From the moment Justin entered Woody’s, he had a bad feeling. He felt strangely out of place. He realized that he hadn’t been there since he and Brian had broken up. It also felt weird having Ethan next to him. This was the first time they had been anywhere like this together, and Justin felt oddly protective over the place, like it was a friend from his past that he wanted his boyfriend to like. 

As he looked around his eyes automatically went towards the pool table. He wasn’t surprised when he saw his friends stood in their usual spot. He was relieved to see that one person seemed to be absent however, and, thinking that maybe he could actually enjoy this evening after all, started to relax.

It didn’t last long though, as he soon became aware of the uncomfortable looks that were passing between Ted and Emmett. They kept looking from Justin towards the bar and then back at each other. Michael seemed annoyed yet looked slightly amused, and that was what really set off alarm bells for the young blonde.   

Ethan had obviously noticed too as he turned to look in the direction which seemed to be of such concern.  The look on the dark haired man’s face should have been enough to make Justin bolt for the door without looking back, but as had been proven many a time since that fateful meeting under a street lamp, Justin was a masochist, and because of this there was only one thing he was going to do. He looked. 

When his eyes reached the couple coming towards them his breath caught in his throat and his mouth went dry. He blinked hard thinking that maybe it was some kind of hallucination, but having lived his life he knew that wasn’t likely. He tried to get his brain to accept what he was seeing, but there seemed to be some kind of blockade.

He closed his eyes tightly deciding to employ that age-old childhood idea that if you can’t see something then it isn’t happening. Unfortunately for him he was no longer 5 years old. He was 19, standing in the middle of a busy bar with his boyfriend by his side, waiting for his cousin to introduce him to the man he had earlier fucked in the diner toilets, who just happened to be, up until recently, the man Justin thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with. Now he could stand there with his eyes shut forever, but those facts would still remain the same.

He suddenly felt a massive wave of anger well up inside him. How dare Brian still make him feel like this? Like he was 17 again, scared, confused, jealous. All those feelings he thought he had left behind when he walked out on the older man.  

The blond opened his eyes just in time to fix Brian with the best death stare from his collection.

He heard Nathan actually attempting to introduce them and he was vaguely aware of giving some tort remark, though through the buzzing in his ears he wasn’t quite sure what it was.

His eyes were still firmly fixed on his ex lover, who at least had the good grace to look uncomfortable. That somehow eased the pressure in Justin’s chest slightly as it seemed Brian was as surprised by this turn of events as he was.

After a few moments of probably the most uncomfortable silence in the history of the world, Brian finally seemed to decide that it was time Mr. Cool and Mr. Insensitive joined the party.

“You never told me other members of your family were so hot. I would have made more of an effort to socialize.” He gave his tongue in cheek expression but Justin could see something else in his eyes. 

At that moment however, what he was saying with his eyes didn’t interest the blond. He latched firmly onto what was coming out of his mouth.

“You wouldn’t have been welcome, what with my mom and dad both hating you and everything. Looks like they were a better judge of character then I gave them credit for.”

Justin felt a slight twinge of satisfaction at the look on Brian’s face as he said these last words. The look was only there for a moment and would have been unreadable to anyone else, but to Justin, who had spent so many hours studying every inch of that beautiful face, it was clear as day. It had hurt him.

The feeling of satisfaction didn’t last long as he realized that he had basically just told the brunet that he hated him. 

Even after everything that had happened between them he had never hated Brian. Wanted to strangle him with his bare hands yes, on more then one occasion, but hate no. And as angry and as upset as he was now he still didn’t feel that way. 

It was now his turn to try and communicate with his ex through the medium of eye contact, but now it was Brian who wasn’t playing the game. Instead he just did what he always did when he felt something even remotely bordering on an emotion (besides lust), he became as cold and as unaffected as he could.

“Well as much fun as this has obviously NOT been, some of us have places to go, and people to do.”

He grabbed a bewildered Nathan by the hand and started to pull him towards the exit before turning around.

“Have a good night, we certainly will.”

Justin watched after them, as they got lost in the crowd. He felt numb. The idea of Brain being with anyone else had never really filled him with joy, but since they had broken up he had been able to pretend that the other man had been locked away in his loft only venturing out to go to work and to eat. He had imagined him on more then one occasion cradling a bottle of beam and wiping a stray tear away as he looked at old photos of the two of them, thinking about what could have been if only he hadn’t been such a prize asshole.

Of course in his more realistic moments Justin had realized that this was about as likely as the brunet deciding that being gay was just a phase and what he really wanted was a wife, two children and a dog. Despite knowing this though, the fact that he didn’t have it rubbed in his face everyday made it easier to be happy believing the former.

However all those day dreams had been blown apart now, and Justin knew that he would have the image of Brian and his cousin together going round in his mind for the rest of the night, possibly even the rest of his life. 

He started to feel sick. He needed to get out of there now. How could Brian do this to him, so blatantly, in his face? He knew that the man could be cruel but this went beyond even Brian Kinney standards of mind fucking. 

He suddenly felt Ethan pulling back on his arm and realized that he had already started towards the exit.

“Jus wait a second. What’s the matter?”

Justin stopped and turned around to face his apparently insane boyfriend.

“You are kidding right? You’re seriously asking me what’s wrong?”

Ethan looked a little annoyed. He let out a soft sigh before answering. Justin hated it when he did that.

“Look I appreciate that the situation is a little… complicated, but is it really that bigger deal? I mean it’s not as if he’s the only other guy Brian has ever been with. In fact besides me, I think he must be the only person Brian HADN’T been with.” 

He looked down and then mumbled “Until this morning anyway.”

Justin had a very strong urge to stuff his shoe in Ethan’s mouth, but thinking that might be something he would regret in the morning decided instead to act like the mature adult he had become.

“Just shut the fuck up.”

He turned around to walk out and came face to face with Emmett.

“Hey baby how are you? It‘s been a while since we‘ve had the pleasure of seeing you here.” 

Emmett had that overly cheery, overly excited tone in his voice and Justin was sure he must have witnessed the whole thing.

“We were just leaving. We only came here because my cousin was meeting someone and they just left, as I’m sure you’re aware, so we’re going to do the same.”

Emmett’s mouth dropped open right around the word cousin and Justin realized that none of them seemed to be aware of the connection between him and Brian’s knew play toy. 

Suddenly Justin felt an uncontrollable surge of laughter rise up from his chest and found it coming out of his mouth before his mind even registered what it was. The force and the unpredictability of it surprised both Ethan and Emmett, who seemed to think he had maybe lost his mind. The expressions on their faces only made him laugh harder.

When had his life become so fucking bizarre? If he wrote a novel about it and sent it to a publisher they would mark ‘FICTION’ in bright red pen across it. He vaguely wondered what the odds were of Nathan meeting (and fucking) Brian within the first 24 hours of him being in the country. Justin thought he might ask Ted about it sometime. 

Ethan and Emmett, along with a few other nearby drinkers, were watching him with a mixture of horror and fear. Now they definitely thought he had lost his mind, and maybe he had. Maybe after everything that had happened to him in the last couple of years, this was it. This was the finial thing that pushed him over the precipice and into the dark hole of insanity. And could anyone really blame him if he did lose it? After all better people had gone through less and not come out the other side. What made him so special? Why was it just assumed that he could take anything and everything that people like his father, or Hobbs, or Brian decided to throw at him?

He was still laughing, though now he couldn’t really find anything amusing about the situation. He wiped at his eyes no longer sure if the dampness was due to tears of laughter or tears of unbelievable, heart wrenching sadness at the current state of his life.

“You ok sweetie?”

Emmett’s voice was now soft and gentle, and Justin saw genuine concern in his eyes. He decided that he had to pull himself together, at least till he was alone. There was no point in freaking the guys out anymore then his hysterics obviously already had done.

“I’m fine, just appreciating the comic irony of life.”

Justin gave Emmett a look that said “please don’t push me on this,” and was grateful when his friend smiled and just patted him on the shoulder.

“Alright, I’ll let you two be on your way, just don’t leave it so long before we get to see you next time.” 

He gently touched the blond’s cheek, and at that moment Justin remembered how things used to be. The goods times he’d had here with Emmett and Ted and even, on occasion, Michael. Playing pool, drinking beer, sucking Brian off in the toilets. Everything a young boy should be doing. 

He missed it.

He hadn’t realized until that moment that it wasn’t just Brian he had walked out on, but his whole life. Everything he had gotten to know and rely upon. He turned his attention away from Emmett and towards the thing which he had given it all up for.

Ethan hadn’t said a word since Justin had told him to shut up, but as the blond looked at his open face he saw pain, and fear, and the need for reassurance.

Justin suddenly felt his anger and hurt turning to guilt. What must Ethan be feeling? Seeing his boyfriend practically losing it over his ex being with another man (even if that man was his cousin). Ethan deserved better then that.

“Sure thing Em, we‘ll have to arrange something soon. Maybe you could come have dinner with us sometime?”

His friend and his boyfriend both looked a little taken aback by this sudden change of character, but they both regained themselves quickly enough to nod enthusiastically and pretend like it was the greatest idea since time began.

Emmett kissed Justin on the cheek and then Ethan just because he was there, and wondered back over to Ted and Michael who had been watching closely, while pretending to play pool.

Justin turned to Ethan.

“You ready to go?” 

“We don’t have to, if you want to have a drink with your friends then I don’t mind.”

“Some other time, I believe we have some unfinished business.”

He winked at Ethan and rubbed against his crouch as he headed towards the door.

 Maybe his life wasn’t exactly what he wanted it to be, but it could be a hell of a lot worse. He just had to be satisfied with what he had. 

Picturing Brian all hot and sweaty, groaning with pleasure as he wove his fingers through blond hair that wasn’t his, and kissed full lips that could never truly appreciate the exquisiteness of what they were tasting, wasn’t helping. 
Focusing on his reality, which was Ethan, was all he could do. He hoped he could forget Brian long enough to alleviate the tension that was still prominent throughout his entire body.  

As they walked out the door and Ethan took his hand, Justin knew that this was just wishful thinking. Whatever happened during the rest of the night, Brian was going to be at the forefront of his mind, just as he had been since the night they met, and as Justin had accepted a long time ago, there was nothing he could do about it.