October 2004 Gus Peterson-Marcus was knocking on the door of his Daddy’s new house. His Mommy had just dropped him off so that he could spend the weekend with his Daddy and Uncle Justin for the first time in the new house. For some reason his Daddy had decided to sell his Loft and buy a house. Gus had always liked the Loft but he was looking forward to spending time here, at the new house, since he would have his own room. He and his Dads had picked out the bedroom furniture 3 weeks before and Gus was looking forward to seeing how his room looked. Gus always liked it when his parents asked his opinion on anything especially if it affected him personally. So he had picked out the bed for his room. Uncle Justin had laughed and laughed when Gus had told his Daddy that he didn’t want a bed that looked like a race car that he wanted a bed that looked like their bed. Though they didn’t find a bed to match his Daddy’s bed they did find one that was close enough to suit Gus. Gus was knocking on the door because he never went into anyone’s house without knocking or ringing the bell. He could barely reach the door knob anyway but he would have knocked even if he could let himself in. He had told his Mommy to go home that he was a big boy and could take care of himself. He didn’t notice that she was still sitting in the car watching him. He had only knocked twice when the door opened. “Hi Gus, are you ready for a working weekend?” “What do you mean Uncle Justin?” “Well there's a lot of work to do when you move into a new house. Your Daddy and I will be spending a lot of the weekend putting everything where it's supposed to go. We're hoping that you would be able to help by putting your stuff away in your room.” “You mean you want me to help you and Daddy move into the new house.” “Yes Gus that's what I mean. Will you be able to help us?” “Sure Uncle Justin I'll do everything I can do but even though I'm 4 now I can’t lift anything that's too big.” “Don’t worry Gus all of the big stuff is already in your room and if you don’t like where it's at just tell me or your Daddy and we'll move it.” “Won’t you and Daddy get too tired moving everything?” “Don’t worry Gus, we have help, Mikey, Teddy and Aunty Em will be here soon.” “Are we going to have a picnic later?” “Why do you ask that?” “Well it would be too hard for you to make supper for the whole gang while you're helping with the moving too.” “Gus have I ever told you how smart you are? Yes we'll have supper delivered and we sure can eat in the back yard since it's still so nice out. Well why don’t we take your bag up to your room and you can start figuring out where you want things put.” “OK Uncle Justin.” Gus followed his Uncle Justin to his room where he was amazed to see that the walls were covered with a mural of the Pittsburgh petting zoo. There were all of the little animals, many children with the animals, the buildings of that part of the zoo and adults watching their children petting the animals. “Uncle Justin it's beautiful, you did all of this for me?” “Yes Gussy I know that the petting zoo is one of your favorite places so I couldn’t think of anything better to put on the walls of your room. When you get older and are ready for something different we'll just paint over the mural and put up whatever you want.” “Oh Uncle Justin I won’t ever want anything different.” “Don’t be so sure Gus, just know that I won’t get upset if you ever do want to change the walls.” With that Gus started looking at the pictures and he was very happy when he found the picture of himself, petting a lamb. Then he picked out his family members amongst the adults who were watching the children and animals in the mural. “Uncle Justin it's beautiful, I can’t wait to bring everyone here and see if they can find themselves in the crowd. I found everyone except you, where are you?” “I’m glad you like it Gus. I certainly enjoyed painting it. Look carefully. Where do I always go when we go to the zoo?” “Here you are hiding behind your easel. Does Daddy know about this Uncle Justin?” “What Gus?” “That you have him petting the baby horse.” “I do?” “Yes you do and why doesn’t Daddy like horses anymore Uncle Justin?” “You'll have to ask him Gussy. Do you like where we put the bed?” “Yes but I think I want the dresser on the other side of the bed. I can put my pictures of you and Daddy, Mommy, and Mama on top and they'll be the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning.” “Well when Mikey and the others get here we'll move it. When you get through putting everything where you want it you can come downstairs and we'll find something else for you to do.” “Sure Uncle Justin, it's all right if I show off the pictures to everyone?” “That'll make me very happy Gus.” Gus had worked very hard at putting all of his stuff where he wanted it in his new room. He had then gone downstairs and helped carry all of the little things to whichever room his Daddy or Uncle Justin told him to. Gus had taken Mikey, Teddy and Aunty Em up to his room and had them find themselves in the mural. Mikey was holding a bunny, Teddy was petting a llama, and Aunty Em had a pair of ferrets around his neck. Gus didn’t really understand what Aunty Em meant when he said “That Justin understands the importance of accessories.” So when Uncle Justin told everyone that Supper was ready Gus was more than ready to eat. He was big boy tired which was a very good type of tired in Gus’ opinion. When they were all outside at the picnic table Gus noticed a pile of lumber under the big tree in the middle of the back yard. "Daddy what is that wood for?” “The treehouse.” “What treehouse?” “The one you and I are going to build.” “We are?” “Yes one of the reasons I bought this house was because it had that perfect treehouse tree.” “Daddy you think of everything.” “I try Sonnyboy, I try.” “Brian Kinney building a tree house, this I have to see.” “Teddy be nice. Brian after you finish building it I will come over and help Gus decorate.” “Emmett, only you would think a treehouse needs to be decorated.” “Michael everything needs to be decorated.” “Don’t worry guys Brian has a contractor hired to make sure it won’t fall down on his or Gus’ head the first time they climb the ladder.” “Justin do you have to give away all of my secrets.” “Yes.” Daddy and Uncle Justin just looked at one another in the kissing way they had but Gus knew that since he was watching them they wouldn’t be able to steal a kiss. So Gus swung into his kissing game and made sure that he was looking at the tree and the pile of lumber. “Gus what is so interesting?” “I’m thinking what the treehouse will look like Aunty Em.” After what he thought was long enough he looked back at the table and sure enough he caught Daddy and Uncle Justin finishing up a kiss. He didn’t say anything because he didn’t want them to know that he had seen them. Emmett though had caught the whole scenario and had a goofy grin on his face. He was thinking, ‘Gussy what a kinney-taylor you're turning out to be.’ After everyone had finished eating, including the homemade Ice Cream which Uncle Justin had made while they were eating the meal, the guys made their good-byes and left. “Don’t worry guys we'll be back in the morning to help finish up your move.” Mikey had called back to Daddy and Uncle Justin before he got into Teddy’s car. “Well Sonnyboy what do you want to do until bedtime?” “Daddy what do you do at work?” “What brought that up?” “I don’t know it just came to me.” “I’m in advertising Sonnyboy.” “What does that mean?” “It means I make up stories so that people will buy something that's in the story.” “Can you make up a story just like Uncle Justin can draw a picture on the spur of the moment?” “Sometimes.” “Then tell me a story about the naked man picture.” “What?” “Well that's the only picture you brought here from the loft so there must be a story about the picture.” “Well Gus any story about that picture will be pretty grownup can you handle a grownup story?” “Sure Daddy I’m 4, that's almost grownup.” Brian and Uncle Justin just looked at each other and smiled. Gus was very impatient to grow up they had learned years earlier. “OK Sonnyboy you go get ready for bed and I will tell you a story about the naked man picture. “Is this wise Brian?” “Don’t worry Justin it's time I told you a thing or two about my past and a bedtime story for Gus might be the easiest way for me to do it.” “Don’t do it for me Brian.” “Justin you know I only do what I want to do and it's time for me to kill another demon or two. So I'm going to kill three birds with one stone. I get to tell my son a bedtime story, I get to kill a few of my demons, and I get to tell you why I fought loving you for so long.” “Well don’t traumatize the boy.” “Justin I could almost take you seriously but you know as well as I do that he'll be asleep long before I get to anything traumatizing even if the boy could be traumatized by anything about me or you.” ***** “Daddy, Uncle Justin I’m ready for my story now.” “We'll be right there Sonnyboy.” Brian and Justin then went to Gus’ room where they found the youngster sitting on his bed instead of under the covers. Brian was again amazed at the beauty of the mural his lover had painted on the walls of their son’s room though he still didn’t like the joke implied by his picture petting a baby horse. “Gus why aren’t you under the covers?” “Because I don’t want to fall asleep before Daddy finishes his story Uncle Justin. Why're you laughing Uncle Justin?” “No reason Gus, I just thought of something funny.” “OK Daddy start the story.” “Don’t get bossy Sonnyboy.” “I’m not bossy Daddy I’m just your son.” With that Justin couldn’t help himself and burst out into raucous laughter. Brian just glared at his partner. Justin was finally able to control himself after several minutes of laughter and giggles. “I’m sorry Brian but I just couldn’t help myself, he's right you know.” “Once upon a time in a land far away there was a young boy named BK who was very unhappy. He lived with his father, mother and an older sister in the town of Pitts. His father worked for the town but didn’t like his job. His mother took care of BK and his sister but didn’t like her job either. She was only happy when other people saw her at church. BK’s father didn’t like his son at all especially when he had a drink or three at the tavern on the way home. BK’s mother didn’t like her son either and didn’t keep BK’s father from hitting BK. BK had learned from his parents that love was a lie because why would they hit him one day and say they loved him the next day if love was real. When BK was 14 he met a boy from the other side of town and he found out that love could be real. BK and MN became the best of friends and MN’s mother looked out for BK as much as BK would let her. MN didn’t have a father, which BK thought was a good thing though MN would never agree with his best friend about that. BK wanted to let MN’s mother love him but he was afraid that if he did then she would start hitting him too. So while he allowed MN’s mother to help him when his own parents hurt him more than he could handle by himself he didn’t let her into his heart full time. As BK got older he found that he could keep everyone out of his heart except MN. BK and MN found out as they got older that instead of liking girls they liked other boys. While BK liked a lot of boys as he grew up he never allowed himself to like MN because he was afraid that if he did then he and MN would no longer love each other. BK was deathly afraid of losing MN as his best friend since no matter what BK did MN was there for him. MN finally figured out that BK loved him too much to like him. So while MN always hoped that BK would be able to like him and love him he decided he could wait for the liking as long as he got the loving. Eventually BK and MN finished school. BK won a scholarship to the University in college. BK knew that he had to go so that he could get a better job and thus a better life. But he didn’t want to leave MN and Pitts. MN told him to go that it wouldn’t be for that long and that they would be friends while he was gone and even better friends when he finished and moved back to Pitts. So BK gathered up all of his courage and his small amount of possessions and went to the University in college. He was assigned a small room in a boarding house a few blocks from the University. His next door neighbor was an older man who worked at the University in one of the Museums. He was an artist but he couldn’t live off of his art alone so he worked at the museum during the day and painted at night. Everyone on each floor of the boarding house had to share a bathroom and shower. BK soon realized that the older man wanted to like BK. BK had never liked anyone so old but then he had been afraid to like anyone at the University and he had been very lonely. So one night when BK and the older man were taking a shower at the same time BK let the older man know that he was willing to like him. They had gone back to older man’s room which was full of pictures the older man had painted over the years. BK was very impressed with the artwork and very impressed with the older man too. Being older he knew many more ways of liking than BK did. He was very willing to teach BK everything he knew about liking other men and BK was very willing to learn everything he had to teach on the subject. Afterwards they had talked and BK found himself very happy. The two began spending all of their free time together and eventually BK decided that he was in love. This scared BK since he was always afraid that love was a lie covering up hurtful behavior. But the older man showered BK with affection through the years with a lot of liking and before BK knew it he was graduating from the University. BK was in a pickle since he had always planned to go back to Pitts but he didn’t want to leave the older man who he thought he loved either. It had been so wonderful the past 4 years that BK believed in love again. He was sure that the older man loved him too. While he had never said so in words he had said so in his actions almost every day. BK was sure that they would live together forever as a happy loving couple he just didn’t know whether it would be in college or in Pitts. While he had no desire to see his family again he had missed MN terribly and wanted to go to Pitts just so they could see each other again. But if the older man didn’t want to leave college then BK would find work in college and they could continue to live together in the boarding house. The day after BK graduated from the University he was in his room when the older man knocked on the door. When the older man left BK was devastated and he knew, without any doubt, that love was a lie. While BK expected that they would talk about what they would do with their lives now that BK had a degree that wasn’t what happened. The older man had just come to tell BK that they would have their last session of liking before BK moved back to Pitts. That BK had been a wonderful friend but now it was over and that he hoped BK would have a good life in Pitts. BK had almost broken down into tears at the older man’s words but he had thrown him out of his room instead. BK just wanted to know where he had gone wrong how could he have mistaken what the older man wanted from him. BK knew then that he couldn’t be loved. His parents had taken care of him because they had too not because they loved him. The boys and men he liked just enjoyed the pleasure he could give them and the older man just liked making University students think that he loved them so that they would like him whenever he wanted it. He had told BK that BK certainly wasn’t the first University student in BK’s room to like him and he wouldn’t be the last though he might very well have been the best. BK vowed to himself that he would never fall in love again since no one could love him back and it wasn’t worth the pain. So BK packed up his possessions and returned to Pitts. Once in Pitts he hooked up with MN and they became even better friends than ever. They loved each other in a non liking way and they were both happy, BK more than MN but BK could ignore that since he couldn’t risk his friendship with MN by liking him the way that MN wanted. As they grew older BK liked almost every man in Pitts who liked other men but he never was truly happy since he didn’t love anyone except MN and that wasn’t truly love. Several years after he returned to Pitts BK got a large package from college. Inside the package was a painting by the older man that he had done of himself. The man was naked and BK wondered why he had ever liked the man let alone thought that he loved him. The older man had died and in his will he left the painting to BK. BK thought about burning the painting but then he decided that putting the ugly thing on the wall of his home would emphasize how much of a lie love was. Then one day an angel came into BK’s life. This blond angel fought with the demons that protected BK’s heart from love until finally BK had to admit that he could love and be loved. MN, as an ally of the angel, had once again proved how much of a friend he was by making BK realize that he could be loved. BK went to the angel’s dance and told the entire town of Pitts that BK loved JT with all of his heart and he didn’t care who knew. But then tragedy happened and JT was struck down by a devil. While JT was asleep, because of the devil’s attack, BK returned to his belief that he couldn’t be loved. But the angel came back to BK and made him remember what it was like to love and be loved. But BK fought love at every step and tried to drive JT away. They lived in an armed truce but eventually BK won the battle and drove JT away. But then a baby angel was able to push the two together once again and BK was finally able to admit that he could be loved by and that he could truly love JT. They lived happily ever after. “Well Brian that was quite the bedtime story, it certainly did what it was supposed to do. Gus was asleep before BK left Pitts, you slew a demon or two and I've a better idea why it's so hard for you to admit loving me.” “Justin I certainly wish that I could tell you how much I love you as easily as you can tell me.” “Brian you tell me how much you love me every time I look into your eyes. But it's nice to hear it once in a while.” “Justin I'll try to tell you whenever I can but I still find it hard to believe that you still are here beside me considering how much I put you through.” “Brian I loved you from the moment I saw you coming to me when I was under that lamp post. I’m pretty sure that you loved me probably at about the same time. The difference was that I was able to admit it to myself long before you were able to admit it to yourself. I came from a family that I believed was full of love while you came from a family that didn’t believe in love so that was always enough to explain to me the difference in our abilities to admit our love for each other. I’m sorry the older man hurt you so badly but I wish you'd been able to tell me this long ago.” “Justin you don’t know how many times I wanted to tell you this story but something always stopped me before I could get the courage to tell you. Gus asks for a bedtime story and I could tell you the story. Gus was the one that proved to us that we should be together. What else is our wonderful son going to do for us in the coming years?” “We'll just have to wait and see but I’m sure he'll do something wonderful every day that he's alive.” “Justin; you like my boy a little bit don’t you?” “Brian that's the one thing that I regret about being your Gay lover instead of your wife, I can’t give you a child.” “Justin you have a child, Gus is just as much yours as he's mine. Mel and Linds would agree with me here.” “I know but it's something I regret once in a while but not for long since I can’t imagine being a woman for more than a few seconds and I can’t imagine you loving a woman even that long, except for Lindsay.” “Lindsay is like Mikey in that I love them in some non sexual manner yet more than friends.” “That story got a little graphic for a 4 year old, how were you going to tell it if he hadn’t fallen asleep so soon?” “I wasn’t worried that he wouldn’t fall asleep he did do an awful lot of running about today. He's an amazing little worker along with being an amazing little person.” “You can say that again. We better get him under the covers.” As Brian picked Gus up and Justin pulled the covers down Gus murmured “And Daddy and Uncle Justin lived happily ever after.” Brian and Justin just looked at each other again. They would find that they would look at each other a lot because of things their amazing son would say over the years to come.