Justin's POV

I looked over to where Brian lay sleeping and for a moment I was tempted to wake him.  A hand sliding under the duvet or a whispered invitation to shower would be all that was needed to get him up for the morning.  A grin quirked my mouth, getting Brian up did not seem to be much of a problem for me. Getting to school on time since I had taken to spending so many nights away from home, was quickly becoming one. I had looked through the schedules and worked out the buses I needed to take to get from Brian's loft to my school. The way was complicated and I had to leave an hour and a half earlier than I did if Brian drove me. My resolve wavered; an hour and a half would be long enough to…and I started to reach for him.  Unbidden and unwelcome my mother's voice echoed in my mind.

"The school called me again today, you were late again. That's four times last week and two this week. They gently explained that if I could not get you there on time that they would be forced to seek your father's intervention." She had looked at me with that wounded expression that she wore so often now; as if my being gay was a burden she was barely strong enough to carry. I sometimes almost felt sorry for her but it was not really her burden. She had gone on to explain that if the school called him she would not be able to continue to cover for me.  God my father was a true homophobe if ever there was one. I could just imagine the result if he found out that his precious son  was sneaking out at night to suck some thirty year old cock. That thought made me nearly laugh out loud. Brian would cuff me if he knew I had thought of him even for an instant as a thirty year old. They wouldn't get it; there was no way they could ever understand how much I loved him. There had been a connection between Brian and me the first time our eyes met. I could never say that to him or he would throw me out on my ear but it was there and it was real. 

I was supposed to be following my dad's foot steps through the exclusive private school they sent me to and after that on to business school; carbon copy proof of my father's success as a man and father.  There was no room in his dream  for a son who was not only an artist but happened to be gay as well. My father's temper was not pretty and I honestly wanted to avoid causing it to flare more than just about anything. There was only one thing that could induce me to risk the explosion. My eyes traveled over Brian's face and bare chest. He was simply the most beautiful person I had ever seen. Even sleeping with his mouth half open and drool escaping from it. I wanted so much to wrap myself in his arms and never come out.  I wanted to tell him that I loved him and even if he couldn't say it back, know that he wouldn't turn me away. I hardly dared to dream that one day he might say the same to me. That was a secret that could only be brought out in the darkest night when I was alone in my bed at home and there was no danger that he would read my mind as he seemed to do so easily. 

I shook my head and pulled myself together. It was not worth the risk of losing him to indulge myself either in silly fantasies or in a round of sex that could wait until tonight. I pulled my hand back without touching him and headed for the shower. Visions of the night before ghosted through my mind as I soaped under the hot water. Soaked and soapy I closed my eyes and turned my face up into the spray and indulged in the memory of Brian's cock inside me. When he had said he wanted to fuck me he had not been exaggerating,  and he had been inexhaustible.  My ass was still sore and I took extra care cleaning up. By tonight the ache would be only a memory, and I would be ready for another round. Thinking about Brian was completely counter productive to my intentions of a quick cleansing.  My cock was soon as hard as it had been last night when he had sucked me off . Soaping the aching length of my dick I leaned back against a glass wall and prepared to take care of my problem. I let my imagination take over and my hand became Brian's.  I gave myself over to the sensations of the slick rhythmic stroking as I attempted to recreate some of the things he had done to me the night before. I remembered that he had done something different to me. I paused in my stroking trying to recall exactly what I had felt at the time. He had been sucking me which was hot enough on its own but suddenly  I had seen stars and my breath had been sucked totally from my lungs. What had he done? Frowning I tried to force the memory, a hand crept down to cup and caress my balls and my legs spread as I reached behind the sensitive sacs…I remembered. I pressed my fingers firmly against my perineum  and nothing. I grunted and unwilling to give up explored my own body with a diligence I never had before. I had already discovered that I could often learn how to touch Brian by paying attention to what felt the best to me and I was going to learn this…it had been fucking incredible. I had shouted and shot my load down his throat so quickly that it had been embarrassing even for me. Thank goodness he never got annoyed about that anymore because I had proven too many times that I could always get it up again.  And then I found it and my own touch made me gasp and my knees nearly buckle. I kept my fingers at work as my hand moved again on my shaft. I forgot that I was in  a hurry; there was nothing but the sensation of the shower against my skin, my hand on my cock and my fingers learning to caress my prostate in a way that I was sure would drive Brian out of his fucking mind and with that thought I came. Laughing at myself  I cleaned my cum off the glass and finished my shower. 

Once out I discovered that I had not done much better taking a shower alone than I did when he followed in behind me. Well in a way I supposed  he had still followed me, there was no escape in my mind from his presence that was something I had already learned.  If he wasn't  actually touching me then he was in my head touching me. I was beginning to think the main thing that Brian Kinney had introduced into my life was a permanent raging hard on. Clothes on, back pack on my back I risked going back into the room to tell him good bye. He was laying on the bed smoking a cigarette watching me through open doorway. I couldn't believe I hadn't felt his eyes on me. I wondered how long he had been watching.

"Leaving?" he asked casually was it only my silly wistful heart that read in his eyes that he wished I would  stay? He took a long draw off his cigarette and his eyes never wavered from mine. Absolutely my silliness. 

"School." I said shortly in explanation and leaned to kiss him good bye. He let the smoke he had been holding in his lungs escape into my mouth the warmth was as intimate as a touch. His free hand snaked round the back of my neck and pulled me into a more substantial kiss. Our tongues battled and his mouth slanted over mine. I could feel my need for him increase with the pounding of my heart. I pulled back panting. "They are going to call my father if I'm late again." I said by way of explanation. His eyes narrowed and I thought he would say something smart assed about my situation but instead he ground his cigarette out in the ashtray on the nightstand and swung his long legs over the side of the bed. 

"Fuck, why didn't you say so?" He asked in annoyance. "Where were you going? You can't walk all the way there." He ran a hand through hair that was already wild from the night before and now nearly all of it was standing on end. I stared at his unshaven jaw for a second distracted by thoughts of licking it. "Justin!" I blinked what had he asked?  
"um, oh the bus. I'm going to catch the bus." Brian stared at me like I had lost my mind. He threw the bedding aside and got up.

"You can't take the fucking bus from here." He told me as he grabbed a pair of jeans and pulled them on.  "Do you really have no idea the kind of people that use the bus service around here? You and that Gucci backpack wouldn't get three blocks. What the fuck were you thinking?."  I ignored  the insults and watched him get ready to take care of me. He would have to drive all the way back here to get ready for work. He would probably be late.  He looked up from buttoning his shirt, "What the fuck are you grinning about?" he asked stepping into his loafers and grabbing his keys from the beside the ashtrays. My grin brightened. 

"Nothing." Was all I said but inside I was so happy I thought I might simply explode. He gave me the Brian Kinney what the fuck is your problem look. He headed for the door and I followed him without further comment.
"This doesn't mean anything." He told me as he slid the loft door closed and turned on the security system, "I'm only driving you there because I don't want to  fucking hear that you got your fucking self fucking gang raped on the way to fucking school." I blinked that was a lot of fucking even for Brian. Suppressing a laugh I climbed into the passenger side of the jeep and carefully kept my face turned away from his so that he would not see the joy dancing in my eyes. 

"I know that." I shrugged and dropped my backpack between my feet and fastened the seatbelt.  When we stopped at the street light and I finally had enough control to face him he was scowling so blackly that I could not resist leaning to kiss the corner of his mouth. He cut his eyes to look at me and I grinned. "Its just fucking. I've got it." I turned to watch the buildings slide by in the side window before I actually burst out laughing.  His phone rang and  he tried to dig it out of his pocket. I eyed the denim and remembered that he wore nothing underneath. "Can I help?" I licked my lips and stared at him suggestively just as he pulled the phone out of his pocket. He gave me a look like he would never let someone jack him off while he was driving. Yeah right he could tell that to some other blind soul. But he flipped his phone open and  it was immediately clear that it was Michael…probably by the way he said "Mikey, what do you want." I sank back in my seat no way I was jerking him off while he talked to "Mikey" 

"I'm driving Justin to school what did you need?"  A pause, "He's not my fucking boyfriend I don't do relationships." I stared out the window again and parroted him silently. I wonder why it hurt so much more when he said that stuff to someone else. It didn't make a dent when he said it to me. "He needed a ride. Fuck Michael he was going to be late and I'm giving him a ride it's not fucking anything. What was I supposed to do let him get on the fucking bus?" I shook my head as the conversation continued. By the time Brian got off the phone he was highly pissed and I knew who was going to pay. Well I wouldn't give him the chance. He pulled up in front of my school, with much less flamboyance than he had exhibited in the past. When he turned to kiss me I was already sliding out of the jeep. I slung my backpack over my shoulder and slammed the door. It was almost worth missing the kiss to see the look on his face. I bit back the thing I wanted to ask the most, when would I see him again, and lifted my hand in a casual wave.

"See ya." I called and turned away. I heard him throw the jeep into gear and roar off. I breathed deep trying to get past the image of his stunned face.  There had not been hurt in his eyes or disappointment on his face I tried to convince myself.  After all it was just fucking right? Then why did I feel like such a shit? With a sigh I tried to find a smile for Daphne when she fell into step beside me; at least I was on time and the inevitable confrontation with my father had been put off another day. 

School was finally out for the day; another day of harassment ended. The other kids moved on to various practices or club meetings. Daphne and I sat under one of the big trees in the lawn of the school. That was something public schools didn't have, lawns and huge old trees. I wondered if they also lacked the morass of intolerance that I suffered everyday in this place. I sat in the neatly trimmed grass with my knees pulled to my chest, my arms folded across the tops and my chin on my arms. I stared out over the grounds and watched the ebb and flow of the heterosexuals as Brian would call them. It was  odd to continually feel alone in such crowds.  I watched as the boys and girls came together and separated.  They touched, flirted and moved on, or held hands and kissed. A bitter smile curled the corner of my mouth as I considered what would happen if I had the nerve to kiss my lover on the front lawn of the great establishment.  Well that was nothing to worry about, that was not ever going to happen. Since I had come out…or been thrown out depending on your point of view…there had been no tolerance of me at all. There had been little enough before, my artistic bent had already ensured that such names as 'faggot', 'queer' and 'gay' had followed me throughout high school. Now, my senior year I  had finally found enough nerve to admit to myself that I really was all of those things and to act on it. That was how I had ended up walking down Liberty Ave not so long ago.  The next day I had come the rest of the way out when I had been unceremoniously dumped on the front lawn by a faggot's jeep, there had been no mistaking it since the fact had been emblazoned on the side in letters a foot tall. I had not really wanted to be escorted to school in that jeep that day but how could I back down with Brian's eyes looking at me like that. He made me want to make him proud and I so had ridden in the jeep. Brian's approval had been a precious thing to me from the start.
"Why don't you just find someone else?" Daphne asked. She knew I was thinking about Brian. I was always thinking about Brian these days; fucking Brian, sucking Brian…loving Brian. I shrugged I knew she meant well . My mom thought I should find someone my own age. Daphne thought Brian was "to die for" but she thought I would be happier with someone else too. I shrugged.

"It's not that easy, Daphne." I said watching the cheerleaders pile into convertibles with football players. I snorted, not a tit went unsqueezed and they say that gays are out of control. The cars roared away and I turned my full attention back to her, "I love him and he loves me." There, I had said it aloud for the first time since coming to believe that it was true. She frowned at me. Her very special 'you are living in a dream world and I'm fixing to wake you up' smile. I had learned over the years this was a smile patented by black women. 

"So you say. You told me that before but you did finally confess that it was probably wishful thinking on your part. Why isn't this the same?" She was never harsh with me but she never whitewashed things either.  I felt my face flush remembering how I had spouted off to her after my first time with Brian,  thinking about it made me feel years older than I had been in that day rather than only weeks.

"Because he is still fucking me…and he takes care of me." Said out loud those reasons seemed weak but I believed in them with all my heart. Daphne laughed and pushed my shoulder with her hand.

"What does that mean Justin? Are you trying to say that he never fucks anyone more than once?" she sounded as incredulous as I had felt upon my discovery of this fact. "That's impossible he would run out of new…new faces." We both laughed at her sudden attack of shyness.

"I didn't believe it either, Daph, not at first but they all say it. Emmett, Ted even Michael. Brian never does anyone twice and when they are talking to me you can see them looking at me trying to figure out why me, especially Michael. God he hates me."  That made her laugh too, sweet Daphne. 

"No one hates you Justin, well except the homophobes. You are too nice to hate. Did you do something to him?" she knew better. I really was pretty easy to get along with as long as you weren't scrawling faggot on my locker with pink paint. Did all these people get their ideas from the same websites?

"He loves Brian and he's never going to have him."  I told her, "Michael is the one person that Brian really does love and he's not going to risk that for sex. So "Mikey" is screwed…err or not." I spelled out for her what everyone around the pair could see clearly but that remained undefined by the pair themselves. Emmett had told me that I was the embodiment of Michael's biggest fear. That Brian would learn to love someone he was already fucking.  I remembered how I had lit up demanding to know if Emmett believed that Brian loved me.  He was so kind and totally unwilling to hurt me finally he had simply told me that there was something there. None of them were denying it but that I shouldn't expect too much from him. Lindsay's words echoed back to me.  "how much?" I had wondered and the answer had been the same, "nothing." My heart rebelled against that answer it could not be the truth. No one had ever expected that he would fuck me more than once and I fully intended to have them all standing, mouths gaping when one day Brian Kinney openly loved me. I could tell she was as unconvinced about Brian's affection as my mother was but Daphne thought he was hot so she at least understood my unwillingness to try and move on. 

"What did you do last night?" she asked in a sudden change of subject. Daphne loved my stories of Babylon and no matter what she thought of Brian as my boyfriend she never tired of listening to me talk about him and so for my own enjoyment as much as hers I relived the previous night.  Her eyes were huge as I talked about sucking him off in the backroom and got even bigger when I told how he had taken me "home." Emmett and Ted might not believe that Brian cared about me but by the time I was sleeping in his arms in her imagination, Daphne had been converted.  "Oh God he is so HOT." She breathed fanning her face with her hand. I laughed at her. 

"Drive me to Liberty Avenue?" I asked her  as we got to our feet and shouldered our backpacks we were nearly the only ones left in the yard. She frowned at me.

"Shouldn't you go home? Your mom is going to be worried." She told me I glanced at my feet. I didn't like to think about my mom being worried but then I remembered about my bedroom with its narrow half empty bed. I never knew when I went to Babylon if I would get Brian or not, but winning sometimes made it worth the gamble all the time. 

"She'll know where I am, come on I'll buy you a burger at the diner." I promised and unable to resist the lure of an adventure, Daphne took me where I most wanted to be, Brian Kinney's playground.

TBC