Chapter 13 Omega


Brian noted the thinly veiled fear in Hunter’s eyes as he moved into the waiting room of Allegheny General.  The waiting area was fairly crowded.  Hunter seemed unsure of himself as he looked up and met Brian’s gaze.  A wave of relief rushed over the teen. 

“Where’s Michael?” He asked as the boy rose to meet him.  The call had come in the middle of the night.  Lindsay had opted to remain with Gus back at the loft, but for Brian there had been no other choice but to rush through the streets of Pittsburgh to his friend.  Hunter’s body language confirmed that Brian’s decision had been the right one.

“He’s in with Ben and that doctor.”  Hunter offered nervously.  “They put Ben on oxygen.”  Brian noted the obvious need for reassurance evident in Hunter’s voice. 

“They always do that.  Ties him to the hospital so he can’t run off without paying the bill.”  Brian muttered, breaking a bit of the tension between them.  Hunter huffed a small smile then glanced in the direction of the examining room nervously.   

“Brian.”  Deb’s voice caused them both to turn toward the entrance once more.    Hunter stepped away from the older man trying to appear braver than he felt.   Brian immediately reached out and pulled him back against his side, giving Hunter’s arm a firm squeeze as he did so.  It hadn’t been that many years ago when Brian had been in Hunter’s shoes, trying to appear nonchalant in the face of confusion and pain.  He felt the boy relax against him. “How bad is it?”  Deb asked.  “Are they changing his meds?”

“We don’t know anything.” Brian offered softly.  As if on cue, Michael walked out of Ben’s room with the doctor.  They all focused on the hushed conversation Dennison and Michael were sharing.  A moment later the brunet turned and met their gaze.  He sighed and offered them a hopeful smile. 

“His T-cell level is good.” Michael announced. Brian noted the reaction of a few of the other occupants still littering the emergency room.  When would the world accept that HIV wasn’t cooties; that it couldn’t be contracted from casual contact?  He threw one woman, who ironically resembled his own mother, a glare before turning his attention back to Michael. “It’s just bronchitis which could be serious but they feel that they’ve caught it in time.  They’re going to keep him for a couple of days to insure it doesn’t escalate, but Ben should be fine.”  Michael offered.  Brian took in the information but knew there was more that Michael wasn’t saying. 

“Thank God.”  Deb whispered as she crossed herself, clearly missing the fact that her son was holding something back.  

“Can I go in?”  Hunter asked hesitantly.  Michael nodded as he watched the teen move past him in the direction of his partner’s room.  He stared at the entrance to Ben’s room for a long moment, noting Hunter’s tentativeness.

“He’s awake.”  Michael offered. Hunter glanced back, exchanging a look with Michael that Brian couldn’t read.   Michael turned back, his expression falling slightly. 

“How are you?”  Brian ignored the false front and cut to the core.  Michael looked away, tears filling his eyes.  He took a moment to compose himself before turning back.  

“I’m fine.”  He offered.

“Bullshit.”  Brian challenged.  Michael rolled his lips into his mouth and conceded with a small nod.  

“He’ll be fine Sweetie.”  Deb offered. 

“I know.” Michael replied, sounding unconvinced.  

“Don’t bullshit your mother.”  Deb warned.  “He is going to be fine.” She tried again.

“But one day he won’t.”  Michael met her gaze the façade cracking.  “Just like Vic—“ He whispered, looking away.

“That was a medication problem.  He was doing very well.” Deb was quick to remind him.  Michael nodded, not feeling up to arguing at the moment.  It was true that Vic had been improving.  His life had been getting back on track.  He had a new business venture with Emmett, he and Rodney had just moved in together, life had been looking up and then suddenly it had been over.  It was so much like going to bed feeling safe and then a few hours later being in the emergency room watching your lover struggle for his next breath.  Michael felt numb.  He didn’t notice that Brian had moved to place his arm around him.  

“Let’s get some air.” Brian suggested, disengaging Michael from his mother and moving him toward the elevators.  

“I shouldn’t—“ Michael argued weakly glancing back.

“Hunter’s with Ben.  Your mom’s here.  Let’s get some air.”  Brian reiterated.  Michael conceded as they entered the elevator.  He relaxed gratefully against Brian’s side trying to absorb the strength that he felt he was lacking.

“It was so fucking scary.”  Michael murmured as they walked out onto the roof. “He couldn’t breathe.”  

“But he can now.”  Brian offered leading his friend to the edge.  “His T-cells are good.”  

“I just feel like there’s this anvil hanging over us.  I feel like the roadrunner and that fucking coyote is waiting to ambush us.” Michael paused, trying to maintain his composure.  Brian waited, wishing he knew what to say.  He’d tried to warn Michael years ago about the complications of falling in love with Ben.  His words had done little good then and he doubted they’d do much more now.   This was definitely not the time for an “I told you so.”  Not to mention the fact that Ben was good for Michael.  He’d been the only man who had enabled the brunet to finally move past any unrequited feelings he harbored for Brian and get on with his life. 

“I’m going to lose him.”  Michael blurted out, losing the battle with his despair as Brian pulled him into his arms.  He held his friend as Michael sobbed against his chest.  He thought about making some crack about Michael ruining his jacket but realized he’d stopped using those sorts of tactics years ago.  He no longer distanced himself from moments such as these.  Brian realized that he felt neither afraid nor desperate to escape. He didn’t have to fix Michael’s life.  He couldn’t fix Michael’s life. He could stand on the roof of the hospital holding his friend as a cold breeze cloudy an otherwise still night.  He could listen to his friend and absorb some of his pain.  Brian wasn’t sure when this change had occurred but knew the person responsible for it. He basked in a sudden surge of comfort, thinking of Justin.  He would call Justin later.  He would tell him about tonight and just like Brian was doing now, Justin would be there and listen.

Brian continued to hold Michael until the sobs finally subsided.  He then cleared his throat. 

“Michael.”  He whispered.  “Mikey.”  He continued, still uncertain as to whether or not the other man was listening.  “I could get hit by a bus tomorrow.”  He offered.

“Are you trying to cheer me up?”  Michael pulled back in dismay, sniffing.  Brian shook his head, laughing softly.  

“No.” Brian smiled softly then cupped Michael’s face to ensure that he had the smaller man’s attention. “I’m just saying that none of us knows how much time we have.  Ben will recover and with all the new meds HIV isn’t the fatal disease it once was.  People live.  People live a long time.  He may out live all of us.  We have no idea what’s coming.  I should know.  I had cancer.”  Brian held Michael’s gaze.  Michael reached up kissing his friend tenderly on the lips.  

“I know that.” He replied as he pulled back, breaking the connection.  “But that just makes me worry about you too.”  

“Don’t worry so much.”  Brian pushed him away playfully.  “Life’s too short.”  

“Life is short.”  Michael agreed.  “I could never have enough time with Ben.  There’s no such thing.”  

”Yeah.”  Brian agreed wistfully. 

“So you agree?”  Michael furrowed his brow considering his friend’s reply.  

“Yeah.”  Brian shrugged, moving to the ledge to stare down at the passing traffic below.    

”Then what the fuck are you and Justin doing?”  Michael challenged stalking toward the ledge. 

“Mikey.”  Brian warned.  “This isn’t about me and Justin.  This is about you and the professor.” 

“No,” Michael persisted. “This is about not having enough time with the person that you love.  This is about not knowing what might be coming next.  You said it yourself.  You survived cancer but could get hit by a bus.  So could Justin.”  Michael demanded. “Hell you almost lost him at his prom and then the bomb—“

“Stop.”  Brian interrupted, refusing to think about how close he had come to losing Justin.

“No, Brian.  I won’t stop.  I have a unique perspective on how precious every fucking day is with the person that I love.  I know this is a great opportunity for Justin in New York.  I know your business is incredibly successful but what does it matter if you aren’t with the person that you love.  You don’t know how much time the two of you have.  Do you really want to look back and realize that you wasted these years?”  It was Michael’s turn to force his friend to meet his gaze and to hear what he was saying.  Brian rolled his lips into his mouth staring off into the traffic below.  He knew Michael had a point.  Just today he’d realized how much he had missed by not being able to see Gus everyday.  How quickly his son was growing up and would one day be grown.  He could never get that time back once it was gone.

“What can I bring you?”  Brian asked, changing the subject.  Michael allowed it.  He knew Brian had heard his words but would need time to decide if he was going to act on them.  

“I need you to take Hunter home.  He’ll need a lift to school. I’ll call you if there is anything else. “Michael paused, thinking.  “Could he stay with you?”  Brian shook his head. 

“I wish he could but Lindsay came in early with Gus.”  Brian offered.  

“Maybe he should stay with my Mom.”  Michael continued. 

“That’s a good idea.” Brian agreed.  “She’s at Horvath’s most of the time but Emmett will be there.”  Michael nodded.  

“Remember the first time we came out here?”  Michael smiled leaning into his friend.  “You pulled me up on this ledge.”  

“The night Gus was born.”  Brian rolled his lips into his mouth. 

“And the night you met Justin.”  Michael added.  “I had no idea what you were doing bring a trick to the hospital.”  

“Justin was never a trick.”  Brian offered softly.

“Yeah, no shit.”  Michael’s smile broadened.  “That was pretty obvious when you kept taking him home over and over and—“

“So much has changed since then.”  Brian interrupted his friend.  

“Yeah, nothing stays the same.”  Michael offered.  Brian pulled his friend into his arms and kissed him softly.  

“Some things do.”  He admitted.  Michael kissed him back. It was a soft gentle kiss, a sign of affection, of friendship, but nothing more.  There would be nothing more.  Tonight, unlike five years earlier, Michael realized that his dreams of ever being with Brian had always been just that, a dream.  He smirked as he considered how jealous he’d been of Justin that first night.  He couldn’t understand what some twink had to offer that he didn’t, but now he did.  Brian could love Justin in a way he could never love Michael.  Michael had Ben.  He loved Ben.  It wasn’t what he’d always thought he wanted but it was enough, it was more than enough.

“I’d better get back.”  Michael started moving toward the ER entrance.  “They might be moving Ben to another room soon.”   Brian walked with him, arm casually draped over his friend’s shoulder.   “Thanks for coming Brian.  It means a lot to have you here.”  

“That’s what friends are for.”  Brian replied as they left the comfort of the enveloping darkness of the roof and entered the stark light of the hospital descending back to the real world. 
……………..

“So you told me that you and what’s his name made up, right?” Patrick offered as he popped a dumpling into his mouth, chewing slowly.  Justin glanced at Kate who gave him an encouraging smile as she turned back to her own carton of rice.  

“Brian.”  Justin corrected as he leaned back against the couch.  He reached back adjusting the cushion that he’d propped on the floor, getting more comfortable.  “Yeah we’re back together.”

“I noticed the ring.”  Patrick gestured with a chop stick then dug back into his carton.  He glanced up, meeting Justin’s gaze. 

“Yeah, we’re partners.”  Justin stared at the ring then glanced over at Kate once more.  He wasn’t sure he wanted to do this.  He wasn’t sure it was the right tact to take.  He wished he’d been able to get a hold of Brian.  Lindsay had sounded upset when he’d called looking for Brian.  She mentioned something about Ben going to the hospital.  Justin glanced at the clock wondering when Brian might be home. 

“Partners.”  Patrick murmured, capturing Justin’s attention once more.  “It’s like married right? Like gay marriage?” 

“It’s the best we can do at the moment, yeah.” Justin offered, trying to focus once more on the plan.  

“I’m done.”  Kate announced.  “You guys finished?” She asked as she began cleaning up. 

“Yeah.” Justin leaned forward in order to help but Kate pushed him back.  

“I got this.  You guys talk.  I’ll get some more sa-ke.”  She offered.  Justin watched her disappear into the kitchen wondering which man she was trying to ply with more liquor.  

“She’s a great cook huh?”  Patrick teased.  Justin smiled then nodded.  He noticed the way Patrick reacted when he smiled.  He licked his bottom lip before continuing.

“She’s going to make a great wife.”  Justin offered, opening the conversation between them.  He kept his tone neutral. 

“Yeah, just like you huh?  Are you a great wife?”  Patrick asked curiously. 

“I’m not a wife.”  Justin challenged clearly put out by the suggestion.  

“Right.”  Patrick leaned a little closer to the blond oblivious that he’d said anything offensive to the blond.  “You’re a partner.”  He affirmed.  Justin had a hard time gauging the older man’s tone.  He couldn’t tell if Patrick was flirting, teasing, or merely making conversation.   “So, how is a partner different from a wife?”  Patrick persisted, readjusting his own cushion so that it was resting closer to Justin’s.

Justin watched in amazement.  Patrick was actually coming on to him with Kate in the next room. 

“Well I’m not going to be meeting Brian at the door in an apron with a martini in hand.”  Justin replied, holding Patrick’s gaze as he shifted slightly drawing their bodies together.  

“Not your style?”  Patrick asked, clearly intrigued.  

“Not Brian’s style.”  Justin clarified.   “In fact Brian would rather I met him at the door naked with my dick in my hand.”  Patrick’s jaw dropped slightly.  He seemed speechless.  Justin felt his confidence grow as he pressed his advantage.   “Followed shortly by me on my knees with his dick in my mouth.”  Patrick shifted.  Justin rolled his lips into his mouth to hide his smirk.  “Sex is different for queers Patrick.  You wouldn’t know anything about that being straight, but gay men fuck a lot.”

“You do?”  Patrick asked, his voice suddenly low and thick with emotion.  Justin met his gaze.  He was in his element now.  How many times had he approached men like Patrick in Babylon, how many times had he used his body to produce this same affect?  He’d learned seduction from the Master, it was time to put those lessons to use for the sake of his friend. 

“Sure.”  Justin continued, his voice low as he leaned his body toward Patrick, their thighs now touching up to the hip.  Patrick’s eyes were riveted to the spot where their bodies were joined.  “We don’t confuse love with sex.  Sex is sex, fucking is fucking.” Patrick looked up, eyes locking with Justin’s.  Justin’s smile widened as he realized he had Patrick exactly where he wanted him. “Brian and I have always had an open relationship.”  Patrick swallowed  hard, his eyes never leaving Justin’s lips. 

“Open?”  Patrick choked out then cleared his throat, regaining a bit of his composure.

“Yeah,” Justin’s shrugged nonchalantly.  “Open.  In fact we use to shop for men we would fuck together.  It was hot.”  He turned back as Kate appeared.  

“What are you two talking about?”  She asked. Patrick stretched yawning widely as he used the movement to distance his body from Justin’s. 

“Gay versus straight relationships.”  Justin took the sa-ke from her and took a sip.  

“Hmm that’s interesting.”  Kate smiled.  “Marriage is marriage.” 

“Well, not necessarily.”  Justin pressed.  “I mean I know that Brian is my partner but I also know he fucks other men.”  

“He does?”  Kate was sincerely surprised.  She remembered Justin explaining this to her but she was still shocked by the matter of fact manner by which he discussed it.  

“Yeah, it doesn’t mean anything.  Women get too hung up on monogamy.” Justin accused.

“Hey!”  Kate defended.  Patrick’s laughter softened her anger as she met Justin’s gaze.  She had to play along.  He was obviously working Patrick.  “I guess you’re right.  I mean I would be so hurt if Patrick was ever with another woman.”  

“See?”  Justin shrugged glancing at Patrick.  “It’s different. All the sex without the strings and complications.”

“Sounds like it would be perfect for me except for one thing.”  Patrick offered, breaking contact with Justin as he moved closer to Kate.  “I don’t fuck men.”  He announced matter-of-factly.  Justin nodded glancing at Kate.  Patrick was slick.  He had been so obviously interested only moments before but now seemed completely detached from the suggestion.   They would have to try again, but not tonight.    

“Well I guess I should go.”  Justin offered once his cup was empty.  “I need to see if Brian is home yet.  He was out earlier.”  Justin explained as he pushed up to his feet.  “Thanks for dinner Kate.”  She rose and gave Justin a hug. 

“Are you sure you have to go?”  Patrick pushed to his feet as well.  

“Yeah, we were having such a good time.”  Kate argued as she stepped out of the embrace.

”I’m sure you guys want to be alone.”  Justin winked.  “Besides I need to call and check on a friend that’s in the hospital.”  

“Hope it isn’t anything serious.”  Patrick offered, seemingly sincere.  

“I’m not sure.”  Justin admitted.  “But either way I need to check.”  

 “I’ll see you to the door.”  Patrick offered as he followed Justin.  

“See you tomorrow Kate.” Justin tossed over his shoulder.  

“Yeah, call me.”  Kate called back.  “Patrick I’ll see you in bed.  I’m beat.” She turned off the light in the living room, darkening that portion of the loft as she headed to the bedroom.  

Once they reached the door Justin reached for the handle.  Patrick’s hand reached out suddenly, intercepting the blond.

“Something you wanted?”  Justin asked, his voice sounding innocent but his eyes raking over the other man’s body.  

“So do you?”  Patrick asked leaning in slightly to the blond.

“Do I what?”  Justin played dumb.  

“Do you fuck around?” A dark leer shone from Patrick’s gaze, as though he took immense pleasure in using that particular word in Justin’s presence.  Justin could feel the heat from the man’s hand on his arm.  

“Depends.”  Justin replied, refusing to look away.

“On what?”  Patrick smiled, his eyes never leaving Justin’s lips.  Justin mimicked his action leaning in further.  

“On the situation.” Justin replied, his lips a scant three inches from the other man’s.  It would be so easy for Patrick to close the distance, but would he?  Justin’s tongue licked his bottom lip eliciting a broader smile from the older man.

“The situation?”  Patrick repeated, clearly considering what that might imply.

“Kate’s waiting for you.”  Justin reminded the older man, breaking the moment.  Patrick smiled uneasily.  It was the first time Justin had been able to detect a note of hesitancy and vulnerability in the man.  

“Yes, she is.”  Patrick met Justin’s gaze, the familiar insinuation of invitation evident.   Justin pulled back the door and slipped through leaving Patrick frustrated and alone.

“Patrick, are you coming to bed?”  Kate called from their bedroom.  

“Yes.”  Patrick spat back impatiently.  He reached down to adjust himself.  “Hard as a rock and no one to fuck.”  He whispered under this breath as he headed back to the bedroom.  Patrick wasn’t sure what game Justin Taylor was playing but if the blond wasn’t careful, he was about to get burned.   Patrick didn’t have a lot of patience for a cock tease.  He hadn’t in college and he still didn’t now.  His motto had always been if you don’t want someone to buy it then don’t advertise.  

“Patrick!”  Kate called again.  Patrick ignored the unfinished clean up in the kitchen and instead headed into the bedroom, grateful he had a willing body waiting for him there. 

……

“Hey.”  Brian sounded surprised when he answered.

“You okay?”  Justin asked, immediately concerned.  “I didn’t wake you did I?  Lindsay said you had to go to the –“

“I just got in.”  Brian whispered.  He glanced at the mattress on the other side of the room where Lindsay was sleeping with Gus.  

“Is everything okay?”  Justin hated how far away Brian felt.

“Ben has bronchitis.  It shook up Michael pretty good.”  Brian’s voice was a little louder now.  Justin imagined he was now in their bedroom, glass of Beam in hand, slowly undressing as he juggled his cell and whiskey.  

“Is he going to be okay?”  Justin persisted. 

“I think so, they think so.” Brian offered.  “I think Mikey is dealing with realities not yet realized.”  Brian offered.  Justin remained silent for a long moment.

“I forget.” He admitted.  “You know?  I mean Ben looks so good.  He’s been so well.”  

“Yeah.”  Brian didn’t want to talk about Ben.  He didn’t want to talk.  He leaned back in his bed, the sound of Justin’s voice filling his mind.  This was wrong.  This distance was wrong.  His body cried out for the blond tonight.  He needed to get lost in Justin, to be surrounded by whatever it was that only a spoiled middle class blond could give him.  He missed the comfort of having him near.  

“Brian?”  Justin’s voiced pulled him from his thoughts.  “Did you hear me?”  

”No.” Brian admitted, closing his eyes once more.

“I said I love you.”  Justin whispered.

“I love you too.”  Brian bit his lip to keep from saying more.  Those words were never far away these day, but he refused to utter them.  Words like ‘come back’ or ‘I miss you’ that betrayed how great the chasm was, now that Justin was living in New York.  He felt the need to share Michael’s words.  Each one had rung true and yet Brian felt that to admit that fact would be selfish, to demand that Justin give up his chance because his older lover missed him, seemed ridiculous and lesbionic and yet hard fast truth.  

“I want to see you.”  Justin announced.  “When can I come?”

“Now, tonight.” Brian half teased.  “Whenever.”  He bit his lip.  He had to get off the phone soon or he would say too much. 

“Linsday’s there now, right?  With Gus?”  Justin sounded hesitant.

“Lindsay knows we fuck, Justin.  She’ll be okay if you come home.”  Justin basked in Brian’s admission that the loft was still his home.  

“I have to get something sorted out with Conway and then I’ll be there.”  Justin suggested. 

“What’s up with Conway?”  Brian sat up, something in Justin’s voice indicative of concern.  Justin was tempted to share what had occurred in the man’s office but decided after everything Brian had been through at the hospital that it was better left for another time, if ever.  

“Nothing.  I’ve put my foot in it.  I’ll pull it out.”  He offered hoping Brian would accept the explanation at face value.  Brian could see the smile in Justin’s voice.  He returned it. 

“Sleep good Sonny Boy.”  Brian whispered.

“You too.”  Justin disconnected.  The line was silent.  Justin tossed his phone away then ran his hands through his hair.  The conversation had left him feeling vulnerable and emotional.  He’d wanted to share Kate’s plan with Brian. He’d wanted reassurances that he hadn’t just blown the biggest chance of his life.  Instead they had spoken about Ben.  Brian had sounded distant, tired, and lonely.  Justin took a deep breath and reached for his phone once more.  Brian was lonely.  Hell, he was lonely.  How had they gotten here?  

Justin decided against another call as he considered how tired Brian had sounded.  He sounded as tired as Justin felt.  The blond realized that he was both sick and tired of this life, of this separation.  A life where he found himself relegated to phone calls and emails instead having someone to hold him in the darkness, whispering his name, assuring him of his place in the world, the real world, not the art world.  Justin had grown accustomed now to the incessant ache from within.  The dull pain that served as a constant reminder to him that the person he loved was out of reach.  An ache that was intensified as days turned into weeks and eventually spilled over into months.   Hadn’t there been a study at some point where humans failed to thrive unless they were touched, held, and loved?  

The young blond closed his eyes and allowed his mind to focus on how good Brian’s hands felt on his skin.  He could feel the brunet’s lean muscles beneath his fingers as their legs wrapped around each other.   Opening his eyes once more Justin glanced around bleak surroundings. It had been almost six months.  Six months and still he had just begun to scratch the surface of this dream, this “opportunity of a lifetime”.  

He knew it wasn’t enough time but in so many ways it felt like an eternity.  He’d never imaged how much he would miss Brian.  He hadn’t fully realized how much he needed the other man.  Even during their last separation before the incident at Babylon Justin had still managed to cross Brian’s path from time to time.  Now, unless one of them made a reservation, cleared their calendars, and coordinated schedules, it never happened.  

Justin’s gaze fixed on the far line of windows on the wall.  For some reason he found himself thinking of those endless weeks in the hospital following the prom.  How many times had he stared out of those windows trying not to listen for footsteps in the hallway?  How many times had he jumped when he heard someone enter his room, always hoping, always expecting it to be Brian?  He thought of Ben lying in a similar room.  He truly forgot from time to time that Ben was positive.  He was always so healthy and strong.  Everyday was a gift.  Ben had told him that once.  One day the gifts would stop coming and then Michael would be left alone.  Justin shuddered.  

Justin turned back to survey the boxes that he’d packed earlier before Kate had come by. Kate, his friend, who was at that very moment sleeping in a bed with a man she didn’t love.  A man whom she suspected didn’t love her either. Justin once more thought of Ben coughing in a hospital room, Michael holding his hand wondering what the future held.  Rolling his lips into his mouth Justin shook his head.  

“What the fuck!” He yelled to no one in particular, but then again maybe just at himself.   When had it all gone so wrong?  How had he gotten so far off course?  This wasn’t what he wanted.  Not really, not in the big scheme of things.  Oh sure he wanted a career.  He wanted to be an artist but not first and foremost.  What had happened to that single minded boy who had set his cap for the stud of Liberty Avenue?  When did he disappear only to be replaced by some ambition fag who had chosen to walk away from the love of his life in order to make his place in the world?   The world, since when had the world given a shit about an artsy fag with a flair for the dramatic?  The world would never love him.  Justin knew that.  A scar on his forehead proved to be a constant reminder of that harsh reality.  Yet he’d packed it all in and placed his bets on achieving that which he knew was unobtainable.  He’d done that once before.  He’d bet on Brian Kinney to win and win he did.  So why was it that they were now so far apart?  

Justin laughed at the blinding illumination filling his dark dreary studio.  It was so clear now what he had to do, what he should have done.  It wasn’t too late.  He’d almost blown it but there was still time.  There was time now to go back and reverse those mistakes, to find that boy he’d once been, and make a life with the man he adored.  With new found strength Justin picked up the tape gun and began packing once more.  He had a lot to get done, but come morning he hoped to be halfway there.  Never in his life had any decision felt so right.  He didn’t have time for silly schemes, homophobic benefactors, or fickle art critics.  He had places to go and people to see.  He realized once and for all that it was time to go home.