Lois, thank you for the beta...you are the greatest!
This is the final chapter, and this sidebar/sequel is now complete.
Chapter 8 – Session 4
Friday Afternoon…(Day 19)
Melanie arrived at Elizabeth’s reception area first. She was constantly checking her watch, wondering where Lindsay was. Melanie was afraid that Lindsay was going to be late, and her concern was increasing.
Finally, Lindsay appeared, and Melanie let out a sigh of relief. But then, the questions started. “Well hello. Where have you been? I haven’t seen you for most of the day. I was beginning to worry.”
“I had an early lunch with Sidney, and then I stopped in to see Brian at his office,” Lindsay admitted.
“Why? How did it go?” Melanie asked. But before Lindsay could answer her questions, Elizabeth appeared at the door and ushered them into her office, leaving Lindsay a bit flustered.
Lindsay and Melanie took their usual seats, but Elizabeth could see that something was up with Lindsay. “Lindsay, would like to start? You look like you have something on your mind.”
“I just left Brian’s office,” Lindsay admitted
“Why would you go to see him?” Melanie wondered. “What could you possibly have to talk with him about?”
“First of all I wanted to apologize to him for our behavior. We were so rude to him on Tuesday that I wanted let him know that we had overreacted about the camping thing with Gus.”
“How did he take it?” Melanie continued.
“You know Brian, no apologies…no regrets.”
“Asshole.”
“But, Brian did say something that really hit home. He said that he had changed, and that I needed to see him, not as he was in the past and not as I want him to be…but as he is. Justin pretty much told me the same thing when we had lunch yesterday,” Lindsay revealed.
“And how do you feel about that?” Elizabeth asked.
“I liked Brian the way he was. I was used to him. This new Brian is going to take some getting used to,” Lindsay answered.
“How has he changed?” Elizabeth inquired further.
“He used to talk to me about everything. He used to seek my advice. We were always there for each other. We were so close. Right now he is so fiercely protective where Justin is concerned, he won’t let me in. The only one he will let in is Gus,” Lindsay explained.
“So why go to see him?” Elizabeth continued her questioning.
“I also wanted to make sure that he would pay for Gus and me to fly down for our monthly visits. He said that he would,” Lindsay responded.
“Is there any other reason that you went to see him?” Elizabeth asked.
“Yes. I also wanted to be sure that Brian kept the proper perspective about Justin’s career,” Lindsay answered.
“Why did you do that?” Melanie asked in total frustration.
“Because, I don’t want to see Justin lose it all, everything that he has worked for, just because he wants to live in that mansion and be with Brian. Justin career is more important than that. I just didn’t want Brian to lose sight of that!” Lindsay insisted.
“Lindsay, why do you keep doing this?” Melanie retorted.
“I know that Brian and I will never be together. But I will always love him. And I love Justin. I just want the best for both of them. I just don’t want Justin to make a mistake that he will regret later in life. He has a chance to be a great artist. I just don’t want him to blow it! I’m sorry. It’s how I feel, and I can’t help it,” Lindsay pleaded.
Melanie walked over to Lindsay and crouched down in front of her, taking both of Lindsay’s hands in her own. She started to speak very softly, “Lindsay I need you to listen to me very carefully. I know that you love Brian. I know that you love Justin. I really do know that you want the best for both of them. But Lindsay, there are certain realities that you must accept or you’re going to make yourself sick.”
Melanie took a deep breath, and then she continued, “Brian and Justin love each other. Justin believes he can have his art and Brian too. You have to get over the belief that Brian is going to interfere with Justin’s art. Brian would never do that. The fact that Justin went to New York is proof of that. Justin wants to be a great artist, but he has made it clear that he doesn’t intend to sacrifice everything to make that happen, whereas many years ago you were willing to make the supreme sacrifice, to give up everything, to have an art career. Justin isn’t you. Look at him! Every time you see him he has a pencil and a sketchpad in his hand. It’s second nature to him. Brian is so used to that, he doesn’t even bat an eye about the constant sketching. In fact Brian allows himself to be Justin’s primary subject.”
Both of them did have to laugh at the image, and the laughter released some of the tension between them.
But Melanie wasn’t finished. “With Justin you’re like a stage mother. Justin has always loved your support. You were his first supporter. You hold this special place in Justin’s heart. Art is something that only you and Justin share on this level. What I’m saying is that you can enjoy the ride with Justin career…he wants you to do that…but let Justin drive. Sooner or later you’re going to have to accept that Justin has real ideas about how he wants his career to proceed…I read the article on his Santa Barbara show. The art world knows who Justin Taylor is, more because of what he did in Santa Barbara then for anything he really did in New York. Don’t you see that? And in Santa Barbara, Justin was just being Justin. Justin has enough talent to backup who is as a person and as an artist. And furthermore, if Justin was capable of allowing Brian to change and become this different person, we have to give him some credit for being able to manage his own life as well.”
“I know that you’re right. I just don’t understand why I can’t let this go,” Lindsay said with tears in her eyes.
“You have any ideas, Lindsay?”
“I guess it feels like Gus slipping away. I also feel Brian slipping away, and now Justin. I just feel so all alone! I know it irrational. It’s just how I feel,” Lindsay protested.
“The three people you mentioned haven’t gone anywhere. They are still very much in your life. You just have to find a way to deal with all three of them differently,” Elizabeth suggested.
“Besides, Gus still needs you! Brian and Justin still love you. They just need you differently. Look, if you need to smother someone, Jenny Rebecca and I are in constant need of overbearing loving,” Melanie teased.
“Your Serenity Prayer, again…Huh? I guess I too, need to save my energy for the things that I can change,” Lindsay finally said with a laugh. “This growing up stuff is hard!”
“Welcome to the real world!” Melanie quipped.
“Elizabeth, this is going to take some time,” Lindsay insisted.
“What exactly are you afraid of Lindsay?” Elizabeth asked.
“You know my parents almost act as if I don’t exist. Melanie and I have been together for almost twelve years, yet they barely acknowledge her. They act as if my children don’t exist. I’ve tried to act as if it doesn’t bother me, but I guess it does. I guess when this is the relationship you have with your parents, you hold on too tightly to those things that you do have in your life…for fear that they will float away,” Lindsay revealed. “I know it doesn’t make any logical sense. It’s just how I feel.”
“And you are entitled to your feelings,” Elizabeth explained. “You just have to think before you act on them.”
“I really do see that.” Lindsay finally admitted. “Give me some time on this.”
“Take all the time that you need,” Melanie said, leaning up to give Lindsay a kiss. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Lindsay whispered in response.
Elizabeth allowed the moment to linger between them. Then she cleared her throat and continued, “I guess this is a good place to stop, unless either of you have something that you want to add?”
“Before we go, what happened when you had lunch with Sidney,” Melanie asked Lindsay.
“Sidney said he really doesn’t have a position, but he would create one, if I wanted to return to the gallery,” Lindsay explained with a smile. “So at least now we know.”
“Yes, now we know. Now we just have to consider everything and make our decision,” Melanie said resolutely.
“Is there anything I can do to help on this?” Elizabeth asked. “Do you want to talk about this? We still have a little bit of time.”
“No, not yet. We need to work on this together first. It’s all too new to process,” Lindsay remarked. Melanie shook her head in agreement.
“Elizabeth,” Melanie said, “Thanks for seeing us during this week. I know we called in a panic, and you managed to make time available to us on short notice. We haven’t solved everything, but at least we can go back to Toronto and work on these things together. I, for one, feel so much more hopeful now than I did at the beginning of the week. Thank you.”
“My pleasure, Melanie.”
“I feel the same way too. I was in a panic when I called you. I do feel better now,” Lindsay added.
Lindsay and Melanie scheduled the times for their weekly telephone calls to Elizabeth, and they scheduled the date and time for their next appointment in one month.
Everyone finally said their good byes.
Author’s Comments: For details of Lindsay’s meeting with Brian, see Talisman Of Time, Chapter 16. This sidebar will link with Talisman Of Time at Chapter 17.
Final Comments: The time that Melanie and Lindsay spent in Pittsburgh was an opportunity to be simply focused on their relationship issues without the demands of jobs, household duties, and taking care of the kids. Here in Pittsburgh, they had the support of their extended family members so the couple could devote the necessary the energy necessary to their counseling sessions.
With Melanie and Lindsay’s return to Toronto, they returned to a community in which they were isolated, not because they were gay, but because they were American. In Toronto, they had only the limited support system of Melanie’s cousin, who lives a few doors away. They had, by their own admission, few friends.
As we saw in Meanwhile In Toronto, Melanie and Lindsay were prompted to take this in-depth look at their problems … because there was a drastic change in their day-to-day dynamics as Gus was visiting Brian and Justin. This left only the care of Jenny Rebecca to divert the couple’s attention. Once they arrived in Pittsburgh, of course, their daughter primarily visited Debbie and Michael. Absolved of primary responsibility for their kids and back among loving friends, Melanie and Lindsay had the chance for introspection.
Now, Melanie and Lindsay are returning to Toronto with a both a rambunctious six-year old and a demanding two-year old in tow, and once again they will be caught up in the demands of everyday life. So, working on their relationship will once again have to take a back seat to everyday living.
I would suspect over the next month, their primary focus to be learning how to be simply talk to each other and be kinder to one another. The issues will remain unresolved until at least their next counseling session.
They will make their required weekly telephone call to the Elizabeth. But these phone calls are more to insure that Melanie and Lindsay are not in crisis in between their counseling sessions, rather than an attempt to resolve routine issues. So very little will be resolved until their return to Pittsburgh in about a month.
Melanie and Lindsay will obviously continue to appear throughout the series, with additional sidebars as necessary to tell their story.