talking about,” Daphne said. “Just ask him.” “But I can’t,” Justin said. “Why not?” “It would ruin the moment!” Justin said. “It was really intense. I mean, I didn’t know what the hell was really going on, but I could feel it was significant.” Daphne was laughing and shaking her head. “Justin, it’s Sunday. The moment has passed. Now you’re confused and you need to ask him. Otherwise all this angsting and fretting you’re doing is over nothing.” “Well, great. Now I have to wait for Saturday,” Justin said. “Or you could just call him,” Daphne said with a shrug. “That’s totally against Liberty policy,” Justin said. “To hell with Liberty policy. And anyway, I’m allowed to authorize patient phone calls if I believe it to be beneficial to the patient’s state of mind. So,” she turned on her heel and headed towards the door. “Daphne, you’re crazy!” he said. “You don’t even have his phone number.” “But I have his record, on which he wrote his phone number,” Daphne said. “Daphne! Daphne, you’re going to get in big trouble!” Justin said, the door to the rec room closed behind Daphne. “Daphne!” He ran after her. He found her in the nurse’s station, which was empty because it was late and most of the nurses were doing room checks. “Okay, it was funny, you got me. Ha ha, now put the phone down,” Justin said. Daphne grinned at him, and then cleared her throat. “Liberty Hospital calling for Brian Kinney. Oh, hello Brian!” ........................... Brian climbed off the bed, tossed the condom in the trash and headed to the bathroom. “Oh, we’re finished. You can go,” he said. The trick on the bed looked confused, and then shook his head. “Well, I walked into this with my eyes wide-open. My friends told me you were an asshole, but they said you were a great fuck, too. I weighed the two and decided it was worth it.” “Good for you,” Brian said. He was about to go for a shower when the phone rang. “I’ll see myself out,” the trick muttered when Brian walked passed him, still naked, to answer the phone. “Hello?” He recognized Daphne’s voice immediately, and wondered if something had happened. Maybe there was some kind of accident. Maybe Justin was hurt. “Hold please!” Daphne said. She sounded far too chipper for it to be serious. He sighed and waited. There might have been muffled curses and banging audible on the Liberty end of the line but Brian was distracted because the trick who was now fully clothed, was sucking and licking his way down Brian’s body. “Brian?” a voice came over the line. It took a moment for Brian to recognize it. “We’re done,” Brian said, pushing the trick away. “What?” Justin asked, sounding suddenly hoarse. “Not you, hold on,” Brian said. He covered the phone and glared, pointing a finger to the door. “Fine,” the trick said, and headed out. Brian waited until the door had slid closed. “Justin?” he asked. “Brian.” “...You called me?” Brian asked. “No!” Justin said. “Wait. Yes!” Justin said. “Well, Daphne did. I told her not to -- I’m sorry if I interrupted something ...” “Justin,” Brian said, cutting off the young man’s ramblings. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing. I’m fine,” Justin said. “Why? Is something wrong?” Brian thought he could hear Daphne laughing in the background. He had to admit, he’d never heard the blond sound so scattered. “Why did you phone? Or Daphne, or whoever,” Brian said, trying to prevent Justin from rambling some more. He could hear the deep breath Justin took, and smiled a little. He could even imagine the bracing expression on Justin’s face. “It’s about yesterday,” Justin said. “Okay.” “I just don’t understand,” Justin said. “What you meant.” “I thought it was pretty clear,” Brian said, tongue in cheek. There was a pause, and then “Could you maybe make it clearer?” Brian pinched the bridge of his nose and paced his loft. He didn’t like talking; he wasn’t any good at it. He nearly tripped over Gus-bear who must have been catapulted off the bed during the vigorous bout of fucking that he and the trick had just engaged in. Picking-up the teddy bear he adjusted the purple shirt, and then scanned the floor until he found the sunglasses, placing them back on the bear’s face. “Gus is a place holder,” Brian said, thinking aloud about how he knew something was missing, but had tried to avoid putting a name to it. He’d always known, though. “There’s a place for you here.” It was quiet on the other end of the line. Brian considered checking to see if Justin was still there, but if he strained his ears, he could hear Justin’s shuddering breaths. “But then,” Justin said, his voice coming out rushed. He stopped and was silent for a second, and then in a teasing tone, asked, “Is there enough room? I mean, you and Gus. You’re both complete queens and you take-up a lot of space.” Brian smirked, and looked down at the teddy bear again. “I think there’s room for one more.” ---------------------- End Chapter Five: