Justin’s POV: I’m standing in front of Daphne’ door and I’m waiting for her to answer. It’s about 4:00am so I know she’s going to be pretty upset. But she’s the only one that I can go to. She’s always the one that’s there for me, that can help me get threw this now. She opens the door and see’s me standing there she’s all blurry eyed. I feel bad for waking her. “Justin? What’s wrong?” I know I look like shit cause I have yet to stop crying, my head has started to pound and I just feel like I’m going to throw up. “Hey Daph, do you think I could stay with you for awhile?” my voice is so soft and a little husky from all my crying.”of course you can Jus....” her voice is full of concern and she looks like she’s hurting for me. “What happen Jus?... are you ok?” she’s taken my duffel bag and my arm and she’s leading me into her apartment. She sits me on her couch and I just can’t keep a straight thought in my head and I’m just starring off into no where. “Justin?...........Justin?” I finally hear her say. I look over at her and she is looking at me with such love and concern. I really need that right now. “Daph, can we just talk about all this in the morning ? I just can’t do it right now it hurts to much, and I’m so tired. I don’t want to think anymore.” I feel bad just cutting her off with nothing to go on. But I really just can’t bring myself to go threw it all right now. “Sure Jus what ever you want.....Let’s just leave your bag here for the night and go to bed.” she leads me into her bedroom and pulls down her covers, and lets me crawl into her bed. I lay on my side facing the window, and just curl into myself. I feel her climb in behind me , and she wraps herself around me. That’s when I completely break apart..I’m sobbing beyond control, but she’s hanging onto me as tight as she can, rocking me back and forth. Eventually I fall asleep, with her still holding onto me. I knew I could count on her to be here for me and not let me go. ****************************************************************************** Brian’s POV: I’m so fucked he’s gone now, really gone. What am I going to do without him? I’m crying and sobbing like a little baby now and I could really give a rats ass. I’m still holding onto the window when my legs finally give out and now I’m on the floor, curled around myself shaking and crying, and I can’t move. I finally fall asleep right there on the floor. ****************************************************************************** Justin’s POV: I wake up to the sound of someone banging on the door. I roll over and notice that Daphne’ already gotten up. I look at her clock and it’s already 12:32pm. ‘Bang,..... Bang’ my head is pounding so incredibly hard, and that constant pounding isn’t helping any so. I drag myself out of Daph’ bed. I look around her apartment but I don’t see her around, ah she must have had an early class. So I go over to the door cause who ever is here obviously isn’t going to give up. I open the door and my heart jumps into my throat......”Brian?” He looks so lost. “Oh baby I’m so sorry.....” he grabs me and pulls me so tightly against him. I close my eyes and start crying. I throw my arms around his waist and god he feels so good.... “Justin.” and I can feel him slowly rocking me back and forth....”Justin.” this feels so good. “Jus” I slowly open my eyes. I blink a couple of times and I see Daphne looking at me. Concern written all over her face. She takes her hand and wipes away the tears that are falling down my face. Then I realize it was just a dream and all of this mornings wonderful dreams come crashing down as I remember all of last nights nightmares become my life once again. I close my eyes again and shove my face into the pillow to hide my scream. But I know it didn’t do much good because I can feel daphne put her head against my back and her arms around my waist. I can’t move all I can do is cry. So that’s what I’m going to do. ****************************************************************************** Brian POV: Oh god damn it..... I feel like every part of my body is screaming. Then I realize why. I’m on the fucking floor. I know I had a few last night but fuck why would Justin leave me on the floor? “Justin?” ah fuck.....I open my eyes and “Justin?” I sit up and just like that last night comes rushing in on me. I’m on the floor because I made him leave. I made my baby leave, and he did. He did it for me. Thank god it’s Saturday there’s no way I could go into work like this. I’m an absolute mess. What am I supposed to do? I don’t know how to keep on going. ‘Ring.........ring’ damn it I don’t want to talk to anybody right now. So I’ll just let the machine pick it up. “Obviously I’m in the middle of someone so ...leave a message and I’ll think about getting back to you.”.....beep...ah of course it’s Mikey “Brian I just wanted to call and make sure you were ok... you ran out of the party so quick last night and you didn’t even say good bye, and you were supposed to be at the diner for breakfast this morning....*he’s started to whine now* Well call me back as soon as you get this. Ok? Ok talk to you soon bye.” ah fuck I don’t want to have to deal with him today, the whining and the questions. Him putting down Justin, which I know he’ll do .Plus I don’t know how I’m going to answer all the questions everyone is going to have for me. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ACT LIKE THIS IS WHAT I WANT? This is all to much for me right now I just want to go back to bed and curl up into a ball and stay that way for the rest of my pathetic life. I stand up very slowly cause.... well just because it hurts any other way. I practically limp all the way over to the bathroom so I can piss before I go back to bed...god I hurt... then I limp back to my bed and crawl into my side.....my side...I roll over and look at Justin’s side of the bed, run my hand over his pillow, I wish he was here. I pull his pillow up against my body and wrap myself around it. I put it to my noise, and breath him in, or at least his scent, cause it’s not him no matter how much I wish it was.... it’s not. Non of this feels right our bed.....OUR BED..... he’s not here in our bed. This is where we were first together, this is where we first made love, this is where I watched him sleep hundreds of times, this is where I broke his heart last night, shattered what was left of ...US... This is just not right. I don’t want to be in our bed without him.....I can’t. I don’t know if I will ever be able to again. So I climb out of our bed, grab his pillow and the duvet, and go over to the couch. I get my self all situated and close my eyes. There’s only one problem ...all I see is my baby, his beautiful face, those gorgeous blue eyes, that melt me every time, his soft blonde hair, and the way it falls over his eyes just slightly. So I open my eyes I can’t take seeing him, and not being able to touch him. The first thing I see when I open my eyes is the chair. Oh that white leather chair is the first time he ever rode me. There was nothing better than being so far inside him for the first time, and he was a natural at it. The way he swiveled his hips, and kept me on the edge for what felt like forever....the way my hands felt on his hips, the way his arms were wrapped so tightly around my neck....the way our moans mixed and filled the loft, the way his head fell back when he finally fell over the edge into his orgasm, and screamed my name, which sent me straight over the edge, and I pulled his face to mine and kissed him while I came I always loved kissing him when I cum. Oh.... I think I need a drink. ****************************************************************************** Justin’s POV: My mind is going a million miles a minute. It’s going threw every moment that me and Brian ever spent together from the beginning to the end. The first time I ever saw him I was absolutely in awe. I don’t think I had ever seen anything more beautiful in my entire life. I couldn’t believe he was coming over to me and when he implied he could take me some place special, all I could think was, *You already have.* Everything about that night was perfect, every kiss, every touch, ever caress, is engraved into my head, into my body. Ever since that night, and those first few moments, my body, and mind has done nothing but crave, want, and need him, to love him, to make him happy. At least I have finally been able to do something that I know will make him truely happy. So now I guess it’s time to finish up some lose ends to all this. First things first I got to call the diner.... so I sit up and ask Daphne “Daph can I use your phone? I have to call the diner really quick.”Sure Jus.... I’ll go get it.”S he goes out to the living room and comes back in no time with the phone and a box of tissue’s. she sits at the side of the bed right next to me and hands me a couple of tissues. I take them wipe my eyes and blow my nose. “Do you want me to leave?” she ask’s. “No it’s fine I just can’t go in today.” or ever if I’m being honest but I will take care of that later tonight. I pick up the phone and dial the diner.....Deb answers the phone. “Liberty diner, what can I do ya for?” let me hold it together. “Hey Deb it’s me I can’t come in today.” “Hey sweety is everything alright? You don’t sound so good are you sick? Do you want me to bring you some soup?” She’s getting herself all worked up already oh boy. “No Deb I don’t need anything, I just can’t come in today. Is it alright?” “Sure sunshine......you just get some sleep and fell better alright?” “Ok Deb, thanks a lot I appreciate this.” I’m not really lying I do feel like shit. “No problem sunshine I’ll talk to you later. Bye now.” “Bye.” she hangs up and then so do I. Alright that done. I look up and I see that Daph’s just looking at me. I know she wants to know what’s going on I guess I should just get it over with. “You wanna talk about it?” She asks me in a really sweet low voice. Ah I don’t want to do this. “Not really....*she just looks down and nods her head*.....He said that I wasn’t making him happy and that he didn’t want to be with me anymore.” I say in a small voice, while I look at my hands. I can feel her eyes on me, so I look up and she’s got her eye’s, and mouth wide open. “I can’t believe it.” I know how she feels. “He asked me to give him back his life. The life he had before he met me.” “I don’t understand.....What does that mean?” “Think about it daph....he said he wants the life he had before he met me before I screwed it all up for him...” She’s not getting it....” what he means is he doesn’t want me anywhere near his life, no contact, he wants everything back to the way it was meaning that....in order to give him what he wants I have to completely cut myself out of his life, his family his friends.....everything...that’s what he wants from me, and that’s what I’m going to give him.” “But Justin.....thoughs are your friends too, and that’s your family now too, and not to mention everything else....how can he expect you to do that cut your self out of everything?” She seems to be a little bit confused. But that’s all right she really doesn’t need to understand this but this is still what’s going to happen. “Daph, Brian has never asked me for anything, but now he is. He really wants this. He’s given me so much and all I’ve done is lie, cheat, and hurt him. When we started this whole some what relationship thing he said that we were together because we wanted to be.....but I just hurt him and I know I did cause, the look on his face last night when he asked me for this and said that he wasn’t happy....was heart breaking, and I don’t want to hurt him anymore. He’s been threw enough in his life. I want to make him happy, that’s all I ever wanted. Now he has finally told me how to make that happen. I can do this, I have to. Do you understand? He’s my whole world, he’s everything to me. I’d do anything for him.” “But Justin if he is your whole world and your everything, how can you just walk away from him, from everything that is connected to him? From everything that you know and love, without fighting for him or trying to make things better or...or something?” She is just not getting this.i was hoping I wouldn’t have to say this out loud. I think this is what hurts the most. “Because Daph.......even though he is all thoughs things for me,.....I’m not, and never will be thoughs things for him. I’m not what he wants. So tell me why would I force him to be with me and to have to live his life constantly feeling like he has to take care of me because he’s obligated, or because the family forces him to, or because I force him to. Because I know as well as him that’s what would happen, that’s what has always happened. That’s how this all happened, because he was forced into it all, by me, the family......I got what I wanted while Brian got fucked over and over, he got saddle with all my shit. I should’ve never forced my way in. He never wanted any of this. So I don’t blame him for finally putting his foot down and saying no more....I mean he asked really nicely and everything....” I think she is getting now....she is nodding her head in understanding, but she’s frowning I know she is worried about me and what this is going to mean for me. “I’m here for you Justin....always. That will never change, never. I’ll be here to help you threw this. What ever you need.” she’s holding my hands now and looking straight into my eyes, and I can see that she really means every word. “Thanks Daph....I knew you would be. I do need you to do something for me so that I can get all this accomplished.” She nods her head and squeezes my hands “Anything Jus.” ****************************************************************************** Brian’s POV: I have decided that I don’t ever want to feel anything ever again, and I don’t want to remember anything it’s all to much for me to handle ....so I have taken my good old friend Jim here and downed pretty much of the whole bottle. I’ve found that while it is dulling the memories of Justin and I it is not making them go completely, and it is not doing anything for the pain in my heart.....so I down another percentage and it goes down a lot better than the first half. ‘Ring.......Ring’ god damn it I swear why can’t people ever just back the fuck off. I don’t want to deal with any one or anything for that matter.... “Obviously I’m in the middle of someone so.....leave a message and I’ll think about getting back to you.”....Beep.....Um hey Brian it’s Daphne *oh god.....Daphne I jump up off the floor and run to the phone, I have to know if he’s alright...I pick up the phone and..Beep* “Um” “Daphne?” I say in what I hope is a pretty calm even voice. “Yes....um Justin asked me to give you a call” she sounds almost nervous. “Oh?” I guess he wants me to know that he’s settled.... “Yeah....he um...he said that you wanted to have his computer sent to him and I told him he could stay here so....whenever you want to have it sent is fine....” ok this is good he’ll be with Daphne. She will make sure he is ok, she’ll take care of him.. “Alright, I’ll get that packed up and I’ll get it sent out on Monday,.....so it should arrive that day or Tuesday. How does that sound?” this doesn’t seem real. I sound like a fucking telemarketer. “That’s fine....um he also wanted to,...well” Uh oh I don’t know if I want to know. “He wanted to know if you could skip Sunday dinner tomorrow night?” Hunh why would he want me to skip Sunday dinner? “Why would he want me to skip Sunday dinner?” I have to ask it’s just to weird of a request. “I’m really not sure....and I didn’t want to pry....he said to assure you it was a one time thing, and that he wouldn’t ask anything else of you....” “Um?” “He seemed to really want this Brian and it’s only the one time. He said he’d make sure you wouldn’t get any shit for missing it....” she sounds nervous and a little bit desperate. I don’t understand this but if he really wants this I’ll do it no matter how much shit I get. I’d do anything for my baby..... “Tell him not to worry about it, I’ll skip dinner...” “Thanks, Brian I know he’ll appreciate this...” “Um is....how is he doing?” my voice isn’t as strong on that question, but I think it was pretty even, considering. “......He’s just fine....goodbye Brian.” click. She took to long to answer that. He’s not fine. But he will be. She’ll make sure he is. I turn the phone off, and ringer off. I turn down the volume on the machine. I don’t need to hear from anyone else, I wish that Justin would’ve made that call but it’s best he didn’t. Having the link to him threw Daphne was almost to much. If it would’ve been him on the other line I know just the sound of his voice, would have broken all my resolve and I would have begged, and pleaded for him to come home to me. Uh I’m really going to have to work on this.....I mean I’m sure that he’ll avoid me for awhile until he gets over all this but.....what am I going to do when he starts showing up at the clubs, and of course there is the diner, and then the family dinners that we’ll have to attend. Oh this is a nightmare beyond belief. I didn’t even think of all these things. Obviously he did. How am I supposed to keep from begging him to come home when I see him? Maybe I should think about looking for a job in another city. Cause I don’t think I could watch him living his life day in and day out with out me. I know I couldn’t. I couldn’t watch him and the boyfriends that I know he’ll have it would crush me. I couldn’t stand watching him and all his achievements, and not be able to show him how proud of him I am and how much I love him. Hell I gave him up. I don’t think that I can stand anymore. Alright I need to be less alive right now. But I think in order to achieve this I’m going to need a lot more than just JB. So I go up to the bedroom and grab my special box. I open it up and there is always so much to chose from but I just grab some sleeping pills cause that’s all I really want to do is to sleep. At least when I sleep I don’t have to feel anything. I pop those pills and take them down with what’s left of the Jim Beam. I really hope this works. I go back into the kitchen and throw the bottle away. When I turn back around I swear to god I can see myself chasing Justin around the loft I grab him and have him pinned up against the wall right next to the naked guy painting. He’s smiling that gorgeous sunshine smile of his, and laughing trying to catch his breath. I have his wrist in my hands and against the wall right above his head, but I move to intertwine our fingers together I just love the way our hands fit together and feel together. I give him a little laugh and then I slowly move my body so our bodies are completely against each other. I hear his breath catch, and I watch as he closes his eyes and gives a soft moan. I grind my cock against his, and his eyes pop back open and glaze over with passion. I lean in and suck his bottom lip into mouth nipping it and slowly running my tongue over it. I hear him whimper so I lean back I love to see the look in his eyes when he’s over taken with lust. He gets this pink flush in his checks, eyes half closed, mouth slightly open, but the one thing that always puts me over the edge, is the look in his eyes. It’s always the same, passion, trust, and unmistakable love. That’s when I just can’t help myself I have to have him, have to take him and make him mine all over again, have to feel very inch of him against me. That’s when my passion, trust, and love for him takes over. I swoop in and press my lips against his and play my tongue against his lips, he opens his lips to let me in. I love kissing him, I could kiss him forever and be completely content. This kiss is full of passion and heat. It gets me so hard, I start to grind our cocks together again and it feels so good, I need to be inside him so bad so I let go of his hands and grab him under his arms and lift him up. He wraps his legs around my waist, and throws his arms tightly around my neck, I grab around his ass so I can hold him up and turn towards the dining table, the bed is just to damn far at this point. I sit him down on the table but he’s still tightly wrapped around me. I move my right hand from his ass and put it to the back of his neck and pull him in to get our kiss even deeper. I can never get enough of his kisses. I push myself into him and slowly guide him to lay back against the table. Now I move my left and from his ass to run my fingers threw his hair it’s always so soft, and then I move back to his face, and slowly and lightly run my finger tips along the side of his face and down his neck and back up. I can feel him shutter under neath me, and moan into our kiss. With my right hand I twine my fingers into his hair and give it a slight pull that earns me a deep moan and him rolling his body into mine and I can’t help but moan.. I can’t take anymore I have to have him now. I slowly break our kiss giving him a peck before I stand straight up, but our eyes stay locked. He’s still got his legs tightly locked around my waist so I move my hands to his knees and slowly move them down his thighs to the top of his pants, and over to the button where I undo it, and then slowly unzip them. I move my hands back to his waist and grip the top of his pants he lifts his ass up and I pull his pants down he then lifts his legs straight up and I take them the rest of the way off. He lets his legs fall and dangle off the side of the table and sits up. I grab the bottom of his shirt and pull it up and over his head, and throw it to the side. He puts his hands on my shoulders and moves them slowly down my chest to the bottom Of my wife beater and pulls it over my head and throws it to the side. My right hand goes to the back of his neck and I pull him into another sentual kiss while he lightly runs his finger tips up and down my back, and now it’s my turn to shutter then he moves around to undo the buttons of my pants with his left hand while taking out the condom and small tube of lube out of my pocket with his right hand. He puts the condom and lube off to the side, then moves both of his hands to the waist of my pants and pulls them down over my ass I reach over with my left hand and grab the lube while he reaches for the condom. I lube up my three of my fingers and set the lube back down. I hear him rip the condom open. He’s now rolling the condom on my cock and god it feels so good I can’t help the groan that comes from me, I put my lubed middle finger to his tight hole and slowly push past the tight muscle. He sucks the breath from my lungs, and then breaths it back into me. That can give you such a high. I slide my finger in and almost all the way out then I move the second finger in and he moans into our kiss, I continue that for another second before I cant wait any longer and move the third into his tight ass I feel cold around my dick then the warmth of his hand moving up and down and I know he’s as ready as I am. I take my fingers from him and he guides my dick to his hole when I get to the tight opening I slowly start to push my way in, he lets go of my cock and wraps his arms back around my neck. As I’m sliding into him I grab him under his ass with both hands pick him up and slam him the rest of the way onto my dick. He breaks the kiss and screams “Brian” as he throws his head back. I stay that way, holding him on me and start to nuzzle his neck with my nose and lick, kiss, and nip at his neck till he raises his head and looks in my eyes and says “so good, I love it when you do that.” yeah he loves it when it’s a little rough. I sit him back on the table and start to slowly move with in him he’s always so tight and so warm, I always want it to last forever but it always becomes to much for me and before I know it I’m moving faster and harder, I lean into him and lay him back against the table, I kiss him and put my hands under his shoulders so I can pull him down onto me. I break the kiss and look into his eyes “god Brian please harder oh god please harder.” so I pick up my pace and slam into him roll my hips so I hit his prostate every time “is this how you want it baby?” he screams “ YES” I know he’s close and I’m almost there and with his cock trapped between us I know it will only take a few more thrust and he will.........”Oh Brian oh god please.” and he’s shooting, and his ass grips my dick so hard it hurts and sends me over the edge. “Ah baby.....” I ride out my orgasm and when it’s done I lay my head against his chest while we both try and get our breathing under control, and he runs his hands up and down my back. Believe it or not I like to lay there all wet and sticky against him. Then out of no where I hear him slightly I lift my head and look into his eyes lift my eyebrow in question of what the fuck he could possibly be laughing at, at this moment. His answer is of course “I guess you don’t like to be called an old fuddy duddy, hunh?” I have to chuckle at that, the little fucker that’s how this all got started......... I shake my head and look out the loft windows. I don’t know what I’m going to do. There is just to many memories of us together here, everywhere I look there is something that reminds me of him. I need another drink. So I move over to the bar and pull out the vodka. Maybe this will help move the pills and Beam along. I twist off the top, and take in a little over a quarter of it. I go to sit on my couch, and make shift bed. I lean my head back, pull Justin’s pillow up over my chest I wanna barie my face in it but when I try to pull up my head I notice that it’s gotten quite heavy. Ah finally my little friends are coming to my rescue once again. I have a feeling they are going to have there work cut out for them for a while. I put all the effort and strength I have and get myself all laid out on the couch. I pull Justin’s pillow even tighter into me and wrap my legs around it. I set the vodka bottle on the floor and I can feel that floaty feeling, I close my eyes and the first thing I see as always is my baby’s face. Then as clear as day I hear him say “night Bri.... I love you.” he always told me that every night never failed, right before I’d go to sleep he’d tell me he loves me. We both knew I wasn’t asleep but I never made my fucked up comments and he never brought it up other wise. Him doing that one little thing always helped me fall to sleep, easier than I have ever been able to in all my life. I’m feeling sleepy now and I’m out. ****************************************************************************** Justin’s POV: Daphne’s made the call to Brian cause I know I could never do it. She told me that he’s sending over my computer and that he’d skip dinner tomorrow no problem. He’s probably grateful that he doesn’t have to see. Well after tomorrow he wont ever have to worry about that again. Everything will be fine for him after tomorrow..... then I can figure out what the rest of my life is going to be.