Tango

Justin found himself staring out the window. It was becoming a habit of his. It wasn’t that he was looking at anything in particular, in fact he really didn’t focus his eyes on anything at all. It were these moments that he found time to reflect. 
Ethan was practicing for an audition and he demanded absolute silence as he usually did when he was concentrating on a piece of music. Justin understood though, music was very important to Ethan and he wanted every note to be perfect. Justin felt the same about his drawings. <i> Shit… does Brian still want me to draw him something? </i> He hadn’t seen him for the past few days. <i> Is he even thinking about me? </i> Justin forced himself not to care. Since the day when Ethan cried Justin had refused to even <i> think </i> about Brian. <i> He’s not worth it. </i> But no matter how hard Justin fought to keep Brian out of his head, he would always appear at night. 
Each time Justin would close his eyes to sleep, Brian would appear. It would always start with his eyes, and the way Brian would look at him when he wanted to get his attention. Usually however, Brian only wanted his attention so then they could fuck. 
Justin shakes his head, sighing softly; he didn’t want to disturb Ethan, which meant he couldn’t walk across the room to get his sketchbook. He was stuck in the corner, to sit by the window and stare at the world outside. It was a horrible view in the daytime. At night it was beautiful because you could see so many stars in the sky, and the parking lot below was hidden by the darkness around it.  
Closing his eyes, he can see Brian again. <i> Fuck, I’m going to go fuckin’ insane. </i> Every night it began the same way: Justin would see Brian’s eyes, and then his entire face.. and soon he would see himself back in the loft, and he could <i> feel </i> Brian’s hands… his lips…gently and softly touching... stroking his cheek. 
Justin knew he had to stop. He was exhausted and was getting very little sleep these past nights. It didn’t help that Ethan was so tense. Justin could barely talk to him without Ethan snapping at him about something or another. But he always made up for it. <i> It’s not Ethan’s fault… it’s just really stressed and I’m not making it any easier for him. </i> He smiles softly, remembering how Ethan told him that he was a distraction, but not necessarily in a bad way. Turning away from the window he looks over at Ethan, watching him play. It still amazed Justin to watch him. <i> It’s like magic… how he makes the violin sound so beautiful….</i> Looking down at his hands, he pulls down one of his sleeves to cover last night’s bruise. It was an accident. Justin had wanted to be helpful by handing Ethan his violin, but as soon as he picked it up Ethan grabbed his wrist so hard that Justin thought he may have broken it. Ethan was very protective of his violin. <i> I don’t know why he thought I was going to do something with it…I was just going to hand it to him… </i> But it was an accident. <i> Ethan is just very high-strung right now. He was too upset to realize he was still holding my wrist…</i> He remembered how angry Ethan was, and how scared Justin was at his reaction. <i> But as soon as Ethan saw that I was afraid, he let go… he didn’t mean to grab my wrist… he was just mad… he didn’t mean to say those things either… lots of people say things they don’t mean when they’re upset.</i> He smiles again, looking at Ethan. <i> Things are different now. I know that. Ethan loves me more than life, he said that… and I deserve to be loved… he loves me. </i> Justin liked saying that. He liked hearing it too. <i> Love. </i> He couldn’t understand how someone could not believe that love didn’t exist. <i> Those people.. like Brian.. are either really good liars, or just too dead inside to realize what love is. </i> <P>
Ethan finally stops playing, he had actual begun to sweat by playing so fiercely and with all his emotion. Justin grins, “That was beautiful.” 
Ethan smiles, not making a comment because he knew it was true. Setting down his violin, he takes a breath, “I’m starving!” 
Justin laughs, getting up, “I’m kind of hungry too..” he begins to walk towards the kitchen. 
Ethan flops onto the couch, exhausted, “What do we have?” 
Opening the fridge, Justin frowns, “Not much.” 
Ethan groans,  “What do you mean?” 
Justin chuckles, “I mean we have barely anything in this fridge.” 
Ethan sits up, “Do you mean to tell me you didn’t even bother going to the grocery store this week when you could obviously tell that we were running low on food?” 
Justin straightens up, “Ethan, I’m not the only one who opens this fridge… you could have gone too.” 
Ethan stands up, defensive, “Like I don’t have enough shit to think about, that now you expect me to remember to go to the grocery store?! Are you that fuckin’ spoiled?!” 
Justin jumps back, but decides to let that comment slide. <i> he’s under a lot of pressure… he didn’t mean that. </i> “I’ll go to the grocery store now.” 
Ethan sits back down, frowning, “Yes, you do that while I sit here and starve.” 
Justin has to laugh, “Don’t be so dramatic!” 
That does it for Ethan as he stands back up, “What is that suppose to mean?!” 
Justin stops laughing, knowing that he should just back off, “Nothing, Ethan, I’m sorry… I’m going to go to the grocery store, okay? Is there anything in particular that you want?” 
Ethan is still scowling. “Surprise me.” 
Justin knows better than to do that when he’s in a mood, “I don’t want to surprise you, Ethan. You might hate it and then you’ll get mad all over again.” 
Ethan walks over to the kitchen where Justin is standing, “After all this time, you don't know what I like and don't like to eat?!" 
Justin shakes his head, keeping himself calm, “I meant that I didn’t want to get you something that you might just not be in the mood for, Ethan… that’s all.” 
Ethan frowns, watching Justin. 
Justin becomes anxious, so he decides to smile innocently and continue, “I’ll just get a bunch of different things to eat… then we can decide together when I come back.” 
Ethan nods, “Alright. Just don’t spend a fortune on shit that’ll expire soon.” 
Justin bites his lip, remembering how he did that once and how Ethan nearly hit the roof when he saw the receipt. “I won’t.” 
Ethan finally smiles, “Good. I’ll miss you while you’re away.” 
Justin blushes, “It’ll only be an hour tops…” 
Ethan leans in closer, kissing his lips, “And I’ll be counting the minutes, my love.” 
He giggles, going to get his jacket, “I’ll be back.” 
He nods, “Make it quick… I may miss you too much and then what shall I do?” 
Justin laughs, kissing him lightly, “Okay… see ya.” And closes the door behind him. <P>
---------------------<P>

“Did you really love him?” Michael asks, drunk. 
Brian frowns, “Mikey, it’s four in the afternoon…” 
Brian had gotten the call from Michael about an hour ago, telling him that he and Ben got into a fight and that Ben had left to give a lecture on erotic literature, without him. As soon as Brian had arrived, he found Michael already drunk. 
Michael shrugs, “I don’t care! Why should I care? I don’t care… just because you care doesn’t mean I should care.” 
Brian leans back on the sofa, “I <b>don’t</b> care, Mikey. I was just saying it.” 
Michael tries to stand up, but falls back down, “I can’t believe Ben just left to Boston without me like that…” 
Brian gets up to go to the kitchen, “And why would the professor want his over-protective whatever-the-fuck-you-call-yourselves with him?” 
He whines, “You think I’m too over-protective?” 
Brian glances over at him, rolling his eyes, “No, Mikey, everybody sniffs the other person’s food to make sure it hasn’t gone bad, and <i>everybody</i> goes into a crying fit of hysteria if their partner is... *gasp*... God Forbid, <b>just tired</b> one day.” 
Michael pouts, “You just don’t understand, Brian! You never could…” 
Brian crosses his arms, “What’s that suppose to mean?” 
Michael tries to stand up again, staggering a bit, “I love Ben.. and I don’t want him to die!” 
Brian sighs loudly, “Everybody dies, Mikey. That’s why you gotta live in the fuckin’ moment. Stop suffocating the guy and let him just live in the damn moment with you!” 
Michael sniffles, “Did you love him like that?”
“Who?” Brian asks, forgetting to give his usual statement that he did not believe in love. 
“Justin.” 
Brian stares at him. <i> How the fuck can he bring this up? </i> “Mikey, you’re drunk.” 
Michael sits back down, “I know… Ben would be so mad if he knew…” 
“Argh!!” Brian wanted to shake him, “Fuck Ben, Mikey!” <i> He just goes from one extreme to another… Captain Random of Pittsburgh! </i>
Michael lies down on the couch, “I think I’m going to be sick.”
Brian smirks, “Well that’s lovely.” 
Brian goes to the cabinet, if Michael was going to sit around and get piss drunk, then Brian might as well enjoy a bit of Jim Beam while he was here. "Fuck, Mikey!!" Brian couldn't believe it, "Where's the Jim Beam?!" 
Michael touches his mouth, "Ummm..." he couldn't remember if he drank it, or if he just didn't have any in the house. 
Brian shuts the cabinet, "Fuck it... I'm going to go out." 
Michael sits up, but gets a wave a nausea and falls back onto the couch, "Are you going to come back?" 
Brian stares at his friend and has to smile, remembering how he used to have to sometimes carry Michael back from parties... <i> Shit, those were fun </i>. "Yeah, I'll be back... I can't let you get drunk while I miss all the fun... I'm going to pick up some Beam."
Michael lifts up his hand, "Not in the grocery store down the street though, Brian... they don't carry it.." 
Brian is confused, "Why the fuck not?" 
Michael rubs his face, "Because it's one of those family chains or something... I dunno.... go to the one on East Street... they have it." 
Brian nods, knowing that the one he was referring to was the one by Ethan's apartment. <i> Like I'd see them there or something... whatever the fuck... that won't happen.. </i> "Fine. I'll go there. If you're going to puke I suggest you move to the bathroom," and with that, he closes the door behind him.
<P>
--------------<P>

Justin wandered down the grocery store aisles. He had managed to fill his shopping basket with the necessities, but now it was time to find something for dinner. 
He knew he was taking forever trying to decide, but he didn't want to start another fight with Ethan over something as unimportant as dinner choices. <i> Frozen Food aisle it is then. </i>
He hated walking down the frozen section of the store. It always made his nose run. 
He skimmed through the aisle quickly, trying to decide what to take, <i> Pizza... TV dinners... </i>
It was then he felt someone watching him. 
<P>
Brian couldn't believe it. <i> Fuck!</i> He had just walked through the entrance of the store, which faced the frozen food aisle, and there HE was. <i> My luck. Fuck.</i> He knew Justin hadn't seen him yet, and Brian was struggling onto whether or not he should walk over to him, ignore him, or just walk out. <i> But I want my fuckin' Jim Beam! I'm not going to let that twat be the reason that I won't be getting a buzz tonight before heading to Babylon. </i> Brian had tonight all planned out and he wasn't going to let anyone, including Justin, mess his evening up.
 
Brian couldn't take his eyes off him. <i> He hates walking down the frozen food aisle...his nose is already getting red. </i> He had to smile. Justin always knew how to make him smile without even trying. <i>Kind of sweet</i> Realizing what he just admitted to himself, he knows it's time to move on. But it's too late, Justin spotted him. <P>

<i> Brian? </i> Justin couldn't move. <i>Brian. What is he doing here? </i>
He watches Brian walk to another part of the store, pretending as though he didn't recognize Justin in front of him. 
Justin knew better. <i> He saw me.</i> But now he couldn't decide whether or not to just pay for the items and leave, or follow Brian. The ball was in his court.
Biting his lower lip, Justin puts a frozen pizza in his basket, and then absently tosses a couple of TV dinners into it as well before moving towards the cashiers. <i> No, I will not let Brian get to me... I will not...</i>
But there was Brian. He was standing in line, a bottle of Jim Beam in his hand. There were only two cashiers available, one which was the 'Under 10 items' Express line. Brian was in that one, Justin stood in the other. <i> Don't look at him, </i> Justin scolded himself. But there he was, looking at him. 
Brian kept staring at him as well, though he was trying not to. <i> Shit, Kinney, stop making eye-contact with him... shit.. stop looking at him! Look at something else! Look at the magazines..the cashier.. read the fuckin' label on the Jim Beam... fuck! </i> But it was useless, Brian couldn't take his eyes off of Justin.
<i> Fuck, he's gorgeous.. does he even know? Yeah, of course he knows.. fuck, he uses it to his advantage everyday I bet... I know he used to at least... </i> Remembering what happened between Justin and Sapperstein made his stomach turn. <i> God, Justin, why did you have to do it? Why couldn't you have just asked for help? </i> But he knew the answer already, and he understood. He didn't like it, but he understood where Justin was coming from. 


Justin smiled softly. He didn't know why, but he was doing it. He was smiling at Brian. And Brian was now smiling back. <i> Tension breaker, </i> Justin thought to himself. He wished the cashier would hurry up, but then again, he wished she would take her time.
<i>I could stare at him for hours. </i> Justin had the sudden urge to sketch a portrait of Brian. 

Brian recognized the look Justin was giving him. Brian had dubbed it Justin's "Inspired Artist" expression. He loved the fact that it was <i>him</i>that was causing the inspiration and not the fiddler. 
Brian's smile widened knowingly, causing Justin to blush slightly... but neither one of them looked away. 
They couldn't. Even if they wanted to, they couldn't look away: it was as if there was an electrical pull forcing them to look at one another. 

Brian's cashier brought him back into the present as he stated the amount that was due. Justin looked away as well, feeling dizzy suddenly. <i> Jesus... the effect he has...</i> Justin needed to get some air. 
Looking back over at the Express line, Brian was already gone. 
Justin looked back down, taking out the money to pay the cashier. He wanted to look at Brian again. <i>Why? Fuck, get over him!! </i> But he couldn't get over him. <i> I hate him. </i> He knew that was a lie, but he needed to be extreme right now. He had to, before he did something he may regret later on 
<P>

Brian stood outside of the store, leaning against his jeep. He couldn't figure out why he couldn't just get in his car and drive back to Mikey. Something inside of him was holding him back. <i>Fuck. </i> He knew this wasn't right. But he didn't care. 
He watched Justin make his way out of the grocery store, walking straight ahead without noticing him. Brian could tell that he was deep in thought about something. <i> Could it be about me? </i> The thought made his cock ache. Before he could stop himself, he asks, "Need a ride?" 
Justin stops, looking up at Brian, but showing no hint of surprise. They stood there for a few seconds, not saying a word. 

Brian kept himself unreadable, but inside he wanted to rip off Justin's clothing and fuck the shit out of him. 
Justin kept his own face expressionless, he was getting good at that. <i> I want him. My God, I want him so badly it hurts. </i> 

Finally Brian spoke, "Get in." 
To Justin's own surprise, he didn't argue. <P>

Justin put his grocery bags in the backseat of the jeep. he could feel Brian standing behind him. <i> Oh God, what am I doing? </i> Justin couldn't move. He stood there, slightly leaning forward as he double-checked his bags. <i> Thank God this is a 4-door...</i> He felt hot. His knees were weak and images of hard, pounding sex were flooding his mind.
<P>
Brian kept staring at him. <i> Fuck.. fuck.. fuck... </i> This wasn't suppose to happen. He was suppose to act like he didn't care. But at this moment he felt all his self-discipline crumbling to the floor. 
<P>
Justin felt Brian's hard cock press against him through his jeans. If they weren't both wearing clothing, they would probably already be fucking by now.
Brian pressed harder, his own cock wanting to rip its way through his pants. <i> Oh fuckin'... God... </i> He thought he would cum right there.<P>

Brian leaned foward, pushing Justin against the seat. He felt no resistance. <i> I have to have him... <b>now.</b> Fuck the consequences. </i> Taking hold of Justin's hips, Brian whispers, "I want to fuck you." 
Justin tries to think, tries to make sense of what was happening... but in all honesty, he just didn't care. <i> Fuck it all...</i> He wanted Brian. He needed to feel him inside one last time. <i> Just this once. </i> Finding his voice, Justin stated, "Shut the door." <P>

Brian didn't need to hear that twice. Pulling him and Justin up into the backseat, he quickly slammed the door shut behind them. <P>

Justin gasped as Brian's mouth was on him immediately. It felt delicious. Justin thought he would die right there,  <i> Thank God Brian parked on the side entrance...</i>
"Oh God... Brian... fuck me..." 
<i> Fuck consequences. </i> None of it mattered anymore me. Time had stopped. It was just Brian and Justin. In the jeep. In the parking lot. <i> Fuck me hard </i>. <P>

Brian quickly pulled off his pants, <i> Fuck foreplay, </i> grabbing some lube from the glove compartment, he pulls out a condom and rips the wrapper open. <i> Kinney is always prepared </i>. Justin kicks off his shoes along with his jeans. <i> A good, fast fuck... I need it, I want it... </i> 
<P>
Being a 4-door or not, the backseat was still not as roomy as either one of them would have preffered, but neither were complaining at this moment.  Brian puts on the condomn, pulling Justin onto his lap as he sucks on his tongue. <i> My God, I could get drunk off his mouth... </i>  Justin ran his fingers through Brian's hair, then slide them around his shoulders. <i> I can't get enough... I want to feel him.. all of him... </i> Brian released his oral grasp for air, "Oh fuck..."  He couldn't stand it any longer. Taking Justin's hips, he roughly presses him down onto his long, hard cock.

Justin moans, "Ah..." He missed it rough. 
Brian felt as if his entire body was wrapped in silk, "Oh fuck...." He gripped at Justin's hair, pulling his head back to kiss his neck. <i> No marks, Kinney </i> he reminded himself. <i> He isn't yours...</i> But right now he was. Justin was his, and only his for this moment. 
"Oh God.. Brian..." Justin could barely speak, <i> I missed him... oh God.. he feels... he feels so fuckin' good...</i>
Brian returned his hands to Justin's hips, thrusting below him with brutal speed. Wrapping his arms around Brian's neck, Justin stifles a scream of ecstacy that's on the verge of exploding out of him. 
Brian fucks him harder. <i> Yes.. Oh fuck... yes... </i> It was unbelievable. The feeling was unbelievable. He can feel Justin biting his shoulder, and he knows it's because he's trying not to scream... trying not to cause attention to the jeep. Brian's mind spins as he feels the slight pain of teeth: he was loving it, "Justin... oh fuck... fuck... Justin..." He didn't want this feeling to end.

Justin felt the same, feeling tears forming in his eyes. He didn't want this to end, he wanted this feeling to go on forever. Fuck the world, he wanted only this moment. 
Pulling up his shirt, Justin knew he was about to cum. He couldn't hold it any longer. Brian read him immediately and quickly grabbed hold of Justin's throbbing cock. 
Justin moaned, his body shaking, "Oh God, Brian...Brian... Brian... Brian.." he cried like a chant. Brian jerked him hard, continuing to thrust deep inside of him, wanting to fuckin' break him if he could. 

Arching his back against the seat, Brian cries out as he cums, pushing down Justin hard against him one last time as Justin cums as well. <P>

They both sit there for several moments. Justin still on top of Brian. Neither one of them wanted to say anything, nothing to ruin this moment that had to be ruined in any moment now anyway. 
Finally Brian sighs, tracing his finger down Justin's back, "I'll drive you back." 
Justin slowly lifts his head up, his eyelids drooping from exhaustion, his cheeks still pink from the rush, "No... I can walk..." 
Brian forces a laugh, "No you can't." 
Justin wanted to argue, he wanted to say something smart and sarcastic. But he knew he was right, Justin's legs felt like Jell-O, in fact his entire body felt like that right now. Leaning back down, Justin rests his head on Brian's shoulder, sighing. 
Brian said nothing.
Justin said nothing.
Sliding over, Justin slowly reaches for his jeans on the floorboard. They both slowly get dressed and return to the front of the jeep. Brian was to drive Justin a block away from his apartment so that if Ethan looked out the window, would see Justin walking alone. 
Neither said a word as Brian drove. What words could be said?
Was the dance over? Or had it just begun? <P><P>