But I won’t Do That 

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“Are you ready Sunshine?” Brian called from the door of the loft. He looked at the luggage at his feet and wondered if he’d brought enough clothes. After all the two of them would be gone for ten days, he smiled to himself at the thought of Justin’s reaction when he realized that one of the bags held some new outfits for him. There was no way Brian was going to have Justin dressed in his usual casual attire for the whole cruise. 


“Geeze Brian, I’m hurrying as fast as I can.” Justin griped as he threw the last of his allergy medicine along with a prescription of the pain meds he used for his headaches into his toiletries bag. He wasn’t taking any chances on being on a cruise ship and stuck without something for his head. 


Down on the street they could hear a car horn honking. “Mel is going to be reaming us both a new one if you don’t move it.” Brian grinned at the thought. He loved to spar with Lindsay’s wife. 


“I’m here and I’m queer.” Justin slid across the floor on his sock feet barreling into Brian. “Hold this while I get my shoes on.” He handed Brian his duffle bag that was crammed full. 


“Fuck Justin, nothing will be fit to wear it’s just crammed into here.” Brian held out the bag with distaste. 


“I’m sure you have something folded impeccably in one of your suitcases that I can wear if I have to. Besides, that’s what irons are for. What’s the point in packing something neatly if it has to be ironed anyway? Logically it would make sense to iron what ever it is only once.” 


Brian rolled his eyes but gently pushed Justin out of the loft door then set the alarm and locked it. The car horn honked again as they piled into the elevator. “This is so awesome Brian, I haven’t been on a cruise like in forever.” 


“You were on a cruise?” Brian looked at him curious. “I’ve never been on a cruise and I’m almost thirty one.” 


“Thirty two Brian,” Justin said automatically. “My parents took us on an Alaskan Cruise when I was fourteen.” He reached over and pulled the elevator door open for Brian and waved cheerfully at Melanie and Lindsay and Gus who were double parked in front of the loft building in their old station wagon. 


“Brian, I’d expect you to show some courtesy and at least be on time when you request a ride to the airport at this god awful hour.” Melanie bitched. 


“Hi Brian, Justin.” Lindsay smiled at them sweetly. 


“Hi Daddy hi Jus.” Gus said with a grin. 


“No but I’d like to be” Brian replied and then winced when Justin elbowed him in the stomach. 


“Mommy says you are going on a big airplane and a little airplane and a big boat.” 


“Yep Sonny Boy, that we are.” Brian put the last of the bags into the back of the station wagon and then held the door open for Justin to get in. Justin grinned at him and gave him a quick kiss as he slid onto the seat beside Gus in his booster chair. 


“Hey Gus, I’ll make your dad buy you lots of presents.” He held out his hand and Gus ‘high fived’ him and they both giggled. Brian held back a smile at the antics of his two favorite boys and buckled his seat belt and then leaned over and buckled Justin’s as well. 


“You know Brian, I could do that myself.” Justin murmured. 


“I know, but I like looking after you.” Brian replied back. Mel and Lindsay exchanged smiles. Both of them liked the way Brian had become softer now that he and Justin had admitted that they were a couple and to heck with what anyone else thought. 


Brian leaned back in the car and realized that what he’d said was a hundred percent on the money. He did like taking care of Justin and Gus and everyone. For the first time in his life he could freely admit it. He looked at Justin who was talking to Gus and he knew who was responsible for him growing up enough to allow himself to be loved and to love back. “I’d do anything for you Jus.” He thought to himself. “Can we stop at Starbucks and pick up a coffee.” Brian asked out loud. 


“No.” the three adults chorused. 


“Just thought I’d ask.” Brian grumbled and he smiled to himself again. He did have to at least try to keep them thinking he was the same old Brian. 


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 


“I love you daddy.” Gus said at the entrance to the security gate and he hugged Brian tightly. Brian breathed in the special smell of an early morning boy and his heart lurched. 


“I love you too Gus.” He whispered into the sweet smelling neck. 


Next Gus held out his arms to Justin. “I love you Justin, take care of my daddy.” He whispered into Justin’s neck. 


Justin whispered back. “I love you too Gus and I’ll always take care of your daddy.” He chuckled. “He’s a bigger kid than you.” The two of them giggled. It was a long time favorite saying of the two of them. 


Gus was joined by Lindsay and Melanie and the three of them stood and waved to Brian and Justin as they disappeared through the entrance to their boarding gate. 


“I hate goodbyes.” Lindsay said in a shaky voice. “They always seem so final.” 


“We’ll be picking the two of them up in less than two weeks Linds.” Melanie patted her wife reassuringly on the shoulder. “We should be so lucky as to have the time and the money to go on a cruise, don’t worry about them.” 


“I know it’s foolish, but I do worry.” 


“That’s why you’re the motherly one and I’m the not so motherly one.” Melanie thought of Angela back in her crib at home and sighed. Michael was watching his daughter while they drove Brian and Justin to the airport, he always was more comfortable around the little girl than she was and she envied that easy camaraderie that both Michael and Lindsay had with the children. Even Brian and Justin showed more emotion with the children than she did. 


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“Justin, you don’t need anything else to eat.” Brian couldn’t believe his lover was ringing for the steward again. 


“I know - I just wanted to say thank you.” 


“Well, I’m sure he’s busy, don’t bug him.” 


“You’re pretty grouchy when ever we travel. I think the next time I’m going to get you some happy pills.” Justin teased his big bear – and thought it was kind of like poking a stick at a wild one. Brian didn’t travel well. 


“Brat, don’t start the cutsie stuff.” Brian shifted his cock always stirred when Justin teased him. Not that he ever wanted his blond lover to find out about that little aspect of their relationship. 

Justin grinned to himself. He always made Brian hard when he teased him. He’d learned that almost from the first and it had worked well in getting what he wanted from the older man. “Brian,” Justin said and he snuggled closer, they had lifted the dividing arm rest up and out of the way at the beginning of the flight. 


Brian automatically put his arm around Justin and pulled him in tight to his body. “What now Jus?” 


“I love you.” Justin whispered. He shut his eyes content to be held by Brian, while he listened to some music he’d downloaded on his small MP3 player. 


“I love you too.” Brian replied. It was still hard for him to say these three simple little words, but they did get easier in time to not only say but to freely feel. 


The direct flight to Denver was supposed to be just over four hours long and then they were transferring to a small eight passenger jet that usually flew the executives of Liberty Air. The winds were with them and they arrived early in Denver and because only Brian and Justin as well as the flight crew were traveling on to Seattle, they didn’t have to wait but were able to transfer right away. Justin was impressed with the VIP treatment Brian was afforded. 


The pilot announced that they were descending in preparation for the approach to Seattle after only an hour in the air. Brian and Justin didn’t pay any attention other than to glance casually out of the windows to try and glimpse some of the mountainous terrain through the heavy cloud cover. But it wasn’t long before turbulence began to shake the small jet. Justin looked at Brian in alarm. “It’s okay Sunshine, nothing to worry about. It’s always like this over the mountains. Different air currents I suppose.” But the turbulence became worse and in one spectacular free fall all of the oxygen masks fell down. They had all long ago put their seat belts on. Justin started to get up to see if he could help, but Brian held him back. “The crew is trained to deal with things like this Sunshine. I want you safely buckled up.” 


The words were no sooner out of Brian’s mouth when it became apparent that the plane was rapidly losing altitude combined with the storm they were flying through. Justin closed his eyes and held on to Brian, feeling safe in his arms. Brian could hear the strains of the Platter’s Save the Lance Dance for Me – sounding faintly from Justin’s head phones. At the last moment, to the words ‘and in whose arms you’ll always be’ Brian said out loud. “I love you Justin.” And he did his best to cover Justin with his body given the restraints of their seat belts, trying to the end to protect the man he loved. 


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 


“We repeat - flight number 369 out of Denver bound for Seattle disappeared from our radar tracking at four thirty two Pacific Time. At the moment there is no indication as to where the passenger jet carrying 2 passengers and 3 crew members went down. It is thought that severe electrical storms may have interfered with instrument readings over the Coastal Mountains. The names of the passengers and crew have not been released pending notification of next of kin. A search has begun to locate any possible survivors.” 


The words of the radio announcer echoed through the silence of the Liberty Avenue diner that had become packed by family and friends of both Brian and Justin when the word had gone out that the two of them had been on this flight. 


Michael and Ben made pot after pot of coffee while Debbie and Jennifer sat in the gang’s booth at the back in stunned silence. Both women terrified to say anything because talking would make everything true. Instead they sat there and clung to each other’s hands in pain both of them in agony over losing their children, for Brian and Justin were as much Debbie’s own as Michael was and Jennifer felt that Brian was a second son to her as well. 


Michael looked around in his grief and thought that it was appropriate that everyone would gravitate to the diner where his best friend and Justin had spent so much time. He felt numb – like this was all some kind of bad dream. Michael poured another cup of coffee for someone who looked half familiar – probably one of Brian’s old tricks – he had to keep going for his mother’s sake and – looking at the two women – for Justin’s mother’s sake as well. 


Someone lowered the sound on the news channel, though no one was able to turn it off. It was like some kind of beacon drawing them all toward it in hopes that with some kind of miracle Brian and Justin would be found unharmed. Everyone in the room tried desperately to block out pictures of other plane crashes, of debris and parts of bodies strewn across acres of land – like a bad movie – a horror picture from the depths of hell. 


Emmett cried quietly in a corner. Ted and Blake offered him what comfort they could. Ben noticed Michael staring blankly at the rear booth and he knew his partner’s mind was filled with memories of the laughing good natured bantering that had always filled the air. Melanie and Lindsay held each other and Gus, not really understanding what was going on, tried to keep Angela entertained in her stroller. 


The announcer sounded sad. He was a local boy and as a regular at Babylon - knew Brian and Justin well “Search planes have been unable to locate any sign of debris from the downed 8 passenger jet near Seattle. Extreme weather conditions and magnetic interference have hampered the searchers. Authorities say that they are unable to get true readings from the small crafts locater device due to the high iron content of the area where the plane went down. The search will begin again at first light.” He didn’t have to say anything else. They all knew that the chances of survival were minimal at best. 


Cynthia, red eyed came into the diner followed closely by Gardner Vance. She moved to the rear booth and slid in beside Jennifer and gave her a hug. “I’m sorry Jennifer and Debbie.” She murmured. “Gardner, this is Debbie, Brian’s surrogate mother.” 


Debbie looked up at him and blinked. She tried to say something but couldn’t make her voice work. Gardner understood and slid in beside her putting his hand on hers in comfort. “If anyone can survive something like this – Brian could.” He said simply. He looked at Jennifer “And you know that the man would look after his” he hesitated “His partner.” 


“They loved each other so much” Jennifer said in her quiet voice. “If they had to go, at least they’re together.” 


It was a sentiment shared by everyone in the diner, but no one had the guts to voice it until the low voice of Jennifer Taylor said the words they’d all been thinking. 


“They were so happy.” Cynthia spoke. “Brian was so happy.” 


Silence once again filled the diner and slowly, one by one people began to drift away home. There was nothing more to learn from the news reports and no one wanted to go to any of the clubs that had been the playground of the two icons of Liberty Avenue. 


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Day one 


The first thing Justin became aware of was a low keening sound of pain and fear. It wouldn’t stop until he realized that it was him making the sound until he closed his mouth and it stopped. He could taste blood in his mouth and he wanted to spit it out but he couldn’t turn his head, it was wedged so tightly against something. The smell of burning plastic burnt his nose and the smell of other things burning that he didn’t want to think about. Justin supposed they were lucky that the plane was near the end of its trip and had already consumed most of the fuel aboard. He slowly opened his eyes and looked up. He was surrounded by trees hundreds of feet tall their green canopy broken only slightly at one spot and there the sky showed, watery and grey. He hurt everywhere. “Brian” he struggled to call out “Brian, Brian, Brian.” His cries became desperate. He remembered Brian telling him that he loved him and he wondered if those were the last words he’d ever said. 


Tears began to roll down his face and into his ears. He had to move and slowly he managed to sit up only to lay back down again at the horror around him as the flight crew and plane debris lay like broken toys scattered over the ground. Brian, he had to find Brian. The words began as a mantra that filled his head to the point of consumption and this time he forced himself up and sitting and then to his feet. Brian he had to find Brian. He shut his mind to the atrocities he discovered and patiently went from one pile to another hoping against hope to find the man he loved. 


Sure that he’d looked everywhere, Justin sat down with his back to a tree and stared unseeing at the mess in front of him and wondered if one of those unrecognizable body parts were part of the man he loved. The forest around him was quiet except for the sizzle of rain as it touched heated pieces of metal and the occasional sliding groan as another part of the plane settled further into the forest floor. “Sunshine” a whispered word that slowly crept through the fog of despair that was Justin’s mind, “Sunshine, please for fuck sake you god damn well better still be alive somewhere out there or I’ll kill you myself.” The last was screamed into the silence. 


Justin heard that and he grinned. Brian was alive. He stood up and looked around. “Brian where are you?” he called. 


“Sunshine is that really you?” 


“I hope so.” Justin laughed though he’d never thought he’d ever be able to laugh again. 


“I’m over here, I’m near a tree if that helps.” His voiced was dry. 


“Not really, can you follow my voice?” 


“There’s a bit of a problem with that Sunshine.” Justin could hear strain in Brian’s voice. “I’ve hurt my back and it hurts like a son of a bitch if I move.” 


While Brian talked, Justin kept following the sound of his voice until he saw a familiar auburn head on the ground - the rest of Brian had to be behind the large tree. “Brian I see you.” Justin yelled and he ran as fast as he could to where Brian lay. He stopped short when he came to him. Brian was laying flat on his back on the ground, clearly in a lot of pain. 


“Fuck Justin, you’re covered in blood.” Brian exclaimed. “Come here, I have to see what’s wrong with you.” 


Justin slowly and carefully knelt down beside Brian; he could see that the tall man was able to move a little bit. He wasn’t paralyzed, that was good. And the fact that Brian was in pain, meant that his back might be injured, but that he could recover. Justin remembered when his father had injured his back in a car accident years ago, he’d had a compression fracture of a couple of vertebrae’s. He did recover after therapy and considerable bitching. “Kiss me – I need to feel you’re real.” Brian panted as he tried to control the pain he was feeling. Justin leaned over and pressed his lips against Brian’s in a kiss of comfort. “Well, my dick still works, so I can’t be that bad.” Brian quipped when Justin released him. 


“Asshole.” Justin said, but he was relieved that Brian wasn’t in worse shape. “Bri, I’m going to go and find something to use for cover. It looks like night is coming soon and I think it’ll be pretty dark out here soon. 


“Justin, sing or whistle or something when I can’t see you, don’t leave me alone.” Justin’s heart lurched as he realized how vulnerable Brian was and how much it must have cost the proud man to ask what he did. 


“I’ll never leave you Brian. I thought we’d gotten past that” Justin teased and he smoothed back the auburn hair and kissed Brian’s clammy brow. 


All Justin could think of were the songs from “Yellow Submarine” so he kept up a steady repertoire of the old songs as he looked for anything that was intact enough to provide some kind of shelter. At the same time he looked for his duffle bag, hoping against hope he’d find it because of the pain meds that were in it. 


He found a few of the small pillows and some blankets still intact. A small stash of bottled water had survived. He was almost ready to give up when a bright splash of familiar orange showed under a piece of the fuselage. It was his favorite sweatshirt and sure enough most of the contents of the split open duffel bag were within easy reach. A heavy knit sweater was also laying there and Justin hesitated only for a minute before he sent a silent prayer of thanks to the person who had owned the sweater and added it to his booty along with a package of peanuts and two small individual packs of Oreo cookies. It would have to do until morning. He was having a hard time seeing as it was as the shadows in the deep woods were scary. 


Every crappy episode of the X files that had taken place in the woods kept flashing through Justin’s mind and he made his heavily laden way to Brian. 


“You came back.” Brian tried to smile, but the pain was too much. 


“Bri, I found my pain meds for my migraines, I’m going to give you two and when they start to work, I want you to let me know. I have to get a couple of these blankets under you. The ground will be too damp to lay on by morning. I don’t want you to get sick.” 


“I’m already sick Justin.” He reached for the two pills Justin gave him, wincing in pain as the muscles in his arms pulled on those of his back. Justin supported his head a little and Brian managed a mouthful of water to swallow the pills. Tears came to his eyes with the intensity of the pain and he hoped Justin didn’t notice. 


“You aren’t sick, you’re injured. There’s a difference.” Justin stated. He began to arrange four of the blankets into a makeshift mattress with a piece of plastic he’d found on the bottom. It wasn’t as long as the blankets, but it would keep the worst of the ground damp away. Brian watched him when he could bring himself to open his eyes. Slowly the pain receded until it was bearable. 


Justin had been monitoring Brian for signs that the pain he was in was abating. When he noticed the lines in Brian’s brow clearing he knew it was time to get the mattress under him. “Bri, we really need to get you up off of the ground, the only way I can see it is if I sit here.” Justin knelt at Brian’s waist. “Now I’m going to roll you toward me. You hold on and I’ll slip the blankets over to where you were laying.” 


Brian nodded his understanding and braced himself for the pain he knew was going to follow. “On the count of three Brian, I’m going to do it.” Justin rolled Brian and Brian cursed and held onto the smaller man while he prepared the ground and slowly and carefully he rolled Brian back. Once the pain had calmed down enough for Brian to think straight, he had to admit the warmth of the wool under him helped him feel more comfortable. By now they could barely see. Justin assembled another mattress and placed it close to the edges of the first one. He slipped a pillow beneath Brian’s head and placed the others within reach before covering the two of them with the rest of the small woolen blankets. Darkness had descended. 


Justin propped himself up on his elbow and traced the contours of Brian’s face with his fingertips. “I love you Brian Kinney.” 


“I love you Justin Taylor.” Brian sighed. “This sure as hell is going to fuck up the cruise.” He sighed again at Justin’s giggle. “I never was fond of camping.” 


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Jennifer took the cup of coffee from Vic, grateful for the warmth of it in her hands. She’d been unable to feel anything since they had first heard about Brian and Justin’s plane the day before. She looked up at Vic from where she was sitting on the sofa and said. “Thanks Vic, for being here.” 


He gave a rueful smile and sat beside her. “I’m always here Jennifer.” His eyes turned up toward the ceiling. “I guess Deb and Molly are still sleeping.” 


“Molly was exhausted.” Jennifer admitted. “And Debbie, I had no idea Brian’s death would hit her so hard.” 


“It isn’t just Brian, it’s Sunshine too. She puts her whole heart into those boys.” 


“I know she does Vic and I feel bad that I can’t feel anything. My own son is dead and I feel nothing. Like I’m living inside some kind of bubble, breathing air that no one else has. If I shut my eyes, it will all be a dream, some kind of surrealistic nightmare.” 


“It’s the shock Jennifer.” 


“I just can’t believe they’re dead. Surely to goodness if your son is dead you should feel something different. Shouldn’t there be some kind of pain?” she shook her head. “I’m sorry Vic if you think I being dramatic, but frankly I won’t believe they’re dead until I see their bodies. Until then as far as I’m concerned they’re only lost.” 


“Works for me Jen.” Vic said and he put his arm around the small woman and pulled her tight into a comforting hug. The two of them sat on the sofa watching the dawn break through the large picture window and sipped their coffee. Both of them were lost in their private thoughts of Brian and Justin. 


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Across town Ben slipped out of bed and began his morning Tai Chi exercises. He still couldn’t believe Brian and Justin were dead, but after Michael had finally fallen asleep, Ben had called a friend on Liberty Air who confirmed that yes, both Brian and Justin had been aboard t flight 369 bound for Seattle and yes they were among those presumed dead. 


He finished his routine and padded into the kitchen to make tea. In doing so he passed a pile of snapshots that had been taken the weekend before at a party that had been held here in their apartment for Hunter’s birthday. He sat at the table while the water boiled and began to look through the pictures filled with smiling faces of all their friends and family until he came upon the one with Brian on the sofa, Justin on his knee. Justin had been feeding Brian pieces of birthday cake and there was a bit of icing on Brian’s nose. Michael had snapped the picture of the two of them grinning at each other oblivious to everything that was going on around them, so intent were they with the joy of the moment. The love they had in their eyes for each other was unmistakable – it was so out there that it was almost like the rest of them were intruding on a private moment. 


“They really loved each other.” Michael said. He’d gotten out of bed and was standing behind Ben looking at the picture Ben held. “You know it’s funny, I think they still do. I think that they’re together somewhere and dealing with what ever has happened in their own way. Brian is probably trying to get Justin to do something he doesn’t want to do. And Justin is definitely getting Brian to do what ever it is – only Brian doesn’t realize that’s Justin’s plan all along. Considering Brian always considered himself the master of manipulation, he was putty in Justin’s hands.” 


“That’s the sign of a true master – Justin always managed to get Brian to comply and Brian never knew that he was being manipulated.” 


“Kind of like how Ma always gets stuff done.” Michael laughed. “You’re right; Justin is good at that kind of thing. I guess Brian didn’t stand a chance.” 


“You told me yourself, Brian had lost the battle with Justin the first night they met.” 


Michael wrapped his arms around Ben and leaned his chin on Ben’s shoulder. “It pissed me off like you wouldn’t believe. Here’s this kid, barely out of diapers and the great Brian Kinney is smitten with one smile.” 


“Smitten?” Ben teased. 


“Smitten – it’s the only way to describe it.” Michael chuckled. “Oh he put up a good fight Brian did, but he never stood a chance once those baby blues set eyes on him. It was love or lust at first sight for the two of them.” 


Ben looked at the picture in his hand. “Let’s get this one enlarged. If there’s a memorial service, maybe we could put together some pictures of the two of them that really show how they were.” 


“It hurts Ben, really hurts deep down inside of me, but it still doesn’t feel like Brian’s really gone. I know you’re going to say that I’m in denial, but if you don’t mind, I’d kind of like to stay that way for awhile.” 


“Sure baby, whatever you say.” Ben reached around and pulled Michael onto his lap and held him close while they both looked through the rest of the pictures. 


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Cynthia sat at her desk outside of Brian’s office staring at the door and expecting Brian to come out any moment. She should probably have stayed at home, but she knew she needed the closeness of even a part of Brian now. Knowing that his office was through that door. Knowing that it was all ready for him to walk in and sit down buzzing for a coffee all in one fluid motion, knowing all this, it was kind of comforting. 


“Cynthia.” Vance stood beside her desk. “Can you come into my office please?” he asked, his voice kind. 


She looked at him, wary of what he might want. “I’ll be right there.” She replied and she blinked back tears that had been threatening to fall since she’d arrived. 


Walking to Vance’s office seemed to take forever, but she finally made it through the door. “Sit down Cynthia.” Vance said. “Can I get you a drink, perhaps a coffee?” he offered and she shook her head no. 


Cynthia was quiet for a moment. She barely glanced at the piece of paper Vance had offered. She needed to believe that Brian would be coming back, maybe this way she could. She could handle his accounts and run his office as if he was on an extended vacation. Maybe then her heart wouldn’t hurt as much. She looked at Vance and sighed before saying. “I’ll do my best Mr. Gardner.” 


“Call me Vance, after all we’ll be working closely together.” 


“Not that close.” She said to herself as she walked back to her desk to steal herself to open Brian’s door. 


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Day two 


Brian had slept for a few hours, but not many. The pain in his back was intense and no amount of gentle adjustment to his position brought any relief. He knew he’d need another pain pill but he hated to wake Justin up. He looked around him amazed that it could be so black. It didn’t help that the tree canopy kept any light from the moon and the stars from adding some illumination. He’d been hearing rustling sounds from the direction of the plane wreckage and he could only imagine that the scavengers of the forest had begun. He didn’t want to think about it. Brian sighed when soft fingers once again began to explore his face and down his torso. “I’m awake Jus.” He said quietly. He was almost afraid to let whatever was out there know that they were here. 


“Bri.” Justin murmured and snuggled closer. “Are you okay?” 


“I’m alive, so I guess that counts for something, but I sure could use a pain pill.” 


“I’m sorry Brian, I should have remembered.” Justin rustled around until he located the small bottle of pills and the partially full bottle of water. “One or two.” He asked. 


“How many were there?” Brian countered. 


“I don’t know, maybe fifteen or so.” 


“I’ll take two now, but I think I should cut back to one. I don’t know how long I’m going to need them.” He felt Justin’s fingers place two of the small yellow pills in his mouth. The refreshing taste of water followed and Brian swallowed, grateful for the medication and the liquid. 


Justin carefully replaced the cap on the water. He would look for more when there was light, but in case he couldn’t find any, Brian needed it more than he did right now. 


“Justin, did you drink?” Brian asked. 


“I’m not thirsty right now Brian, maybe later.” Justin tucked the blankets around Brian making sure he was warm. “Bri, how long do you think it’ll be before they come and find us?” 


“I’m not sure. I don’t think it would be too long. I mean there were a lot of people on board this flight.” 


“Mom and Deb and everyone are going to be really upset.” 


“Yeah, I hope Gus is okay.” Brian was silent. He was waiting for the pain medication to kick in. The pain he felt in his back was intense, but he thought maybe it was slightly less so than when he’d first come to. Maybe Justin keeping his back warm and not moving him much was letting some of the swelling go down. He wiggled his feet just to make sure he could and was happy to hear the blankets rustle. 


“Bri, what’s wrong?” Justin asked. He’d heard Brian moving. 


“Nothing Justin, I was just trying to get more comfortable.” 


“Can I help?” 


“Hold me until I the pain meds kick in and I fall asleep again.” Brian shut his eyes to hold back his tears. 


“That’s easy, I love holding you Bri.” Justin wiggled until he was able to lay on his side with his arm over Brian. He let his hand trail down Brian’s arm, patting him like he would a cat. The soothing strokes soon had Brian relaxed enough to fall back to sleep. Justin didn’t relax until he could hear the soft wheeze of Brian sleeping and only then did he allow himself to fall asleep again. 


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 

Day 2 


“Mommy did they find daddy and Justin yet?” Gus stood in his pajamas at the bottom of the stairs. Melanie and Lindsay were in the kitchen, Angela was in her highchair playing with a piece of toast. 


“Not yet sweetie.” Lindsay answered. 


“But soon, right?” he asked while he walked into the kitchen filled with sunlight. He kissed Angela on the cheek. “Good morning Angel” he said. Gus had always called her Angel right from the start. She looked at him and laughed. He was her favorite person. 


“I hope so.” Lindsay said absent minded as she looked through the morning paper for some kind of fresh insight into the plane crash, though she knew it was futile. It took all her strength of will not pick the paper up and fling it across the room in a fit of temper. 


Melanie walked over and took the paper from her wife replacing it with a cup of herb tea. She folded the paper and put it up on top of the fridge away from Gus’ prying eyes. He was only five, but had mastered the art of reading the paper a few months ago. He didn’t need to read any of the stories about the plane crash and the people aboard that they now were presuming to be dead. And that included his father and Justin. 


“Gus honey,” Melanie began. She really didn’t think it was healthy for him to believe that Brian and Justin were alive. Survival from a crash like this was unlikely at best. 


“Mom, I know what you’re going to say.” Gus said interrupting her. “But Dad and Justin are still alive. I don’t care what anyone else says. I know it right here.” And he held his hand over his heart. “If daddy and Justin were dead my heart would hurt but only my tummy does ‘cause I’m worried.” 


Lindsay looked at her son proud of him as always. Gus was right, because that’s how she felt. She looked at her wife and knew that no amount of reasoning would ever have her believing anything less than Brian and Justin had died along with all the others on the fated plane. There was no point in even trying. She would have to talk to Gus later when they could have some privacy. 


“Gus, I know your daddy and Justin will always be alive in your heart.” Melanie began again. 


“Mooom” Gus warned and looked mutinous. Melanie shook her head and went back to eating her breakfast. There was time enough for her son and her wife to come to terms with the death of Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor. 


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 

Day 2 continued 


“Justin, I have to piss.” Brian tried to sit up but he knew immediately that it would be impossible when the sharp pain radiated through his body. 


Justin was afraid of this. There was no way he was going to be able to lift Brian up. He needed at least another day of complete rest and the pain medication before they could even consider moving him around at all. “Bri, I sure hope that’s all you need to do. We can deal with that.” He got up and peered into the shadowed gloom of the early dawn. Mist hung low and there were some not so friendly growls and other noises coming from where the main wreckage was. He didn’t even want to think about what was happening there. 


“That’s all for now Sunshine, but I need to go rather urgently.” 


“Well, that’s a good thing. We know your parts are working okay. I’m going to find you a bottle or something to pee into. It won’t be the ideal situation, but it beats peeing your pants.” Justin was glad Brian wanted him to make noise when he was out of sight, because he didn’t want to unexpectedly walk in on some dame animal having dinner. He quickly located a plastic thermos – and got back to Brian. “If this wasn’t going to hurt you, it would be kind of kinky.” Justin said. “You need to kind of turn on your side.” He saw Brian struggling with the opening of his trousers. “Here let me do that.” He had the trousers unzipped and Brian’s flaccid cock out in no time. It looked kind of sad like that; he was used to it up and kind of bouncy. “I’m going to move over here” he moved up by Brian’s head. “A perfect position for you to suck me off, but maybe another day.” He was kneeling down and Brian grinned in appreciation. “Pull yourself onto your side slowly using me as a lever. When you’re there I’ll stuff gorgeous George here in the thermos and you can pee.” 


“Geeze Justin, don’t make me laugh and don’t for fuck sake give my cock a name.” Brian griped to hide the pain he felt as he pulled himself over using Justin’s body to hold onto. Justin was barely suppressing a giggle as he put the head of Brian’s cock into the thermos. 


“Ok GeeGee” Justin said. “You can pee now.” 


“Are you nuts?” Brian said, though he managed to relax his bladder enough to pee, the relief was instant and welcome. He had no idea that part of the pain he’d been feeling was due to an over extended bladder. 


“Shut up Brian I’m talking to my friend.” Justin stroked Brian’s cock, milking the last of the piss out of it. As soon as its first job had been taken care of it immediately began to come to attention much to Justin’s amusement. “See he’s a feisty little guy, always wants to play.” 


Brian had rolled back onto his back. It took him a few minutes to get the pain under control and his breathing back to normal before he could reply. “You will not give my cock a name. Put it away. And give me the blanket.” 


“What a grouch he is – eh GeeGee?” Justin bent and kissed the end of the now tumescent cock. “He doesn’t want me to put him away. He wants to play.” 


“I can’t believe you. My back is in several pieces, you look like you’ve been beat up. There are three dead people not twenty yards away and god knows how many wild beasts closing in looking for dinner and you are playing with my cock.” Brian couldn’t help but grin. 


“Hey Brian, it’s not my fault, it’s his. I’m the innocent party here. I mean your cock is waaaay to easy. One kiss and he’s ready to paaarty.” Justin managed to get Brian’s cock back into his pants. He kissed Brian’s forehead and then stood up. Every bone in his body ached and he was black and blue over most of his torso. He was pretty sure he’d cracked a rib or two and his head felt like it was going to fall off any minute. But he didn’t want Brian to know any of this. It was important that he rest his back. If there was one thing he’d learned from his father’s mishap, it was that bed rest was the only sure cure for an injured spine. If Brian started into his usual caregiver mode, he’d never get better. So instead he joked with his injured lover, and acted the fool hoping Brian would put it down to his age and not realize he was covering up how he felt. 


“I’m going to go pee myself and empty your potty. Remind me not to use this one for any drinks.” He held the thermos aloft. I’ll see if I can find any kind of food. It kind of looks like this airline was too cheap to stock anything much in the way of food.” 


“I think I read in some of Liberty Air’s literature, that there are survival packs in a cupboard behind the cockpit.” Brian offered. 


Justin didn’t want to point out that the cockpit was in a number of pieces and none of them all that big. “Maybe they were in some kind of container designed to survive a crash, though who they thought would be using the stuff, I don’t know.” He blew a kiss at Brian. “I’ll take a look though Brian.” Justin started to leave. “How about I just call out hi or something every now and then, I’m really sick of singing and I can’t whistle worth shit.” 


“You can’t sing worth shit either Sunshine.” Brian teased. 


Justin smiled and gave him the finger before disappearing around a tree. When he was sure Brian couldn’t see him, he sunk to the ground and grabbed his aching head with his hands, massaging the temples and trying to relax the muscles in his face and neck. Soon he was able to stand, though carefully, his ribs hurt more than he’d thought possible. He lifted his shirt to look at his belly and wasn’t surprised to see that it was a mass of blue black bruising, worse than yesterday. He found a hollow spot and emptied the thermos and then add his own stream. He wasn’t surprised to find he had blood in his urine. He’d probably hurt one or both of his kidneys. 


This time, with the day in front of him, Justin took his time in combing through the wreckage for things they needed to survive. The first thing he did though was cover up the dead people – he couldn’t bear to look at them and he thought of it as a sign of respect as well.. Justin made many trips back and forth to Brian with his discoveries and they were able to have a small but satisfying lunch with a shared cheese sandwich and two power bars. Justin had eaten his half of the sandwich and given a power bar to Brian, but he put away the other one and told Brian he’d eat it later. This time he did drink one of the bottles of water and allowed Brian to wash his face in water that had gathered in a puddle on one of the pieces of the aircraft. Justin knew that Brian needed to feel he was helping somehow even if he was flat on his back. As Brian carefully washed his face, Justin was surprised at the amount of blood that appeared in the water. “I guess scalp wounds bleed a lot.” He offered. 


“You’re going to have quite a scar there Justin. The cut is at least two inches long and it looks like it went right to the bone. At least it’s clean. All that bleeding must have cleaned it out.” All Justin could think was no wonder his head was killing him. He carefully took the water and cloth away from Brian, conserving his movements supposedly in deference to the older man, but in reality to hide the pain of his injured ribs. 


“I still can’t find any of your bags Brian, but the whole back half of the plane is kind of missing and I think that’s where the luggage compartment is.” Justin had returned with an armload of warm clothing. It was chilly up in the mountains and the sun never really seemed to break through the green canopy long enough to warm them up. 


Brian resigned himself to wearing someone else’s clothing. He was fucking freezing and he couldn’t go look for himself, he had to take Justin’s word for it. It was the end of their first full day and the beginning of their second night. He hadn’t even heard a search plane, let alone seen one even if he could have seen through the trees. His back ached constantly, his skin itched from not being able to wash completely and he was hungry, though he knew a lot of that was psychological. Justin had found a supply of power bars and there was quite a few bottles of water. He wondered if the brat had found any booze and just wasn’t giving him any because of the pills. He hoped he’d be able to get up, maybe tomorrow and look for himself. 


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 


Day 3 


Justin woke up first, he had to almost pry his eyes open and he knew that today he would have to build some kind of shelter over them both, they couldn’t continue to sleep without protection from the weather. He needed to build a latrine and he needed to find something Brian could do to keep his mind occupied while Justin was busy. 


There was no way he was going to disturb the older man, if he had to lay here for another hour he would. Brian hadn’t been sleeping well and Justin knew that the pain in his back was intense or Mr. ‘I can do anything’ Kinney would have been up ordering him around. 


It wasn’t long before the hazel eyes opened. Brian turned his head to find Justin watching him. “Hey Sunshine, I’m glad you’re here.” Brian smiled gently. “I was dreaming about you” 


“Good dreams I hope.” Justin leaned over and kissed Brian. “I’m going to build a bit of a shelter around your favorite tree today and a latrine.” 


“Really?” Brian looked up at him with concern. “Do you know how do build stuff like that?” 


“I read Robinson Caruso when I was a kid and I watched Castaway.” 


“What better qualifications could anyone ask for?” Brian joked. “I’d suggest the latrine first. I don’t think I’m up for squatting in the woods and I also don’t think I can last much longer without doing something.” 


‘Fuck’ thought Justin, ‘I should have realized that he’d be holding back’ the blond gave Brian another soft kiss. “I’ll work on that right away. I’ve already found the perfect spot. It’s pretty basic, but I think you’ll be able to manage. Give me half an hour to get it ready, it’s almost perfect the way it is, I just need some final touches.” 


“You really are queer if you can’t just find a spot to shit in the woods without decorating it too.” Brian smirked. 


“I love you too Brian.” Justin turned his back to Brian as he got up, he knew he’d never be able to keep the pain he was feeling with his ribs off of his face otherwise and Brian didn’t need to worry about him. 


The spot Justin had picked wasn’t too far away. It was far enough away from where they were sleeping but not too far that Brian couldn’t make it there with Justin’s help. Or at least that’s what he was hoping. So far Brian hadn’t been able to sit up let alone stand up. 


Justin retrieved a piece of metal from the plane to dig with and moved to his private latrine area. It was really very basic. A sapling about six inches across had fallen across two larger logs – this would provide the ‘seat’ – a convenient tree branch off to one side would provide Brian with something to hold onto so he wouldn’t fall backwards. Justin used the piece of metal to scoop out a fairly deep and wide hole where he calculated any waste would fall. He then went back to the crash site and found some suitable pieces of material that he ripped into smaller pieces to act as toilet paper. It was crude, but it beat having Brian mess his pants. 


“Okay handsome, your luxurious accommodations await.” Justin announced. “Did you take the pain med?” 


“Yes.” 


“Is it starting to kick in?” Justin hated that the next part was going to be extremely painful for Brian and he wanted what ever help he could get. 


“As much as it can I suppose.” Brian braced himself. “Let’s just get this over with how do you want to do this?” he hated to ask, but he really had no idea how Justin was going to be able to lift him to his feet. Neither did Justin know. 


Justin looked at Brian, it was something he’d been thinking about since he’d found Brian here. “I know you can’t sit easily but what we are going to do is get you up in stages using your arms and the strength in my back not yours. I’m going to kneel beside you and lean over.” He did “Now put your arms around my neck and hold on tight while I straighten up, you’ll be sitting up, but your weight will be on my neck and back, don’t relax your hold. And then I’m going to stand pulling you up with me, what ever you do don’t fucking let go, because I won’t be able to catch you.” The next few minutes were agony for the both of them as slowly Justin managed to get Brian to his feet. They stood there breathless, Brian shaky from the pain and having been flat on his back for almost two days. Justin because he could barely breathe with the pain from his cracked ribs. He wasn’t looking forward to getting Brian back down and he sure as hell hoped Brian only wanted to use the latrine once a day. Maybe he could just tie him up there and leave him, it would be less painful, was the thought that ran fleetingly through Justin’s mind. 


Brian was humiliated and embarrassed when he realized just what Justin was going to have to do for him. There was no way he was going to be able to clean himself after using the latrine perched on a fucking damn tree. He looked at Justin’s efforts and then looked at Justin who had managed to shuffle him over. Justin knew what Brian was thinking. “Look Bri, it’s a part of life we can’t avoid. And really when you think about it – it’ll give you lots of incentive to get better faster.” He turned so that Brian had his hands on Justin’s shoulders and was facing him. “I’m going to get your pants down and get you seated and then leave you so you can have some privacy. Shout when you’re ready for me.” And that’s just exactly what he did. Brian couldn’t believe the kindness and compassion Justin showed to him. He vowed to someday make it up to Justin, though he wasn’t sure if he ever would be able to come close. 


Day 3 continued 


Justin had spent most of the day before in basic housekeeping at the camp site. After he’d managed to reorganize where they had been sleeping while Brian was using the facilities and then getting his lover settled back for the day, Justin had begun to drag as many downed branches as he could over to their camp site forming a ‘U’ shaped enclosure around their sleeping area. He built a fire pit clearing away the pine needles until he hit dirt and making sure it was lined with rock as well as ringed around with rock before carefully building a small fire. To keep Brian’s mind busy and away from the dark thoughts that seemed to haunt the older man, Justin kept up a steady stream of questions as he built the shelter and the fire, making Brian part of what he was doing by insisting that he tell him how to do what ever task he was working on until finally Brian had begged to be left alone so that he could sleep. 


Brian lay back on the pallet that Justin had tidied and pretended to sleep while Justin bustled about making their camp somewhat bearable. He was shocked to see that Justin was in pain, he must have suffered more injuries in the crash than he’d told Brian. He seemed to be holding his rib cage and twice Brian heard him gasp sharply in pain. Brian was forced to say nothing because he knew that Justin didn’t need the added stress of knowing that Brian was worried about him. They were some mixed up pair, each one wanting to protect the other. The effects of the pain pill began to wash over him and Brian slowly gave up resisting the welcome relief that sleep would bring. His last thought was a whispered ‘I love you Justin.’ 


Justin, once he was sure Brian was asleep went back to the crash site to continue to look for their own belongings and to continue to carefully record in a notebook he’d found the location person. He skillfully drew page after page of detailed pictures knowing that when the crash site was found, all the information he could provide would help them figure out what happened. 


He also listed what he’d taken from the site and why and where their camp was. He detailed both of their injuries and his plans for leaving the area to find their way home as soon as Brian was able to withstand any kind of travel. 


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 


Day 4 


“Fuck Justin it snowed last night.” Brian looked around him there was a layer of white covering everything and their small fire had gone out. 


“Apparently,” Justin didn’t look after the first peek, he really didn’t want to deal with this right now. 


“And some animal was here.” Brian stared in horror at the set of animal tracks that were clearing visible in the dusting of snow. It looks like a dog tracks.” 


“Probably a coyote or maybe a wolf, I doubt it’s a dog.” Justin still didn’t look. He knew they were around, he’d seen what was happening to the victims of the crash. 


“What are we going to do?” Brian tried not to whine but the thought of being at the mercy of the local wildlife didn’t make him very happy. “What’s that smell?” 


“What smell?” Justin’s nose had conveniently turned off after the second day at the crash site, things weren’t lasting there long in the daytime heat. 


“Like something’s rotten.” Brian was silent for a moment and then said in a small voice. “Oh fuck”. 


“Well, you could use a shower, maybe that’s what you smell.” Justin suggested and he rolled over to look into Brian’s eyes. 


“I’d say that you should seriously consider using a stronger deodorant.” And he grinned before leaning over for a kiss. 


“You should talk Sunshine. Keep down wind of me today please.” 


“I think we’re attracting the wildlife, they probably like stinky men.” Justin looked around hoping he wouldn’t spot any of the afore mentioned wildlife. 


“We can’t stay here can we?” Brian asked the question knowing the answer that he didn’t want to hear. 


“No Bri, we’re going to have to try and find some civilization. It stands to reason if we walk down hill we’ll eventually find someone.” 


“Or more fucking trees and bigger animals.” Was the gloomy reply. “I can’t even walk to the latrine without you practically carrying me, how the fuck am I going to walk down the mountain.?” 


“We’ll think of something Bri.” Justin smoothed back the auburn strands off of Brian’s forehead and kissed the exposed skin. He ran his fingers over the thick lushness of Brian’s beard. “You are incredibly sexy with a beard you know.” 


Brian reached up and stoked the wisps of beard on Justin’s face. “You are too Sunshine.” He said gallantly. 


Day 5 


“Michael, you don’t have to do this.” Melanie put her hand on her friend’s arm. They were on their way up to Brian’s loft to see if they could find any pictures of Brian and Justin for the memorial service and to make sure that all the perishables had been removed from the refrigerator. 


“I’m okay Mel” Michael tried to smile but he wasn’t too successful. They had reached the top floor and were startled to see Brian’s mother and sister there with the superintendent of the building. 


“Mrs. Kinney, Claire, what are you doing here?” Melanie asked. 


The building superintendent answered for them. “These broads say that Mr. Kinney is dead and they want in to his place to get some stuff. I told them no way not until I hear from his lawyer, Mr. Kinney is very particular about whom he lets in here since he and blondie got back together.” 


“I’m Brian’s mother and now that he’s dead, anything he has should come to me.” Joan Kinney pulled herself up to her full height in order to intimidate Mel and Michael who were height challenged. 


“Just a damn minute here Mrs. Kinney, you don’t know that Brian’s dead. He’s missing that’s all and you have no right to break into his apartment. If he’d wanted you in here you’d have had a key like I do.” Michael held up his key and was quick to put it back into his pocket when Joan Kinney made a grab for it. 


“I’ll have you know, I’m his next of kin and I’m entitled to --- Joan Kinney was surprised when Melanie stepped up to her. 


“You are entitled to zip Mrs. Kinney. I’m Brian’s lawyer and I was the one who drew up his will. Trust me, you aren’t mentioned in it and neither are you.” She looked at Claire who until now was standing silently behind her mother. “There is a small bequest for both of your sons, but it will be held in trust until they are of age should Brian be declared dead. That won’t be happening any time soon. First they have to find the downed plane and then they have to find DNA evidence that Brian was on it and dead. Until then he is just missing. Either way – neither of you have permission to enter his apartment not now and not ever.” 


“What are you doing here?” Joan Kinney demanded. 


“I do have permission to enter the apartment. That’s all you need to know Mrs. Kinney.” 


Michael and Melanie stood with their backs to Brian’s door. The Superintendent grinned and went down the stairs. Joan and Claire stood there undecided before pulling up the elevator door and getting on with a huff of displeasure. “You haven’t heard the last of this Miss.” Joan Kinney hissed as the elevator descended. 


“Why does is seem like she was descending into the bowels of hell from ‘whence she came’? Melanie asked Michael. 


“She is a bitch alright Michael agreed. He’d take his mother any day, loud and obnoxious as she was, over the uber bitch from hell that was Brian’s mother. 


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 


Day 5 


Brian lay on his pallet on the forest floor staring unseeing up at the canopy of green. Justin lay in his arms, his body visibly thinner than it had been when they had begun this odyssey. It had become apparent to Brian that he wasn’t going to be able to walk out of this dense forest any time soon. Sure he could now make it to the make shift latrine Justin had made, but only by using all of Justin’s strength to get him there and back. He still couldn’t sit up and the latrine trip was the extent of his walking abilities. Justin had made a kind of slightly raised platform so that he could almost sit, but it really was only about eight inches high, hardly what you would call sitting. If Justin was to survive, he needed to walk out of here before the cold of a mountain winter began to set in. Already there had been snow flurries twice and each morning was colder than the next. He was afraid to build a fire with so many dry trees around. Justin needed to get into some open space so he could build a signal fire. He had to convince Justin to leave. 


Justin stirred in Brian’s arms. “Bri?” he asked as he did every time he woke. As if afraid that Brian would have died or disappeared while he slept. 


“Hey Jus” Brian said and he moved his head so he could kiss Justin’s forehead. He was pleased to see the scalp wound was healing nicely, he’d been afraid of an infection setting in. 


“I love you Bri.” The second thing out of Justin’s mouth each morning and Brian answered like he’d been doing – because what the fuck did it matter – “I love you too Jus.” 


“Brian, I’ve been thinking.” Justin began, “I don’t think they’re ever going to find us. I think we’re going to have to find our way home ourselves.” 


“I think you have a point there. I want you to leave this morning. I figure if you walk down hill and keep going west as well, you’ll be bound to find at least a secondary road or something eventually.” 


“We will when you’re able to walk Bri.” Justin snuggled back into the comfort of Brian’s arms. 


“I thought you said you loved me.” Brian stated. “And I think you told me last night you’d do anything for our love.” He sighed. “Well, you know I won’t be able to walk out of here. But if you do, you can send someone back for me. I’ll be okay.” Though Brian knew he wouldn’t be. He figured he might last two weeks though before either the cold, the hunger or the animals got him. 


“I know I said I’d do anything for our love Brian.” Justin got up on one elbow and looked straight into Brian’s eyes so that the man would be able to see that he was deadly serious. 

“But I won’t do that.” His lips brushed Brian’s. He kissed Brian’s eyes, his nose and his lips again in a kind of benediction. “No I won’t do that.” 


Brian looked deep into Justin’s blue eyes. The love and conviction that he was right shone out and he was ashamed that he’d even put the suggestion out because he knew Justin was right. If the roles were reversed he would do anything for their love, but he would never leave Justin, no he wouldn’t do that. 


“I guess we have to go to plan B” Brian attempted to joke. 


“I already have a plan and in my case it’s plan A - for asshole, that’s you if you ever thought I’d leave you here.” Justin wanted to smack him or shake him or just stand up and put the boots to the infuriating man. 


“I’m sorry Justin, it’s just that.’ Brian’s voice trailed off and he turned his head to hide the tears of frustration in his eyes. Never in his life had he ever been in such a position of having to completely depend upon someone for his very life. It was frustrating and sometimes infuriating for him to be stuck on a pallet while the man he loved risked everything every time he disappeared from sight. 


“Hey, Brian,” Justin turned Brian’s face back so they were looking at each other again. Justin didn’t need to say anything - Brian knew what he meant. He kissed the corners of Brian’s eyes, kissing away the tears and Brian reached up and pulled him down so his head was on Brian’s chest and they stayed there for the longest time, both of them praying for the strength to survive this ordeal intact, with each other. 


Justin was sitting on a rock near the feeble camp fire, lashing together at one end, two saplings more than fifteen feet long. He had the ends crossed and was using two belts he’d taken from the crash site. Brian couldn’t for the life of him figure out what Justin was doing. Finally curiosity got the better of him and he asked. “What the fuck are you doing Justin?” 


“Building a travois - I was thinking about social studies in my grade four year and I remembered about how the plains Indians used to carry stuff, of course they had a horse, but it works with people too. I saw a picture once of a pioneer using something similar, so I’m building one. I can use it to sort of carry you and our gear down the mountain.” He smiled at Brian, “It’ll be kind of cool, all you have to do is lay back and enjoy the ride and I’ll kind of pull you along.” 


“It isn’t going to work Sunshine, for one thing, I’m too heavy and for another thing if you add any kind of supplies, you’ll never be able to move it.” 


“Ahhh, I have another plan.” Justin looked at Brian; he knew this part wasn’t going to go over very well with the proud man. “I’m going to take our stuff as far as I figure I can walk with you at one time. Drop it off and come back for you. I figure I can do at least three of these kind of trips a day.” 


“No fucking way.” Brian’s bottom lip went out and Justin almost burst out laughing, he reminded him so much of Gus. 


Justin put down what he was working with and lay down beside his lover, he snuggled up close and lay his head on Brian’s shoulder, his arm was tight around Brian’s chest in a hug. “Bri, don’t fight about this okay? It’s the only way and it won’t be long before you’ll be able to walk. It’s not like I have to carry you down the mountain. It snowed last night and it’s only going to get worse, we really need to get to a lower altitude.” 


“Justin this is killing me seeing you work as hard as you do.” Brian’s fingers combed through the unruly mess of Justin’s hair, trying to tidy it up. “I hate this.” His voice trembled. “I hate it so much.” He blinked back tears that readily pricked behind his eyelids. 


“Bri, I know you hate it, but it’s the way things are right now. We do what we have to and we work at it together. I could never do this stuff if I was here by myself, it’s only knowing that you need me that keeps me going.” 


“You could do it Sunshine, you’re tougher than any ten men.” Brian gave up and let his tears fall. “Fuck! I love you Justin.” 


“I love you too Brian.” Justin let his emotions go and he cried too until finally he stopped and laughed. “Look at the two of us, we’re worse drama queens than Emmett.” He wiped his eyes with his hand and blew his nose of a piece of torn material he took from his pocket. He offered it to Brian who blew his own nose, not caring that Justin had used it already. The time for niceties had long past. 


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 

Day 6 


Brian watched with worried eyes as Justin faded out of sight through the trees. He had harnessed himself to the crude travois and loaded it with everything they thought they needed to survive. He hated the way the harness bit into Justin’s thin shoulders and he hated the way he’d had to rig a strap across his forehead so that he could add his full neck and back strength to pulling the heavy load. At least the weight of the thing would blaze a back trail that wouldn’t allow Justin to get lost and never return. The smell from the crash site was getting worse and the wild animals were becoming braver. This morning Brian had been sure he could see a brown bear watching the two of them. 


The two hours it took until Justin returned was a lifetime for Brian and he decided he would insist they stay where ever Justin had left their supplies. 


Justin knew Brian would be watching so he before he rounded the tree that would put him into Brian’s line of sight, he straightened out his shoulders and walked confidently toward his injured lover, hiding the wincing pain in his own back and neck. “Hey Bri, I’m back, that wasn’t so bad.” 


“Sit down and drink some water Justin, we don’t need to leave right away.” Brian offered Justin the bottle of water he held. 


“Only for a few minutes Bri, I really want to do three trips a day.” 


“Geeze Justin that’s actually six fucking trips, that’s way too many.” 


“If I find I can’t do it, I’ll say so, don’t worry Brian.” Justin drained the water bottle and carefully put it in his pocket. They would need to fill them if they ever found a stream. 

“Come on Bri, let’s get you moved over, I’m going to stand you up and then put the bed down on the travois so you aren’t getting bumped all over the place, the highway is the shits here.” He joked. With a lot of effort the two of them managed to get Brian situated on the travois. “All set?” Justin asked. 


“Justin, are you sure about this?” 


“Shut up Bri.” Justin leaned into the pull and slowly they moved back the way Justin had traveled. Brian swallowed any words he was going to say, knowing they would only cause Justin pain. 


Day 7 


“Please Justin, can’t we stay here for even one more day.” Brian pleaded with the stubborn blond. “I know you’ve hurt your shoulders, you can’t hide everything from me and I can see welts on your forehead from that fucking piece of leather.” 


“I told you Brian, it may have seemed like we traveled a long distance, but we were lucky if we covered five miles, that just isn’t good enough. Look up at the sky, those are snow clouds, we’ll never survive if really starts to snow. For one thing our food won’t hold out and I can’t find enough berries, I think the bears have already eaten everything up.” Justin padded the shoulder harness with a piece of one of the blankets before once again pulling his first load for the day. “I’ll be back in two hours, try to stay out of trouble.” 


“And what kind of trouble would I get into Sunshine, we’re stuck in the middle of a fucking X Files episode.” 


“Think positive Bri, I won’t be long.” 


Brian leaned back against the log. He’d insisted that he could sit up for this wait, but as soon as Justin was out of sight he slid back down until he was once again flat on his back. He should have had more sympathy for Ted when he slipped a disc or whatever a couple of years ago. Maybe this was his punishment for being an asshole to everyone. 


Brian looked at the spot where Justin had vanished. “What are you being punished for Sunshine?” he asked. “You’ve never hurt anyone” remembering the pain of Justin walking out of Babylon with Ethan, he added “Not anyone who didn’t deserve it anyway.” 


By the last trip back to Brian on the second day of his enforced labor as a pack mule, Justin was about ready to throw in the towel. He had never been so tired in his life. He rounded a tree and there was Brian lying on the trail he’d blazed, one leg twisted awkwardly under him. “Brian” he shouted and ran to his injured lover, all of his own pain forgotten. “Brian, Brian, please, please, please be alright.” He begged as he straightened Brian’s leg and then smoothed back his hair. 


Brian’s eyes fluttered open and he realized that he must have passed out from the pain when he’d fallen. “Hey, don’t cry baby, I’m okay, I just slipped and fell.” 


Through his tears of relief and exhaustion Justin began to yell. “You fucking asshole, I told you to stay put. I told you, I told you.” He started to sob, completely losing control and Brian pulled him into his arms. 


“Don’t cry Jus, please baby, don’t cry. I’m sorry Jus, I wanted to help, I thought I could walk part of the way, it would save you from having to pull me.” 


“Brian” Justin began when he could talk. “When you are well enough, you’ll walk, maybe not the whole time, but at least part time. I know that. But we have to keep moving, and this is the only way. But Brian, if something happens to you, I’ll be all alone here, I couldn’t go on Brian. You are the only reason I’ve lasted, I told you that.” 


Brian continued to rub circles on Justin’s back. “I’m sorry, I’ll listen to you Justin, but this is killing me waiting for you and knowing how hard everything is for you.” 


“I know it is Brian, but please do it. The ground is about six inches deep of slippery pine needles and with the snow on top of it, its slick, you can fall so easily and maybe this time it won’t be just your back bone you injure, maybe you’ll injure your spine. You don’t want to be at my mercy forever do you and you would be if you were paralyzed or something.” Justin tried to make light of the situation. 


“I’ll wait for you patiently baby, but you have to know that I’ve been at your mercy from the day we met on Liberty Avenue.” 


“I know you have been Brian, and I love you for it.” 


“Hey Sunshine, you want a treat?” Brian tried to lighten the mood. 


“I’m not sucking your dick right now asshole.” 


“Not that, but it’s a thought, no right behind you is a blueberry bush that the bears have missed. How about a little snack.” 


“Really, how do you know they’re blueberries?” 


“I picked the fuckers one summer to earn some money. Believe me, I know a blueberry when I see one, even a wild one.” He looked at the bush. “It’s a low bush wild blueberry, there’re very good and full of antioxidants.” 


“You’ve sold me.” Justin moved to the bush and picked a handful of berries before returning to share them with Brian. “Not bad, a little over ripe, but who’s really complaining.” 


The two of them ate their fill with Justin going back to the bush several times. “Maybe I should pick the last of them; we can take them with us.” 


“Sure, put them in the empty water bottle, it’ll kind of protect them.” Brian agreed. The longer they stayed there in one place, even if it was picking blueberries, the longer Justin had to get some much needed rest before dragging Brian back to their supplies and that night’s camp. 


Day 8 


Justin shook the snow off of the blanket that they had pulled up over their heads last night before falling asleep. He leaned down and kissed Brian good morning stifling a groan as the muscles in the back of his neck started to spasm. The cold wasn’t helping him any. 


“Hey handsome” he said and Brian opened one eye and shut it again. 


“Go away Justin, you are way too perky this morning.” 


Justin only laughed and nuzzled Brian’s neck. 


“Ewwwe, I hope that your nose was just cold and not cold and wet, because it sure felt wet.” Brian complained. 


“I though a cold wet nose was a sign of good health.” 


“In a dog Justin, not in a twink.” 


“I think I left twinkdom some time ago old man.” Justin began to move to get up for another day of grueling work. 


“Not so fast Sunshine” Brian wiggled over until he was able to capture Justin in his arms and pull him close. “I promise to be a good boy and not bitch too much today if you’ll let me hold you for fifteen minutes.” 


“Hmmm, I see you’re getting better, that was almost a complete roll over and no screams of pain.” 


“I do not scream in pain, I’m very stoic as a matter of fact.” Brian buried his nose in Justin’s neck. “I love the smell of you, I should bottle it and make my fortune.” 


“I’ll let you have your illusions of how stoic you are if you’ll promise me you won’t ever tell anyone in the Pitts about how bad I smell.” 


“Well, now we know why mountain men are anti social - no one can get near enough to them to be social.” Brian teased. “But I love you anyway.” 


“You are no rose Brian, trust me on that one.” And Justin returned the nuzzling kiss Brian had given him. “I love you too Brian.” 


Day 9 


“Brian what the fuck are you doing?” Justin had just returned from his last trip with their supplies. He was tired and cranky and hungry and only wanted to get Brian to their camp for the night so he could go to sleep. The blisters on his shoulders had rubbed themselves raw and he was in no mood for the sight he was seeing. Brian was standing naked by a rock, using snow to wash with. 


Seeing the man he loved standing in the cold, his skin pale with a tinge of blue, being able to count his ribs in his already spare frame made him want to cry. He rushed over and grabbed the sweaters that Brian had been wearing. Put your stuff back on. You’ll get pneumonia and die or something.” 


“I couldn’t stand the smell any longer and my skin itched.” But Brian was frozen and only too willing to put his dirty clothes back on. He wrinkled his nose in displeasure. “If we ever get off this fucking mountain, I’m going to sit in the shower for a week.” 


“When we get off this mountain Brian, not if and I’ll be sitting there with you.” Justin finished getting Brian dressed and he helped him over to the travois and then down. 

“There’s no snow where I set up camp. Maybe we’re below the snow line for now.” 


“That doesn’t mean there isn’t going to be any Sunshine. You know with everyone bitching about the forests disappearing this one doesn’t seem to ever end.” 


“But we could maybe take tomorrow off. Just do nothing before we start back down the mountain, we must have traveled at least twenty miles, maybe more.” 


“Hey baby, you’ve had to do it twice. I think taking tomorrow off is a good idea.” 


Day 10 


“Brian, what are you doing?” Justin felt all warm and cozy in Brian’s embrace. They were spooned together under the shelter of a large juniper. 


“Happy Birthday Justin.” Brian whispered into his lover’s ear. 


Justin grinned and even with his back to him, Brian could feel the heat of the smile. “You remembered my birthday.” 


“I’ll never forget your birthday.” Brian sighed. “I wanted to make love to you this morning and I wanted to be clean, but I guess that isn’t going to happen, the clean part that is, but if you don’t mind, I’d like to make love to you just the way we are.” 


“You mean really make love?” Justin asked. “What about your back?” 


“If we do it this way, my back will be ok.” Brian hesitated. “Justin, I don’t have a condom. But I haven’t tricked in so long I probably forget how and I was tested not that long ago.” 


“I love you Brian, I trust you.” Justin hesitated. “I know you would normally tell me not to ever trust anyone who doesn’t use a condom, but I think in this instance it’s okay don’t you?” 


In answer to that, Brian began to trail kisses over Justin’s neck and soon they were lost in the familiar rhythm of ecstasy. 


More than an hour was spent in making love and laughing together about the mess that not using a condom makes, and sacrificing precious water to wash Brian’s dick and laughing some more. Brian thought afterward when he was waiting once again for Justin to return for him, that love was about fun and laughter and sharing experiences about the ridiculousness of the act itself. It wasn’t the serious thing he’d always thought it was and somehow he felt content. 



Day 10 


When word had traveled up and down Liberty Avenue that there was going to be a memorial service to celebrate the life of Brian and Justin, offers of where to hold it poured in from everywhere, finally after talking to the gang about it and with Justin’s mother, it was agreed to hold it in the GLC with a small reception for family and close friends only, to be held at Debbie’ house. 


Vance Gardner had blown up to poster size some of the gangs favorite photos of the two and the new owner of Babylon together with the owner of Woody’s had donated the refreshments for those who attended the service at the GLC. 


Michael was the first to speak. “I hope someone is video taping this, because Brian and Justin will absolutely freak when they see where we are and hear what everyone has to say about them. It’s rather ironic that we’re here today. Today was the day Brian and Justin were supposed to arrive back from their vacation. It’s Justin’s birthday today and Brian was planning a surprise party for him. I guess he’ll have to do it next year.” Everyone laughed nervously, most of them had no idea that Michael still believed the two of them were alive. 


“Brian is my best friend and his partner Justin is a good friend and my business partner in Rage - I know that they’ve stopped searching for the plane, but I’m confident that someone will find it eventually, or that Brian and Justin will walk off of whatever mountain they’re on and give us all shit for not finding them. Either way it will be a great day when that happens.” 


Ben stood up and joined Michael at the podium. “Michael, let someone else speak.” He said kindly. He thought everyone would be laughing at Michael because he truly believed Brian was alive. Michael turned his eyes to Ben’s seeking solace and he was rewarded with the love he saw there. He nodded and smiled a wry smile but taking Ben’s hand(,) he sat down in the front row. 


One after another, friends of Brian’s and Justin’s got up to speak. Some had funny stories and some had stories of good things they had done without seeking praise. 


The service was almost over when Gus wedged his way in between Michael and Hunter. “My daddy is too coming back and so is Justin isn’t he Uncle Mikey?” Brian’s eyes looked out of Gus’ face and it was then that Michael knew that Brian would always be with them in the shape of his son and for the first time since they heard the plane had crashed he began to cry. Ben folded him into his arms and Hunter seeing the alarm on Gus’s face, pulled the small boy onto his knee. “Uncle Mikey is just sad that your daddy and Justin aren’t here today.” He whispered in Gus’ ear. 


“They are too coming home.” Gus said to Hunter. His father’s stubbornness apparent in the small boy’s voice. 


“Of course they are” Hunter asserted. “If you believe hard enough it can happen. I believed that one day I’d have a family who loved me and that happened, so anything is possible.” 


“I love you Hunter.” Gus declared. 


“I know you do sweetie.” Hunter whispered back thankful that his dream had come true. 


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 


Day 15 

“You know Brian if you don’t shut the fuck up, I will leave you here so help me.” Justin threatened for the umpteenth time that day. He paused and wiped the sweat off of his brow before starting off once again. 


“Let me try walking at least for ten minutes.” Brian hated that he was stuck on the makeshift stretcher, never once did Justin complain, though by now he was getting sick of Brian’s incessant bitching. “Brian, you tried again to walk yesterday and look what happened. You slipped and fell wrenching your back again. That wasn’t a big help Brian.” Justin tried to use all the love and patience he could muster. But today he’d been walking through a few inches of snow. It made it easier to pull the travois, but he knew he wasn’t going to be able to keep it up. For one thing their food supply was almost non existent and he knew he was going to have to rethink his stand on killing something soon or they’d die of starvation. Justin wasn’t looking forward to it. 


“Are you sure you left a note back at the plane to tell them where we were heading?” 


“For the five hundredth time yes, I left several notes in case something happened to one.” 


“If I die you could eat me.” Brian offered. 


“I eat you every night; trust me you’re getting kind of gamey.” Justin teased. 


“You need the protein; I let you do it for your own good.” 


“Do you hear that?” Justin asked 


“What?” 


“I hear water.” He slipped off the harness and let Brian down gently. “Stay here, I’m going to see if I can find it.” 


Before Brian could protest Justin had disappeared. Brian grinned when in a few minutes Justin gave a yelp of joy. He must have found a stream. It was about damn time Brian thought. He was beginning to think that the mountain they had landed on didn’t have any streams or rivers and it was driving him crazy. 


Justin came running back. He was grinning from ear to ear. “You absolutely fucking won’t believe what I found.” 


“What, you found a stream?” 


“Better than a fucking stream, but yes I found a stream.” 


“What?” 


“It’s a surprise.” 


“Stop fucking around Justin and tell me what you found.” 


“Nope, I found it and it’s my surprise. Now stay put, I’m gong to take the supplies there and then I’ll come back for you.” 


“I can follow you this time asshole, you left footprints in the snow.” 


“Brian if you follow me down there and slip and fall, I’ll just leave you to rot, I’m sooo not kidding this time. Try and use some of that Kinney patience you’re always bragging about and that I have never seen even once.” 


“It’s too cold and snowy here to wait, take me first.” 


“Stop whining, if I take you first I’ll never get back here and believe me, you’ll want to have a change of clothes once I drag your ass down this hill.” 


Justin loaded the supplies on the travois grinning to himself all the while. It was almost two hours before he came back and he knew Brian would be worried. Sure enough Brian was attempting to walk down the slippery snow covered slope. Luckily he hadn’t gotten very far, he must have really tried to wait it out. “You don’t listen very well do you Kinney?” 


“Shut up.” Brian felt he’d been reduced to the age of a seven year old sometime. 


“If I wasn’t so happy right now I’d kick your ass.” he kissed Brian’s cheek. “Now get on, your chariot awaits.” 


“Justin, I really hate making you pull me like this. You’ve got blisters on your shoulders where the straps rub and on your forehead where the head band goes, this has to stop.” 


“Brian, first of all you aren’t ‘making’ me do a damn thing. We had a choice, we stay with the plane or we try and walk out. The key word here Brian, is we, that’s me and you together.” He voice got low and husky. And secondly, I love you with all my heart and soul and I know you’d do the same for me in a heartbeat, so don’t give me any grief over this.” 


Brian lay down on the travois and shut his eyes. He knew he wouldn’t win the argument, he didn’t know why he even bothered; because Justin was right, he would have done the same for the man he loved, in a heartbeat. 


Brian felt the shallow warmth of a winter sun on his face. It was the first indication that something was different. He opened his eyes and for the first time in days there were no trees overhead. “Wait till you see this Brian.” Justin gushed. He bent over and Brian put his arms around Justin’s neck and Justin helped him to his feet slowly until the taller man could put his weight on them and not use the muscles in his back. Brian stood there and looked around open mouthed. A few feet away was a decent sized stream flowing cold and clear. A hundred yards away was a small one room log cabin. “A house, you found us a house?” 


“Better than a house, it’s a search and rescue way station cabin. That means that someone will eventually show up to restock it and to check if it’s been used. There’s food there Brian, basic stuff, but food, and a wood stove and a small bed and that’s not the best part.” Justin had been leading Brian to the cabin, his arm around Brian’s waist helping him to walk over the uneven terrain. 


Brian noticed an out house not far from the cabin, finally a private bathroom, he thought. “Ta da” Justin heralded as the rounded a huge pile of rocks that had tumbled down off of the mountain above them. Brian looked at what Justin was showing him. 


“Is that what I think it is?” Brian asked. 


“Yep, it’s a hot spring, and it looks like whoever built the cabin has made his own version of a hot tub spa thingy.” 


“Do you think it’s safe to go in?” Brian didn’t like the look of it, green moss dripped from some of the rocks and the smell was slightly sulfurous. 


“Haven’t you ever been to a hot spring Brian, they’re awesome. People pay lots of money to go to them.” He looked at Brian, “it’s supposed to make your skin as soft and healthy as a baby’s. Some people even drink the water.” Justin was unbuttoning Brian’s shirt while he talked. “Clean Brian, you can get clean and look what I have.” Justin took out a bar of Brian’s favorite oatmeal scrub soap from his pocket. “I found it just as we were leaving the crash site and was saving it for when we found a river or something. If you’re a good boy, I’ll wash your back.” 


Brian knew he couldn’t refuse Justin anything he asked. He looked at the exhausted face wreathed in smiles seeing the excited boy that stood under the street light so long ago. He knew that what Justin had been doing for him since the crash went above and beyond what anyone had any right to expect from another person, yet Justin had smiled and kissed him and loved him and cared for him without ever a word of complaint. If Justin wanted him to get into this smelly pool of water, then it(IN) he would get. Brian began to unbutton Justin’s shirt after kissing him thoroughly until they were both breathless. 


Day 15 


The general bustle of the diner barely stopped when Jennifer burst through the door. She looked around, her eyes wild for Debbie. It was the fiery red head’s first day back at work since the day the plane crashed and she was barely holding it together. 


Debbie stopped in the middle of the floor. “Tell me quickly.” She said, her voice quiet. 


“They found the plane.” Was all Jennifer said and immediately the two women burst into tears. Debbie led her friend to the back room where the staff kept their coats. 


“Tell me.” Was all she said. 


“They found the plane two days ago, but were only able to get a search and rescue helicopter in early this morning.” Jennifer was breathless. “You know the old joke - ‘there’s good news and there’s bad news’? Well the good new is they found the plane and they know that Brian and Justin both survived the crash. It seems Justin left a notebook with everything detailed. The bad news is, they decided to try and get out of the area themselves. There was a problem with the three crew members who didn’t make it and wild animals and it wasn’t safe for them to stay around. Neither one really knows much about survival in the woods.” 


“Oh for fuck sake, why couldn’t the little bastards stay put?” 


“I guess being there, with anything bigger than a chipmunk looking pretty scary, leaving seemed like a good idea.” Jennifer tried to joke. 


“They have trackers looking for them now, but there’s a heavy snow fall warning and the Search and Rescue coordinator I was talking to said they would have to pull their people out soon and wait for the weather to cooperate. I stopped by the comic book store and Michael and Ben are going to get everyone together tomorrow night at their place. We should know more about what’s happening by then.” 


Debbie stood there with a huge grin on her face. “I’m going to smack both of them so hard upside the head when they get back for making us all worry so much.” 


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 


Day 15 continued 


Justin had forgotten how bad his shoulders would look until Brian slipped his worn shirt off. Brian stood unsteadily on his feet as he looked in horror at the raw scraped flesh. He followed Justin’s torso down to the waist of his pants and realized the yellow and green skin was the residual from a severely bruised torso. “Justin, my god, what in hell have I done to you?” Brian was afraid to touch the younger man for fear of hurting him. There didn’t appear to be a spot that hadn’t been bruised. 


“Brian, it’s no bid deal, you know how easily I bruise. I’m freezing to death here, get your clothes off and let’s get into the water.” Justin slipped the rest of his clothing off and then helped Brian out of his. Brian moved like he was on automatic program, the shock of seeing Justin’s naked body for the first time since the crash made everything the blond had done for him incredibly brave and foolish. He let Justin lead him down the steps that were cut into the rock. The water was as hot as the hottest hot tub he’d ever been in but it felt amazing 


The buoyancy of the water allowed his back some relief almost immediately and Brian sighed in pleasure, though he couldn’t take his eyes off of Justin who was gingerly lowering himself into the water. “I’m not sure whether this water will be good for that mess on your shoulders Justin.” Brian moved over to Justin and pulled him close. “You’ve lost weight” he shut his eyes trying to control the emotional pain he felt at seeing Justin like this. 


“Brian, I’ll get better. We can stay in the cabin for a few days and with this spa treatment, you probably will be able to walk, so we only need to carry our gear. We could both drag the travois by the ends.” 


“I’m not moving out of here until you’re in better shape and I don’t fucking care how many wolves or bears or any other damn thing is out there. We aren’t going anywhere.” 


“We don’t have enough food, even with what’s in the Ranger cabin. It isn’t stocked for a long term stay Brian, only for a few days.” 


Brian had found a ledge to sit on, the water swirled around and he was almost used to the smell of it. He took Justin by the hand and pulled him over onto his knee and cradled the tired head against his shoulder. The two of them sat there enjoying the heat of the water and the familiar feeling of being naked in each other’s arms. “Where’s that soap Sunshine, I’m going to wash your hair?” 


Justin reached over lazily and picked the bar of soap off of the rock he’d placed it on. The next half hour was spent washing each other and though the thought of sex crossed both of their minds, becoming clean was in itself almost an orgasmic pleasure. Finally, when Brian was slightly bent over in the water, his back to Justin, the urge overcame the mischievous blond and he placed the head of his fully erect cock against Brian’s exposed hole, rubbing it back and forth. 


Brian smiled to himself and sank back down in the water. Justin’s fingers traced Brian’s back bone gently touching the two swollen spots that must be where his lover had been hurt. His hand went around to the front and he wasn’t surprised to find an equally swollen cock. “Hmm, I think it’s my turn.” Justin murmured. 


Brian laughed. “I think we need to get into the cabin and find something to wear. You can have your way with me later when we can fall asleep after. There’s no way I’d be able to carry you out of here Sunshine.” 


Reluctantly Justin knew that Brian had a point. They were both so exhausted that sex would put them to sleep. “I’m going to wash out our clothes first. There’s some almost clean stuff in our gear.” 


Brian helped and soon they had a bundle of wet, but almost clean clothing. The heat from the hot spring kept their bodies warm enough while they made it the few yards to the cabin. Justin wrapped Brian in a blanket and put one around himself while he built a fire in a wood stove there. “When we get out of here I’m going to buy the guy who left all this stuff the biggest and the best dinner ever.” Justin declared. 


“Always thinking of food.” Brian teased. “Not everyone thinks food is a good present.” 


“Tell me you wouldn’t love a nice steak and a baked potato right about now.” 


Brian laughed “I won’t say another word.” He wiggled around on the rustic bed that had been built into one wall of the small cabin. “I think the hot water did wonderful things for my back. Walking to the cabin wasn’t bad and if you’ll notice I’m sitting down.” 


“I did notice you were sitting down.” Justin smiled. “But why don’t you lie down. I’m going to melt some snow for water and make two packages of these noodles.” He held up the familiar package of dried noodles, he’d practically lived off of them when he was with Ethan. “I think these things are indestructible, they probably didn’t eve have to put them in the sealed container - no self respecting rodent would think of eating them.” 


“They look pretty good to me.” Brian admitted. “I haven’t eaten that kind of thing for - shit like seven or eight years.” 


“Well, considering we were down to half a power bar. I’d say we couldn’t have found this cabin at a better time.” It took far more snow than Justin realized to make half a pot of water, but finally they had the noodles steaming away filling the cabin with the mouth watering scent of chicken soup. 


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 


Day 16 


“Justin,” Brian whispered, “Are you awake?” he was spooned against Justin the front half of him enjoying the heat from younger man’s body. For the first time since they’d crashed they had slept together in the nude. 

“Mmmmm” Justin didn’t want to talk because if he did then he’d really be awake and this was too nice. 


“It feels funny in here and the light coming in the window is weird.” 


“How funny?” 


“X files funny.” 


Justin opened his eyes and looked around. “It looks okay to me.” He shut his eyes again but turned over until he was facing Brian. “Give me a hint, what am I supposed to be looking for?” 


“You’re the artist; can’t you tell the light is different?” Brian sighed. “What do you see?” 


“I see the most incredible hazel eyes in the world, they’ve got flecks of jade and gold in them, they’re framed by long thick lashes and they smile at me all the time. I see happy eyes. Justin kissed Brian’s nose. “I see the man I love, who cares what anything else looks like.” 


Brian actually blushed. “Geeze Justin, could you get any more mushy?” 


“I’ve made a life decision. I’ve decided to tell you how I feel about you when ever I want to. If we’re in the grocery store and I see your hands and they strike my fancy, I’m going to kiss each of your finger tips right then and there and tell you how much I love those hands touching my body. It doesn’t matter where we are or who we’re with, I’m never wasting another moment to tell you how I feel - so Brian Kinney - consider yourself duly warned. This man loves you and he’s not holding back any longer.” Justin snuggled his clean head under Brian’s chin and sighed in contentment. 


Brian was speechless. “Jus, I know you love me. After what we’ve been through, what you’ve done for me, how could I ever doubt it. You don’t have to tell me all the time.” 


“Tough Brian, I’m not doing it for you, I’m going to tell you I love you for me. It makes me happy to tell you and it makes me feel warm inside when you get that funny smile on your face when I tell you. So nope, just doing it for me.” 


“Justin, somebody just looked in the window.” 


“Riiiiight” which episode of the X Files are you channeling now Brian?” 


Justin sat up suddenly when a loud knock was heard on the door and it slowly opened. 


“Sorry guys. are you Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor - it’s too cold out there to wait any longer and it’s snowing like a son of a bitch.” A woman stepped inside, her multicolored striped toque was layered in snow, and she even had snow on her eyelashes and brows. 


“That would be us.” Brian drawled, amused at Justin who drew his blanket up to his chin like a virgin bride. 


“I’m Beth Abrahms of the Puyallup County Search and Rescue. There were reports that the cabin was being used - the smoke from your fire you know - and I took the chance and snow shoed in this morning.” She looked with interest at the two men. “You guys don’t look too bad considering what you’ve been through.” 


“You snow shoed in?” Justin was curious. 


“Sure did, there’s at least six feet of fresh powder out there and more coming down fast. The record snow pack in these mountains is ninety two feet that was back in ninety six of course. Sure can’t walk in it without snow shoes and my Skidoo isn’t going to be coming in until the snow gets packed down more, maybe next week.” She smiled. “I left my ride at the bottom of the trail, maybe an hours good walk.” 


“If ya’all don’t mind, I’ll leave you with the supplies I packed in and get back down to my sled. Someone will come and get you in a day or so.” She looked at them. “Or I could bring you both some snow shoes and we could walk out.” 


“How did you know it was us here?” Brian asked. 


“Oh that’s easy, my place is at the end of the road, anyone who drove up would have had to pass my place and parked their truck not that far into the bush. There’s no truck, no snowmobile trailer and no tracks, but there was smoke coming from the cabin. It’s not brain surgery, I was able to figure it out.” She looked closely at Justin’s exposed shoulders. “There’s some antibiotic crème in with the supplies, put some on that.” She nodded her head. “It’ll sting, but it’ll help it heal. I brought some snow gear for the two of you, if you don’t mind; I’d like it back when you’re done. I know that the guys who’ll come and get you out of here sometime forget, just remind them would you?” 


“Are you the one responsible for stocking the cabin?” Brian asked. 


“I am, you’d be surprised by the number of people who get lost and stumble upon it. You boys are by no means the first who’ve been here.” 


“I want to thank you. It probably saved our lives.” Brian said quietly. “My partner Justin here really needed to rest, he’s a hero you know, I want you to make sure you let them know that when you report in. He saved my life countless times over the last few days. 


“The little guy saved your life.” Beth looked behind Brian curious. “Sorry, I didn’t mean” - she hesitated. But the blond was so thin, he looked like a good wind would blow him over. 


“Hey, I’ve been called worse.” Justin said and rolled his eyes. “I’m not so little and anyway, I’m wiry and stronger than I look.” 


“I’ll be sure to let them know.” Beth smiled at them. “You two look nice and cozy, why don’t I build up the fire and bring in your supplies. The two of you can think of this as a little holiday. If the snow lets up, your pick up will be first thing in the morning.” 


“Beth,” Justin hesitated, “Brian won’t be able to ride on a snowmobile, he injured his back, and I don’t thing snowmobiling would be on the ‘to do’ list.” 


“Shit, I should have asked you guys what shape you were in. So that’s why your shoulder’s look like that, I bet you packed him out.” She looked at Justin in awe, “You traveled more than twenty miles, you know you managed to go down the crash site mountain, over a couple of the smaller foothills and then down here. That’s a hell of trip at the best of times. You must really love the guy.” 


“I do, I love him.” Justin said honestly. 


“Hey guys, I’m right here and this is embarrassing.” Brian gave a half laugh. 


“Justin, don’t you worry none,” Beth said with a grin at Brian. “I’ll get my dogs and we’ll pack you both out. I’ve got a sled that is some sweet; you’ll think you’re floating over the snow. Ya’all have a nice rest now, enjoy ‘Billy’s Springs’ that’s what we call the hot spring over there. I’ll come and get you both later today with the dogs. We’ll travel back by moonlight, but hey, that’ll be romantic, you guys can tell the grandkids about it.” 


“You’re the best Beth” Justin beamed at her. 


“Just doin’ my job honey.” She said as she moved around and built up the fire. “I packed some of my momma’s chocolate slice and there’s a thermos of coffee and some other goodies. I bet you’re just about sick of twigs and bark about now.” And she laughed. “Have fun boys.” Beth said as she shut the door. She put her snowshoes back on and stepped up onto the snow bank in front of the door and quickly disappeared. 


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 


Day 16 


Debbie and Jennifer were busy in the kitchen. Vic was taking drink orders and Michael and Ben were passing them out. Finally everyone was settled and Deb and Jennifer stood in the entrance of the living room and beamed at them all. 


“We wanted to get you all together to share this - Brian and Justin have been found. They’re a little worse for wear, the lady that called us said they didn’t look too bad She’s talked to them and will be bringing them off of the mountain later today. She thinks they’ll be at the hospital at approximately nine o’clock which is eleven o’clock our time. She said it’s standard operating procedure that they be checked out officially, but that it’s unlikely they’ll be kept there. She’s arranged for them to have a room at the local Holiday Inn.” 


Everyone laughed at the thought of Brian at a Holiday Inn. “I told her Brian might want something a bit more upscale and she said that he was free to choose his own place but not until tomorrow, until then he was stuck with her choice.” Jennifer looked at all of them. “She sounded very nice” her voice got quiet. “She said my Justin was a hero, that Brian told her that.” She started to cry and Debbie soon joined her. 


“Ma, why are you crying, they found them.” Michael was looking puzzled. 


Hunter and Gus were sharing the love seat by the window and they gave each other a ‘high five’ “I told you my Daddy and Justin were coming home” Gus whispered to Hunter. 


Hunter grinned back at him. “I told you we just had to believe and it worked.” 


“We’re crying because we’re happy.” Debbie finally said. 


“Oh, I guess that makes sense.” Michael shrugged his shoulders and looked at Ben. 


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 


Day 16 Continued 



“Ok Justin, you get in first.” Beth had arrived in the middle of the afternoon. The warm sun had melted enough of the powdery snow for it to have compacted down from the sheer weight. 


Justin couldn’t stop grinning. He was dressed in a two piece snowmobile suit in bright blue. He sat down in the sled with his back against the back rest that was padded with sheepskins. Beth helped Brian over to the sled, he walked awkwardly in the snowshoes. He would have fallen into it and onto Justin but Beth and Justin managed to ease him down so that he was between Justin’s legs, his bottom on folded sheepskins and his back firmly resting against Justin’s chest. Justin thought he looked incredibly handsome in his sleek black ski suit. Trust Brian to have a designer suit loaned to him. Beth removed Brian’s snowshoes and then folded a large heavy and hairy robe over him, lashing the sides to the sled, effectively holding their legs in place. 


Brian must have had a funny look on his face because Beth started to laugh, “It’s a buffalo robe honey, it’ll keep ya’all nice and warm and cozy. You boys stay put, I’m going to make sure the fire is out and the place is all ship shape for the next traveler. I’ll be right back.” 


“I like this.” Justin said to Brian. “Look at all those dogs, they’re so cute.” 


“I thought sled dogs all were kind of wolf like, some of those guys look like plain old hounds to me.” Brian observed. 


“Beth says a sled dog can be any dog. She races in the mixed breed category and her team almost always wins first place.” 


“Oh” Brian was quiet. 


“I love you Justin Taylor.” 


Justin giggled. “What are you saying that for?” 


“I’ve decided to take a page out of my super hero’s book and tell him how I feel when ever it strikes my fancy.” 


“I’m no super hero Brian, just plain old JT who happened to be handy when Rage needed a helping hand.” 


“You’re my super hero, and I’m your sidekick.” Brian leaned back so that he could twist his head and look at Justin. “I kind of like being the sidekick. Great perks, you get wonderful benefits.” 


“Oh really, and what might those be, because in my side kick days, I don’t recall the perks being all that great, though I did like the benefits.” 


“You got to go on a cruise with me.” 


“You forget, we missed the boat.” 


“We had an airplane ride.” 


“Yes, that was fun, the landing was a bitch though.”


“We got to go camping in the woods and then there was the hiking.” Brian laughed “See, all the things you ever wanted to do, we’ve done.” 


“Obviously you picked up the wrong list Brian. I’ll give you the revised list later.” Justin leaned over to kiss the edge of Brian’s cheek. 


“We’re ready to rock and roll boys.” Beth said loudly. “Onward and outward boys and girls” she shouted. The eight dogs jostled in place and then with a sharp tug that had Justin’s arms holding Brian close to him lest he fall, they were skimming over the surface of the snow. Justin watched in awe as they crossed the open meadow and then they were on a trail in the deep forest, the heavy snow capping the branches of the fur and pine and cedar trees. The full moon lighting the way as they moved over the trail, out into the open and back into the forest. The only noise was the sound of the dogs panting, and the creak of the sled bindings. Beth was right, it was a romantic ride and she wisely kept quiet as she rode on the back of the sled behind the two lovers. 


Day 17 


“Hey Mikey” Brian was keeping his voice low, Justin was in the shower but there were times when he had ears like a bat. 


“Brian I can’t believe you’re okay. We were really worried.” Michael sniffed. “When are you guys coming home?” 


“In a few days, I have to rest for a couple of days before I travel. It seems I fractured two vertebrae’s in my back, not all the way through, but three quarters of the way and I’m not up to a long plane ride home yet.” In fact he was reluctantly laying flat on his back in bed but only after Justin had threatened to tie him there. 


“Look I need a favor, I want you to get the gang together, the family and maybe Cynthia and Gardner. Can you book the private dining room at Pappa’s? I figure we’ll be home on the seven o’clock flight next Sunday. I want it to be made special for Justin. If it hadn’t been for him, I wouldn’t be talking to you now. Can you? 


Brian told Michael exactly what he wanted done and asked him to enlist the aid of any of the gang he needed to in order to have Justin’s surprise ready for him. 


“Who were you talking to?” Justin asked. He came out of the bathroom in a cloud of steam, a white towel wrapped around his hips. 


“An old friend.” 


“Ahh, Mikey,” Justin rolled his eyes. “Was he suitably pleased that I dragged your ass down off of the mountain?” 


“Of course.” Brian looked archly at Justin. “He did comment that you could have moved a little faster, because he needs the drawings for the new issue of Rage by the end of next week.” 


“He did not you jerk. I already gave him those drawings.” Justin threw his towel at Brian. 

“Since you are confined to bed I think I’ll join you. It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make because I love you.” 


“You just want your way with me.” Brian teased. 


“That too, I love your all your parts, I don’t know what to start nibbling on first, they’re all so tasty these days.” He grinned at Brian. “Bathing is a wonderful thing.” 


“I’ll have to agree with you about that.” Brian looked at Justin’s shoulders critically. “Do you think you’ll have scars?” he asked and he traced his finger lightly over the healing wounds. 


“Probably, I’ll tell the grandkids it’s where you used to tie me up when you beat me.” 


“No, I’ll tell them you earned them honestly saving my life.” 


“Brian, you’ve got to stop that. I didn’t save your life. I helped you down off of the mountain, it’s no big deal.” Justin was embarrassed. 


“It is a big deal Justin. You’ve done more for me since the day we met than anyone before. You never have asked for anything, except for me to love you and I was too much of an asshole to tell you I did - and I’m sorry for that.” He held up his hand to silence Justin who was going to parrot his ‘sorry is bullshit’ back to him. “So I’ve made a few decisions of my own. After all when you were dragging my ass down the mountain or I was waiting for you, I had more than enough time to think.” 


“Brian, I hate your surprises - you have to tell me so I won’t puke or faint or something. I suppose you were getting Mikey to gather everyone together so you can spring it on me.” 


“It’s not that bad Justin, and you like some of my surprises.” 


“One out of ten isn’t good odds Brian.” Justin lay on the bed and traced his finger down Brian’s face, he loved that face when it was trying to be serious but was really plotting some lame scheme. 


“I could get my feelings hurt here Sunshine.” Brian sounded a bit sulky. 


“I love you, just not all your surprises. You need surprise practice that’s all.” Justin kissed the end of his nose. 


“You’ll like this one.” 


“Are you going to tell me what it is?” 


“It wouldn’t be a surprise now would it, if I told you?” Brian pulled Justin toward him for a kiss that soon had the younger man forgetting he’d ever questioned Brian about anything let alone what he was scheming with Michael about. 


The next five days passed by quickly. Brian spent a good deal of his time on the phone with people at Vanguard and Justin would zone out with a sketchpad and record some of the highlights of their adventure. He learned quickly that he had to stay in the room or Brian would be out of bed pacing while he talked. Bed rest meant just that resting in bed and Justin was determined to keep Brian there while he could. He knew he wouldn’t stand a chance once they were back in the Pitts. 


The day finally arrived when they were heading home. Brian rarely needed to take any pain medication for his back, but he did promise to complete a regime of physical therapy once he was home. Liberty Air had once again provided a first class flight home and even though it was a long flight, the seats were comfortable enough that Brian made it there without any problem. Under Justin’s watchful eye, he was afraid to twitch, or he’d be all over him making sure he was comfortable. 


“How come nobody’s here at the airport?” Justin asked as he looked around. They only had one bag as everything else had been lost. 


“Because I asked them not to be.” 


“Oh, I was hoping to see my mom.” Justin looked disappointed. 


“You’ll see her in a few minutes.” They were in a taxi and heading toward the downtown. 


“Brian the loft is in the other direction.” Justin had been surprised when the taxi driver had turned left instead of right. 


“But the restaurant is in this direction. That’s part of my surprise. I thought we(WE'D) get all the hello’s over with on neutral ground. When we get sick of it we can retire to the nice quiet, clean and tidy loft.” 


“Okay, that’s a surprise I can handle.” Justin agreed. 


“Good.” Brian kissed Justin’s cheek. “It’s okay isn’t Justin, if you’re tired I can call it off, everyone will understand.” 


Justin leaned into this softer version of the man he fell in love with. The last three weeks hadn’t actually changed Brian, but rather they had made him realize that he could be himself, the wonderful loving and caring man that Justin had fallen in love with that night under the street lamp. Their love had grown and matured into what it was now and finally Brian wasn’t afraid to admit it. “I’m fine Brian, your surprise is fine, don’t worry.” 


Brian relaxed a bit. This really wasn’t the only surprise, but it was a start. The taxi pulled up in front of the restaurant and Justin got out first in order to help Brian out, his man still wasn’t a hundred percent and Justin knew when to offer a hand. Together they walked into the restaurant and Justin flushed in embarrassment when he realized that the whole place was filled with people that were there just for the two of them. “Geeze Brian.” He turned his face into Brian’s chest and everyone laughed. 


Brian kissed his forehead and whispered. “I love you Justin Taylor.” Three little words were like magic and Justin felt Brian’s love and strength flow through his body. He turned back to their family and friends. 


“I guess you guys missed us eh?” he said with a smile. 


“Daddy I knew you were going to bring my Justin back.” Gus had run up to the two men. 


“Actually Sonny Boy, my Justin brought me back to you. He’s a real live hero.” Brian smiled at his son and beamed back at Justin who flushed once again. 


“Brian, you promised to stop with the hero shit.” He hissed. 


Brian laughed. “Not tonight, that’s tomorrow’s promise.” He took Gus by the hand and Justin by the other one and led them to the table that was waiting for them. Gus scrambled up onto his chair and Brian held Justin’s chair out for him to be seated planting a kiss on both of his boy’s heads once they were settled. 


Everyone started to talk at once until Brian tapped his knife on the side of his glass for everyone’s attention. “I want to thank all of you for coming here tonight. Justin and I won’t be staying long; we’ve had a brutal vacation and really want to get back home to the loft. I want to thank Mikey for pulling this off - you did good Mikey and thanks. Gardner I received the papers and I believe everything is with Melanie now, she’ll meet with us at your office early on Tuesday. Now before we start to eat, I have a few things I want to say - I’m only going to say them once, so to everyone listen. Some of you know parts of this, Justin knows nothing. I told him it was one of my surprises and oddly enough he wasn’t impressed.” 


“I can’t imagine why not.” Michael said dryly and everyone laughed. 


“Mikey, be a good boy.” Brian teasingly chastised. “Effective immediately I am retired. I will be still employed by Gardner as a free lance consultant, but not often I hope. I purchased the loft on the other side of the hall from mine and renovations will begin soon to convert it into offices for myself and a studio for Justin. I’m going to write a book about our adventure - it’s the only way I could see that Justin would get the true recognition for the selfless acts of courage that he performed day after day. Ben has already been in touch with his publisher who has offered me not a bad contract for the book. And when I’m not writing I’m going to stay home and make things as easy as I can for Justin who still has some school to finish and his first big show that has been scheduled for early next year. Deb, I hope you and Vic have some time to teach me to cook, I want the best Italian cooking for my partner to come home to .” he smiled at Justin and you would have had to be blind not to see the love that shone from his eyes. Brian handed Justin a soft linen handkerchief from his pocket. “Justin’s allergies are bothering him, don’t pay him any attention.” He teased. 


Everyone heard the muffled “asshole” as Justin wiped his eyes and blew his nose and they all laughed. Brian sat down carefully and took Justin’s hand in his. “Justin Taylor I love you.” And he leaned over to kiss his partner. 


“I love you too Justin, thank you for bringing my daddy home.” Gus stood on his chair and threw his arms around Justin’s neck and gave him a loud wet smack. 


“Sonny Boy, we’re going to have to work on your kissing technique.” Brian laughed. 


“You kiss just fine Gus, your daddy has a few techniques of his own he has to work on before he can whine about yours.” Justin returned Gus’ kiss with a moist smacker of his own. 


“And what might that be brat.” Brian whispered. 


“Remember GeeGee and the thermos?” Justin whispered back. No one heard what Justin said but the whole place erupted in laughter when Brian turned fiery red much to their delight. 


The end