Dedicated to the One I Love Part 3 """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" “I’m impressed Cynthia. I can’t believe I forgot about that pitch. You did a terrific job on the presentation I hear. Rynd and Beach not only signed, but with a two year contract.” “I really loved it Brian. It was almost sexual doing the presentation, knowing it was going well, all eyes on me. When they signed, well let’s say my panties were very wet.” “More information than I wanted to know Cynthia.” Brian grinned. “I think it’s time we hired another assistant for me and one for you. Train mine first. You can take over the office down the hall that Bill had. I’ll have legal draw up something that I’m sure you’ll like.” Cynthia sat staring at him amazed. “Brian, are you sure?” “You have the same degree I have, your talent is wasted as my assistant, not that I’ve ever complained. But it’s time to give you your reward for putting up with my bull shit all these years.” He looked at her and she could tell he was serious about what he was going to say. “Cynthia, I do appreciate what you’ve done. I wouldn’t be partner now if you hadn’t held my hand along the way. I know it and I have always appreciated it. I think the two of us make a great team.” Cynthia wiped her eyes with the tissue Brian held out for her. “Thank you Brian, you have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that.” “It’s funny; I have trouble with words everywhere but in the office. I suppose there’s some psychiatrist out there who would love to have me buy them a summer home while they figure me out.” He mused and Cynthia laughed. “If you’d said that last year, I’d be looking up names and numbers for you Brian, but now, you’re different. You’re just as ruthless and great as ever in advertising, but when you’re out of the board room, you’re somehow softer. It’s nice.” She looked around his office. She always felt that office space reflected the man and Brian’s spoke volumes. He had a silver picture box on the corner of his desk. He changed the top picture of his son every week or so, printing them off from his email. But he kept the old ones, all carefully labeled on the back of each, as to the time and place they were taken, in the silver box. On his wall was a sketch of him holding his son the night he was born. The same artist had done pencil sketches of others in Brian’s life back in Pittsburgh and they were all arranged in matching frames on the far wall. She’d never met most of Brian’s friends and family, but she liked to spend time looking at the sketches and putting names to the faces. She often wondered how accurate she was. “You haven’t added any new sketches lately” she began. She nodded toward the wall. She wished she’d never said anything when Brian’s face saddened. “The artist was injured. He’s working on rehabilitating, but I understand it isn’t going well.” “That’s too bad. He has a lot of talent.” """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" “Justin, you are being released from the hospital tomorrow. All you have to do is tell your father that you aren’t gay and you can come home.” Justin glared at her. “I am gay. Telling the asshole that I’m not gay changes nothing. I’m gay, I’ve always been gay. I like dick, I like to suck dick and I’m not too bad at it I’ve been told.” “Justin if you’re trying to shock me it won’t work.” Jennifer sighed. “I’m your mother; I want you to come home.” “I’m eighteen and I’m not going to live where I’m not wanted.” He looked at his mother. “Molly tells me Dad threw all my stuff out anyway, so there’s nothing for me at home except an empty room.” “Where are you going to live? You don’t have a job; you’re barely out of high school. You have University in the fall.” He waved his hand in the air. “This gimp hand says I won’t be attending PIFA – so no – I don’t have University in the fall. I’ll work at the diner, Deb will take me back.” “That’s another thing Justin, your dad says you have to go to Dartmouth and you have to give up this idea about being gay if you expect him to pay your way.” “I EXPECT FUCKING NOTHING FROM HIM” Justin shouted. “Even though he can say ‘I no longer have a son’, I can’t say I’m not gay because I am. I thought you knew this mom, I thought Debbie had talked to you. I didn’t ask to be gay, I didn’t wake up one day and decide it would be the ‘cool’ thing to do. I just AM. That’s me, Justin Taylor, gay boy.” “Justin, listen to me honey” Jennifer tried to reason. “Leave me alone.” Justin turned his head into his pillow. He didn’t want his mother to see him cry. He heard her leave the room and he turned on the tape part of the radio and hit play. The soothing tones of the song that the Mystery Man had dedicated to ‘his’ Justin the night before, flowed through the room calming him. Justin had taken to recording the words of inspiration that Dedicated Daniel would read on behalf of the mystery man. Whoever Justin was, he was lucky to have someone love him as much as Mystery Man did, went through his mind. """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" “Mr. Kinney, there’s a Jennifer Taylor on line one for you.” Sandi, Brian’s new assistant wasn’t sure she should be interrupting her new boss, but the lady sounded distraught. “Jennifer, what can I do for you?” Brian asked. He was puzzled by her calling; she must have had to go to some lengths to locate him. “It’s about Justin; I really don’t know who to talk to about this. I’m desperate. I remembered you telling me that you would help me if I needed it. Well, Brian I need some help.” He heard her voice catch. “Tell me what the problem is.” “Justin is being released from the hospital tomorrow and he refuses to go home.” “I understand his father doesn’t want him there.” Brian said cautiously. “He will let him come home if only he’ll say he’s not gay and give up this foolishness about attending PIFA. He’ll never be able to attend anyway, even if by some miracle his wrist and hand heals. His father refuses to pay his tuition unless it’s Dartmouth.” “Let me see if I have this straight. Justin can come home if he agrees to live his life as a lie, if he denies who he is. He can attend University, if he denies who he is. Has he been working with the physiotherapist?” “Yes, but once he leaves the hospital that will be the end of it. Craig has taken Justin off of his medical insurance. I can’t afford to pay Justin’s therapy fees. Besides if he attends Dartmouth he can write with his other hand. He is ambidextrous.” “Justin is eighteen now?” “Yes” “So legally he can live where he pleases.” “I suppose.” “Give me your number; I’ll call you back in two hours.” Jennifer Taylor gave him her number. She felt strangely relieved as if she had a weight removed from her shoulders. The first call Brian made was to Debbie. “Deb, I need a favor. I want you to invite Justin to live with you and Vic. He could have Mikey’s old room.” “Brian, Vic doesn’t need the extra work” Debbie began. “Justin can look after himself; he needs a place to call home right now, not just the sofa at Michael and Emmett’s place. He needs his family and friends around him. I’ll pay for his room and board, but this is just between you and I. There is no way I want any of the gang to know about this arrangement.” “The money would be handy Brian; I hate to ask you to pay for him.” “He’ll get a summer job soon, don’t worry about it. If he offers to pay, take it. He needs to feel independent.” The next call Brian made was to Marty Ryder. He laid his cards on the table about Justin and his injuries and his talent that was now unable to be used. Then he added. “Marty, I want this to be between the two of us, as partners. I want you to offer Justin an internship. One that is year round and can accommodate his schedule at PIFA and his physical therapy appointments. I want him put on our medical benefit package right away. He’s going to need it. He’s going to be doing mostly gofer jobs at first until his hand improves, but let him have some chances, he’s a fighter and he won’t let you down.” “Brian, I don’t know. We’ve never done anything like this before. I mean a full time internship for a kid just out of high school, and one with a gimp hand. On top of that, you want him on the medical benefit package. That costs the firm money Brian.” “Don’t give me that shit Marty. You spend more on your latest bimbo and her apartment in one week than what Justin would cost us for a month. If you don’t feel he’s pulling his weight, take his pay out of my quarterly cut. That includes the medical premium. But give him a chance first. He’ll surprise you.” “And Marty, use some of that advertising schmooze with him. I want this to look like your idea and I don’t want word of this getting back to anyone, least of all Justin.” His next call was to the bursar’s office at PIFA where he arranged for all tuition invoices to be sent to his address in LA. He called Cynthia. “I have a job that only you can do. I need you to make up some kind of official looking letter that grants Justin Taylor a four year scholarship to PIFA. Make it look good. And see that it’s delivered to Justin Taylor care of Debbie Novotny.” He quickly dictated the familiar address. “And Cynthia thanks. I owe you one.” Cynthia hung up the phone in her new office and smiled. Some things never change. When Brian needed help he called on her to fix things. She kept on smiling as she worked his little miracle, glad that he felt comfortable enough to ask her for this. Brian sat back in his chair, his fingers tented and up to his lips. It was a spur of the moment thing, but he figured he pretty much had everything covered for now. He dialed Jennifer Taylor. “Jennifer, Debbie Novotny will be happy to have Justin board with her. He needs some time to recover before he has to prepare for his fall semester. Why don’t we let him do that and worry about the rest later.” “Are you sure Brian that Debbie doesn’t mind?” “I’m sure.” """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" Justin had grown used to the comings and goings of the ‘family’ as their work schedules permitted, so he wasn’t surprised to see Debbie in the middle of the afternoon. “Hi Sunshine, I brought you some lemon bars.” She put the small white box down on his table and leaned down to kiss his cheek. As usual she ignored him when he flinched from her touch, it had hurt her at first until she realized it was the result of the bashing “Hey Deb,” Justin smiled, though he felt like his world was crashing down on him. He hated to take it out on Debbie who was always cheerful. “I hear you’re getting sprung from this jail tomorrow.” Debbie began. “I have a proposition for you if you think your mother won’t mind.” “What kind of a proposition?” Justin was intrigued. “Vic is driving me nuts these days. He hardly ever goes out and he hasn’t even been doing much in the kitchen. You know how much he likes to cook. I was wondering, now don’t say yes because you feel you have to, but could you come and live at our place? You could have Michael’s old room; and with the way you like to eat, maybe Vic will start to take an interest in things again.” “Are you sure Debbie?” Justin didn’t want to get his hopes up. “Only if you think your mother won’t mind.” “I’m eighteen; she has nothing to say about it. Besides, I can’t go home; I don’t have a home any more. My father threw out all my stuff, me included.” “I have the things your Dad threw out in my garage Sunshine, Molly saved everything and called Michael. He and Emmett did a grand rescue the next day.” Justin sighed in relief. “They did, nobody said anything.” “You weren’t communicating much at the time Sunshine. I suppose we all forgot once you began to get better. So I take it your answer is yes? You’ll join us at the Novotny residence?” “Yes, yes, yes” Justin gave her a hug. “Thank you so much. I was afraid I was going to be homeless.” “You’ll never be homeless as long as I’m around kiddo.” Debbie smiled. """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" “I understand Justin Taylor has an appointment with your clinic?” Brian asked. He was in the office early in order to take care of this. “Yes, Justin has a series of two hour therapy sessions scheduled three times a week for the next six weeks. He will be reevaluated at that time.” “I’d like you to have the billing sent to me at this address until his insurance coverage is re instated.” Brian dictated his address in LA. “Yes Mr. Kinney, I will arrange that. Thank you for calling again.” The clerk hung up the phone. Mr. Kinney was such a nice man. He’d been checking on Justin weekly since he’d first started his therapy almost six weeks ago in the hospital. """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" “I don’t know honey; you’ve only been out of the hospital for a few days.” Emmett looked at his friend concerned over what he was asking. “The thing is, I just can’t do it by myself. I tried to go to the corner store the other day and I didn’t make it to the end of the block. I really need to find out what’s wrong with me.” “But the clinic Justin, it’s crowded and full of …. Emmett’s voice trailed off. “What, full of what Emmett, people like me who don’t have any money? People like me who are nut cases?” Justin looked at him then looked away, his future bleak in his eyes. He was never going to be able to go to PIFA, he wouldn’t be able to make it past the front door, assuming he managed to get on the fucking bus. “Emmett, I just can’t go there by myself. It’s bad enough I have to get my little sister to go with me to physio, but I can’t ask her to go to the clinic.” “If your insurance is covering the physio costs, why won’t it cover the costs of seeing someone for this?” “I don’t know, I guess the physio is still part of the hospital package. All I know is I called my doctor’s office and they said I wasn’t covered by insurance any more. Do you have any idea how much it costs to see a fucking doctor?” he turned away. “Melanie is suing Hobbes in civil court for some money, but that can take years. I can’t stay holed up at Deb’s until then. Fuck, I can’t even peddle my ass, ‘cause I can’t stand to be touched. How fucking lame is this?” “Justin” Vic spoke from the open doorway. Justin and Emmett had been sitting on the veranda steps. “I hope you don’t mind, but I couldn’t help but hear you tell Emmett about your problem. It isn’t something unique you know. It happens to almost everyone who has had the kind of trauma you’ve had. It’s called Post Traumatic Stress.” “It is?” Justin said with relief. “So I’m not going crazy?” “No more than the rest of us are, with you acting like a drama princess but refusing to tell us what the heck the problem is.” Vic smiled at the boy. He walked out onto the porch and sat on the step beside Justin. “You know kid. I learned one very important lesson early on when I first found out I was positive. If I kept things to myself, ignored signs of what was happening to my body, then I ended up a lot worse than I would have been had I been open and honest with the ones who loved me. Just sharing how you feel helps. It took me a long time to work that part out.” Justin sat silent for a few minutes, the energy of pent up anger and frustration draining from his body. He looked at Emmett and then at Vic. “Thanks guys, for being my friend. I really thought I was losing it. This fucking gimp hand is bad enough.” He waved his hand around. “Just so you know Sunshine, that little ‘gimp’ hand routine you did just now. Well, you lifted the hand about a foot higher and moved the wrist almost full throttle there. You couldn’t do that a week ago.” Vic patted Justin on the shoulder and for once he didn’t wince at being touched. Instead he looked at his hand, twisting and turning it at the wrist. “It’s turning” he said in awe.’ “Sure is honey, at this rate you’ll be jerking off with your right hand sooner than you think.” Emmett teased. """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" “Justin, phone for you.” Debbie called up the stairs. She worked the afternoon shift and was beginning to see what Vic meant. Justin barely came out of his room except to go to his physio. “I’ll take it up here.” Justin called back. He’d been replaying the tapes he’d made of the dedication songs from the Mystery Man. He liked to think they were for him because somehow each and every song that was dedicated seemed to have a meaning deep in the words that pertained to him. “Hello, Justin Taylor here.” “Mr. Taylor, this is Bob Williams from Ryder Advertising. Your name was given to us by the guidance councelor at St. James Academy. We have a position available for a young person with your artistic abilities. You would become part of the Ryder Advertising team, learning and working for us, both while you attend your continuing education and during the various break periods from school; your hours would be increased. If you are at all interested, could you meet with us on Friday afternoon at one o’clock at our downtown office? Interviews are being conducted that afternoon.” Justin was more than taken aback. Without taking the time to consider the ramifications, he automatically agreed to the interview. He hung up the phone, sitting quietly for a few minutes. All of a sudden he began to shake; a panic attack was setting in. He took a few deep breaths, hoping that he could get it under control. He managed to open the drawer beside his bed and get one of his pills out; swallowing it with the bottle of water he had with him. Soon he was once again in control. Shit, he’d promised Lindsay he’d baby sit Gus this afternoon, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to now. Four days until Friday weren’t enough time to get his act together. Taking a chance, he called his mother. “Mom, is Molly home?” “Yes dear,” Jennifer could hear something in his voice. “Is everything all right? She asked. “Yeah, I guess, but I promised I’d watch Gus today. I was hoping Molly could go with me, kind of moral support in case my hand gives out or something.” “Justin, Melanie and Lindsay wouldn’t have asked you if they didn’t think you could do it.” “I know, but I’d feel better if Molly was there.” Justin admitted. “Why don’t I pick you up and take you to the girl’s house. If Molly wants to spend the afternoon with you, I’ll bring her with me. You could always tell them you aren’t ready yet.” “It’s not that Mom, I’m just nervous. Gus is crawling now and he’s pretty fast.” """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" Brian had been sitting in the office when Bob Williams had made the phone call to Justin. He had arrived in Pittsburgh earlier that morning and hadn’t had time to check in on anyone. His loft tenant had moved and he was going to decide what to do with his old home and he wanted to see his son. If he had time he was going to meet the boys for breakfast in the morning, but right now he had to spend some hours in the office. “You were pretty convincing Bill” he began. “Well, what I said to the kid was mostly all true. We are starting up an intern program and we will be interviewing on Friday. There are two other positions as well as the one for Justin. Generally we don’t accept anyone into this kind of program until at least their second year at University, but I called Justin’s school and arranged to see his transcript. He is certainly a go getter. Amazing marks both academically and for his art classes. It is unfortunate he had to encounter this Hobbes fellow.” “You understand Bob, that my name can’t come into this at all.” “I do understand that Brian, but you also have to understand where I’m coming from. If Justin interviews well and he joins us here at Ryder, I expect him to pull his weight. He’s too bright to try any molly coddling and think we’re going to get away with it. I’m going to make sure he understands this. I don’t mind and neither does the art director, working around any doctor’s appointments or therapy appointments within reason. As for his school schedule, well, we’re geared to work around that. It’s all part of hiring an intern and we work with the schools to come up with a schedule that suits the both of us. I understand he was accepted at PIFA. Will he be continuing there?” “As far as I know he will be. His hand is improving and of course, you never lose talent. He is young and needs to see that his artistic ability didn’t begin and end with sketching. Being an artist is much more than that. I have the summer to build up his confidence and make him realize that.” “If you have such a small amount of actual contact, your job building his confidence will be tough.” “Yes, but you forget – I’m the best.” Bob laughed, “we never forget that around here Brian.” He looked at his watch. Your meeting with Ryder and the Directors starts in ten minutes. Enjoy your morning.” Brian smiled when he stood up. He shook Bob’s hand. “Thanks Bob, I know Justin will be in good hands with you watching out for him. I haven’t forgotten my early days here and how you worked with me. You were a big influence, one that I try to live up to though not always well.” Bob Williams looked embarrassed. “Thanks Brian, that’s good to hear, but I knew from the minute you started here that you were a ‘keeper’. They both laughed and Brian went out the door heading for the Board Room. """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" Justin and Molly rang the door bell. “Hey Lindsay, I brought Molly with me, just in case.” He began when the tall blonde answered the door. “Now Justin honey, if we didn’t think you could handle Gus, we wouldn’t have asked you.” “That’s what Mom said, but I’d feel better with Molly here.” He was going to tell her about the offer from Ryder, but decided to wait and see if he could go through with it. None of them understood how hard it was for him to be touched and be with people who weren’t his friends. He had a hard time dealing with strangers. “Hey Gus.” He said. The little boy had crawled over to him and was pulling on his pant leg. Justin bent down and picked him up. He walked over to the sofa and sat down. “How’s it going big boy?” Gus looked up at him smiling back. He prattled away in baby talk telling Justin a long story and Justin and Molly both answered back looking at the little boy seriously. “The two of you are good with him. He has been telling these long stories for days now. I wish I knew what he was saying.” “He’s probably telling us he wants to see his daddy come and visit and maybe he’d like to go for a walk in the park.” Justin said. Lindsay laughed. “That could be. Now there is some baby fruit in the fridge and he can have that and a bottle of milk. He likes it heated up just enough to take the chill off it now. He’s becoming a big boy. He can be put down for his nap about two, but only let him sleep for an hour or he won’t go to bed tonight. If you take him outside in the back yard make sure all of you have sun block on. We don’t need any of you burnt.” She handed Justin a digital camera. “Brian sent this to us, if you like you can take some pictures of Gus, I know Brian loves to get them. I have some new software on the computer that allows me to manipulate the photos. You can try it out; with your artistic instinct I’m sure you’ll have fun with it.” “Sure, I can play around with it.” Justin agreed. “Now go have fun shopping and make sure Melanie takes you somewhere nice for dinner.” Lindsay kissed his cheek, pleased that he didn’t pull back this time. He was getting much better at being touched. “Have fun.” And she walked out the door leaving the three of them watching her. Gus looked at the closed door and back at Justin. His lip trembled; he didn’t like his mommy to leave him. Justin seeing the look on Gus’s face held him close and kissed his neck, making him giggle. “Let’s go outside and play in the grass Gus, maybe if it’s warm enough we’ll put a little water in the swimming pool and splash around.” For the next hour, the three of them played together. It was warm in the sun and Justin and Molly put a couple of inches of water in the wading pool. Gus loved the water and sat naked and fat in the middle of the pool, splashing and pouring water from some of his bath toys. When he started to turn a bit pink despite the sun block, Justin picked him up, wrapped him in a towel and took him inside for his fruit and his bottle. All the activity had made both boys tired. Molly was having fun. She had never been alone with Justin and Gus before, it was a very grown up feeling. She didn’t mind doing all the fetching and carrying while they played and then later fed Gus. “Hey Molly, I’m going to put Gus down for his nap now. I think I’ll stay up there with him and have a nap myself. Will you be alright watching television?” Justin looked at his sister. He realized now that he would have been fine alone with Gus, but he didn’t want to spoil the fun he knew she was having. “I’ll be ok. Do I have to stay until after supper? I want to go to my friend’s house.” “You can call mom to pick you up if you want. Just, if you can don’t let us nap longer than an hour. Maybe you could get mom to phone or something to wake me up.” “Ok, you guys go have your baby nap. I’m going to call mom. Thanks Justin for letting me come. I like baby sitting.” Justin laughed to himself as he carried the baby upstairs. Rather than put him in his bed, he lay down on the guest room bed with him. Justin made sure that there were pillows surrounding the baby, so he wouldn’t fall off of the bed, then he put his arm over him and together they drifted off to sleep. Gus’ baby hand was touching Justin’s lips and Justin’s arm held the small boy close. Molly phoned her mom and asked her to come and get her. She was sitting on the sofa watching television when there was a knock on the door. Molly opened the door expecting to see her mother. “Oh” she said surprised as she looked up at the tall auburn haired man. “I thought you were my mom.” “I’m no one’s mom. I came to see Gus, I’m his daddy.” “I know, I’ve seen your pictures. Gus and Justin are sleeping. I’m the baby sitter.” She giggled. “Well, not really, mom is picking me up.” “Can I come in? I’ll take over your baby sitting duties.” Brian joked. “Cool, come on in. You have to wake them both up in an hour or they won’t sleep tonight” she said trying to sound like she knew what she was talking about. “Lindsay is shopping and she’s going to pick up Melanie and they’re going to have dinner in a restaurant, it’s their anniversary.” “Wow, busy day for Gus’ mommies.” Brian agreed. “It looks like your mom has arrived. I promise to wake the children up in an hour.” He smirked at her and she grinned. “You can’t touch Justin when you wake him up. He gets really, really scared. You have to be gentle, like a bunny” Molly instructed. “Sort of whisper his name, that should be ok.” Brian smiled goodbye, but he was thinking all the while. He hadn’t realized that Justin was still having severe problems with letting people get close to him. He yawned as he shut and locked the door. The flight from LA and then the morning in the office was catching up with him. Brian decided to check on Gus and Justin, before he settled down to wait for them to wake up. Opening the door to the guest bedroom, he had to smile at the sight. Justin lay on his side, his arm protectively around Gus. Gus in turn, had his hand on Justin. The camera he’d given Lindsay was downstairs. He quickly retrieved it and snapped a few pictures. This was a moment he wanted to add to his memory album. The two of them looked so peaceful and the room was warm and shadowed, that Brian thought it couldn’t hurt to lay down with them. He toed off his shoes, and removed his socks, he hated wearing socks. He lay down beside Gus, and lay his arm over his son and over Justin as well, though he hadn’t done it consciously. He didn’t expect to fall asleep, only rest his eyes for a few minutes, but soon his soft breathing joined that of the other two. Justin woke first. He could feel the weight of an arm around his waist holding him in a safe and comforting embrace. He kept his eyes shut, thinking he was still dreaming, because he’d never felt like this before. Gus wiggled in his sleep and Justin could smell the baby fresh scent of the child. His right hand came up and he stroked the soft hair, pleased that his hand was for once cooperating. He touched another body and his eyes opened wide, startled but for some reason the usual rush of adrenaline and fear that he would normally have felt, didn’t happen. He looked over and sleeping beside Gus was Brian Kinney or at least he figured that’s who it was. The sleeping man was the one who held both Justin and Gus secure. He relaxed back into his pillow and let his eyes study the man closely. He could see Brian in Gus’ features. His hand itched to sketch the handsome man and his son. His right hand spasmed and he gasped in pain. Automatically Brian reached out in his sleep and found Justin’s hand. He began to massage it the way he’d done for the long hours when the blonde was in a coma. At first Justin was surprised. He was surprised at the familiarity the man seemed to have with his hand and he was surprised that he didn’t mind having Brian Kinney touch him. Brian smiled in his sleep and settled back down, only now he had his fingers threaded through Justin’s, holding his hand. An intimate gesture that Justin found strangely arousing, Justin dozed off taking comfort in the closeness. """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" A few minutes later, Gus’s wiggling woke Brian. He was surprised to find his fingers entwined with Justin’s and he gently disengaged. Gus looked at his father and smiled brilliantly. His daddy was sleeping with him. Life was good for the small boy. “Hey Sonny Boy,” Brian whispered. “Did you have a good nap with daddy and Justin?” Brian looked over at Justin, two brilliant blue eyes stared into his and Brian realized he’d never actually seen Justin awake. “Hey, I got to sleep with the famous stud of Liberty Avenue, how cool is that, and a threesome no less.” Justin joked. “Not in front of the kid, I’d like him to think his father is pure and virginal.” Justin snorted causing Gus to laugh his baby laugh. “I don’t think Lindsay wants Gus to believe in fairy tales.” He smiled at Brian and his blue eyes danced. Brian was mesmerized by the thick dark lashes that framed the expressive orbs. Nothing washed out about this blonde. Brian laughed at Justin’s pun and sat up. “I hope you don’t mind, I saw the two of you sleeping and I couldn’t resist joining you. I flew in from LA this morning and I’m beat.” “We didn’t mind, did we Gus?” Justin tickled Gus’ tummy. “Though Emmett is the only other guy I’ve ever slept with and now I’ve slept with two all at once.” “You and Emmett – Brian began. Justin laughed out loud joyously. “Emmett’s my friend, you don’t f-” he looked at Gus “mess about with friends, that would be gross and it would really screw up a friendship.” He laughed again. “I learned that lesson the hard way last year. My friend Daphne wanted me to be her first and I finally agreed, it took us weeks to get back to being best friends.” “I thought you were gay.” Brian commented, he’d had a similar experience with Lindsay but he wasn’t about to tell this kid that. “I am gay, but have you ever tried to talk a girl out of something that they have their heart set on? They’re like f—“ he looked at Gus again. “Like darn pit bulls.” Brian’s eyes crinkled up and he tried not to laugh, but an uncontrolled snort started him off. Soon he was joined by both Justin and Gus. He threw himself back on the bed with the two boys. Gus immediately climbed up on his chest and drooled on him. “Gus, you’re leaking at both ends.” Brian said, which immediately set him off again. He picked his soggy son up, his hands under his arms, and held him high much to Gus’s delight. With Gus missing from the middle Justin rolled closer to Brian until he had his head next to the auburn one and they both looked up at Gus suspended in the air, and starting to drip. “He’s teething Brian, that’s why the drool. But the other end, that’s his bottle of milk and a nap. It’ll do it every time.” “Why don’t I clean the kid up. Molly said his mommies aren’t coming back until late.” “They are going out for dinner. It’s their anniversary.” “Of what, the first time they fucked?” Brian asked. “Oops sorry Sonny Boy, daddy should play nice.” He was carrying Gus into his room to change him. “I don’t like to think about that Brian, I really didn’t ask them.” Justin shivered. “Too much information is not always the best. I do agree.” He looked over at Justin who had followed him into the room. “So Justin, I’m Brian Kinney, Mr. Rude Fuck to you.” Brian laughed at the stain of crimson that washed over Justin’s face. “Yeah, I kind of figured.” Justin was embarrassed. “No hard feelings Sunshine. In fact why don’t I take you and the boy here out to the park and maybe to the diner for supper. I don’t think Gus would enjoy LaMaisonne.” Justin preened that the gorgeous man had called him ‘sunshine’, but he wasn’t sure about going to the diner. The dinner hour was pretty busy and there would be a lot of people really, really, close. “I’d like to go to the park with you guys, but I, I have.” Justin looked at him helpless. “It’s the people at the diner; it’ll be busy at supper time.” His eyes clouded over with sadness and he looked down at his feet dejected. Brian walked over to him, the baby in his arm and reached out cupping his chin in his other hand he said “Sunshine, the first time is the hardest. Gus and I will be there for you holding on to you, keeping you safe.” Justin looked into his eyes, wanting to believe the words so badly. “I promise you Sunshine, we have your back.” Justin couldn’t take his eyes away from the mesmerizing hazel ones of Brian Kinney at his finest. He couldn’t speak, but he nodded his agreement to Brian. There was something about Brian that made him feel safe. Justin helped Brian get Gus’ bag packed and Brian learned that you didn’t just walk out the door with a baby, he required lots of accessories. “Shall we walk Sonny Boy?” Brian asked Gus, but he was looking at Justin and Justin smiled at him pleased to be included in the decision. “If we walk, Gus feels more confident about meeting people. It’s good for a baby to have the stimulation that other people bring.” Justin suggested. Brian was thinking that the same thing could apply to Justin. “Walk it is. Justin, do you want to be the mom and push the stroller. I would, but it kills my back.” Justin laughed. “That’s us the Taylor-Kinney family, fags of the twenty second century, two alpha males with their child strolling to the park and later out for some fine dining in Pittsburgh’s faggiest eatery the Liberty Diner.” “I’m sorry, but I refuse to hyphenate my name when we marry.” Brian pretended outrage. “But we have to dear, when I am a famous artist, you can’t have the press calling you Mrs. Taylor, I’m sure you would much prefer the tried and tested method of hyphenating our names. It will cause less confusion and embarrassment for you in your advancing years. There is a considerable age difference as I’m sure you are aware.” Justin placed Gus in the stroller and handed Brian the large denim diaper bag. Brian looked at him in astonishment and burst out laughing. This kid had balls; he just needed to be reminded. “You, Mr. Justin Taylor, are a brat of the highest order.” Brian pulled the door shut and hurried after the blonde as he began to push Gus down the sidewalk toward the park. After pushing Gus in the baby swings and then Brian pushing Justin in the other swings, then Justin pushing Brian, they were hungry and tired, when the door to the diner opened and Brian held it for Justin to push the stroller in, both of them laughing, Gus his face wreathed in smiles, everything stopped. It was a sight no one on the Avenue ever thought they would see. Brian Kinney, his arm around the shoulders of a blonde, who was looking up at him with amused adoration, while they both pushed a stroller to the back booth. “Boys, I see you are still permanently parked here.” Brian said with his tongue in his cheek. “Brian, what a surprise?” Emmett gushed. “And with little Sunshine, who would have thought.” “Why not, Brian hasn’t done him yet.” Ted mumbled. “Would you guys stop, Brian doesn’t need to listen to that shit.” Michael said. “What are you doing with Justin and Gus?” “Hmmmm, Justin, didn’t you send the memo to the boys with our itinerary for the week?” “No, sorry luv, must have missed them, but I did send it out to someone, now who could that have been?” Brian looked at him fondly. “That’s alright dear, I understand, you are blonde after all.” The two began to laugh at the looks on the three faces watching them. “Well boys, move over, we’re hungry.” He looked around for Deb who was walking out of the kitchen. “Hey Deb, is there a high chair in this joint?” “Hold your horses Brian, I’m only one woman.” She bent and kissed Justin’s cheek and then Gus’ “Hey Sunshine, Vic said you were baby sitting today. I’m so proud of you.” She pinched his cheek, pleased that he wasn’t shrinking away. She turned and beamed at Brian. “You are one amazing man Brian Kinney, you I could eat with a spoon.” She kissed him too and smiled at his embarrassed flush. “A high chair Deb” he reminded her. “What’s that all about?” Michael asked when his mother walked away. Brian just smiled, but Justin, never one for hiding anything, said. “She means Brian, got me out of the house and walking here. I haven’t been doing to good in crowds of more than two people.” He gave a shrug and shook himself. “He’s pretty convincing, I guess that’s what makes him so good in advertising.” Michael looked at Brian and then at Justin, his eyes suspicious. “I thought you two didn’t know each other.” “Well, we’ve slept together, that has to count for something.” Brian teased. He’d picked up Justin’s right hand and was massaging it. He was so matter of fact about it and did it so unconsciously that at first no one noticed. Well, Justin noticed because his cock immediately got hard, and he thanked the powers that be for making sure he was wearing baggy pants. “You slept with him?” Michael said, his eyes round. “Where, not in my room I hope.” “Mikey, you haven’t slept there in ten years. It stopped being your room at least five years ago. And no I didn’t sleep with him in your room. We did it at the munchers.” “Brian” Justin said a warning note in his voice. He looked at his friends. “Gus and I were having a nap and Brian laid down with us. That’s all it was.” The rest of the meal was full of fun and laughter, Brian seemed to be enjoying himself more than most. Debbie stood back and watched, amazed at the change in her ‘bad boy’ she wasn’t sure if she had ever seen him this light-hearted, certainly if she had, it was years ago. He laughed and joked with all of them, but while he did so, he always had one hand on Justin, on his thigh, his back, the back of his neck, always touching him, keeping him grounded. And Justin, it was the old Sunshine back. He radiated happiness the way he had when she had first met him. She actually had to turn away at one point and wipe her eyes she was so happy. “Sonny Boy is fading Justin, I think we should get him back to the muncher’s and put him to bed.” Justin was tiring too. He didn’t have the same stamina as he used to have so he smiled and got up, getting Gus out of his chair and back into the stroller. “Hey Justin, do you want to come to Woody’s on Saturday and play some pool.” Emmett asked. “You and I against Mikey and Teddy.” “I’m not sure Em, I have to get through the next four days. I miss going there. Michael, do you work the late shift at the Big Q on Saturday, or could we go there early?” Michael knew Justin wanted to avoid the crowds; he could always switch shifts with someone. “I can be there by six if that’s ok.” He looked at the others. Everyone agreed to meet early. Brian and Justin along with Gus left the diner but not before Brian, who knew that Michael usually worked late shift on Saturday night, bent down and kissed his forehead, “thanks Mikey, you’re the best.” The walk back to Melanie and Lindsay’s was more subdued as both men tried to analyze what had taken place that afternoon and evening. Justin pushed the stroller and Brian walked along beside him carrying the large denim diaper bag. They had only walked a few blocks when Justin felt the comforting presence of Brian’s hand on the small of his back. He didn’t say anything, but his feet were lighter as they made their way down the quiet Pittsburgh streets. Together they bathed Gus and fed him his last bottle before bed. Brian rocked him in Lindsay’s old rocking chair, savoring the smell of the freshly bathed baby. Justin sat on the floor in the corner and tried to sketch the scene, but his hand gave out too soon. Rather than display his usual disappointment, he quietly got up and found the camera, snapping a few pictures. They were too good to pass up. When Melanie and Lindsay arrived home, they found Brian at one end of the sofa and Justin at the other, facing each other, their feet were tangled together in the middle. Brian was laughing from something Justin had said. They looked very comfortable with each other. “About time the two of you got home.” Brian teased. “I’ll take the babysitter home ladies, no not to my place, to his.” He grinned at them. “I didn’t know you had a place here Brian.” Justin said as they walked to his jeep. “I own a loft. It was rented out until last month. I was going to rent it again, but I think I’d rather keep it available for when I visit. Gus is getting older and it might be nice to have a place to take him when I come for holidays like Christmas or Thanksgiving. The jeep is mine too, I keep it in the parking garage at the loft.” He drove to the end of the block. “Do you want to see it? The loft I mean. I haven’t been there since the tenants left. I was going to do that today, but someone distracted me.” He turned and flashed Justin a quick smile. “Sure.” Justin said, ready for the adventure. Also, he hated to let Brian leave, it was the most comfortable and safe he’d felt since he’d been out of the coma. Brian drove up to a medium sized building. “This is the building, I bought the loft when they first began the renovations.” He jumped out and was on Justin’s side opening the door before Justin realized what was happening. Brian leaned across him and unsnapped the seatbelt. The smell of his cologne was having a dizzying effect on Justin. Brian’s head turned and Justin leaned forward, their lips brushed. Brian pulled back like he’d been scalded. “I’m sorry, Justin, it--- “ “What Brian, am I that ugly with my scar and gimp hand that you hated to kiss me?” Justin’s eyes burned with unshed tears. The night, the whole day was ruined. Brian put his arms on Justin’s shoulders and turned him around until he was facing him. “Justin, look at me.” He demanded. “I said I was sorry because it’s not right. I’m twelve years older than you. I can’t take advantage of someone as young as you. It isn’t right.” “But I wanted you to kiss me.” “I wanted to kiss you too, but --- “Brian, today, today has been the best I’ve felt since I woke up in the hospital. Even before, I never felt the way I did today. When you were with me, I was relaxed. I felt safe, I felt --- his voice became almost a whisper “I felt like someone wanted me, loved me even.” He looked at Brian, his voice filled with anguish “Is it so wrong to want to be loved? I know I’m gay, but does that mean I can never have someone love me?” Brian, looking into blue eyes filled with questions that he couldn’t answer, and did the only thing he could do. He folded Justin in his strong arms and held him close while Justin cried. He felt his own heart swell with something he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt before. It had begun with the fleeting touch of lips on lips. He wondered where it would end and if he would survive.